Getting back together really does happen!

[alertstatusred]

Yes..we had zero, and I mean zero contact. It wasn't a strategy, I just finally accepted that he was probably out of my life for good. I even had a long-term relationship in between (the ex that I originally joined this board for) and so did he. I'm still worried that things will eventually end up the same, but we were both young then, and right now the situation seems to be going well.

[capjack]

I was reading this thread last night and it puts me back on track when I find myself getting down or too focused on my ex gf. It never occurred to me to share a story that I am very close too and know all the details of and it is no different than the rest of the success stories on here.

 

I was on another forum a couple of years ago when I was going through my divorce. Well one of the other members on the forum (I will call him Bob) ended up living about 3 miles away from me, small world!! Well both our wives had cheated on us and left us, I met him about 2 weeks after he found out about his wife's (I will call her Lisa) affair.

 

Well Bob handled himself remarkably well, he confronted Lisa about the affair to which she denied and said they were only friends. He said that he knew otherwise but it did not matter, he told her calmly that she had to make a choice.........return to the marriage and work on the marriage or chose her "friend" and be done. She chose to be done and Bob said "okay" and that was that. She moved out about 2 months later and got her own place. Bob took a long hard look at himself and identified those things that he wanted to change and started working on himself.

 

I was his friend and accountability partner through out his ordeal because I was doing the same thing at the same time. So I know how he agonized over missing his wife and how disgusted he was that she was carrying on her affair, but he stayed the course and he only had LC with her because they had 2 small children together. He left her alone and moved on with his life, well 4 months later he met another woman and they had a relationship and fell in love immediately even though he was not yet divorced. (have to wait one year in the state we live in). Bob and his new gf even discussed marriage, I could not believe it at the time but he was serious.

 

His life was good and he was happy, but he still had feelings for his wife. Mean while his wife, Lisa was finding out that the grass was not so green on the other side, we have all sat and talked openly about their experiences and their views at the time they were going through this crisis. The guy she had an affair with did not have to put anything into the relationship, she was always the one that had to "maintain" the relationship and she started to grow tired of it and it was at that time that she started to reflect on what she had with Bob. Oddly enough that is when she found out that Bob had moved on and had a serious gf. It tore her up, she dispised Bob's gf and hated that her children were around Bob's gf.

 

Well that is when she started to work on herself and get her life together. It is funny because in many ways the "dumpee" has an advantage over the "dumper", they are forced to deal with the loss and have to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and work on themselves. Bob did that right away......and got better, Lisa did not start until the affair she was having fell apart 8 months later.

 

Well they separated in Jan 2010 and by December 2010, Bob started talking to me about thinking about trying again with Lisa but was not sure how to approach it. They had kids together so at the kid exchange he would linger a little bit and ask her how things were going and joke a little bit. He did this for weeks and was very patient and slowly built the friendship back. They eventually got to a point where they could talk more openly about their marriage and the things that were wrong and what would need to change if they were ever to consider getting back together. He was very careful to not let this relationship talk dominant their time together. Eventually they started to go and do some fun things together like bowling or go-karts or whatever. He made sure that they could have fun again together. after about 4 weeks they decided to try and reconcile and he broke up with his girlfriend, who understandably was devastated but understood.

 

I helped him move his wife back home on January 2, 2011 and they are together today. The real work came in the following months after she moved back, but they worked through it and I believe they have a much closer bond than ever. They are happy and their children are happy to be a family again this Christmas. I count them both as a few of my closest friends and they have been incredibly supportive of me while I am going through this break up with my girlfriend.

 

So reconciliations do happen, but I think the key ingridient in all successful reconciliations is the TIME that is spent apart. The old relationship has to die completely and both people have to let it go along with all the pain and hurt. It is only then that something new can form and flourish. It takes TIME and Patience and the knowledge that you will be happy no matter what happens.

 

Cheers

[DN]

and he broke up with his girlfriend, who understandably was devastated but understood.

This is the person I feel most sorry for. Sad to say but she was used.

[EgoJoe]

This is the person I feel most sorry for. Sad to say but she was used.

 

My sentiments exactly.

[deeplongbreath]

I have this story which is not mine (unfortunately).

 

Two years ago I was dumped and subscribed to a forum, found this girl who was in a similar situation and we became friends. She and I had so much in common, it was amazing.

 

Anyways. She didn't handle the breakup too well even though she had plenty of people to talk to, felt worse and worse and endend up trying to take her own life. But she survived and stopped contacting her ex which was extremely difficult because he was also her neighbour (next door!!!!). Six months later, he asked her to move in with him. It was last year, and they're deliriously happy together. When I see their photos on Facebook, it's obvious that whatever reason he had to break up was nonsense. Maybe it was fear of happiness, GIGS, doesn't matter after all since there is happy ending.

 

It happens!

[capjack]

Actually, Bob had completely let go of his wife and was ready to live his life. If I were to delve deeper into the story, I would tell you that Bob and his gf broke up for about 2 weeks over the summer and then came back together. Bob's girlfriend was well aware of what she was getting into and yes I do feel sorry for her also. Bob had never even considered reconciling with his wife until his wife said something to him in the early fall of that year. This was right after things did not work out with her affair partner. Lisa had asked Bob if he had ever thought about trying to reconcile and he had said no at the time, that he was happy. She said okay and that was it. Bob was actually wanting for her to make more of a definitive reach.

 

It was a month or two later that all the tension in their relationship started to go away and they started to cooperate as parents. That is when the lines of communication opened back up and there was some trust established between them. Lisa asked him one day about his gf, because the gf was going to be involved in raising their kids. Well that conversation led back to them and that is how it got started.

 

Bob never intended on going back to his wife. He was happy with his gf, but he had a history with his wife not to mention the kids. Bob and his girlfriend had only been together about 6 months total, 7 if you count the last month.

[JLKLEE]

I dated this guy for 3-3 1/2 years. He treated me pretty badly and would break up with me because "he wasn't ready for me to be the last girl he slept with". We went back and forth for a few years until he finally broke things off because he was transferred 40 minutes away. I would still go down and see him every week or so. We would hook up. But he would not entertain a relationship or any talk about it. I would seriously pray every night that things would work out and that he would see what he had but he still treated me so bad and put me down. I never went NC with him but about 7 months later he wanted to get back together. I think we were together for some months before I had lost complete interest in him and met someone else. But a year later, we met up again and he told me that he regretted everything he did to me, that he had spent the last year getting everything right in an attempt to get me back. I wasn't interested though

 

I also dated this guy in high school that treated me bad and hit me. I saw him 10 years later and he kept apologizing for what he did and how I was such a great girl. His friend told me he hasn't stopped talking about me.

[GreenCupcake]

I have one but it doesn't have to do with me. It's a story my dad told me about his client's daughter and her husband.

 

They were high school sweethearts (if I remember correctly) and dated for a few years but ended up breaking up because they were going to different colleges. Throughout the years, they kept in touch here and there and had relationships with other people.

 

This was going on for fifteen years! One day the client's family was at a party that took place in a restaurant. They were sitting at a table and guests kept coming in. All of a sudden, the daughter's ex came through the door and almost immediately spotted her father. He then realized that the daughter was there also. They both made eye contact and stared at each other for about five minutes straight. Sparks were flying all over the place.

 

They greeted each other and talked that night. Before you know it they ended up back together. They've been married for a while (I don't how long) and even have a daughter together.

 

You just never know really.

[RastaPasta]

That is a cute story.

[GreenCupcake]

Yeah, it is It's very inspirational in a way.

[AllUNeedIsLove]

So ok I have a few stories, some are about getting back together and some are just crazy life lessons:

 

*One of my cousins broke up with the one she loved, Im not sure what it was (Im guessing a huge fight), but two weeks later they got back together.

 

*One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend (together for 2 years) because she felt like the spark wasn't there anymore, she was doubting the relationship and is not ready to commit to him (as in getting engaged)...basically she got the GiGs, but today i went on my facebook and noticed that she posted a recent picture of her ex-boyfriend. Although they havent reconciled, they are in talking terms and hanging out terms, which could possibly lead to a reconciliation, who knows.

 

* My story: I dated a guy(my first true love) for 3 years of my life on and off (its in my past posts for those interested). I believed he was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life even though part of me doubted the relationship. Anyways he breaks it off and I was left a wreck. He wanted to stay friends, but i didnt stay friends. Well we kept bumping into each other through out the months and I rebounded with a friend while still believing he was the one. Well he didnt come back, but I ended up having a huge crush on someone else who later became my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend), but i ended up finding out through his blog that my 3 yr ex boyfriend still talks about me.

 

my current ex-boyfriend is the one I want to be with because it feels absolutely right with no doubt in my mind, but there were too many issues and baggage on both sides. Having the feelings that I have for him I left him alone (did NC) until he contacted me a month after the break-up, where we spent a whole day having the best time of our lives...since then he has communicated with me in some way (doing LC). Again I have left him completely alone (well except for two times where i asked him a question) other than that he usually initiates contact. Even when i thought i would not hear from him ever again, he sent me something that he only shared with his best friends and i so happened to be included in the email...what does that mean? I don't know, will we reconcile? I don't know I hope! but almost all my ex's have thought about me, contacted me etc...and not to give false hope, but believe me when i say that ex's do think of you.

 

*This girl at work broke it off with her boyfriend and she was so sad about it, she didnt explain why it had happened, but she wanted to cry that was about 2 months ago. 2 weeks ago, I find out they got back together.

[Tom1990]

Good stories. In my opinion, most posts here in the "Getting Back Together" have nothing to do with getting back together, and belong in the "Break Up" and/or "Healing" forums. Truth be told, breakups do occasionally get back together, and it's important to hear about those.

[Tom1990]

Bumping an old story here, because this is a damn good one to read as one of the dangers of reconcilling, especially if it's to settle. It was certainly good for me to read. If I ever had the chance to get back with my ex, I would have to take a hard look at myself to see if I was settling. (I'm 40 years old and cannot deny the possibility that I'm desperate....)

[Tateziwin]

This is a great story and certainly made me feel a little better now that i am into month 8 of my split from my partner of 18 years.... maybe there is still hope?

[AnnaN]

- My parents' story. My father broke up with my mother, saying he was not in love with her any more. My mother tried to reach out a few months later, my father was distanced and months later my mother arranged to meet him accidentally to a mutual friend's party. (the party was organized for this reason only ). They had a 5-year relationship, they were seperated for 7-8 months, got back together, and one year later they got married. It will be 30 years of marriage next year!

- A friend of mine. She was with her boyfriend for 2 years, she met another guy, she says she didn't cheat on her bf, but I am not sure if that's true. She left him, had a relationship with the guy and 3 months later he broke up with her. Then she realized that she wanted to be with her ex, and they got back together (he knew that she left him for someone else). They had some problems during the first months of reconciliation, but now 3 years later, they seem to be the happiest couple I know and they will be engaged in a couple of months.

 

I don't have a story about me to share, but there are two cases that I could get back together with my ex's, at least one for sure. Although I don't know if they had worked out or been successful at the end.

[AnnaN]

I forgot another story that I just wrote in another thread.

 

- A friend of mine had a relationship with a guy, he dumped her, and she started contacting past ex boyfriends in order to have a rebound and feel better and distracted. She reconciled with a guy that had been separated for two years, before that they had an on/off relationship for 8-10 months, she was always telling how badly he was treating her and how indifferent he was, that's why they initially broke up. 2 years later they got married...

[largetable]

I have been back with my exbf for a month. We'd been apart for over half a year, but now we are better than before. He dumped me and I initiated contacts. Finally he decided that he wants to spend his life with me.

[sada88]

2 quick stories on get back together and 1 I guess dumpee revenge(?):

 

1. One of my girlfriends is from a Jewish background (conservative) and was dating a secular Jewish boy. Her parents were against it from the start unless the boy was willing to marry her. They dated for about a year when the boy decided to break it off. He wasn't ready for such a commitment. The girl took it with aplomb and decided to be friends. She goes over to his house to return his sunglasses. When he saw her, he started breaking down in tears and said that he wanted to be with her. They've been dating now for their 3 year anniversary and talking about marriage.

 

2. One of my friends, A, was doing a study abroad trip in japan when she met C. A is a secular Muslim but she does practice some of their beliefs. C, on the other hand, was a closet atheist. C wasn't sure if he wanted to date A for long term so he ends it with her. A decided to go NC for 1 month where she shacked up with another guy. This woke up C and C decided that he wanted to date her for real. A and C have now been dating 3-4 years now and C is thinking about proposing soon. I don't know if it will be a happy story since now A is thinking about breaking it off because of the cultural differences and C is not willing to convert and A might want to raise their children in the Muslim manner.

 

3. There is this guy (P) that got left by his girlfriend (B) for another man (D). P was near suicidal and whatnot and decided to contact a psychic. The psychic decides to take on his case and scams him out of his money (a good 100k) while B and D were shacking up. Of course, B being typical breadcrumbs dumper calls up once in awhile and leads P on for about 2 years. Anyway, 2 years passed, the psychic is still "working" on this case, and B decides to contact P and they started going out again. The problem is that B was now no longer stuck in the honeymoon phase with D and now wants to choose between P and D. P wouldn't have it since he moved on too much and tells her to choose D instead since D obviously fits her more now. I don't know what happened to P (he isn't a friend but a story I read online about scams) but I do know to never go to a fake psychic for ex work. Gypsy psychics are con artists...

[intotheself]

I have been back with my exbf for a month. We'd been apart for over half a year, but now we are better than before. He dumped me and I initiated contacts. Finally he decided that he wants to spend his life with me.

 

Good for you!

Many dumpees who are NCing with their dumpers would love to hear how your initiating contact worked out.

[lanaa]

I have been back with my exbf for a month. We'd been apart for over half a year, but now we are better than before. He dumped me and I initiated contacts. Finally he decided that he wants to spend his life with me.

 

i also broke NC after 3 months of NC,and he was the one that broke up with me.We had some friendly chats since that

 

how did your ex react when you broke nc? was he friendly for a while or did he directly tell you he wanted you back?

[largetable]

Good for you!

Many dumpees who are NCing with their dumpers would love to hear how your initiating contact worked out.

We are both in our early 30s, and the relationship lasted for 3 years.

 

I can't blame him for anything. I was such a mess at the end of the relationship. He did the right thing to break up with me. He is a great person and a perfect boyfriend. I guess he was too nice to me, so that I did not cherish the relationship at all.

 

When he broke up with me, he said some harsh things to me, for the first time since we met each other. He basically said he would never get back with me, and he had lost hope in me. I was heart-broken and decided to move on. But I couldn't. It is such a torture to think that I pushed such a nice guy away. I contacted him after 4 months of NC. He agreed to meet. The meeting went perfect. I guess I was too happy with the "victory" and brought up reconciliation. He was very disturbed, and told me clearly that he did not want a relationship with me. However, I sensed a bit contradiction in his words which revealed a bit hesitation and uncertainty about his own decision.

 

I initiated contact again and we started to interact with each other. It was friendly but reconciliation was never mentioned until several months later.

[largetable]

i also broke NC after 3 months of NC,and he was the one that broke up with me.We had some friendly chats since that

 

how did your ex react when you broke nc? was he friendly for a while or did he directly tell you he wanted you back?

 

Please refer to my reply to intotheself

[loulou37]

I have been back with my exbf for a month. We'd been apart for over half a year, but now we are better than before. He dumped me and I initiated contacts. Finally he decided that he wants to spend his life with me.

 

I too have been talking to my ex, initiated by me but we have had some nice chats, i've mentioned nothing about the break up and i won't go there unless he decides it's something he wants to talk about, it's the past now, it's history...no point going there, i am partly to blame for the BU, although i didn't think so at first, time has made me realise my part but we're talking and that is a great start, i love him and i know he loves me so i just need to give him time and space to get things in order...we've agreed to meet once things are sorted on his end....

 

loulou x

[Mariana123]

Exactly 6 weeks after our BU, my ex and I went to the movies and then he asked me if I wanted to have a drink with him, I said yes and he chose the bar where our first date took place.

We were really friendly and just having a great time. He tried to kiss me and I moved a little so he couldn't and he almost started crying. I said that I needed to know what he wanted before I kissed him. He said that for these past 5 weeks he needed to be alone so he could figure out what he wanted. He had these girls throwing herselves at him and all he could think about was me and what I was doing and if I was with someone. He needed to know that because with his past girlfriends once it was over he didn't think about them. He said that I had no idea how he felt when I said that I was moving out of the country next year (I said that before when he called me to catch up and ask me to the movies). He's definitely not the crying type of man, but I know that if we weren't in a public place he'd be crying. He kept saying that he now knows that I'm everything for him, and he felt so bad these weeks.

He was the dumper and *I* agreed to get back together, but I told him that I wanted to start slowly.

 

Somehow I knew this date was going to be decisive. Either we would be back together or I would have closure and move on.

[Tom1990]

Very good, taking it slow. Talk a lot, and expect to work hard at first!