Getting back together really does happen!

[SmilingKatty]

One of my friend was in a relationship with a guy for 2 - 3 years and then broke up with him because she fell in love with someone else. But after some time (something between 1-3 months) she found out, that she cannot live without her boyfriend and got back to him... Now they are very happy parents

[jbrooklyn]

Thank God for good news!!

[LizS]

I've got a story of my own, plus a couple others.

 

1. Five years ago, I dated a man for a year and a half. He broke up with me, I took it terribly, begged for him to change his mind, and eventually went no contact for a year. We reunited and got back together. We were together for another year and split up for good. We were young, 16 at the start and 20 when it ended for a second time.

 

2. Not entirely sure what happened, but my parents split up for a time. My mother even had another mans name tattooed on her hand. Again, not sure what happened, but they definitely split up for a bit and when I was young, I heard them argue about the tattoo on my mom's hand. I'm assuming she left him for another man at some point. They married at age 20 and are now 60 and are still married.

 

3. I have two friends that have always had a slightly rocky relationship. About a year ago, they seemingly split up for good. After 7 months, they got back together. At first, they had very little contact, then started to become friends again.

 

4. Another set of friends dated in high school, split up, went to the same college, remained very close friends throughout the entire time, and started dating again right after they both graduated college. They both pursued other people while they were in college. Eventually, they split up again recently and still remain very close friends.

 

I'm currently on no contact with my very recent ex, who is already dating someone else. Hoping to work things out with him eventually.

[blahsquared]

I'm grouchy tonight. Bump. Maybe someone can add more.

[juststephen]

Dunno why..but I get the feeling reconciliations happen more when the girl has left the relationship.

I think this is true in cases when the girl still loves her guy, but has chosen to walk away from the relationship because the guy is being neglectful and taking the relationship for granted.

 

This is certainly true in my case. My girlfriend broke up with me due to my gradual and increasing neglect of her. She still loved me at the time of the breakup, and after a little time apart for each of us to 'fix' ourselves as individuals we began reconciling around two weeks ago.

 

She and I are truly back together now. We're still in the early stages of this 'new' relationship, but second time around we are much much stronger now than before, which certainly bodes well for our future.

[tillyy]

Dunno why..but I get the feeling reconciliations happen more when the girl has left the relationship.

 

This wasn't true in my case.

We were together for about 2 years, he then broke up with me. We remained in contact for a few months, then had NC for a few months. We began talking again & seeing each other every now & then. After about a year of us being seperated, he asked me back out. We were together again for another 2 years until recently when he broke it off again. (which lead to me being here)

 

Although I check this thread regularly, I never thought I would post but felt I should, since someone may learn from my mistakes. As the above poster said, you must 'fix' yourselves as individuals or whoever/whatever it may be causing the problem. You can't sit there wanting to get back together without fixing the problems that caused the relationship to end. You can't sit there in self-pity, hoping you will get back together & not working on yourself as an individual. We never spoke about what went wrong before getting back together either, I was just so happy to be back in the relationship. I wish I found this thread before as I now realise exactly what I have just said. I still hope & believe that we can be together again but I know that this time I must fix myself as an individual first before it would work.

 

I don't believe in people telling others to just 'move on' but I do believe in 'getting on with things' instead. People do get back together but you must fix whatever was wrong in the first place before it will work out. I also think it's entirely upto each individual if they want to do the whole NC thing but if you don't, then just make sure you give the other person a lot of space.

[lerira]

Great! Great!

[aftermath1]

Example:

 

Few years ago I had a girlfriend of a few months really cared about she had some weird power over me, she broke up with me I was hurt bad. She would text me to hang out I blew her off the first couple times in the first month of the break up. Then I finally agreed to meet her a few times for a couple of weeks and asked her to be in a relationship again she said no, I told her we couldnt be friends and I needed to move on with my life.

 

Eventually we started talking months later. Every so often I would run into her and she would text me randomly.

 

I would say it was about a year after we broke up I met her one time and she literally jumped on me tried to kiss me and said she wants me to have sex with her. I refused to. There were several times where she tried to get back in contact with me but I turned them down. I dont know because I never followed through with it but I am POSITIVE if I wanted to get back in a relationship with her I could have. But by that point in my life I did not want her back... could have though.

[MikNomis]

What do you guys think is a healthy time of separation and NC for both parties before they make any attempts at seeing each other again?

[GenoGeno]

What do you guys think is a healthy time of separation and NC for both parties before they make any attempts at seeing each other again?

 

I wouldn't mind knowing this. I'm at 6.5 months now and it finally seems like the calm at the end of the storm....Probably because we don't even talk much anymore...she talked to me for 5 months then once the 6th month hit. Nothing from her and still nothing....feels like I'll never see her again.

[Morning]

Great thread, good stories. Now i feel a little bit better then few hours ago.

Some day I'll post here my story (I wish

[tillyy]

I wouldn't mind knowing this. I'm at 6.5 months now and it finally seems like the calm at the end of the storm....Probably because we don't even talk much anymore...she talked to me for 5 months then once the 6th month hit. Nothing from her and still nothing....feels like I'll never see her again.

 

Of course, it's different for every situation & individuals involved but I think whenever you know you are ready to see the other person knowing that you are not going to start an argument, bring anything up about the past or ask if they are seeing someone else etc (it's only going to set you back) & feel you are prepared for anything they might say that might upset you. Also be prepared to feel like you did at the start when you get home having had to say bye to them again. I think at least 2 months is needed for most people to feel like they could deal with that and have given the other space. Even that isn't long really but any earlier & you're likely to say things you don't mean or shouldn't do. I think attempting contact via txt or something for a while first before seeing the other is a good idea, too. Perhaps meeting in a public place & for a shorter period of time would be best to start with as well but whenever you feel you are ready to remain composed & sound happy & like the person they first remember meeting, then I think you have a good start to go ahead.

[J-L-T]

Thought I'd add a few stories:

 

My sister's husband got scared after a few months, and "ran off" He has Bipolar, and think that was some of it. My sister was sad, but said okay, take care etc. After a couple of weeks, he came back saying he was sorry. They've now been married around 4 years, and have two children together. He's also like a second father to her children from a previous marriage. They honestly have one of the best relationships I've ever seen. They're one of those couples that are just perfect for each other.

 

My mum got with a man after my mum and dad split. They were together 5 years. He was totally smitten over her, and acted real needy, and hoenstly pathetic. She ended up breaking up with him. After a couple of years, they got back in contact as friends. He was still telling her he loves her though. My mum dated a few other jerks. He was always there for her, and she kinda leaned on him. He did end up dating a couple of other women, but nothing really came of it. 13 YEARS LATER, my mum got back with him, they moved in together. It doesn't have a happy ending though. He suddenly changed, and was pretty negleted her. It's like once he had her again, he didn't care. She ended up breaking it off again, around a yearish later. She's now dating someone else, and she talks every once ina while with the ex, but nothing much. But he had the chance with her after all those years.

 

My cousin was with his girlfriend 2 years. She ended it after a few months of being at Uni. She found the distance too hard. He remained in contact, texting each other once or twice a week. He asked for her back a few times, but she would say no. That she just wanted to be friends now. But after a few months, she said she realised she missed him. She said she;d rather be in a LDR, than not with him at all. 2 years on their together and seemingly very happy.

 

My friend broke up with her boyfriend of 7 months. He kept flirting wiht other girls, and she had enough of it. They had NC for a few months, he wouldn't take any blame. But one day he called, and said how sorry he was etc. she decided to give him another chance. 6 months later they are living together.

 

Another friend got dumped by her boy after 3 years. He said he didn't know what he wanted anymore. She was heart-broken, but went NC on him. Every now and then he would tet, or call her. She would ignore it, because she was so hurt and mad. Then he just stopped contacting her. She still missed and loved him during this time. She said the negatives were fading away. She found herself replaying all the good times, and missed him more and more. She called him, and told him she missed him. He said he missed her too, and he's sorry. They met up that evening, and got back together. 1 1/2 years later they're living together, and she is pregnant.

 

I'm sure their are plenty more. It actually happens a hell of a lot.

[StochProcess]

Not really a story but my point of view on the subject.

 

With most decisions we make, you'll never really get anything for "free". What I mean by this is, is that if we choose to do one thing; we'll likely be giving up something else. In this example, working toward reconciliation may mean you'll "miss out" on meeting new people. Though, on the other hand if we move on we risk forgetting about our ex or our ex forgetting about us. I think what it really comes down to is, what we personally place value on.

 

To some of us, the possibility of reconciliation far outweighs what we give up in making THAT decision. So for those who criticize people for hanging on, people's values are different and there's nothing you can really do about it.

[moonbug]

Not to sound spoilsport, but I think this thread needs to be closed down for further posting. I hope people don't get me wrong here, but the point of this thread is quite evident and undebated. People get back together all the time, and one should always stay open to the possibility. That is fine. But beyond a point, all this thread does is it screws people up by giving them hope. Citing disclaimers saying "I don't want to raise anyone's hopes..." doesn't really help. Because irrespective of what people say, after a point, the more GBT stories you read, the more your hopes are raised. And that can screw you up. Been there.

 

So as well intentioned as this thread is, and as sweet as the people posting stories here are, my personal opinion is that there are enough stories here to tell us that is can happen. It is now getting to a point where the effort is proving counterproductive. Thats my personal view. Sorry if I am coming accross as a jerk.

[brokenhurt]

I broke up with my gf of 2 years and 2 months coz i got fed-up of her she went to NC straight away after 1 month we were back together .now after 6 months of patch up she broke up with me its been 1 and a half month and 21 days of NC still no chance

[tillyy]

I don't think it needs to be closed down at all. I think people who are already reading the forums are quite aware of breakups and the chances of getting back together etc, practically every other post in the forum is about breaking up, therefore there should be at least one thread allowing for success stories to be told. If you're saying that, then people who do have success & come back to post, should not be allowed to tell their stories either. People are allowed to have hope, they deal with it in different ways and perhaps your hopes did screw you up but I think most people are realistic & realise it doesn't happen to everyone but it does happen more often than people think. Like Stochprocess said, it's what we personally place value on. If somebody wants to move on then they can, if they don't & want to work towards reconciliation then they can also. In today's society everything is disposed of too easily, including relationships. If anything, this thread at least shows that relationships need to be worked on constantly, just like all aspects of our lives. Everybody has a choice & if they want to have hope & read these success stories then it is entirely upto them. If somebody doesn't like it, then they can move on to another thread quite easily, too.

[stu1973]

No reason whatsoever that it should be closed down.

 

It's frequently said on this site "you'll find someone better". That is giving false hope in a way too.

[Tanzi]

I totally understand what you are saying - and agree to some extent - but I think we all need a little bit of hope sometimes, especially in the beginning. It is what sees us through our darkest days. Eventually, as we start moving on, we start letting go of that hope naturally.

 

Having said that not all hope and success stories need to be about reconcilliation. I found eNA after a previous relationship ended and, like most people on this forum, I was devastated. All I wanted was my ex back and I searched for stories of reconcilliation but all I found was a load of gumf about NC and moving on. I DIDN'T WANT TO MOVE ON. However I became hooked by eNA and after reading many threads and other peoples experiences I gradually started to realise that moving on was something I really had to focus on. It was slow, obviously, but it was nevertheless a road I began to travel. Now I have a new boyfriend with whom I am totally head over heals in love with. My ex still contacts me from time to time. Most recently he said he still sometimes regrets his decision to split but there is no way I would give up my new boyfriend should he ever ask me outright to reconcile. We have a strong and intense relationship and have both admitted that we are in it for the long haul. I am the happiest I have been for as long as I can remember. I may not have got back with my ex but my story certainly is a success to me.

[moonbug]

Hey tillyy, I am sorry I didn't quite say what I wanted to properly. Of course people should be allowed to say how they or someone they knew got back! But I do feel that this particular thread has outlived its utility is all. Again, no offence to anyone posting or reading this. But I believe the purpose of this thread was to show or cite how people get back together. Now 200 stories are not going to tell you anything that 100 stories can't. Beyond a point, it just piles on and creates a delusion of sorts. I think it serves everyone well, if there is a separate thread where a getting back together story can be discussed, so that each story has more relevance than simply serving as 'just another example'. I dunno. I probably don't have a point here, some may say. But beyond a point, I don't feel like reading each new page added to this thread, even though I sure as hell do want to read about how couples worked their way back.

 

Am I getting through or should I just get off it already?

[Tanzi]

Now 200 stories are not going to tell you anything that 100 stories can't.

 

A very valid point but I guess all the time people are still posting on the thread it is still serving a purpose. I guess not every new person to the thread will read it all but it, nevertheless, is still helping some.

[tillyy]

I understand what you're saying but I do think that 200 stories do tell you more than 100; that reconciliations happen more often than most people think or would know about if they didn't hear about them. For me, proof that it happens doesn't create a delusion of any sorts but I can see how it does for some. I can see we will have to agree to disagree here and allow the remainder of the posts to be what the thread was intended for.

[DN]

Moderator Note: The thread will not be closed down. Please stay on topic.

[J-L-T]

I'm glad it's not being closed!

 

A story I got told earlier:

 

They were together a few months at first. Then he ended it, because he "wasn't sure what he wanted out of life" She begged him at first, and blew up his phone. He said this lasted about 2 weeks. He would tell her politely a few times "I can't be with you, please stop contacting me so much. If you want contact, it has to be as friends only" One day she just stopped. He told me he felt RELIEVED she had gone. He felt like he could breathe once again. He enjoyed his space and etc. Then after a few weeks he started feeling lonely. He started wondering about her, was she dating etc. He said he wasn't sure wether to contact her or not. He put it off for a few weeks, and then gave in. He called but she didn't answer. The next day she called him back, asking what he wanted. He asked how she was getting on, and told her he missed her. She said she was ok, but was missing him too. He asked her to meet and they had a chat.

 

They got back together that night. Fastforward a few months, and they split up AGAIN. This time it was the girlfriend. They had an argument, and she said she wanted out. They didn't talk for 3 months. Neither contacted the other in those months. Then one ngiht they accidently ended up in the same pub. They were civil to eacother and made small talk. The next day the girl called the guy, said she was sorry for how harsh she was in the break-up. He said he forgived her and would like to remain friends. They remained friends for about 4 months. Then one night they ended up sleeping with eachother. He asked her for another chance, she said okay. A rocky start! But 6 years later they are going strong. Married with 2 children, and 1 on the way.

[xllsandmanllx]

here's one. my friend dated her bf back in 9th grade, they dated a year and he broke it off, and for 2 years she begged, wouldnt leave him alone, etc then finnally she left him alone when they were in 12th grade. during the end of that year they got back together and they been together for 2 years now and they are happy than ever.

 

just wish i had some hope in me dont think there is no chance, been 5 months now and she hates me and i finnally started nc but this thread does give me little hope.