JadedStar Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I might get a little more involved than that, but I definitely see your point. I was under the impression that her friend wanted Kalika to post, because she herself dreaded dealing with potential negativity. Maybe I just read that into it. I think I've now derailed this...sorry Kalika! We could have an interesting philosophical discussion about posting to ENA for/on behalf of our friends, lol, but I think I'll let it go back to diamond rings. LOL hate to stay in this area of the topic, but i am not sure i'd appreciate my friend wanting ME to take the negativity by posting the thread. LOL So either/or i'd tell my friend i'm not getting in the middle of her ring dilemma. The place is anonymous so i am not sure why she feels she would take any 'heat' one way or another. Link to comment
keenan Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 LOL hate to stay in this area of the topic, but i am not sure i'd appreciate my friend wanting ME to take the negativity by posting the thread. LOL So either/or i'd tell my friend i'm not getting in the middle of her ring dilemma. The place is anonymous so i am not sure why she feels she would take any 'heat' one way or another. LOL, true. Although...I would totally volunteer you to take the heat for me. You're much tougher! Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Where to even begin .... First of all .. I'm posting this as a favor, just to get other objective responses, because when my friend asked me I flat out told her that I think she should do whatever is best for HER relationship. I couldn't personally care less what she buys or doesn't buy, or how much $ it is, and she knows this. I am not "influencing" her to get a bigger ring because I myself DONT WANT A BIG RING. I want something NICE. Not BIG. There is a difference. I'm a very practical person and a doorknob wouldn't work for me. But Keenan touched on something which I think is very true - women are encouraged to be gorgeous, have a big rock, a beautiful wedding, look stunning in a nice wedding dress, etc. - and yet simultaneously we should not be gold diggers, we get gossiped about if we spend more than is "acceptable" on a wedding, or a dress, we should be frugal and happy with no ring, etc. I feel like either way, we can't win. It's awfully frustrating to me. Which is why I'm not ashamed of my preference for MY OWN (hypothetical) ring. Whew. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 This is where maturity comes in. Well adjusted and mature people RARELY worry about societal expectations. I planned my wedding to be exactly what me and my SO wanted....this wasn't for anyone else. I wanted something understated that would be very memorable for he and I, and that is what we set out to do. If someone is getting a big ring to show off or to feel better about their engagement it almost always backfires. For me, if my friend asked me to post a thread i'd have to tell her that I wouldn't do it because 1) like i already said i wouldn't want to be that involved and 2) she should be doing what her 'gut' instincts tell her to do, not a bunch of strangers on a forum, or even close friends of hers. I am not slamming you for doing it, just telling you what i would have done in same situation, which is all i really can do. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 But I'm not sure what the point of you telling me what you would have done is...? I'm helping a friend. You're making it seem like it's intrusive. She ASKED me to post here because she knows about the forum and wanted other opinions. I am still failing to see what I did "wrong" or why this is even an issue. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 But I'm not sure what the point of you telling me what you would have done is...? I'm helping a friend. You're making it seem like it's intrusive. She ASKED me to post here because she knows about the forum and wanted other opinions. I am still failing to see what I did "wrong" or why this is even an issue. Becuase you are asking for OPINIONS. I am giving mine. I even said i wasn't slamming you, i am just saying that you might unknowningly be adding pressure. WHen you ask for advice on threads you normally get a bunch of varied opinions. Use what you want, reject the rest. If you find anything meaningful in telling her that maybe she should go with her gut vs what strangers think, then use that tip. If not, don't. That is my advice....tell her to go with what she really WANTS to do instincutally. Link to comment
keenan Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Cool...so what did you decide to tell her, Kalika? Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Well I had already told her that I don't think she's being selfish for wanting a totally different ring.. She had already tried to sell the first one and was only being offered like, 50 bucks for it.. some really small amount like that.. but she wanted ENA opinions becaus she thought I was just being nice or osmething... but anyways I think she has picked out a ring that she really likes and it's about $1500, well within budget, so I think they'll probably end up going with that one. It was actually one I had found online and sent her a link to. Her fiance actually just IM'd me and told me that he was looking at the ring with her and they both think that's the one for them.. now they just have to order it .. and then he is probably going to pop the question some time this summer! Link to comment
keenan Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Awww, that's awesome! Congrats to your friend! Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Becuase you are asking for OPINIONS. I am giving mine. I even said i wasn't slamming you, i am just saying that you might unknowningly be adding pressure. WHen you ask for advice on threads you normally get a bunch of varied opinions. Use what you want, reject the rest. If you find anything meaningful in telling her that maybe she should go with her gut vs what strangers think, then use that tip. If not, don't. That is my advice....tell her to go with what she really WANTS to do instincutally. I hear what you're saying Jaded but you're not giving her enough credit. She's not a pushover by any means. She and I have vastly different views on life in general. That's why we're such good friends and she could safely ask me and know that I would give her my honest opinion. Link to comment
Kalika Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Awww, that's awesome! Congrats to your friend! I will pass that along!! Thanks Keenan Link to comment
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