Is it weird not to have a drive to have kids?

[hers]

So then hypothetically if you had a kid you would be ok with someone saying I HATE everyone's kids and that included yours?

 

I can't really say b/c I'm not a parent so even hypothetically speaking, I can't say that I'd feel that way b/c I don't know what it's like to have the motherly love of a child. But I do think a lot of parents are very inconsiderate of the people around them.

 

I waitressed for years and had kids terrorize me, all while the parents laughed. I didn't put up with it. One kid drew on my work shirt with a marker, and I have to pay for those work shirts. I knew that stain wouldn't come out. And when the mom saw him do it, she complimented him on his "art". I used to cater weddings, and I'd be walking around wiht a huge tray of food or champagne, and kids were running all over the place and bumping into me and no one cared to do anything about it. I see a huge lack of discipline these days from parents. Hearing a child scream bloody murder in the grocery store, knock stuff off of shelves, sneeze on others and other gross things, the parents don't do anything about it.

 

The kid doesn't know better b/c he was never taught. So when I say "I hate kids", I mostly hate their parents. Just b/c someone has a child does not mean that common courtesy and rules of the world stop for the little bundle of joy that they decided to have.

 

If parents don't want anyone to hate their kids, then they shoudl make the child act appropriately and discipline accordingly.

 

Again, speaking completely in generalities.

[Seraphim]

Hm ok. Well a hurtful generality all the same.

 

I would NEVER talked to anyone that hated my child, or kids in general. Hate is a nasty nasty negative emotion and to aim it at a child is disburbing.

 

Wow I am done this thread, it kinda made me sick to my stomach.

[hers]

Hm ok. Well a hurtful generality all the same.

 

That is why I have to put "speaking in generalities and not of all"--b/c you always take every thing I say about children personally, like it's an attack against you. Hence my point--parents think their kids are perfect angels and fail to see what others may see. Fine, I can understand that. A mother's love is blind and a mother wants everyone to like their kids. I reallyl do get that.

 

I don't know your kid. But the kids I've been around have mostly been little horrible beasts b/c their parents don't teach them anything these days. You may be trying to be a perfect mother; I don't know. You may be trying to teach your son the things he shoudl know to respect the world; I don't know. But if I see a kid in public not being disciplined even though he needs to be, I can say yes, I either hate that kid or that kid's parents b/c the parents are letting him get away with it. I rarely see anyone discipline their child, and when I do, I glow with happiness. Why? B/c it's needed and most fail to see it.

 

One time I was waiting on a kid of about 6 and his dad. The kid said "GIVE ME A MILKSHAKE" when I asked for their drink order. I said "Please?" just instinctively, not meaning to be rude, but b/c my mother always said that to me whenever I barked commands at someone. I immediately apologized to the man, telling him it came out instinctively and that I didn't mean to be rude. He apologized and said, "No, that's my fault. I shoudl have taught him to say please."

 

Two things happened there--I was happy that he realized his kid needed discipline and taught manners, but I saw that he was failing to teach his kid the basic principles of manners and respect, hence causing people to dislike his child.

 

You want someone to like your children? Teach them how to respect those around them. Then I will like those kids.

[hers]

 

Wow I am done this thread, it kinda made me sick to my stomach.

 

Why would it make you sick to your stomach? It's a matter of life that has to be accepted; not everyone likes everyone.

 

I know from your posts about your son that you really do love him. I think that's amazing. I came from an awful mother who I still to this day think doesn't love me like a mother should. I envy your child b/c he has what I never had. But that doesn't mean that everyone's child has to be liked simply b/c the mom wants the kid to be liked.

[Seraphim]

And I came from an awful father. But I think to say you HATE a child is awful. Disliking behavoir is one thing. HATE for a person you do not know is quite another. I also realize that people do not like each other. There are people I am not fond of. But I do not hate them. I do not ask anyone to love my child. But someone that said they hated him and knew zippty about him would not be welcomed by me.

 

And yes I love him, more than my own life.

[agent1607307371]

And I came from an awful father. But I think to say you HATE a child is awful. Disliking behavoir is one thing. HATE for a person you do not know is quite another. I also realize that people do not like each other. There are people I am not fond of. But I do not hate them. I do not ask anyone to love my child. But someone that said they hated him and knew zippty about him would not be welcomed by me.

 

I'm sure hersmudders doesn't mean she wishes harm on kids. Hate is used pretty much the same way Love is. I'm sure people don't really Love ice-cream, even though they might use the word.

 

I don't even know why this thread turned into this, all it was about was people who don't want kids, and suddenly...

[Seraphim]

I know she does not wish harm. But it sounds like there is an issue with some differentiation between dislike of behavoir and disliking or hating people.

[agent1607307371]

I know she does not wish harm. But it sounds like there is an issue with some differentiation between dislike of behavoir and disliking or hating people.

 

To me it just sounded like she was using emotive language. I understood her point.

[Seraphim]

oh well, I am not here to change anyone's mind, but I do not agree either.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know if I ever do have kids, I won't be as emotionally cruel to them as my mom was to me. I grew up being ashamed of my height. I still am today, even though I push myself to do things that can be height-challenging. Like tonight, I went to fighter practice and am starting to learn how to fence. I am fascinated by fencing but I am a bit on the tiny side. Even the guy who was teaching me agrees, but he says I have some advantages that other people taller than me don't.

 

It's funny I started this topic tonight. When I went to practice, one of the girls that I know from previous practices, showed up with her 5-day old baby girl. The baby was so precious and so TINY. They were all cooing around and admiring her. Yes, I do like babies and such, but they can be a handful, and they grow up to be bigger handfuls

[pilotgirl]

I have no "drive" to have kids. I love kids. I worked with children as a volunteer while in college. I'm sure I'll be a wonderful aunt to my sibling's children one day.

 

My job does not allow me the option. If I wanted children, which I don't, I'd have to quit working probably long term in my chosen field. I knew years ago I didn't want to have kids, and that's why I pursued this career. I would NOT have gone this route if there were any doubt in my mind. I would have gone into teaching or nursing or something I could resume down the line.

 

I just simply have no urge to have children. People have called me selfish. I say that it is selfish to have a child because society says you should, and then you end up resenting that child because you had to give up goals, career, hobbies, social life etc. To those who want kids, I salute you. Those who do not, cheers!

[Mythical_Suicide]

What do other kids do to you that makes you hate them? That is a very strong and negative emotion. Would you be ok if someone HATED your child?

 

ok, ok maybe I should reword that. I hate being around other people's kids I get annoyed quite easily with them and can't be around them for more than a few minutes before i'm ready to jump off a building. I'm sure people feel the same way about my son and as long as there is no ill intent behind them then so be it to each their own. I just know personally I can't stand being around others kids even my own nephew pushes my last nerve. And i'm sure I was bitten in the ass by my words because my son is a little hellion but hey whatever I love my son more than anything in this world.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i dont have a drive at all at the moment. if it where up to me lol, i want it to just be me and my bf/husband in the future. hihi.

 

but i know that in the long run most guys want kids... i'm hoping this will not cause a huge issue for me in the long run and prevent me from having a good relationship with the one i marry.

 

i dont hate kids, but i dont feel giving enough to sacrifice my time and energy to raise one. call me selfish..

but my bf once told me something before we where even dating, about what a wonderfull experience it would be to have someone i loved by my side, thru the child birth (ack! but he explained it so well.. ) and while raising my kid. and i melted for a second at the thought of experiencing this with a guy someday..

i also melt a bit more thinking about (for instance) what a great dad my bf would be someday.. i'd love to give that to him.

 

but at the same time.. don't feel like i really have the drive yet to have kids.. maybe i never really will have enough of a drive.

i see myself in the future as someone pretty much career and marriage oriented.. but probably with no kids.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I am extremely, utterly annoyed with children. They drive me insane and make me want to shoot people- simply by seeing one screaming and running accross the mall. My whole body tenses up and I want to be ejected down a portal to escape from their tyranny.

 

Many people have terrible insufferable brats because they don't even actually want them or know what to do with them.

 

Why do they always scream!? Why are they always scurrying?! WHY can't they just shut up and behave!?!

[Seraphim]

I am extremely, utterly annoyed with children. They drive me insane and make me want to shoot people- simply by seeing one screaming and running accross the mall. My whole body tenses up and I want to be ejected down a portal to escape from their tyranny.

 

Many people have terrible insufferable brats because they don't even actually want them or know what to do with them.

 

Why do they always scream!? Why are they always scurrying?! WHY can't they just shut up and behave!?!

 

Obviously you know zero about child development. I personally think the hate mongering about kids has gone on far enough in this thread, it is like hating any other group of people and I find it offensive. If this was about animals or any other specific people group I think it would be different.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Actually I do. I have seven years of psychological studies in my brain. Common knowledge of child development does not lend to the idea that children have biological urges to be ill-parented.

[hers]

Regardless if the above poster knows nothing about child development, a child should not be running around screaming. Children have no discipline & no one needs to know about child development to make that conclusion. Just bc a person has a child does NOT give them permission to be inconsiderate of others.

 

Should the poster walking thru the mall seeing the child run & scream just say "oh its ok...he's just developing!"?? No, the parents should discipline the child or not take him out until he develops fully & can respect the world around him.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Hate mongering? I think you're entirely too sensitive about the subject, hurting you was not the point- though the post was originally about feeling the drive to have kids, so we've all digressed.

 

Most people love children, some people don't want them around. We can all coexist.

I present less harm to a child than someone who has one and doesn't actually want to care for it- like many cases we're seeing nowadays.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

"Walking thru the mall seeing the child run & scream just say "oh its ok...he's just developing!""

 

: X

omg.

 

That's what I mean. Some people do the best they can and raise wonderful kids- many people just want a baby doll or a buddy and don't realize they need boundaries.

[Seraphim]

Children scream people it is a fact of life. You can not discipline them for every freakin thing, every minute of the day. You must learn to pick your battles or you end up with a VERY bitter kid. I am not advocating bad behavoir but I feel this thread has become a vent for kid bashing and have reported it as such.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Just when you're in public- make them behave and not be rude. I used to work in retail- I've seen ugly sights. My boyfriend and I will be at dinner and almost every time a kid is throwing something or staring over the side or pulling my hair. When they're home, yes, let them be kids.

 

OY

[agent1607307371]

Children scream people it is a fact of life. You can not discipline them for every freakin thing, every minute of the day. You must learn to pick your battles or you end up with a VERY bitter kid. I am not advocating bad behavoir but I feel this thread has become a vent for kid bashing and have reported it as such.

 

Then don't read the thread.

 

Someon posted at the start that parents get overly angry at threads that aren't for them... took long enough.

[agent1607307371]

Just when you're in public- make them behave and not be rude. I used to work in retail- I've seen ugly sights. My boyfriend and I will be at dinner and almost every time a kid is throwing something or staring over the side or pulling my hair. When they're home, yes, let them be kids.

 

OY

 

 

Ohh, I used to work in a supermarket. Some of the language that kids would use. Very amusing.

[melrich]

This thread has gone off track from Op's original question.