thistime Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My bf is 36...and not interested in sex! We have gone 3 weeks without, and he simply is not interested. He said he thinks it's 'nice' but not essential in a relationship! He makes no advances...never initiates, and it's really kind of just 'over' in a few minutes. Is it me? i thought men wanted sex all the time? is this a sigh he isnt attracted to me? He is 36, so I hardly think he is past his desire to have sex.....any other guys out there feel that way??? Link to comment
jettison Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 It's really normal for one or both partners, over the course of a long relationship, to simply lose interest in having sex with their partners. There is something about supreme familiarity and a total lack of surprise or mystery that somehow kills the sex drive for some. They can't do it. And then there are some people who are just never going to be that into sex, and maybe that's your guy. It's more rare for a man, but it exists. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 this is one proof that guys are not always horny! Link to comment
DN Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 This seems to be a recurrent problem - there are many threads on here about it. And rarely does the sex life improve. So tell him that a good sex life is important and normal and if he has no interest in sex you are going to end the relationship - tell him that if there is some sort of physical or psychological reason and he will see someone about it to solve it then you will be patient - but you won't live without a fulfilling sex life indefinitely. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 i agree with DN. in addition, about 1-2% of people are asexual, meaning that they have little to no interest in sex. if your bf falls into this category, i'm not sure you can 'help' him, if he is completely satisfied without sex. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 It's really normal for one or both partners, over the course of a long relationship, to simply lose interest in having sex with their partners. There is something about supreme familiarity and a total lack of surprise or mystery that somehow kills the sex drive for some. They can't do it. And then there are some people who are just never going to be that into sex, and maybe that's your guy. It's more rare for a man, but it exists.[/QUOTE] I second this, as I am with a man that doesn't want sex. He doesn't even seem to need sex. There are some mitigating factors as well that I won't go into right now, but we haven't had sex in a very long time. He has no interest in sex, masterbation, watching porn....NOTHING... almost like he doesn't feel the need for any kind of release. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 How long have you been together? Did you used to have a lo of sex and something changed? What happened before 3 weeks? have you change / has he changed physically? Link to comment
jettison Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I have talked to an awful lot of women who have had serious boyfriends like this. It's unbelievably common actually. Link to comment
Kantriakhor Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Forcing him into an ultimatum will only make the sex less pleasing for both parties, him because now it's being forced, and you because you know he's doing this because of being forced to. Communicate with him, if this is something that has always been the case then, well, you knew what you were getting yourself into and can either accept it, work with him to change it, or leave him for someone who can satisfy your sexual "needs" (I use the term needs loosely as no one really needs sex, we can all live fine without it, people just get urges casued by hormones, etc). If this is a new development then go voer waht has changed: Stress Drugs (including alcohol) Boredom in the bedroom Cheating on you Past trauma catching up with him (or fears/guilt) ED/Impotency Normal lull in sex-drive etc etc etc Link to comment
redhearts Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Not sexually compatible. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 TT, Is he 'all there' in the rest of the relationship? That is, do you feel you both are still intimate? How long have you been together? Is this a long term relationship or have you recently passed a 'milestone' like the two-year mark? Link to comment
thistime Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 TT, Is he 'all there' in the rest of the relationship? That is, do you feel you both are still intimate? we have, and always have had a pretty intense connection, and sex was always like "dessert"...but now, seems like he has lost interest How long have you been together? we dated before for almost 2 years, and this time, just past 18 months... Is this a long term relationship or have you recently passed a 'milestone' like the two-year mark? i asked him if he was bored, or if he isnt attracted to me anymore and he says "no' to both. We tend to be pretty tired at end of the night, and I think he just doesnt really get horny anymore Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 How long have you guys been together? Gosh I just posted a thread about this some days (2) ago since it had been a bit more then a week and my SO was being strange about sex or going past making out. Things SEEM to be getting back to normal though. I know from what my bf had told me months and months ago that it's normal for a guy to not care as much about sex as the years go by. That doesn't mean he won't need it. Maybe you guys can spice things up. Or maybe try watching porn? Lol. We stumbled onto a porn site, and didn't even watch anything. But it seemed to remind him about sex. Which was much better then me reminding him. Or if you can maybe begin by cuddeling with him and rubbing up against him. Surely it will stir up some feelings in him. There's different ways you can spark his interest, like wearing lacy/sexy underwear to bed, maybe sexy pj's. I read somewhere once that the secret to keeping the sex alive is to keep having sex! Even on days you really aren't all in the mood. Sounds crazy but it works. The more time goes by without sex, the more a couple may tend to forget about it and the less frequent it becomes. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well I know how you feel. My boyfriend is the same way. He says that he likes sex, but it is not essential in a relationship. I'm his first for everything, and it's just not that big deal to him. He could go weeks without. But of course, he doesn't refuse it when I'm around unless he's sick or something. If I look sexy for him, expec if I give him a lap dance, he's always all over me and our sex is always amazing and in depth. He doesn't like quickies. He goes to school 5 hrs away from me so we usualy see eachother every 2 weeks. But of course we have long breaks, and summer is coming up where we have 4 months to see eachother as much as we want. Becuse when he comes back home every month and on the long breaks, he's only 10 min away from my house. Even though it's not a big deal to him, usualy in a week it's ATLEAST 3 times. Up to 5. And on a weekend when he comes down, it's every one of those days most of the time. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Is he taking any medications that would short his sex drive? Some people just have naturally higher or lower drives. For ex; my boyfriend has a low sex drive and a low metabolism. Where I have a high sex drive and a high metobolism. But he still craves me and can't refuse me and when we have sex it's amazing. So even if your boyfriend doesn't crave sex all the time, it doesn't mean you arn't sexually compatibale. Maybe by some sexy lingire and strut your stuff for him? Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 No, it definitely isn't you. Some people have different sex drives, he's just not as compatible with you in this aspect. I personally feel that sex is extremely important in a relationship. Although he doesn't crave sex as often as you do, he should at least put some effort into getting you off one way or another. I'm not sure how long you guys have been together, but I strongly suggest that you bring it up to him again. It's not fair on your part that you are being deprived, a relationship takes compromise and you guys have to have a common ground somewhere along the line. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 It seems to me that the best thing you could do is 'work on it'. That is, do the standard sex cure: schedule sex and force it to be playful so it lasts longer. If time is an issue, you need to make time and he needs to understand that it is important to you even if it isn't important to him. From what I gather, he still functions, so even if it is a chore he needs to understand sex is something you need and he is the only one to give it. I don't think there is ever an easy answer for the lack-of-desire issue. You both will need to 'fake it' at times. Link to comment
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