Person1 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 My boyfriend is very loyal and has proven to me on multiple occasions that he'd never do anything to hurt me. A few weeks ago a girl had to stay at his house (he lives with four other guys in a big house; we're all in college) because she was having trouble in school and home. She rarely actually stays there, but she put some of her stuff in his closet cause there was no other place to put it, and also put a poster up in his room cause she thought the walls were bare. Am I crazy for thinking that to be inappropriate? I don't think it was her place to comment on his room. Am I just being silly? I don't think she meant anything by it cause she has a boyfriend, but I never comment on my bf's room and was struck by the fact that some other girl had... Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I think it was inapropriate yes. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Yes, that was inappropriate whether it is a male or female's room. It is fine to make a decorating suggestion, a whole other matter to actually re-decorate without permission. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Male or female, someone just going in putting their stuff somewhere and decorating someone else's room is out of line to begin with. Link to comment
Guest Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 That wouldn't be the first thing I did if I was given a roof over my head for a while, just to recoup. comment on someone's 'bare wall'. So it's out of place for her to mention that. But I don't know maybe she's just that girl that just needs to decorate, some ediquette would be nice though I agree. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Totally totally not cool. Link to comment
Person1 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 lol thanks for your opinions, but I should clarify. He was in the room when she said she thought the walls were bare, and that was jokingly. They are friends. I just thought it was inappropriate cause of the male/female thing? Maybe? And the fact that she knows I exist? Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Male and females can be friends. She has a boyfriend, and yours is committed to you. It's probably just their dynamic or who she is! Some people have no respect, or just clueless and walk around and make themselves known! Some people are just really comfortable, or don't know the boundaries of someone's personal space. If your boyfriend is bothered by it, then he should let her know. To me, I think its harmless. But if she was getting a little too cozy with other things, I'd speak up to my partner. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 They are friends. I just thought it was inappropriate cause of the male/female thing? Maybe? And the fact that she knows I exist? I think it was inappropriate, but not for those reasons. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 lol thanks for your opinions, but I should clarify. He was in the room when she said she thought the walls were bare, and that was jokingly. They are friends. I just thought it was inappropriate cause of the male/female thing? Maybe? And the fact that she knows I exist? If they are friends then I don't think it was inappropriate from a male/female standpoint...it was only a poster..she didn't start putting up photos of herself. It was just inappropriate from a manners standpoint. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 If they are friends then I don't think it was inappropriate from a male/female standpoint...it was only a poster..she didn't start putting up photos of herself. It was just inappropriate from a manners standpoint. Exactly. I don't think its the fact that she's a female and he's a male. She's just being very intrusive. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 ok it wasn't exactly polite of her to talk about the bare wall... but it's hardly anything to cause a fuss over. if he has no issues, then you shouldn't. there is no issue unless the girl is like overbearing. i don't think she is, based on this single SMALL incident. lol it's a poster. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 It looks as though you're feeling a bit put out because you respect your boyfriend's space as HIS, and she doesn't. Almost as if she's staking a claim on his territory. I'd guess that he was probably too 'nice' to tell her to get lost, and I'd see it in this light rather than anything else. You say she's having problems at home and school. If she's always this intrusive and disrespectful of others' boundaries, I'm not surprised! Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 what was the poster of? Link to comment
Person1 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 Just a popular band Link to comment
Person1 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 Thats exactly why I was put off, nutbrownhare. I don't like being a nag and taking man-points away from him by being girly and intrusive with his stuff. And then all of a sudden this girl came in and put something up, and he didn't mind at all. I think he was amused actually. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Thats exactly why I was put off, nutbrownhare. I don't like being a nag and taking man-points away from him by being girly and intrusive with his stuff. And then all of a sudden this girl came in and put something up, and he didn't mind at all. I think he was amused actually. But thats how you felt. YOU didn't want to intrude, so you didn't. Clearly he would have no problem if you did, but that was a choice you made because you thought it should be a certain way. Did you ask him how he would feel if you brought some of your stuff over, kept some stuff there, etc? Or was it just something you felt was the right thing to do? Can't really blame him if you were just assuming he wouldn't like your things there. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Actually, if you were to put your stuff in his room and keep it there, it would be significant. If she does, it isn't, because she doesn't mean anything to him. This does not necessarily mean he wouldn't want you to contribute to his decor. You could discuss this with him - sometimes I think we can be TOO respectful of our SO's space. I recall, years ago, I'd been seeing this guy for about 18 months before I asked if it would be OK if I left my toiletries in his bathroom. His reply 'Well, it's taken you long enough to get round to it, hasn't it?' You could try giving him posters as presents, rather than intrusively plonking them on his wall. It could just be that he doesn't really think about his environment! I'd guess that if you had some 'permanent presense' in his space, the poster she's put there wouldn't get to you so much. I think it would grate on me, too! Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 maybe its just me but I could care less about the poster thing... That wouldnt bother me one bit. What would bother me is him having a girl in his bedroom... which is something I think is innapropriate when you are in a relationship. Link to comment
Person1 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. Link to comment
indigochick Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I totally agree, the fact that she was in ur room 4 more than just 2 grab a top 4rm the closet would make me uncomfortable. But I wouldn't give it 2 much energy, it seems insignificant @ this point Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I think your bf should be the one to be getting mad. It's his room and he's the one who's letting her stay. Could it be you don't like her staying there to begin with and are looking for reasons to say she's being inappropriate? Link to comment
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