Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Well yes I do think it is the issue because of her life circumstances. It is not selfish of her to want "a ring" - but it sounds like she wants a particular type of ring. Life circumstances?? Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Selfish to want a new ring, no. Selfish to expect a certain type of ring, yes. My two cents. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 I didn't realize I was giving the impression she's "expecting" a type of ring?? All she's doing is going online and showing her fiance samples of the kinds of rings she likes - at HIS request. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Well I think its been established she is not selfish for wanting a new one The impression you did seem to give was that she was looking at rings that costed upto 5k. You did mention they did not have a ton of money originally, hence why the option of using the original ring was brought up. But if he's fine, and she's happy, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. It's about her, and him. If they can afford it, and tis something they want to do..what does it matter what people say? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Life circumstances?? She has a child. Children are expensive. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 He's budgeted about $5K for the ring, according to what he's told her. She wasn't looking at $5K rings to buy - just LOOKING - for design ideas, etc. Yes children are expensive, that goes without saying. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 He's budgeted about $5K for the ring, according to what he's told her. She wasn't looking at $5K rings to buy - just LOOKING - for design ideas, etc. Yes children are expensive, that goes without saying. Unfortunately this thread seems like a moving target. I thought you wrote that she wanted a specific size stone (i.e. larger than what she originally had) - that is different from wanting "a ring". Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Unfortunately this thread seems like a moving target. I thought you wrote that she wanted a specific size stone (i.e. larger than what she originally had) - that is different from wanting "a ring". I never once said she wanted a specific size stone. I said she wants something DIFFERENT. Link to comment
jamiec3 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Yes, one can dream of jumping off a building and flying as well, but I wouldn't recommend trying to implement it in real life. If she wants a new ring for symbolic purposes, then get a new ring for symbolic purposes, and no reasonable person could criticise her. If she wants a new ring because she wants a "big rock", then she should ask herself what that symbolises. Her transformation into a goldigger is one possible answer. wow... all I can say is they should get the ring that they want, who cares what any of these people on this forum think or speak. Its up to them and only them. If he wants to spend a 1K or 30K than thats his decision. Obviously it will have to be reasonible due to on how much they make. But honestly no one here has a right to tell you what you should or shouldnt purchase. as for the comment "If she wants a new ring because she wants a "big rock", then she should ask herself what that symbolises. Her transformation into a goldigger is one possible answer" is quite a rude comment. We have all dreamed about a fairy tale life and a huge house, car, lots of money etc. Dream big those who dont dream dont have much to look forward to. The people who made millions probably got told they couldnt do it and despite no one believing in them they are now rich people. No money isnt everything but it never hurts to dream. Dream big live life to the fullest and dont let people tell you other wise to h*ll with them its your life and you only have one to live. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Of course one should dream big! But from the original post, it was lead to believe that they didn't have alot of money to begin with. I don't know about you, but if money was tight, I'd be quite content with any ring that he chose. I think that was the original feel of this thread. But its been clarified and if he's willing to spend that amount, its all that matters, and its between the two of them. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 I kind of agree with that.. I think that golddigger statement is a bit harsh.. But that's the reason she didn't want to set up an account and post for herself - there have been other threads where women who wanted big rings were really talked down to and she doesn't want anyone to think that she is like that. I think it's kind of sad actually.. that women are always told to WANT one thing and yet BE another. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Well they don't have a ton of disposable income is what I meant to say. They're not hurting for money but then again, in this day and age, who DOES have a ton of spare money laying around? The bottom line is, whether you have kids or not, you'll always have bills and/or better things to spend your money on than a ring. That's not the point, obviously, because most engaged women EXPECT a ring. All I know is, he told her that he is budgeting to spend $5-6K tops, he didn't think that amount is unreasonable, but she doesn't want to spend that much on a ring. However, she does want a nice one. Whatever her definition of nice is.. not sure of that yet. We are both looking. I am also helping her to research synthetic diamonds but that doesn't look too promising. Link to comment
melrich Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The mark up on diamonds sold set in a ring is huge. The best way to buy and engagement ring is to buy the diamonds from a wholesaler and then have them set in the design you want by a jeweler. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Where can you find wholesalers?? Link to comment
Radίaηce Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Sometimes a new ring can represent the new person someone has begun. Maybe if they pawn that old ring and purchase a new ring by adding some to it can really save money and make a differnce, just as he took the "old him" made improvements and became the "new" him. Maybe she see's that ring as a symbol of him, and the only way she can avoid thinking of the past-tense, she feels the need to have a "new" ring. If her family and friends think she is being selfish, i just don't think they understand her. She is being misunderstood. Link to comment
melrich Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Where can you find wholesalers?? Look in your local business directory. If you don't live in a big city you may have to go to one. Some operate online but if you are going the buy through a wholesalers I suggest you go see a few and get a "feel' for them. There are diamonds and there are diamonds. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Thanks Melrich .. will definitely look into that. I didn't realize buying a diamond is so .. involved.... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Given the fact that she has kept the old ring this long she is still going to remember what the old ring represented. If she truly wanted to rid herself of the old memories of the old ring then she would have gotten rid of it a long time ago. The truth is that no matter what she says that ring still has some sentimental value to her. It seems to me that she has found a valid justification for getting a ring that is new and more expensive. I dont think that she is being selfish by wanting this new ring but I dont think that she can admit that she just wants the new and expensive ring. Link to comment
thistime Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 IMHO...it's not what the ring is worth, but what it symbolizes. Maybe they can take the original ring to a jeweler, and heve it set into a new mount, maybe with some additional diamonds to change the look a little. Heres a thought, too...even tho the ring was given to her under not so great circumstances, she could look at it and think of all the progress they have made! use it as the center diamond of a three stone setting representing their past, present and future. Puts a whole new spin on it. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Given the fact that she has kept the old ring this long she is still going to remember what the old ring represented. If she truly wanted to rid herself of the old memories of the old ring then she would have gotten rid of it a long time ago. The truth is that no matter what she says that ring still has some sentimental value to her. It seems to me that she has found a valid justification for getting a ring that is new and more expensive. I dont think that she is being selfish by wanting this new ring but I dont think that she can admit that she just wants the new and expensive ring. I disagree Day Walker.. She showed me the ring when they got engaged years ago.. she was actually bawling her eyes out like someone who'd just been tried and found guilty. It really wasn't a happy thing for her to go through at all. I also went with her later to try to sell it but the offers for it were just.. terrible. Eventually she just stopped thinking about it and it's just kind of .. sitting there. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 IMHO...it's not what the ring is worth, but what it symbolizes. Maybe they can take the original ring to a jeweler, and heve it set into a new mount, maybe with some additional diamonds to change the look a little. Heres a thought, too...even tho the ring was given to her under not so great circumstances, she could look at it and think of all the progress they have made! use it as the center diamond of a three stone setting representing their past, present and future. Puts a whole new spin on it. I really like that idea, of having a whole new setting.. she just wants to throw that old ring in the garbage, lol. That's the spirit Link to comment
Casey13 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The answer is very simple. Old ring exists and she associates it with bad memories. Diamonds dont lose that much value so why not pond off the old ring and use the money (perhaps throw in a touch more) and buy a new one. This solves everything, it allows her to have the new ring that she wants, it eliminates the 'bad memory' ring from her life and cuts they guy a break financially for the new one. Link to comment
DN Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Why doesn't she buy him a ring at about the same price as the she would like from him. Then she can be as generous to him as he wants to be to her. No one need be accused of being selfish and both can use the ring to express their love for the other. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Why is she asking in the first place? Shouldn't he be the one picking out the ring, and determining if its in the budget? There's nothing all that special about telling your partner you want a $2k engagement ring, especially if you can't afford it. To me, someone who wants the symbol on their finger, doesn't really care all that much about the price tag. That's my opinion. Took the words right out of my mouth. This new union is about how much they have changed and if this can work. A 'rock' should be the least of their worries at this time. Maybe i oversimplify but i am not a fan of spending a lot of money on a ring and depending on their income it might be a huge stretch. I don't know what the guy makes so i can't say for certain. I am going on the hunch that he probably isn't rich. you can trash the old ring but they are both the same people - hopefully changed people - but the trashing that ring won't make this new union more positive or strong. Sure i get the symbolism everyone is talking about but this is a ring, not a voodoo doll. Trashing it won't make their problems go away if they are not changing their inputs. A $150 sterling silver band with a beautiful inscription can be a new ring but i think it is the size of the rock that has her panties in a bunch. This isn't just about a new ring. Link to comment
Circe Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Kalika, I know where you are coming from. My H set a 2k budget for mine - we went to a jeweller who was a family friend and he sold us a ring with a 6k pricetag and certificate of valuation for 2k (just goes to show what the mark up on jewellery can be, huh?). A couple of my good friends have recently gotten engaged - one has a 50k ring from Tiffany and the other a 40k ring (from I don't know where). I'd have to lie if I said I didn't feel a bit envious (not in a nasty or mean way!) of the sparkle factor. We're all on the same income but H has just never even considered that so much money would be spent on a ring. He's asked me more than a couple of times now with concern (after we've been showed my friends' rings) "but you're happy with yours, right?" .. and of course I insist I am as I'd never hurt him for the world. I know deep down inside that it's very materialistic to want bling and it really is about the status factor - and I'm generally nothing like that (I stay clear of brand names and too much extravagance etc) .. so it really grates on me that this gets to me a bit (deep down inside).. I think what really gets to me is that somewhere along the way.. lots of women and men get taught that money means a lot more than it does.. I really hate that I bought into a part of that. But Kalika - I do understand where you and your friend are coming from and if he's good with 5k, she should go with that. Link to comment
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