Should I dump her after this trick during sex?

[lady00]

guess she really loves you if want babies with you..

sure you should dump her, cause u dont love her too much

 

If she loves him she has a strange way of showing it. Deceiving someone and going against that person's express wishes, and using that person in a sexual way is totally 1000% inconsistent with love (the verb, not the noun).

 

When you love someone you let them have free choice. You don't force what you want upon them.

 

Wanting to have children with someone doesn't necessarily imply love, IMO. Not in this case.

 

Also, the OP may very well love his ex. Loving someone is not inconsistent with dumping them if they treat you like dirt. When you love someone it doesn't mean you should be with them if they are bad for you and treat you poorly. #1 rule of relationships (or at least in the top 10): love is not enough.

[VioletFig]

dump her just because she's too stupid to have your kids.

[shykid]

should check your stash of condoms and make sure she didn't poke holes in them

[waveseer]

This topic was very timely as it was time to have the condom discussion with my son. I told him to always supply his own condoms and never accept them from the woman. Thanks, you may have saved me from becoming a grandma too soon.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I read an interesting article that said that child support is the new welfare. Since welfare (in the U.S.) stopped offering decent long-term benefits and made women go into programs to obtain employment, there are many women who go around getting pregnant by various men (particularly men with good incomes) so that they can get child support and stay home with babies and not work. So they will get pregnant by several different men if necessary, until they draw enough per month to live without themselves working. I unfortunately know several professional men who this has happened to. One got conned by a woman who got $1300 a month from him, and had another child with another man where she got the same, so made enough to stay home and not work (since $2500/month before taxes is equivalent to a $40K/year job with the tax advantage). She wanted to be a stay at hom mother, even if it meant entrapping men to do it.

 

And many, many women are stupid enough to think a child will make a man 'settle down' with her or marry her (and sometimes it does work), so they use pregnancy as a trump card to try to seal the deal. There are also many women in rocky relationships (or exes) who try to get pregnant to yoke the man to her for the next 20 years.

 

So no, this kind of thing has nothing to do with 'loving' the OP as one poster claimed. It has everything to do with obsessive self interest, at the expense of a human being, and absolutely nothing to do with real love. As a woman, i find the thought incredibly distasteful, and really there is no excuse for it because it is trying to steal a man's money AND a huge chunk of his life if he is required to participate in the parenting and drama that such women demand of him. I have less than no respect for women who do this.

[gracerules2008]

I'm going to read this over and over again as it is just a friendly reminder of how grateful I am that this has never happened to me yet. I think that for a woman to trap a man by getting pregnant is much worse than cheating on him.

 

In a way this kind of makes me feel better about getting rejected by women in the future since that will mean 0% chance of getting stuck with a child support payment for a minimum of 20 years. It might as well be a 20 year jail sentence.

 

I'm almost ready to purposely make myself physically unattractive just to be sure it won't happen.

[abitbroken]

 

Yes, I'm a bit confused over the breakup being so amicable. I'm not sure I understand what you mean a bout the cart and horse.

 

you know the playground song...

 

__(insert boy's name) and ____ (and insert girl's name) sittin in a tree...

k-i-s-s-i-n-g

first comes love

then comes marriage

then comes a baby in a baby carriage.

 

She would want the baby carriage first...

[volpe]

I know what they say, and I know that there are women that use pregnancy to entrap men, but I think it is a really judgmental thing to say and is unfair to women. It is really unfair to women. Many times women get pregnant from men because the man doesn't use a condom or he doesn't use it correctly cause they were drinking or partying or what have you... and definitely there is the biological impulse to have babies. I don't think it's necessarily *planned* by many women, though I think it's definitely possible there is a subconscious desire to have a baby. Pretty much most of my sexual partners I've wanted subconsciously to have a baby though rationally in my head I knew I didn't. I never would have pulled a stunt like that and always used a condom, but part of me wanted to have a baby subconsciously... though the irony is that now i'm in a relationship with a guy that definitely wants a baby in the future and I'm not totally sure about that because of what it does to you physically...

 

Anyways, I just don't think it is fair to presume to know that women got pregnant to get money. Unless they actually SAY that, you really don't know. It can be many factors and it can also be the man's fault. I just don't think it's good to make unfair generalizations about women.

 

Women very often get blamed unfairly for stuff like that. Even rape. They get blamed for being raped too. It's messed up.

[cyberdog]

Well we didn't meet today. I just called her up and said that we already said everything that needed to be said yesterday and there was not need for us to meet or see each other anymore. I kinda feel bad because I think I heard her crying on the phone, but we agreed to stop talking.

 

 

I'm going to read this over and over again as it is just a friendly reminder of how grateful I am that this has never happened to me yet. I think that for a woman to trap a man by getting pregnant is much worse than cheating on him.

 

In a way this kind of makes me feel better about getting rejected by women in the future since that will mean 0% chance of getting stuck with a child support payment for a minimum of 20 years. It might as well be a 20 year jail sentence.

 

I'm almost ready to purposely make myself physically unattractive just to be sure it won't happen.

 

I don't think I'll go that far even for health reasons. I mean I'd like to consider dating again (someday, right now I don't care to think about it). When I was younger I even considered marriage a possibility but after what my supervisor is going though I may pass on that.

 

you know the playground song...

 

__(insert boy's name) and ____ (and insert girl's name) sittin in a tree...

k-i-s-s-i-n-g

first comes love

then comes marriage

then comes a baby in a baby carriage.

 

She would want the baby carriage first...

 

Ok, I get it now.

 

Anyways, I just don't think it is fair to presume to know that women got pregnant to get money. Unless they actually SAY that, you really don't know. It can be many factors and it can also be the man's fault. I just don't think it's good to make unfair generalizations about women.

 

I agree not all woman do this but I'm sure there are many who do. For the ones who do it is not very smart. If a woman have several kids from several different guys all paying child support and something happens to them where the support doesn't come in anymore, however unlikely, she is going to be in an even worse situation.

 

Women very often get blamed unfairly for stuff like that. Even rape. They get blamed for being raped too. It's messed up.

 

Did you hear about how in Somaria or somewhere a 13 year old girl got raped by several guys. When she reported it to the authorities they arrested her and later stoned her to death, the men who raped her haven't even been arrested or anything.

[lady00]

 

In a way this kind of makes me feel better about getting rejected by women in the future since that will mean 0% chance of getting stuck with a child support payment for a minimum of 20 years. It might as well be a 20 year jail sentence.

 

I'm almost ready to purposely make myself physically unattractive just to be sure it won't happen.

 

Wow. Sorry, but you are really paranoid. Most women don't do this. Relax.

[lady00]

Well we didn't meet today. I just called her up and said that we already said everything that needed to be said yesterday and there was not need for us to meet or see each other anymore. I kinda feel bad because I think I heard her crying on the phone, but we agreed to stop talking.

 

Good, I am glad you held your ground!

[dev22]

My girlfriend did something I consider to be terrible last night. I have made clear to her that I don't want children biologically and that in the future I would adopt instead. Last night while things were getting heated up when she went to put on the condom I caught her biting it. I snatched it away and sure enough it was bitten though a little. We had a fight and she left.

 

I am very very seriously thinking about ditching her over this, but we have been dating for a while (almost 1 year). Maybe I should also consider a vasectomy. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

 

Yeah, honestly, that would be enough fo rme. Obvisouly she is very immature and/or selfish. Either way, it would be seriously hard to trust her from here on out, and I wouldnt want to be in a relationship like that.

[Day_Walker]

Stopping having sex with her isnt enough. If you seriously do not want to have children then you need to be very clear with your response. Her attempting to bite holes in the condom is grounds for break up, all you need to do is have the strength to break up with her over this issue.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I am not blaming women who accidentally get pregnant. there is a long way between an accidental pregnancy when the woman has used reliable birth control that failed, and women who try to get pregnant ON PURPOSE by doing things like puncturing condoms and trying to bite a hole in one.

 

In this particular case, the woman is trying to get knocked up without consent, which is reprehensible behavior since the having a child is a huge life changing event that should never be forced on someone else without discussion.

[My Advice]

I think it's an insult to say you don't want to have biological kids with her especially when you're having sex with her. I agree with the above posters.

 

Why is it an insult? He simply doesn't want to have kids. He shouldn't want to have kids to still want to have sex with her.

[lady00]

I think it's an insult to say you don't want to have biological kids with her especially when you're having sex with her. I agree with the above posters.

 

It's not an insult. It is not about the other person at all. The OP is simply committed to adopting his children.

[Daria_Lane]

Good deal on breaking up with her.

 

she sounds psychotic. If she had a 'change of heart", she should have discussed it with you instead of trying to trick you

 

Good thing you were observant. Most guys wouldnt have even noticed

[cyberdog]

Well I'm just a wee bit paranoid about that type of stuff. I mean I believe very firmly in using condoms, even if you are in a commit relationship, got tested for STDs, and are on other forms of birth control. You just never know absolutely for certain if your partner may have cheated on you with someone and not told you, got something from it, and passed it to you.

 

That being the case it's been a few days now and I'm doing okay. I've been better but it could have been worse.

[Amasa]

If you are serious about not having kids, you should get a catarized vasectomy asap. Then you won't have these problems. ( That chick is crazy and this is in no way your fault)

 

But my brother is the same as you and he had a catarized vasectomy 10 years ago. And in that 10 years 2 different women have come to him and told them that he has fathered their children.( he didn't obviously there is no way) If he hadn't had the vasectomy both those girls would have at very least been signifigant drama in his life.

 

Chicks are crazy....

[JeckyllNHyde]

Wow.. I'd want to ditch her. Specially if chances where big that she will try and pull this "stunt" again.

Maybe have a talk with her and see why she is in a hurry. Maybe you both can figure out if you want to still be with each other or not.

[cyberdog]

If you are serious about not having kids, you should get a catarized vasectomy asap. Then you won't have these problems. ( That chick is crazy and this is in no way your fault)

 

I've done a bit of research on the topic. If they just cut and cauterize it is still possible, but unlikely, for recanalization to occur though the scar tissue if the two ends of the vas contact each other. Normally what they do also is to cut out a section of the vas and cauterize, so there is some distance between the cut ends, practically eliminating any recanalization that may occur. Of course it still isn't 100%

 

There is also some new type of procedure for woman that is supposed to be less invasive, that does not require cutting open the lower torso.

 

link removed

[CaptainPlanet]

You could stop having sex with her, problem solved.

 

Honestly, then what is the point of having a girlfriend ?

 

I think you probably have to dump her unless you want kids right now. If she is willing to trick you into having kids then she is going to force you to support them. You'll become her slave. This is the number one reason why women are dangerous.

 

In regards to children society has decided that the man should be at the woman's mercy, we basically have no rights. I'd keep well away from her.

[CaptainPlanet]

My girlfriend did something I consider to be terrible last night. I have made clear to her that I don't want children biologically and that in the future I would adopt instead. Last night while things were getting heated up when she went to put on the condom I caught her biting it. I snatched it away and sure enough it was bitten though a little. We had a fight and she left.

 

I am very very seriously thinking about ditching her over this, but we have been dating for a while (almost 1 year). Maybe I should also consider a vasectomy. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

 

So you want to adpopt a kid just not have one normally ? What kind of time frame ? That does change things a little.

[user334]

Uh...that's pretty much a betrayal. I'd say it's over.

 

If she's not willing to compromise, and you're not willing to compromise, it's over. But then she goes and pokes holes in your condoms? Uh-uh.

[mr_iwi]

That's fantastic news. I'm sure it won't be too long before you both start feeling better for it.