missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Ok I definitely need help with this complicated situation that totally got out of control. I have worked at this place for almost 7 months now. I am in my early twenties and the assistant manager is 4 years older than me. We have both had huge crushes on each other since I started there and there has been a lot of sexual tension. All the other employees know about it, its pretty obvious. He has a girlfriend so nothing ever happened along with the fact hes my boss. Well about 4 months ago this really pretty girl started to work there and at first no one liked her...she seemed really stuck up. well she tried to become friends with me so over the last couple months we have become really close, almost best friends. well i confided in her that i liked the manager. she also has a serious boyfriend that she has talked about getting engaged to and buying a house soon. over the last few months the manager has been flirting ALOT with both of us. last night he has a little get together and both us girls go along with a few other ppl from work and the manager's girlfriend. we all end up getting really drunk and his girlfriend gets really jealous of me and my friend even though we didnt do anything wrong. her and my manager get into a HUGE fight and she ends up leaving. at this point no one is sure if they broke up or not. after she leaves he pulls me into his bedroom and starts kissing me. i immediately stop and tell him that im not going to let him cheat on his girlfriend and im not that kind of girl. he says "oh stop it, shes crazy and we're not together anymore anyway." then he turns off the light, takes off all his clothes except for his boxers and gets into bed and pulls me down with him. i have been wondering what it would be like to be with him for a longgg time so i kind of went with it for awhile and we were making out and dry humping. i kept stopping and saying we shouldnt be doing this, i dont want to get either one of us in trouble, etc but he kept saying "ive wanted this for so long, you know i am crazy attracted to you, you know i want you, and you can have whatever you want when it comes to me, etc." suddenly i just got this feeling that him and his girlfriend didnt break up and i was helping him cheat which i promised myself i would never do. i was also suddenly not attracted to him AT ALL, i was actually totally disgusted and didnt even want him touching me. i rolled over and told him i was going to bed and he said "ok but i want to hold you and cuddle with you all night" and he wraps himself around me. i just felt so bad i couldnt do it anymore and i got out of bed and went out to the living room where my friend and another person were laying down for the night. they immediately bombarded me with questions like what happened and my friend was just so jealous i could tell she was really mad at me even though she has never told me she likes him and most importantly she has a serious boyfriend. 10 mins later she gets up and goes into his room and a short while later i can hear them having sex. i was so mad i was shaking and felt like i was going to be sick. i couldnt believe that she was doing that after i was just in there, she has a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and we are like best friends and she knows i liked him. it was wrong on so many levels. the other person that was in the living room with me was appalled as well and he said that she tried to hook up with him too while i was in the bedroom but he wouldnt do anything with her. this is such a horrible situation....i am SO mad at him and her i cant even explain it. i seriously dont know how to handle this situation at all. i really dont want to talk to either of them but i work with them and hes my boss! i dont want to lose my job because i ignore him or let him know how angry and disgusted i am with him but i also cant carry on like nothing happened and what he did is ok. also im afraid of whats going to happen once this gets out around the job and people find out about it. do i have a right to be mad at him and her?? i mean is this a dealbreaker between me and my friend? should i say something to her? i could really use some advice on what to do and how to treat both of them once i see them again which is very soon! Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well he seems like a scumb*g for cheating on his GF, your friend doesn't seem much better. If I was in your situation, I would act like nothing happened. Obviously he isnt a good catch for doing this, first trying with you then doing your friend. Forget about him....let them do their thing! It will blow up in their face eventually. Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 ...With friends like that, _____________________ ? Link to comment
alli Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I would look for a new job. I think you showed a lot of restraint & good character for not going along with what he tried to do with you. For future reference, try not to flirt with someone who has a girlfriend as it will only lead to you both having stronger feelings for each other & getting into a situation like this. You've only been there 7 months. Seriously, you should look for a different place to work. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I don't blame his girlfriend for walking out. In the future, I would not be staying overnight at your boss's house, especially when you have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend, as that doesn't send a good message. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I don't know what is worse. Him flirting with/coming on to/and sleeping with his employees. Him cheating on his gf. Your best friend cheating on her bf. Or both of you flirting with a taken man while his gf was in the room. (I'd be severely PO'ed in her shoes- I hope she dumped him !) First, I really hope he DID break up with his gf, since she does not deserve this ! Your boss is really dumb to be messing with disaster here. Not only could all 3 of you get fired, he could get charged with sexual harassment or worse. Your friend is really walking a dangerous line. I'm glad you walked away when things got really bad. But you should know now that messing around with or flirting with your boss (whether taken or not) is a recipe for disaster. I don't see though that you have a reason to be mad at your friend- Yes she did something wrong. But you knew as well as she did that he had a serious gf and you still allowed him to cheat with you, even if it didn't go very far. Best thing you can do- Quit. Things will only get worse here. And you both let his gf see you flirt with him, which could be enough to get you all in severe trouble if she's upset enough. Get a new job- and stop contact with them both immediately. Link to comment
blue69 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Lesson learned. Not a good boss. Not a good friend. You have morals that guide you differently. You could say something to her, but why? What would be gained from it. Keep your performance at work strictly professional. But is there any reason you can't find another job at the same level as this one? Keep on moving and don't look back. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You shouldn't be mad at either of them. They can make their own decisions, good or bad. They chose to cheat, that's their problem. If I were you, I'd try to find a new job. There's gonna be a lot of tension at the workplace now that all this has happened. Don't mention anything to either of them. It's out of place for you to blame him for cheating, or her for hooking up with him. Link to comment
missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 ok first of all we WERE NOT flirting with him around his girlfriend. I like his girlfriend and we are friendly to each other and when she is around i barely talk to him because i do not want to make her mad. she was just mad because we were there in the first place and thats what started the fight. secondly, yes my friend is a big girl and makes her own decisions. i was around her a couple weeks ago when she kissed another guy at the bar and i turned the other cheek and pretended like nothing happened because its none of my business. the reason i feel i should be mad at her is that she is my friend and she knows that i had a huge crush on this guy and she blatantly goes and sleeps with him. i would never sleep with a guy that i know my friend has had feelings for for a long time. dont i have a right to be mad at her for being a crappy friend? he JUST text messaged me a few mins ago and said "hey thanks. you were right. you really are a great girl." meaning thank you for not sleeping with me and putting a stop to things, and i was right that it shouldnt happen and he shouldnt cheat. and im a great girl for not being a * * * * * and not enabling him to cheat on his girlfriend. the only thing is i dont know if he is being sincere or if this is something hes doing to get us on good terms again so i wont tell anyone about what happened. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 So are you mad that he cheated with your friend instead of you? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I highly doubt he was commending you for your good behavior. I think the point of his text was an attempt to get on your good side. He knows that he looked like a fool after you turned him down. He's afraid that you might complain (that your boss made sexual advances towards you), or you may cause drama with his gf or your friend. He's just trying to get back on your good side. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I think he is just trying to be friendly with you so you dont damage anything, like his job, his GF or this new "friend" OR he is trying to get you into bed.....Who knows? You should let this guy go, he is bad news. Just do your job & dont talk to him on a personal level. Link to comment
abouttime Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What about your boyfriend? He must be a real jerk for you done that with your boss. What, does he cheat on you? Or is he just mean and detached? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You have a boyfriend? I thought it was your friend who had a serious boyfriend & your boss had a girlfriend but you were single? Either way - this whole situation is ugly. No one has any respect for anyone. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Well...I don't have much new to offer about the mess you're currently in. However, I do hope you take away one very important lesson from this and remember it going forward: Keep a very high, thick wall between your work life and your personal life. Link to comment
missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 no i do not wish he would've cheated with me instead of her. i definitely could have and i had the chance before she did. i guess in a way he did cheat with me because we did make out and dry hump for a bit before i put the brakes on. i have no regrets, i know i did the right thing by walking out. i dont know how many people would in my situation, but i was raised with morals and i have been cheated on before and i know how bad it sucks. i am a nice girl and i dont want to hurt anyone Link to comment
savignon Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 His gf was probably mad b/c she knows his MO, and thereforee it didn't matter if you were flirting with him or not. You start by posting that you're wondering if you should be mad and what to do and then when someone suggests that you're friend is just out to get some and you shouldn't care, you reiterate why you're angy....I point this out b/c it seems to me you already know how you feel. You're angry with your friend, insulted by your boss's behavior and now you're onto the fact that he's trying to mend things for the sake of work time being easier on everyone. As I see it, you have a couple of options: 1. Ignore your boss's text, go to work and remain professional and just pretend it never happened (knowing now that he crosses lines, cheats, manipulates, etc.....and the same for your friend) 2. Confront your friend with the purpose of smoothing things over (for the sake of your job) but with no intention of hanging out with her or your boss again 3. Confront your friend with the purpose of smoothing things over and stay friends, knowing that she is not of quality moral character which may put you in the position, again, of knowing something about her that you'll have to turn your cheek to 4. Find a new job and forget about both of them Only you know what will work best for your personal and professional goals. If you've only worked there 7 months and rumors are flying about you and your friend (which they must be), it might not be best for your professional goals to stay there. It sounds like you don't like being in a position of having to ignore behaviors like cheating/inappropriate flirting so you may decide that your personal goals are to surround yourself with more like-minded people. You've done the right thing so far, so now you just have to take the next step! Link to comment
missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 no i DO NOT have a boyfriend. i am single and have been for months Link to comment
missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 i think what i am going to do is just go to work and be decent to both of them...i will not talk to them first but if they talk to me i will answer them. i am just going to ignore both of them but be polite. if they really try to be friends with me again and smooth things over then i will think about being friendly to them and maybe being good friends again with the girl. if they could care less that i am mad at them then i see that they never really cared about me anyways and its no use trying to patch things up. Link to comment
Lights Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Definitely sounds like a rough situation. I think you did the right thing by walking away. It wasn't nice that your friend got up and went in there after you to finish what you wouldn't do - but it's better people show their true colors to you. Now you know what kind of "friend" she is. I'd walk away from the both of them. And maybe look for a new job if you think this will cause problems at work. If you think you can handle it, stay put and leave everything strictly professional from now on. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 What is there to patch up? He has a GF - you shouldnt have "liked" or expected anything from him in the first place. Your "friend" has a BF...they both cheated on their SO's together. He was off limits to both of you but neither one of you cared & went for it anyway. I dont want to sound mean but what exactly do they have to apologize to you for? And what are you mad about?? They should be apologizing to their SO's... I just wanted to add: if you dont like the way they behave, dont be friends with them. But you have to work with them so be civil, treat them like you treat any other co worker. No need for a cold shoulder... Link to comment
missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 actually i didnt know he had a girlfriend when we first started messing around...like i said they got into a huge fight and she left. he said that they were broken up, then later said they werent broken up. thats when i put a stop to things. and you cant help having feelings for someone....yes he had a girlfriend but i cant automatically make my feelings and attraction go away. i never seduced him or anything and ive stayed out of situations where it would just be him and i alone. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Yes I understand that, but why are you mad? Because your friend cheated on her BF with a guy you liked that has a GF?... If she is willing to cheat on her "serious" BF & not respect her own relationship then why would she respect you & your feelings? I think you know what kind of friend she is & you shouldnt put anything past her. Like I said before - if you dont like the way they act, then dont be friends with them. I dont think they did anything "wrong" to you because he wasn't/isn't your BF. In the future, keep work at work & your personal life at home. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'm confused as to what you meant when you said that, "I rolled over, and said I was going to bed." Since you were at his house, I would assume you meant that you were sleeping there. Why would you put yourself in a position like that? Link to comment
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