Getting back together really does happen!

[jodi]

Ive got another one, not a reconciliation story, but should give somebody hope, it happened last night. My ex, that i was with 10 years ago, age 14 for 6 months (it was only a teenage relationship, we never did the deed or anything like that) messaged me on facebook last night saying he missed me, often wondered how things would have turned out if he hadnt ended it, and regretted breaking up with me. I told him that ship had definitely sailed, I still thought fondly of him, but that was it these days, I'm getting over my marriage break up and I would not be going backwards with my life, but I was shocked to hear him say after 10 years that he regrets his decision......WOW!!

[lucasky]

My stance on getting back together:

It CAN happen. In ANY situation. You just never know. The important thing is to not hold out for a reconciliation, but rather, to take things easy and see where life goes.

 

Some stories I know of:

- J & B dated while J was in high school (B was in university). J decided she wasn't interested after maybe 5mos or so and ended it. B was heartbroken... but he never showed it to her. They both dated other people. J went out and lived her life after graduation. B was in a long-term relationship. All the while, however, B would talk endlessly about J. He decided when she returned from Australia that he was going to win her back. He did. They're now happily together 4yrs since reconciling, and they are engaged (live together and have a puppy too).

- L & R have dated for 4 years now. R has always been a little bit neglectful - he'd take her for granted and party too late, he'd vanish for a day or two at a time, whatever. They had a few mini-breakups that lasted a couple days, and then finally she had enough with it all and said "see ya" forever. They were broken up about 4mos and R realized his mistakes. They're now happily together and live together (though they did prior to the main breakup - he has a job where he's out of town 3 weeks out of 4).

- D & G broke up because D was so focused on the future of their relationship. They had been dating for a year and a half. She always wanted to know - will we get married? My crowd is in their mid 20's and G is really not at a point in his life where marriage is on the table, but he loves D dearly (indeed - I would say those two are true soulmates, their courtship is very long-drawn-out and romantic). G was done with it and ended it. D was heartbroken. She would see him regularly and tried to be his friend, but every time she saw him she'd end up crying. When she was not around him she had such bad anxiety that she had to start taking medication to deal with it. Eventually (after a month) they both realized that while neither of them knows what the future holds one thing is certain: right now, they love eachother, and they want to be together. They've been reconciled for about 6mos now and sound great together.

- Ma & Mi Ma and Mi went out for a little while but were never official. Mi essentially used Ma as a * * * * buddy. Mi disappeared eventually only to be seen dating a new girl and Ma was devastated. This was in college. Ma eventually moved on and dated another guy for about 3 years. It was a terrible relationship and between her relationship with Mi and with the other guy, she was shattered. She went into therapy and began working on herself. At some point while Ma was dating the ex that destroyed her, Mi realized how much he missed Ma. He called her non-stop while Ma was with the other guy, but she didn't care. He had treated her like * * * * . Eventually, after Ma had broken up with the other guy, and had begun to feel successful in her therapy, her and Mi got together. Its been 9months now.

- C and D dated for two years until C had to move away. They tried long distance, but C was not feeling it. She dumped D. D was devastated but tried her best to move on. Still, D would come and visit C whenever it was convenient. It became a bit of a ... we're not dating but we're not not dating kind of thing. C got a job in Norway (they were at this point on opposite sides of Canada) and had to eventually decide: what does D mean to me? Initially C had no interest in keeping things going. D backed off. Eventually C realized how much she loved C, and admitted to herself that she was ready to have a serious and long-term relationship with D, and so - they went out and got a marriage license so that D could move to Norway with her.

- I know two couples that both broke up to LDR (amicable breakups). In both cases, the men in the relationships were very sad about the break ups, but accepted them as necessary and moved on. In both cases, when the women came home - the men asked the ladies back out - and the couples got back together. Both are now married.

 

All of these stories show that a broad spectrum of breakups can lead to reconciliation. You could have been in love prior to the break up, but you may not have been. You could have had a short-term relationship, or a long-term one. You may be broken up for a couple months, or a couple years. The break up may have been mutual, it may not have been. The dumper may have been the one to re-establish ties, or it may have been the dumpee.

 

There are no fixed rules.

 

The only real trend I can see is that while some of these stories contain one person in the relationship being either a) really clingy or b) really avoidant, none of these stories include cheating or abuse. I guess you never know though.

 

That's just my two cents!

[joswsieg]

I watched a special on John Lennon and him and Yoko broke up for 18 months and then they got back together and had a baby!

 

I was just thinking about that before you mentioned it. They even lived in different cities at that point too. Great story.

[Samatha]

what do you think about 3rd chances? like BU, and getting back and then BU again?

is there the % lower?

[markyspark]

what do you think about 3rd chances? like BU, and getting back and then BU again?

is there the % lower?

 

I'd say the chances would be lower..but certainly not impossible

[Laylan]

I have a friend who lived with her boyfriend of 3 years, had 2 dogs and a house together. He just could not fully commit and ended up leaving her. She was heartbroken and left, moved in with her mom. She went stright into NC because she was so hurt and moved on with her life. She dated other people and he dated one girl for like 3 months. 10months later he came back and wanted her back. They've been together 3 years now and have a baby boy.

[doiiiieeezie]

I'd say the chances would be lower..but certainly not impossible

 

Never listen to the numbers, because they speak in infinite, not in emotion.

 

Every relationship dynamic is different, and you have to look at your own situation at hand. If it is over, then it is over... but people break up and reconcile all teh time. If you stick to one plan only that is not designed for you, then it will fail.

[doiiiieeezie]

I forgot to tell this story in the midst of my own drama...

 

A friend of mine and her husband dated on and off for years, where she would be unsure of if he was the one. Then she moved states away from him, and ceased contact. She dated others while he still pined for her in their hometown. She moved back home after not feeling it and they got back together shortly after. They've been married for 5 years now.

[markyspark]

Never listen to the numbers, because they speak in infinite, not in emotion.

 

Every relationship dynamic is different, and you have to look at your own situation at hand. If it is over, then it is over... but people break up and reconcile all teh time. If you stick to one plan only that is not designed for you, then it will fail.

 

Oh yeah...totally agreed, thats why its not possible in reality to say how possible it all is

[joswsieg]

Getting back together is ALWAYS possible. Nothing is really ever over until one or both people are dead. Life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass when you least expect it to and sometimes that kick in the ass is a good one.

[faithful14]

I might get crap for this but looking online today, and anyone watch jersey shore? Sammi and Ronnie and are back together baahhaa

[doiiiieeezie]

I might get crap for this but looking online today, and anyone watch jersey shore? Sammi and Ronnie and are back together baahhaa

 

 

LOL of course... drama sells.

 

 

On the other side (real life).. i was talking to one of my best friends who is in the process of reconciling with her first love. They have gotten together and broken up so many times that I have lost track. This time, it seems real. They have been in NC/LC for 2 years now.

[thekid55]

I can contribute to this thread.

 

I'm 22 and I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years, but broke up in Sept. 2010. I was devastated from the breakup and spent the next 7-8 months totally refining myself, dating around, partying, whatever. I made the classic mistakes for the first month or so, but pulled myself out of the funk. She came back in mid-May and we got back together. Things have been good for the last few weeks that we've been together.

[SethSLC]

I can contribute to this thread.

 

I'm 22 and I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years, but broke up in Sept. 2010. I was devastated from the breakup and spent the next 7-8 months totally refining myself, dating around, partying, whatever. I made the classic mistakes for the first month or so, but pulled myself out of the funk. She came back in mid-May and we got back together. Things have been good for the last few weeks that we've been together.

 

 

Well done Kid. You and I joined around the same time and I remember watching you go through the same stuff I did. I'm happy for you and hope it works out for the best man

[JerkBrokeMe]

I can contribute to this thread.

 

I'm 22 and I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years, but broke up in Sept. 2010. I was devastated from the breakup and spent the next 7-8 months totally refining myself, dating around, partying, whatever. I made the classic mistakes for the first month or so, but pulled myself out of the funk. She came back in mid-May and we got back together. Things have been good for the last few weeks that we've been together.

 

Congrats! Hope things continue to go well.

[Silverbirch]

I can contribute to this thread.

 

I'm 22 and I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years, but broke up in Sept. 2010. I was devastated from the breakup and spent the next 7-8 months totally refining myself, dating around, partying, whatever. I made the classic mistakes for the first month or so, but pulled myself out of the funk. She came back in mid-May and we got back together. Things have been good for the last few weeks that we've been together.

 

Congratulations, but I'm very surprised. I thought you had met somebody else and not interested in the ex when she came back after you had met the new girl.

[chidecoi]

I can contribute to this thread.

 

I'm 22 and I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years, but broke up in Sept. 2010. I was devastated from the breakup and spent the next 7-8 months totally refining myself, dating around, partying, whatever. I made the classic mistakes for the first month or so, but pulled myself out of the funk. She came back in mid-May and we got back together. Things have been good for the last few weeks that we've been together.

 

Did you start contacting her after? Do u guys see each other during that 7-8 months?

[thekid55]

Congratulations, but I'm very surprised. I thought you had met somebody else and not interested in the ex when she came back after you had met the new girl.

 

That's the kicker. I did meet someone else. We met on Spring Break (ironically) and went to the same school. We were hooking up/keeping it casual for awhile until I asked her out (when I was drunk) one night. Knowing that we were only two weeks away from graduation and were going to be long distance, I figured I'd just suck it up and let her down easily after graduation because I felt like it would be selfish to do otherwise.

 

My ex (now girlfriend) who brought me back to ENA about 8 months ago, had been debating for around a month whether she should make a move back to me. After talking to her about it, she said that me having a girlfriend was the final push she needed. She realized that she may lose me forever, realized she made a mistake, and would be damned if another girl had me. I give her a lot of credit, she came on full force when I had a g/f and all. I was skeptical as hell at first, but she took a leap of fate and spilled her heart out to me. She wrote me this huge letter, cried to me on the phone, we met up and she cried more. It took a lot, but she broke through all of the walls I had up. I broke up with my 2-week g/f after graduation (mid-May) and my now girlfriend and I decided to make it official about a week ago.

 

To answer other questions, her and I had been in cold NC for about 4 months. It was the best thing that could have happened. Yeah, we saw each other briefly out sometimes, but never talked. We both did our own thing and that eventually led us back to each other. There was a little resentment in the beginning, but all of that has to be squared away early or the 'reconciliation' will be short-lived. We both dated, did whatever, etc. And we needed to do that on our own. If we didn't, there's no way we would have been able to even have the 'getting back together' discussion.

[Silverbirch]

I'm really, really happy for you Kid. There's a lot of us here who wish we could be where you are.

[thekid55]

I'm really, really happy for you Kid. There's a lot of us here who wish we could be where you are.

 

It takes time. It really does. It all starts with you and your inner self. You have to be committed to wanting to make a positive change in your life. I did everything in my power to be a better man and I got to the point where I was 100% fine by myself. I ate right, went to the gym, made new friends, traveled, tried new things, changed my style, worked on my inner game, etc. I started to date again when I was ready and had success. My ex (who also redefined herself) came back and we are honestly better than ever. When she originally came back about a month ago, I was skeptical as hell. I didn't want the old, broken down version of her. Since we had been in NC for so long, I had no idea where she was at. She did a lot of convincing to me that she had changed, but I told her that I wanted to see it and she shows me more and more everyday. I trust her, only want to be with her, and I can feel that she feels the same way.

 

The kicker is, I've made myself so strong that if she left tomorrow, I wouldn't be crushed because I know that I am my #1 priority. Of course I would be sad, but the sun would rise again tomorrow.

[Samatha]

I ask if there's a difference if it's the first or second BU in the relationship..

like, are the chances of getting back together bigger if it's the first BU... if after this, and coming back together, there are other BU, are chances of getting back together lower?

Just asking out of curiosity..

[thekid55]

I ask if there's a difference if it's the first or second BU in the relationship..

like, are the chances of getting back together bigger if it's the first BU... if after this, and coming back together, there are other BU, are chances of getting back together lower?

Just asking out of curiosity..

 

 

Honestly, I don't think it matters what number breakup it is. It's well documented that the divorce rate is around 50% in America, but I've never seen stats on people getting back together, whether they were married or not. Each relationship is an independent variable with independent parties, so we can't really find a true coorelation in events. I made every mistake in the book for the first 1.5 months of my breakup and eight months later, we got back together. The other girl who I broke up with did not make any of the classic mistakes, but that really doesn't change my opinion of her since we had such a short relationship (less than a month). I don't see myself ever getting back together with her. Point being, just take care of yourself after the breakup and see what happens.

[hpinky]

I've been reading this thread for a week now and honestly it's really helped. It makes me feel better and helps me take my mind off of my ex who broke up with me. I have a story from a friend of mine.

 

He was dating this girl for four years and she came out to him admitting that she cheated on him. They broke up for 6 to 8 months, my friend broke up with her. During those months they were still living with each other. He didn't have the heart to kick her out. After about 3 months of them being broken up she started begging to get back together. He was devastated because he loved her so much but he didn't take her back. He told me he wanted to but she had seemed too wushu washy so he didn't trust it. After 8 months (she was begging the whole time but with little contact) he decided to give her a chance and gave her an ultimatum to assure himself that she wouldn't pull it again. He told her that that night she'd have to stay with him instead of going out. She never came home that night and my friend was hurt. He completely let go and moved on. He's told me that till this day she's been begging to get back together and explaining how she's really sorry and learned from her mistakes. He feels confident that if he wanted to get back together he could, he just doenst feel the same way about her anymore because she couldnt make up her mind back then.

 

Not exactly happy ever after but it shows that the ex's are coming back when you've moved on. (not saying that you should move on just to get back your ex)

 

Another story

 

My mom was dating this guy for almost a year and he suddenly just broke up with her. He said she was too clingy. For the first month shed call him begging to get back together then she moved on and stopped caring. He then starting calling her and asked to get back. By that time she had completely moved on and didn't want him back.

[Heartbroken30]

Thought I'd bump this up as I have a success story!

 

I play on a co-ed baseball team. And one of the girls on my team told me a couple months ago that her and her bf of 2 years broke up 2 months ago. They were living together. He broke up with her and he went with someone else shortly after. I could tell she was still heartbroken over it.

 

She said it was a bad break up and she changed her phone # so that he can never contact her again. So it was 6 months since they've been broken up with total NC the whole time.

 

Well at our game on Monday she told me that her Ex came into her work on Thursday night. He wanted forgiveness and wanted her back. She said she is not sure what to do as she doesn't want to get hurt again. He seemed really genuine and they have been texting since. I know she will take him back.

 

So there you have it! When she was telling me about her break up before it seemed like a lost cause as in he is never coming back and they will never talk again as lots of things were said and done. But yet he came back 6 months later.

 

I just wish my story ended one day like that. I told her about my situation as well and she said to just give him time, move on with your life as they don't realize and appreciate what they had until much later. As was in her case.

[OrangeSlice]

I personally never get back together with anyone. My principle is that I give a relationship one shot, once it is over it is over for good. It does work for others, but I myself prefer to just move on.