Should I dump her after this trick during sex?

[alli]

What do you think you're going to do?

[amtjrtcet]

It just screams that she has absolutely NO respect for you! She is willing to sabotage you for her personal needs and wants. That cannot be a good sign.

 

 

 

Exactly! She's deceived you on the highest level possible! And she's risking brining an innocent baby into it! She does not sound like the kind of person I'd want to be with.

[ghost69]

this is complete deceit.

 

and she lied about being on birth control. girls trap a lot of guys these days man. always use your own rubbers.

[Taomagicdragon]

Dump her.

 

(Have to add more characters to post)

[cyberdog]

What do you think you're going to do?

 

I'm going to end it. I may have 'feelings' for her, but I don't think this is the type of stuff I want to put up with. I think I would have preferred her cheating (who knows maybe she did). The bad new is it was about a year relationship. The good new is it was only about a year relationship, not two or three or more.

 

I was saving up some money for a christmas gift for her. I think instead I'll save up and look into banking some sperm and checking out some urologists to see about a vasectomy.

[alli]

I'm going to end it. I may have 'feelings' for her, but I don't think this is the type of stuff I want to put up with. I think I would have preferred her cheating (who knows maybe she did). The bad new is it was about a year relationship. The good new is it was only about a year relationship, not two or three or more.

 

I was saving up some money for a christmas gift for her. I think instead I'll save up and look into banking some sperm and checking out some urologists to see about a vasectomy.

 

Yeah, I would hate to break up after a year, but then again I love my bf & would hate to break up at all! I had an ex I dumped after 9 months for good reason; one of the best decisions I ever made. You're right; the only thing worse than dating her for a year is dating her for a year and a day.

 

You should also look into the cost of adopting. I've heard it's expensive, but since you are willing to take in older kids it might be a different story than if you wanted to straight up adopt an infant. In fact, I think you are provided funding for foster care. I'm not sure how it works, if you have to be a foster parent before you can adopt an older kid.

[Botched]

I would hold off on the vasectomy. That is not an immediate fix anyway, it can take up to a year to rid yourself of live sperm, even if the procedure works. Even six months is a long wait, and may just be too long. Also, you may change your mind. There are other, more reliable methods to use for the moment.

 

However, she obviously has other wishes. I wouldn't trust her to take the pill. She may see this as a way to "secure you." So don't toss her out without a long honest talk. These, as you know, are intense issues. She may be worth an effort.

[agent1607307371]

I would be done with her. That's such a wrong thing to do it's unreal.

 

Not to mention that you both want something very basic very badly, but it doesn't match up. Consider it a major incompatability.

 

Have you looked into the male pill? A bf of mine was a tester for it once I remember, not sure if it's gone on release though. Either way, take responsibility for your fertility.

[yellow_sweater]

I'm going to end it. I may have 'feelings' for her, but I don't think this is the type of stuff I want to put up with. I think I would have preferred her cheating (who knows maybe she did). The bad new is it was about a year relationship. The good new is it was only about a year relationship, not two or three or more.

 

I was saving up some money for a christmas gift for her. I think instead I'll save up and look into banking some sperm and checking out some urologists to see about a vasectomy.

 

What a crazy, horrible experience. I'm so sorry. Glad that you've come to a decision.

 

I would suggest that you hold off on the vasectomy, even if just for a little while. First, you're probably a bit shaken up over this incident (hey, you almost became a parent against your will!), so I wonder if getting a vasectomy isn't a knee-jerk reaction that's going a little too far. Second, I can guarantee that there are other women out there who feel the same that you do about biological children and adoption, so why bother going through the expense and hassle at this point? And finally, your posts make it sound like you'd be open to the idea of compromise with a future partner (perhaps adopting two children and having one biological child, for example). For those reasons, I'd suggest that you "wait and see" on the vasectomy.

 

Of course, in the end, your reproductive decisions are your decisions alone, but I hope I've given you a little food for thought. I hope that you're doing ok (it sounds like you are). Be well!

 

YS

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

this is complete deceit.

 

and she lied about being on birth control. girls trap a lot of guys these days man. always use your own rubbers.

 

I realize a lot of women want kids and I'm not one of them so I'm "weird" but I just do not understand the point of "trapping" someone with a baby!!!

 

So wrong. Not only for him but the baby.

And many times, you have this kid to trap him and he leaves anyway!

[cyberdog]

I would suggest that you hold off on the vasectomy, even if just for a little while. First, you're probably a bit shaken up over this incident (hey, you almost became a parent against your will!), so I wonder if getting a vasectomy isn't a knee-jerk reaction that's going a little too far. Second, I can guarantee that there are other women out there who feel the same that you do about biological children and adoption, so why bother going through the expense and hassle at this point? And finally, your posts make it sound like you'd be open to the idea of compromise with a future partner (perhaps adopting two children and having one biological child, for example). For those reasons, I'd suggest that you "wait and see" on the vasectomy.

 

I have thought about it in the past as well and so I've considered it for some time. But I'm going to hold off for a while to allow time to recover from this.

 

So wrong. Not only for him but the baby.

And many times, you have this kid to trap him and he leaves anyway!

 

Well even if the trap had sprung I'd still leave but I would honor my obligation to the child. Thankfully I caught onto it before hand as if I did have a child with her then I could never truly terminate a relationship with her at least for the next 18 years.

[segor56]

If you are having sex without a condom and being risky that way, and you had told her you didn't want children... well, then I'd say it was on you. But, having told her straight out that you don't want kids, and she punctures the condom??? That's pretty bad.

 

The only other thing I can think of is if you KNOW she wants her own biological children and you don't, then what are you doing in the relationship long term?? I guess it can go both ways, you know?

 

Regardless, it's pretty sneaky to do something like that. Makes me wonder how many times she's actually done that....

[alli]

Well even if the trap had sprung I'd still leave but I would honor my obligation to the child. Thankfully I caught onto it before hand as if I did have a child with her then I could never truly terminate a relationship with her at least for the next 18 years.

 

Hopefully you caught her the first time she tried this. If not, hopefully she isn't already pregnant! Not to worry you, but it is a concern.

[cyberdog]

Well the last several times was at my place. I try to pay attention when it is going on (call me paranoid) so hopefully this was the first time. I'll just have to wait and see.

 

Anyhow this is the first time I've broken up with someone so I don't really know. Should I tell her face to face or just call her up and tell her. I'm not really the breakup guy so I got no experience in that dept.

[alli]

Well the last several times was at my place. I try to pay attention when it is going on (call me paranoid) so hopefully this was the first time. I'll just have to wait and see.

 

Anyhow this is the first time I've broken up with someone so I don't really know. Should I tell her face to face or just call her up and tell her. I'm not really the breakup guy so I got no experience in that dept.

 

It should really be in person. Any break up should be in person, especially if you've dated for a year. Explain why exactly you are breaking up with her. You let her know how you felt about children, she purposefully tried to underhand you & now you can't trust her. Plus, it is clear that what she wants & what you want ultimately is different. Use your own words, but that's the gist of it.

[ImThatGirl]

I have thought about it in the past as well and so I've considered it for some time. But I'm going to hold off for a while to allow time to recover from this.

 

 

 

Well even if the trap had sprung I'd still leave but I would honor my obligation to the child. Thankfully I caught onto it before hand as if I did have a child with her then I could never truly terminate a relationship with her at least for the next 18 years.

 

Do not stay with this woman. It's clear she will do ANYTHING to have a child with you. Including putting holes in a condom and not using birth control. I have no doubt you'd honor your obligation to a child if one were conceived but if that means leaving the girl (mother) for being deceitful then it's a guarantee there will be yet another child being raised in a single family home. You don't want that because ultimately that child would be at risk of having a more difficult life due to single family home, eh?

 

You know the risks. Even higher with this girl. She wants a kid. You don't. Go. Leave. End the relationship for sure!

[lady00]

I also agree that you should tell her in person it's over.

[_Asti_]

Or you could just tell her you're getting a vasectomy and she will probably leave you once she realizes she can't get what she's after

[gracerules2008]

Oh my gosh I'm so glad I read this thread. I never knew there were women who would pull stunts like your girlfriend did last night. Now I have more reasons not to go all the way sexually with my girlfriend.

 

Biting a hole in a condom? ewwww. That is grounds for automatic firing! Get out right now while you still can before you are faced with child support payments and it's eternally too late.

 

I agree with those who say that the fact she would do this proves she's not trustworthy.

 

If she pulls stunts with you like this then you have to wonder what else she's doing behind your back. That would be my next question.

 

Your relationship ran its course a long time ago. If you were to accidentally have kids with her it would only be a matter of time before she got tired of you and dumped you for another man. The worst case scenario would be you paying child support while another man raises your kids.

 

It's not out of the question that she would do that considering the stunt she pulled last night and it would not surprise me.

[cyberdog]

I never knew there were women who would pull stunts like your girlfriend did last night.

 

I always they they were just mythical. I never thought they were real.

 

 

Anyway I just had lunch with her and we talked. She said she was sorry and that she never did that until last night, and she only stopped birth control several days ago. She said over the past couple weeks she really wanted to have a child, but didn't tell me because she know my stance and thought I would leave here. Well, what she did certainly didn't make anything better. Then I told her that we were on different pages in our lives and that since she wanted a child so badly she should be with someone else on the same page and we basically broke up. No arguing or anything. Huh I figured it would have been a heated argument but it went quite smoothly.

 

She still wants to be friends but I told her maybe later for now not because I just want to put this behind me.

[gracerules2008]

The trust issue alone is enough to warrant a breakup in this case. That's more serious than the children issue. At this point that wouldn't matter.

[lady00]

Oh my gosh I'm so glad I read this thread. I never knew there were women who would pull stunts like your girlfriend did last night. Now I have more reasons not to go all the way sexually with my girlfriend.

 

Huh? You think this is a good reason to not have sex with your gf? Most girls are not like this. If you do not trust your gf, maybe you shouldn't be with her.

[gracerules2008]

Huh? You think this is a good reason to not have sex with your gf? Most girls are not like this. If you do not trust your gf, maybe you shouldn't be with her.

 

I wouldn't care if she lied to me about other issues because no other issue is as serious as doing something deceitful to trap a guy into having children.

 

I'd rather she cheat on me by sleeping with someone else than try to trap me into having a kid. This way if she had a kid by another man it would not be my problem.

 

So the solution is simple. No sex. That's already easy for me anyway.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

No don't do the friends thing with her. I had a friend who broke up with someone, then she got him to come over for dinner as 'just friends', he had too much to drink and they ended up in bed. She picked a day to invite him when she knew he was ovulating, gave him the 'how about one more for old times sake', they had sex, and he had child support payments nine months later. She was very cold blooded in the planning of it, and someone who is willing to totally disregard someone else's wishes on an issue as big as whether to have children is totally selfish and can't be trusted.

[gracerules2008]

I say don't give the devil any foot hold. By being friends with her you would be doing that exact same thing. Next thing you know you'll be tempted to be friends with benefits and then ya know what happens from there.