BronzedSkin123 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 I am TRULY fed up with being single. I am so sick and tired of getting older and older every year and YET to find love. I have NEVER EVER been in love at my age and I feel that something is wrong with me. My best friend IMO, appears to be soo happy with her S/O and I can't help but feel insane jealousy. I don't want to see her get married before me, it's already bad enough that she is in a serious relationship of 2 years all while I have been single the whole time. I know what happens when you watch all your peers get married, while you don't have a man. It's not a pretty picture. I am already bitter that I am still single at the age I am, and don't have the relationship and sex experience. It will only get worse as I get older if I go on without it. My goal is to just give my number out to just about any and evey guy that asks. I am just going to be more proactive and throw myself out there, even if it kills me. The guy that I met the other day, who I said I was going to go over to his apartment--I am still going to pursue him. Who knows, he might be my future husband. I do not even want to live long if it means I will be destined to be single. And I mean it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 You are only 23...you have time. At any rate, I see a lot of women in their forties who got married in their twenties and thirties and are now divorced and bitter. Far better to have never been married than to have a miserable marriage that ends in divorce and bitterness. Link to comment
Degan Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 ahh the words of a lonely heart. Being single is not a curse but a blessing on being able to focus on career, education, friends and hobbies. I may not have lived for a long period but people must not focus on romantic love of another person until they have pleasure and balance in all aspects of life. Their is 3 lives in a relationship His, Hers, Ours until their is children. 2 can't become one if you aren't a complete person. Link to comment
RayKay Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Well, with that attitude I am sure you can find someone to marry. "Someone" does not however mean a healthy someone, whom will treat you with respect or truly love you. That is hard to do when you have such an unhealthy relationship with yourself. Some of the healthiest, happiest and most loving marriages/LTR's I know involved people whom did not meet/marry until their late 20's, their thirties and beyond. Maybe as they learned in the meantime how to be healthy and love themselves as "complete" people and had goals for themselves that were not dependent on others. Link to comment
ATLstudent Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I like the idea that i do not plan to get married, that way i can tell the person i marry( if i do) that they had some influence on my decision. Link to comment
LBP Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I know this is going to sound offensive, and I appologize, but this strikes me as a very narrow outlook on life... Even small. It honestly sounds like this is more about competition with your 'best friend' than anything healthy for yourself. Have you ever looked at a man as a human being and not potential husband material? Any self-respecting male, hearing this diatribe, would be extremely hesistant to enter into a relationship with you. It sounds like you're more focusd on your dream of a 'perfect' life outcome then you are about the happiness of your partner or even yourself. I would lay good money down that after achieving your so-called call of marriage it would be but years before you end up cheating on your husband due your entirely predictable lack of happiness. Because of your totally ridiculous expectations, no man has the possibility of making you happy... Maintain this outlook and heartbreak/cheating will define your future relationships. Seriously consider your innerself before dragging other human beings into this situation! Link to comment
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I had your same attitude when I was about 21. I had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship with a high school BF with whom I thought I'd marry and live happily ever after. Well, that didn't work out, and I thought my life was over. In the past decade I have learned so much about me and who I am. I have had relationships-good and bad- throughout that time, but have yet to find the right man who I could spend "life" with. Despite the hurt that each failed relationship brought, I did learn more about me, my needs and wants, and just who I am as an individual. I have one very close friend (32 yo) who just got separated after ten years of marriage and another (32 yo) whose divorce was finalized in December. Both have said that they didn't know enough about themselves before making that commitment. They hadn't had enough life experience to really understand what the commitment of marriage was all about. You will grow and change so much in your twenties. Do not be in a hurry. Goodness, you're only 23. Enjoy it! You have so much to experience....you can travel and see places you've never been, you can volunteer your time to worthy causes, you can educate yourself even more if you'd like. You have so much self-discovery ahead and no one to answer to. Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I think you might want to read over what you just wrote. And then ask yourself if that is really the person you want to be. Because that person is sad, desperate, and doesn't have much self respect. Work on yourself first. Link to comment
Taylor527 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Haha - you sound just like me. I seriously want to be married with kids by age 30. I'm going to be 21 in a few days... so I have 9 years. So I know how you feel... Everyone says "you are so young - travel the world. etc, etc, etc" but for some reason the only thing that matters to me is finding a man that will love me and that will father my child... I want atleast 3 kids but honestly would have as many as my husband would allow! lol... I don't care about traveling the world, I don't care about experiencing the single life, messing around with a bunch of guys... all that doesn't interest me. I love to take care of children - watch them grow... its amazing to me! I love the feeling you get when you come home and you are at peace... its the most comfortable place in the world. I don't know.. I'm only 21 but I am soo ready to have a family... Link to comment
Taylor527 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 whats your number? LMAO. That was funny. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 You are only 23...you have time. At any rate, I see a lot of women in their forties who got married in their twenties and thirties and are now divorced and bitter. Far better to have never been married than to have a miserable marriage that ends in divorce and bitterness. i agree. if your goal is just to land a husband, any husband, by age of 30, i think you might be a very bitter and angry 35 year old. Link to comment
MattW Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I think you might want to read over what you just wrote. And then ask yourself if that is really the person you want to be. Because that person is sad, desperate, and doesn't have much self respect. Work on yourself first. I agree with that. Heh, with that attitude, BronzedSkin123, you're liable to end up like my one uncle; he married a woman more than 20 years ago (they're still married), mostly because he was heartbroken from losing this one girl he was in love with. Anyway, the woman he ended up marrying slept with ANYONE she could get her hands on (WHILE dating/ being married to my uncle). She had these weird "fantasies", like wanting to sleep with a guy of every race, and I heard she even wanted to make it with a midget. She slept with my uncle's other brothers, she slept with my mom's ex-husband, and she's not only hit on my dad many times, but she even hits on her daughter's boyfriends. My mom and my sister tease me that I better watch out, or my aunt will be hitting on me, too... @_@ As for my uncle, well... no one really knows if he knows about all this or not. Everyone else does, and my mom says he's implied that he knows, but no one knows for sure. I'd imagine he's probably only with her so that he has some one. So, obviously, you're a girl looking for a guy, but my point is, if you don't watch out, you'll get the male equivalent of my aunt (and no one wants that, trust me!). Link to comment
just M.E. Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Gosh ..... I don't know what to say, that thinking is [ mod edit] beyond any reason. It's easy to find someone to marry, there's plenty of desperate lonely people out there, but WOW, why would you want to be one and/or with one ..... doesn't love and respect and joy and happiness come into play somewhere in this equation? I also think that attitude will scare of any reason eligible suitor, might really want to rethink that a bit. I agree with the others, it is much better to be alone than wish you were. No one can make you happy, but the wrong someone can sure make you miserable. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I can really see where you coming from. I'm only 20 myself, but I know for sure I want to get married, and some part of me is terrified that I will find no one. I'm scared of going into my 30s single, feeling my biological clock tick and wondering if I'll be able to have kids. There's a friends episode that came to mind when reading your post. It's Rachel's 30th birthday and she's talking about what she wants to do (have three kids, be married, be with her husband for a couple of years before having children) and counts back and realizes she needed to meet her husband "6 months ago" in order to fulfill her time line! (BTW, in case you've never watched the show, it all turns out well for her in the end!) Anyway ... it can be scary but I'm sure you don't want to be married to a man you don't love or who is just average for you. I think it's a great idea to put yourself out there and try to meet men if you want a serious relationship. Keep in mind though it's not just about meeting men - you also have to be a good candidate for a relationship. Most men don't want someone who is lonely, insecure, or just looking to fill a void in her life. Link to comment
pilotgirl Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Wow. I'm 32. Still single. No current boyfriend. Never been in love. I have an active social life and a great circle of friends and co-workers. My best friend, the same age as me, has already been married and divorced twice. Now she's a single parent of a 5 year old. She was in a huge rush to get married at 23 also. Pretty much everyone in my circle of friends is married. You know what though, I'm not them. They are not me. Their life is not my life and I don't judge myself or my "failures" or "success" by what anyone else has. If your goal is to be married, knocked up, divorced and single again, then your desperation will surely get you there. Life is not the movies. Things don't always happen on cue and the story does not neatly wrap in 2.5 hours. Things happen when you are ready for them to happen. Saying you don't want to live long if something doesn't happen soon, just suggests emotional immaturity really. That's not going to attract anyone, unless you are just looking for one night stands and FWB. Link to comment
RayKay Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 the only thing that matters to me is finding a man that will love me and that will father my child Where does the part about being a loving partner to "a man" come in? Or that it is YOUR children? I don't know many men whom would be flattered by a woman whom just wanted him to step in and father "her" children. I have a relative whom just got married to a girl with this kind of attitude last weekend - it was a shotgun wedding in every respect. I spent some time with them the week before they got married, and believe me he is in for a hard life because she is entirely dependent on him for everything, very sheltered, and does nothing in return for him but expect more and more - it's sad and well, desperate. Nothing at all wrong with wanting children and to get married, but if those are your only goals you are not only entirely dependent on others for your own "goals" but you are missing out on developing the most wonderful relationship of all - the one with yourself. Because in the end, if you can't count on yourself and have that relationship with yourself - you are always going to be lonely whether you have kids, a partner, or not. Life is what happens when you are making other plans, and if you focus so much on timelines, you can miss the wonderful things about it before you even know they are there. Link to comment
KG Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Bronzed, Being married by a certain age defies all reason. You marry who you are in love with, who you trust, who will be a great and supportive husband, a giving man, a good father. You marry who is your soulmate. Who you'd jump in front of a speeding car for. Who you'd donate an organ for. Take it from a widower of 15 months, married for 25 years...you do NOT want to trivialitise this decision. Take your time, take a breath...being alone sucks, sure, I KNOW! But to rush into something to add up to your expectations of "age" and "numbers", will find you in Divorce section of ENA in less than 2 years. Be patient, stand firm, and don't give an inch. When he arrives, it will be glorious. I PROMISE! KG Link to comment
BronzedSkin123 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 I don't necessarily want to marry just any guy. But I want to be more proactive by trying to find him before or by the time I am 30 years old. It's very disheartening to watch my peers find love, build solid relationships and get married when I have yet to do any of those things. Your life starts to get more lonely as you watch everyone marrying off..friends start to become less concerned about you and they care more about their s/o and the life they are building together. I want to ensure that I will have someone who is supportive and loves me so I can have a more fulfilling life Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I don't necessarily want to marry just any guy. But I want to be more proactive by trying to find him before or by the time I am 30 years old. It's very disheartening to watch my peers find love, build solid relationships and get married when I have yet to do any of those things. Your life starts to get more lonely as you watch everyone marrying off..friends start to become less concerned about you and they care more about their s/o and the life they are building together. I want to ensure that I will have someone who is supportive and loves me so I can have a more fulfilling life i don't think that single = lonely. i know plenty of lonely, married people. i think there are really few things worse than being married to the wrong person. keep busy and happy. i agree with being proactive. join activities/clubs where you can meet men, volunteer, organize girls' night dinners, etc... have fun! it will happen when you are ready. don't feel bad about your friends getting married off. like the others said, in a few years, the first ones will start getting divorced! and honestly, i would much rather say, 'i'm 27 and never married' rather than 'i'm 27 and divorced.' no offense to those people in that situation, but i'm just glad that i haven't been divorced, even if that means i haven't been married. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 If you are not happy with y ourself, you will never be happy. Right now you are unhappy and you think marriage will make you happy. So you're gonna get married, and then guess what? You'll find out that marriage doesn't really make you happy after all. You will never be happy with anything unless you are happy with yourself. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 YOu are going to be married at any cost by the age of 30???? Well, you could always be a mail order bride. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 YOu are going to be married at any cost by the age of 30???? Well, you could always be a mail order bride. that's efficiency for ya! Link to comment
Eire1 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 BronzedSkin123, How often do you date? Do you use dating sites, or go to bars, or what's your method? It sounds like you need to start taking dating seriously and leave all the marriage stuff where it belongs - out of reach for now. Try to meet people and make it your new initiative to find someone who clicks with you. If you succeed here then you'll be enjoying yourself too much to get into all these silly timelines. If you approach men and give them any reason to believe you are looking for marriage you will scare them all off like you wouldn't believe. Men are frightened by the girl you're vowing to be - desperate for marriage. This will make it that much more difficult for you. Remember - Baby steps Find someone who makes you happy. Have fun. See what happens. Your life is your own, and you need to stop competing with your girlfriends. Link to comment
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