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Is it weird not to have a drive to have kids?


renaissancewoman101
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I'm in my mid-thirties and in a few more years, I will be over my childbearing years. I've read that it is more dangerous for the baby, to have one's first child over 40. Most women it seems, by my age, want to have kids, want to procreate, settle down, etc. Occasionally, I do think about what it would be like to have a child, the cuteness factor, etc., but I've never really had the "drive" to have a kid like NOW!!!!

 

Any women here who are in their late twenties and in their thirties, who don't really have the "drive" to have kids?????

 

Don't take me wrong, I love kids. I just don't know how to deal with them and part of me likes the carefree lifestyle I have right now, and having kids would really tie me down and force me to give up some things I enjoy now.

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There are quite a few regular members on here that have posted about the same thing. Beware some people think you are a horrible person for feeling this way. Having kids is a life changing commitment that you can't take back and even once the child is grown you still have that commitment there, I commend those who can sit back and say "I don't for kids, they just aren't for me" for whatever reason they have it is so much better than some moron going out and having kids and THEN realizing they didn't want kids so the kids end up abandoned or abused.

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Me.

 

I don't even love kids. They freak me out. I have no nurturing instict whatsoever. I'm terrified of the day my sister has them because just the thought of having to sit for her scares me.

 

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have one, but there's never a drive or need behind it, it's just a mental exercise.

 

I think it's genetic with me though, none of the people in my family who are of my "type" (once a generation comes a ginger, left-hander - alllll the rest of my family are brunette and right-handed) have their own children.

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I don't want to have kids, i have 2 nephews and i love them but i am not enamored by them. It seems to upset them that I don't want to be around their kids 24/7 but if i don't want my own kids what would make them think i want to substitute for theirs?

I am going in to counseling as a profession and I think most of my energy will go to those clients and i wouldn't have the energy needed to raise my children...

i don't think it makes me weird or bad...

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I have had that drive as long as I can remember. Several of my friends had their first children between ages 39 and 42 - one was 46. I have heard of many women having healthy children, no complications, in their 40s, particularly in the last 5 to 10 years. It is not more dangerous to conceive or give birth, there are just certain risks that increase as one gets older but with new tests, screening, etc there's a lot less guesswork and a lot more reassurance from what I have heard from my friends. It can be more difficult to conceive a child. So, hopefully your age should not deter you.

 

I don't find it odd at all whenever someone's maternal instinct kicks in - or if it never does. To each her own.

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If it not impossible to have kids after 40. My grandmother had my mom at 40 and my mom was her first kid and that was 61 years ago. I got pregnant at 40. It is not impossible. And no it is not weird to not have that drive.

 

I thought I read that if you are 40 or over when you have your first kid, that the chances of the baby having genetic disorders is a lot higher than if you were to have your first kid in your twenties or thirties. Not sure about that.

 

I do have a nurturing and caring spirit. I have four guinea pigs and I love and spoil them to death, but they also don't require 24/7 attention. Kids do. It's also expensive to have and to raise kids. Recently I was shopping for a co-worker's baby shower and was amazed at all the things babies need to have like a pack n'play, bassinette, car seat, stroller, changing tables, clothes, all the different diapers, bottles, etc. When I was a baby and even when my brother was a baby, I didn't remember there be as much needed stuff for babies. Also, stuff is very expensive, and baby formula is expensive. So is diapers. And this is just for the baby. Babies grow up to be kids and teenagers, and OMG!!!!

 

I will admit, I get scared about growing old and being lonely and not having kids or grandkids to come visit me and such. But having children seems SO much work.

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Yes, the risk of genetic disorders are higher for women over 35. However, from what I have read, your chances of having a baby without genetic or chromosomal disorders is about 97% - pretty good odds, yes? And, now there is screening even before the first trimester is over to give you a good indication of your personal risk factors as opposed to just based on your age - and there is an early form of amnio that is more risky but also can do an early diagnosis of genetic disorders.

 

 

To me that's not "dangerous" - just riskier in some ways.

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I am in my30's and have no desire to have kids and never had... I don't think I really like kids. I don't even like any of my close friends kids, but I love animals. If I could give birth to them maybe then I would want to have kids

 

I keep thinikg maybe one day I would meet somebody and be so much in love with him that would want to have his baby...but I'm not worried about it. There are so many kids in this world that need a home and a loving parent that if I wanted a kid I would adopt one, why even bring another one to the world when I have that option?

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I just heard after 30 or something your skins elasticity isn't that great. So going back to your usual weight is a lot harder and some people don't go back.

 

that's BS...i know lots of women who have babies in their 30's that look awesome, thinner than they did before they had the kid...

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I just heard after 30 or something your skins elasticity isn't that great. So going back to your usual weight is a lot harder and some people don't go back.

 

I was 40 pounds lighter the day after my son was born than the day I found out I was pregnant. I was almost 31 when he was born.

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My mom never gained weight when she was pregnant either. I personally found food utterly disgusting when I was pregnant that they almost had to shove the food down my throat. The only thing I could eat was veggies, fruit and baked potatoes. Everything else was REPULSIVE. My pregnancy was even down graded to at risk because I gained no weight.

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I've always wanted babies! Infact, I wanted A LOT! Now, the whole pregnant thing (big stomach, stretching organs...etcetc) and the scary scene in movies have deter me a bit but I still want them. Oh and finances too. So I think i'll limit it to 3... okay 2, but that's as low as I'll go!

 

I used to bug my mom for a sister/brother. I wanted them so bad! When I was younger, I would make my cousins play house with me ALL the time *AND* when they weren't around, I'd play it with my stuffies. LOL, wow i'm so weird!

 

I'm sure you're fine. A lot of women these days don't have kids/never want them. I almost don't want them for the sake of my career, but clearly, it's something I've always wanted my entire life so I wouldn't give kids up.

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I will also add for those who despise other people's kids don't let that be the only thing that scares you. I absolutely HATE other kids but it is so different with my own son. I'm not saying you should change your minds or anything I just know alot of people that get scared by that fact alone.

 

What do other kids do to you that makes you hate them? That is a very strong and negative emotion. Would you be ok if someone HATED your child?

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I hate anyone's kids who aren't my family's or friends' kids. Why do I hate them? It's not the kids so much that I hate as it is the parents. Too many kids these days are absolutely awful b/c their parents let them be. All the while the parents think they are little angels.

 

Parents don't care about the outcome of their children these days...they think they are perfect yet they don't discipline them and fail to make sure they are doing the things they should be doing. They are trying to be their friends instead of their parents.

 

Keep in mind whhen I say "parents this and parents that", I am speaking in generalities and not of all parents.

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