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inappropriate?


Person1

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My boyfriend is very loyal and has proven to me on multiple occasions that he'd never do anything to hurt me. A few weeks ago a girl had to stay at his house (he lives with four other guys in a big house; we're all in college) because she was having trouble in school and home. She rarely actually stays there, but she put some of her stuff in his closet cause there was no other place to put it, and also put a poster up in his room cause she thought the walls were bare. Am I crazy for thinking that to be inappropriate? I don't think it was her place to comment on his room. Am I just being silly? I don't think she meant anything by it cause she has a boyfriend, but I never comment on my bf's room and was struck by the fact that some other girl had...

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That wouldn't be the first thing I did if I was given a roof over my head for a while, just to recoup. comment on someone's 'bare wall'. So it's out of place for her to mention that. But I don't know maybe she's just that girl that just needs to decorate, some ediquette would be nice though I agree.

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lol thanks for your opinions, but I should clarify. He was in the room when she said she thought the walls were bare, and that was jokingly. They are friends. I just thought it was inappropriate cause of the male/female thing? Maybe? And the fact that she knows I exist?

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Male and females can be friends. She has a boyfriend, and yours is committed to you. It's probably just their dynamic or who she is! Some people have no respect, or just clueless and walk around and make themselves known! Some people are just really comfortable, or don't know the boundaries of someone's personal space. If your boyfriend is bothered by it, then he should let her know.

 

To me, I think its harmless. But if she was getting a little too cozy with other things, I'd speak up to my partner.

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lol thanks for your opinions, but I should clarify. He was in the room when she said she thought the walls were bare, and that was jokingly. They are friends. I just thought it was inappropriate cause of the male/female thing? Maybe? And the fact that she knows I exist?

 

If they are friends then I don't think it was inappropriate from a male/female standpoint...it was only a poster..she didn't start putting up photos of herself. It was just inappropriate from a manners standpoint.

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If they are friends then I don't think it was inappropriate from a male/female standpoint...it was only a poster..she didn't start putting up photos of herself. It was just inappropriate from a manners standpoint.

 

Exactly. I don't think its the fact that she's a female and he's a male. She's just being very intrusive.

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It looks as though you're feeling a bit put out because you respect your boyfriend's space as HIS, and she doesn't. Almost as if she's staking a claim on his territory. I'd guess that he was probably too 'nice' to tell her to get lost, and I'd see it in this light rather than anything else.

 

You say she's having problems at home and school. If she's always this intrusive and disrespectful of others' boundaries, I'm not surprised!

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Thats exactly why I was put off, nutbrownhare. I don't like being a nag and taking man-points away from him by being girly and intrusive with his stuff. And then all of a sudden this girl came in and put something up, and he didn't mind at all. I think he was amused actually.

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Thats exactly why I was put off, nutbrownhare. I don't like being a nag and taking man-points away from him by being girly and intrusive with his stuff. And then all of a sudden this girl came in and put something up, and he didn't mind at all. I think he was amused actually.

 

But thats how you felt. YOU didn't want to intrude, so you didn't. Clearly he would have no problem if you did, but that was a choice you made because you thought it should be a certain way.

Did you ask him how he would feel if you brought some of your stuff over, kept some stuff there, etc? Or was it just something you felt was the right thing to do? Can't really blame him if you were just assuming he wouldn't like your things there.

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Actually, if you were to put your stuff in his room and keep it there, it would be significant. If she does, it isn't, because she doesn't mean anything to him. This does not necessarily mean he wouldn't want you to contribute to his decor.

 

You could discuss this with him - sometimes I think we can be TOO respectful of our SO's space. I recall, years ago, I'd been seeing this guy for about 18 months before I asked if it would be OK if I left my toiletries in his bathroom. His reply 'Well, it's taken you long enough to get round to it, hasn't it?'

 

You could try giving him posters as presents, rather than intrusively plonking them on his wall. It could just be that he doesn't really think about his environment! I'd guess that if you had some 'permanent presense' in his space, the poster she's put there wouldn't get to you so much. I think it would grate on me, too!

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