Jjasonn28 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Hello everyone. Soul Mates. Is there such a thing? Or is it in idealistic label used by romantics such as my self to perhaps convince oneself that there is in fact a single perfect person out there, for each of us. Not to get into too much detail, I have been healing after a breakup for some time time now. We have remained in contact, albeit limited for the past couple years. During this time, I have been in a few relationships, trying my best to let time do its thing. But when all is said and done, there is still an incredible bond between the ex and myself. We both acknowledge it, but don't quite understand it. Then she sent me an email one day, with the following quote from the book, Eat/Pray/Love by Elisabeth Gilbert. She told me that the quote had helped her immensely to understand the connection we have.... "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate." "He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go... David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear aprart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addiction, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life..." What do you think of this? Is a soul mate different for everyone? Her and I can refer to each other as soul mates, yet my idea is quite different from hers... Link to comment
MattW Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Eh, I dunno, heh heh. Me, I tend to drift back and forth between believing in that kind of thing, and not believing it. I have some "experience", myself, in a way; see, back when I was a little kid, I went to grade school with this girl, and from the moment I met her, I just felt this... feeling for her. Of course, I was too shy to ever try and get with her, and lost touch with her after grade school ended. I tried looking her up every now and again these last few years, but had no luck. A few months ago, by pure dumb luck, I was able to find her MySpace page, and got back in touch with her. It's crazy, but I still feel something between me and her, and I can't even begin to describe it, yanno? Deep down, I truly honestly believe that some day, her and I will get together, even though right about now, the odds of that happening seem incredibly small. I don't know why I'm so "confident" about that though... o_O Ah well. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 It depends. I think the term ‘soul mate’ describes someone who is both a best friend and a lover that you will connect with on every level imaginable -- spiritually, intellectually, physically and emotionally. And this doesn't just mean having a best friend or a person who looks out for you above all else, but someone with whom you experience a connection that is almost inhuman. It’s a beautiful concept and I believe in it, but I don’t think that’s there is just one perfect person out there for all of us. Personally, I think it possible to achieve this type of connection with more than one person. So, I guess I don’t believe in a ‘soul mate,’ but rather in ‘soul mates.’ Link to comment
Jjasonn28 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 but someone with whom you experience a connection that is almost inhuman. Bingo. Hit it right on the head... like it was right from my heart... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I dont believe in soul mate(s) -- and I think such a concept, a nebulous one at that, actually messes up a lot more relationships: you either think you're with your soul mate and expect it to "magically" work out so that you dont put in the hard work to make the relationship work OR you think you're NOT with your soul mate and pursue some sort of fantasy while neglecting your current partner. Sure I understand that there are those people that you feel an inexplicable connection to but those connection can exist with several different people and are not just limited to love interests but also includes (same-sex) friends. I havent read the book so I wont comment BUT to be perfectly honest, I thought it was a bit hokey. And Jjasonn, you're right: it's simply the author's definition and I dont agree with it either. Plus, it seems ... strange that David, her soul mate, is someone she married but also someone she had a bad marriage with but as her soul mate, it was his role to help her figure out that she had entered a bad marriage that she had to get out of and he was actually the other person in the marriage? Again, I havent read the book and I dont know why the marriage was a bad situation for her -- it might not have been him but the dynamic between the two, idk -- but it just seems like a strange circular logic to me. Honestly, the passage sounds like some nonsensical thing someone says to simply comfort someone coming out of a relationship -- from what i can conjecture, this passage is someone telling elisabeth gilbert that she did the right thing by getting out of the marriage and david, as her soul mate (and ex husband), was pre-destined to play that role of revealing another layer of her? Yikes Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 It depends. I think the term ‘soul mate’ describes someone who is both a best friend and a lover that you will connect with on every level imaginable -- spiritually, intellectually, physically and emotionally. And this doesn't just mean having a best friend or a person who looks out for you above all else, but someone with whom you experience a connection that is almost inhuman. It’s a beautiful concept and I believe in it, but I don’t think that’s there is just one perfect person out there for all of us. Personally, I think it possible to achieve this type of connection with more than one person. So, I guess I don’t believe in a ‘soul mate,’ but rather in ‘soul mates.’ Agree with all you said. There have been many soul mates in my life. When i thought there was just one for me, it was so hard for me to let that person go. There have been many soul mates i've had that I was not romantically involved with. There was an instant connection with them that is unexplainable and wonderful. I wouldn't trade my numerous soul mates for just one, they've taught me so much about myself. I agree with what the author of that quote says, they are a mirror. But i still think that there is a soul mate that you can settle down with and live with for the rest of your days. Some one that you mirror and they mirror you. Someone in which you will always be learning from and growing. I think i've met such a person. What i have with him is a million times different than what i've experienced with my other soul mates. Dang, so maybe there is that one perfectly matched person... Now i'm not sure what i think. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sure I understand that there are those people that you feel an inexplicable connection to but those connection can exist with several different people and are not just limited to love interests but also includes (same-sex) friends. I agree with you that you can become and feel inexplicably close/connected to a same-sex friend, but that's much different than connecting with someone on multiple levels. I don't think many staight guys connect with their buddies on a physical level. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I believe soulmates are made by effort we put into a relationship with a compatible person. I do not believe there is a divine "twin star" soul out there for every person, no. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Soul Mates. Is there such a thing? Is a soul mate different for everyone? Her and I can refer to each other as soul mates, yet my idea is quite different from hers... Hey JP Long time no see! When I feel my heart, mind, body and soul are at ease and I am content with life, I do believe in soul mates. I believe that someone can have more than one soul mate in life. Some may find their soul mate/s and some may never. To me, a soul mate is a mirror of yourself (just as Gilbert's quote states). You know you're in the presense of your soul mate when you feel your heart, mind, body and soul at ease when you have that special person in your life. They do not have to be physically present. They can be in your thoughts while they are away/or dealing with certain hurdles in their life. I think that when you have that inner feeling/knowing you're living in the moment (not the past or the future) you're in the presense of your soul mate. From the time I've followed your story here on ENA (over two years!), I've always held the belief that she is your soul mate and that one day you will be together. If not sooner, then later in life. hoss Link to comment
Jjasonn28 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Hello Hoss!!!!! Its so wonderful to hear from you again! It always seems that you are here to listen to my nonsensical rants To me, a soul mate is a mirror of yourself (just as Gilbert's quote states). You know you're in the presense of your soul mate when you feel your heart, mind, body and soul at ease when you have that special person in your life. They do not have to be physically present. I agree with you 100%. But there is something that isn't sitting well with me in regards to the quote still... " But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it." Im having troubles wrapping my head around the logic behind this. In my experience... if every one who entered my life to reveal another layer of myself to um.. myself ( then left... I would have many many soul mates. Havent we all been exposed to new layers of ourselves at the hand of passing friends, ex relationships (even the wrong ones, and sometimes ESPECIALLY the wrong ones..)? From the time I've followed your story here on ENA (over two years!), I've always held the belief that she is your soul mate and that one day you will be together. If not sooner, then later in life. hoss And in that sense, you are both the angel and the devil on my shoulder In all seriousness though, thank you. When I've needed a pick me up, you were there for me. I appreciate all your kind words!! Link to comment
Jjasonn28 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 And Jjasonn, you're right: it's simply the author's definition and I dont agree with it either. Plus, it seems ... strange that David, her soul mate, is someone she married but also someone she had a bad marriage with but as her soul mate, it was his role to help her figure out that she had entered a bad marriage that she had to get out of and he was actually the other person in the marriage? I think in this quote, 'David' was someone outside of the marriage... Honestly, the passage sounds like some nonsensical thing someone says to simply comfort someone coming out of a relationship -- In my opinion, I think the passage is more of a way for someone to explain away the feelings they have. A cop out - if you will. Could go many ways I suppose... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Oh, my bad about "David" -- I guess this is why one shouldn't comment on books she hasn't read! You know, I too am having the most trouble with the part that you outlined in your post to Hoss; why is a soul mate's role so temporary? Why do they "leave" after peeling off only "one layer" of you? Why can't soul mates be people who are by your side to continually reveal to you that you are multi-layered and multi-faceted? AND hypothetically-speaking, if you are their soulmate and haven't yet "peeled off their layer," can they still leave after the peeled yours off (sorry for all the "peeling"! ?? The more I read the quote, the less sense it makes. I like what JS said below and to me, it makes the most sense; although, as a rule, I dont believe in soul mates, I would accept JS's definition of the term. I believe soulmates are made by effort we put into a relationship with a compatible person. I do not believe there is a divine "twin star" soul out there for every person, no. I guess the question remains then: why Jenn was reminded of you as she read that passage and what exactly she was focusing on -- was it the eventual separation from the soul mate? was it that soul mates reveal things to you about yourself (but then again, do only soul mates reveal things to you about yourself? and in turn, is everyone who reveals things to me about myself all my soulmates?) ?? Sorry if this sounds harsh, Jjason, but to be perfectly honest, I think Jenn was being rather cruel in calling you her soul mate. Maybe she wasn't being cruel intentionally but she was cruel, all the same, with her cryptic (or not so much) talk about "soul mates." Honestly, if she wanted to tell you that you are a special person to her, I think she could have just said, "Jjason, you are a special person to me" instead of telling you that you're her soulmate. And I think it's her use of the word "soulmate" that's got you down this downward spiral -- if she'd said, "you are a special and important person to me," it wouldnt have affected you in this way because you already know that you are those things to her as she is to you. So I think she was just being cruel because she probably knew how it would affect you and she probably is perfectly aware of the fact that the term conventionally evokes meanings that are very different from the hokey definition that the Gilbert book offers. I know that you two share a friendship and a bond that maybe I dont really understand and you can't always logically analyze a relationship between two people. BUT this makes no sense. Her cruelty masquerading as kindness/concern/love for you really bugs me. Sorry for the rant. Link to comment
Jjasonn28 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Sorry if this sounds harsh, Jjason, but to be perfectly honest, I think Jenn was being rather cruel in calling you her soul mate. Its not harsh. Not harsh at all. Infact, I harbor a little anger within for just that.. I know that you two share a friendship and a bond that maybe I dont really understand and you can't always logically analyze a relationship between two people. BUT this makes no sense. Her cruelty masquerading as kindness/concern/love for you really bugs me. Sorry for the rant. Don't be sorry. I welcome everyone's opinion. You have a great way of articulating your thoughts, and I appreciate it. I didn't mean for this thread to turn into another one about me and my particular situation. I only wanted to hear peoples opinions of the above mentioned quote, and how true or different it is from their own beliefs. Its really interesting to see everones personal interpretation and definition. It seems I can relate and/or find valid truth's in all of them. It would seem that my definition or opinion of 'soul mate' is constantly being shaped by my experiences. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I agree with you, especially since Jenn decided to marry someone else...so how nice is that calling your ex your soul mate while getting ready to marry someone else. Link to comment
MattW Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Wow, ya know, after reading some more peoples' posts in this topic, and going back and doing some thinking, I've kind of realized something about the girl I was talking about in my earlier post. When I got back in touch with her, I saw that she was in a much better way than I was; she's in college, she's got goals, she's got her future planned... I didn't have any of that, and for a while, I was too embarrassed to even write to her at first. I mean, this past year, I held out on going to college (because of some issues at home), so I've just been working. I always told myself that eventually I'd go to college and all that, but it wasn't until I got back in touch with this girl that it really hit me that I was just drifting along with no purpose. If I didn't find her, who knows how long I would've kept putting off college? I probably would've kept putting it off and putting it off, then probably wouldn't have ended up not going; then I'd end up working some crappy job, never finding a spouse, etc. So, even though it's kind of silly to "change yourself for a girl", I think what I've been doing has actually been for the better. I'm not drifting along anymore, I have plans for the future, I'm looking to start college in the fall... And oddly enough, all thanks to this girl. I still hope that maybe some day, her and I could actually get together, but like I said, the odds don't seem to be in my favor on that one... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I am not sure that really classifies as changing yourself for a girl...I would say that it really is about somebody having a positive influence on you so that you re-evaluate where you are in your life and where you would like to be. It didn't necessarily have to be this girl....people find inspiration from all kinds of people...work colleagues, friends, strangers they happen to talk to, celebrities etc. So I think what she is doing in her life simply inspired you to think about your own life. I think that is a good thing. Link to comment
Jjasonn28 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 I am not sure that really classifies as changing yourself for a girl...I would say that it really is about somebody having a positive influence on you so that you re-evaluate where you are in your life and where you would like to be. It didn't necessarily have to be this girl....people find inspiration from all kinds of people...work colleagues, friends, strangers they happen to talk to, celebrities etc. So I think what she is doing in her life simply inspired you to think about your own life. I think that is a good thing. So then, in essense - she has revealed another of your layers, and following the logic of the passage, she is thereforee a soul mate, and you should thank god for her coming and going? Ludicrous. Link to comment
MattW Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 ... Alright, I'm officially confused, now. lol Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 So then, in essense - she has revealed another of your layers, and following the logic of the passage, she is thereforee a soul mate, and you should thank god for her coming and going? Ludicrous. I was responding to Matt's post but not in reference to soulmates...it was in reference to his comment about changing himself for a girl. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Hello everyone. Soul Mates. Is there such a thing? Or is it in idealistic label used by romantics such as my self to perhaps convince oneself that there is in fact a single perfect person out there, for each of us. Nope. There is not a soul mate for everyone out there. I personally believe people where meant to enjoy life and do diffirent things but not experience it all thats just a part of life I guess. Mathicmaticly there is not a person for everyone out there either. There folks out there who are in there mid 20's or even late to early 40's who haven't dated anyone in there lives dispite there efforts to try and get out there and find that person and remain single. hmmm I wonder why?. Like the lottry not everybody was meant to win. Iam 22 and I haven't found my soul mate and Im more than sure she won't be in my life time. But its cool. What do you think of this? Is a soul mate different for everyone? Her and I [/size][/size] I do believe for those who find there soul mates they are going to be suprized with who they are. If a woman would give the shy guy a chance rather than going for the * * * * * * * abusive kind of guy there might be something that will last a life time. Just like if a guy would give a curvy woman a chance rather than the woman who just had plasic surgry on her chest, again they might have something that could last a life time. Link to comment
stereoeclectic Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 sure, i think there are soulmates. unfortunately, most people using the term expect the first two months lust to last for 50 years because "we are soulmates." that's not how it works. soulmates should be a good thing, not what our society has made it into : an unrealistic expectation that cannot be met. the old couple you see feeding the birds in the park? soulmates. the husband and wife arguing in the mall parking lot? they might be soulmates, too. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.