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JerkBrokeMe

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  1. Well almost every song is about love or breaking up so they all remind me of my ex. Since the breakup I have pretty much exclusively been listening to my 80s hardcore punk albums. Minor Threat, Circle Jerks, Reagan Youth. Nothing about relationships there. But the song that really reminds me of him is Stand By Me. In our first year of dating we got in a big fight on the way back to his house. By the time we got there things had settled but we weren't being lovey yet. Then the song started playing in his lobby and we hugged/danced to it. It's been "our song" ever since. He always used to pick me up and sing the whole song in my ear while doing so. I haven't heard it since we broke up. If I do I'm gonna punch the first person I see in the face.
  2. Restart. Day 2. Hope I get hit by a bus on my way to work.
  3. Today starts day 2 of NC. Yesterday was miserable and I had a really bad day due to unrelated circumstances. I wanted to contact him more than ever since he's been my support for 9 years and came really close, but didn't. Before I told him I was going NC I was not initiating any contact and I had no problem not contacting him. I guess because I knew within a few days he'd call me, which he would. But now he's respecting what I told him and I'm sure he won't call. I'm questioning this so much. I'm worried I'm pushing him into moving on faster or straight into the arms of another girl. Now he doesn't have to think of my feelings whatsoever because he doesn't see me. Anybody else here doing NC with an ex that desperately wanted to stay friends? I wonder if I would have had a better chance reconciling that route..
  4. Well, I resisted the advice of NC as long as I could. I told him yesterday and he cried and begged to stay friends. So today I feel miserable for myself and horrible for making him so sad. Woke up crying and regretting my decision but I know I have to see it through. He asked me "when can I see you again? In a few weeks?" (I guess he didn't realize I was talking about this being an indefinite thing) and I said "when you want to work on getting back together". I know he'll be fine. He's funny, social, outgoing, people are drawn to him. I've lost not only the best friend I ever had, but my only friend in the world. I envy all of you saying how you're going to go out with your friends and take your mind off your ex. I don't have anybody anymore. I can't believe I chose to end the friendship we were maintaining. It was my last shred of happiness since the break up. But it wasn't getting us back together. So here goes day 1..
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