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Everything posted by blahsquared

  1. He doesn't matter, not really? I'd never want to be in a relationship with him, or even some sort of sordid affair. I have wished we could remain friendly, but that's the extent of it. And I'm realizing, FINALLY, how misguided even that is. Truth is, I'm still pretty angry at MYSELF for focusing a huge chunk of my 20s on him, derailing my career for years. One example: I once turned down a great job offer in a different city because of my attachment to him, and took a lousy job that was ill-suited (during a recession, no less) for me locally just because I was desperate to make it work. I
  2. This has been a good lesson for me, so thank you guys. I didn’t realize how ego-driven all of this has been for me. I think I’m just smarting from being written off and crave validation; it’s a trend of mine that extends far beyond this particular ex. I’m a people pleaser. I have placed more importance on my moving near him than is actually warranted; people, after all, break up all the time and move on while staying in the same city the whole time. It’s dumb to think this would be any different. I appreciate some of you for helping me see that. Even though it’s a bit of a bitter pill to swall
  3. It’s the same ex, yes. Anything I’ve posted on this site, ever, has referred to him — despite having a rather colorful and lush dating history. I’ve never felt the need to post about my husband, who I do love very much. Something about this guy clearly messed with my head; I’d do well to reread everything I posted here over the years. I genuinely thought alerting him of my move would be a courtesy; now I realize it’s just deeply inappropriate. I appreciate you all for pointing that out.
  4. Oh, one more thing just to share that this wasn't some pathetic one-sided effort of mine, before, to keep in touch. He used to reach out to ME when they were dating, even asked me for recipes that I used to make that he could cook for HER, and I was happy to share. We ran in the same circles. He asked me for advice about dating her. Like, we were on good terms. Then radio silence post-marriage. Which is fine, but that's what what was jarring. But yeah, message received, really.
  5. A solid point. That would suck more. Thanks, forum folk. I'll leave him alone. As I have been.
  6. Geez, that's harsh. My life's awesome, actually. An excellent lesson in not soliciting help here.
  7. Good questions. Yeah, my husband's totally aware -- I've been quite open about what things were like with my ex. I've actually told him about this specific scenario, and he's actually pretty curious to see what my ex is like, ha. I am friends with other exes of mine, and my husband's friends with some of HIS exes, and we aren't really intimidated by any of that. Heck, I'm on good terms with some of his exes, and vice versa. It's not a big deal. We both understand that we both had pasts, but that they pale in comparison to the connection we have with each other. Honestly, maybe I have a wei
  8. Hey there, So I was with my ex for five years, on and off. We had an intense connection, I felt, but we were extremely mismatched -- and broke up for good when I decided to move across the country to pursue a new job. We kept in friendly contact for maybe four years after I moved. Just the occasional "Hi, how's life, how's your family" sort of email here and there. I got married to a guy who was way better for me and we had a kid together, and my ex got married to a woman who seems perfect for him. They ended up moving to a different city, too. I'm legitimately happy for him. But after h
  9. For what it’s worth, I definitely also think you should break up. You sound like a lot more fun than she is, ha. I say just let her down gently — you can talk about how the feelings aren’t there and general lifestyle incompatibility. But the kid thing is a huge dealbreaker, and a pretty reasonable one for any ending relationship. So that can be a point of focus. Good luck out there!
  10. Oh yeah, I totally get off on seeing him stalk me and it's totally petty. Hence why I'm writing this. We're not pining over each other. Just don't understand why we both... bother? That said, there's no real impetus to stop. I suppose I have some unresolved issues on my end: I do wonder why he didn't see that I was worthwhile, or something. So I try to cement that point, since my life really has substantially improved in all departments -- love-wise, career-wise, socio-economically, travel-wise, the works. But I have a chip on my shoulder. His actions made me feel very down on myself for a
  11. Oh, if you post these things called "Instagram Stories," you automatically are told who all clicks to watch them. My ex clicks on them almost immediately after they post, and will go back several times a day to look at any updates. So, twisted person that I am, every week or so I'll post pictures of my husband being awesome or the two of us doing interesting things. Just to be like, ha ha, you're watching my life look great. (I must reiterate: It's not posturing, the husband and I really are besties. And he knows that I do keep tabs on the ex. I also keep tabs on HIS ex. I'm just a stalker, I
  12. I just wrote the exact same post. I have the exact same question! Very frustrating, isn't it? I'm an uber-stalker, and my ex uber-stalks me. We are both super happy in our current relationships. So weird.
  13. Hi all, just a random question -- I am super happily married, and my ex seems happily committed to a lovely lady. He and I aren't really friends and don't communicate -- but there isn't any acknowledged bad blood. Yet I find myself stalking him frequently, and stalk his current girlfriend even more. And I see that he stalks me on the Instagrams more than anyone else does. (I don't think he knows that I know that he stalks me -- or I'm sure he wouldn't do it.) So what gives? Why the curiosity? Why do we do this? As humans? I certainly don't miss him or the relationship (it was awfu
  14. Thanks for the update, Lucy. I've been following your posts for quite some time, and they've given me motivation to keep up with the NC. Since you clearly know what you're doing, any insights on my situation? After two months of self-healing NC (three months total of breakup), we hung out again about two weeks ago, then (oops) hooked up a few days later. Afterwards, he told me he still needed space to work out his issues - couldn't jump back into a relationship. Instead of freaking out at him (as I well could have) I told him I respected his need for space, and backed off. I got this fro
  15. This thread hits a nerve for me, too. In so many ways. In the same way as Marshmlofluff. My parents had an arranged marriage, too. I think that affects one's outlook on longterm companionship 100%. Stupid Americans.
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