Being female is so unfair...

[rose2summer]

Being female is so unfair because we have to look pretty, stay thin, balance family with work...It really frustrates me. I was having this conversation with some friends and we were discussing what we wanted in a future relationship/marriage. The guys said well, they always want a good looking/thin woman but personality was also important. Then my female friend who is married said how stressful it is to be female, we are working so hard to excel in our careers, yet we have the stress of going to the gym, eating right, wearing makeup, nice clothes...just to make a guy happy...and the guys even said they would not be happy with a woman who didn't upkeep a very beautiful body/looks/dress. I get tired of salads and exercising all the time. It just stresses me out. I can be a really great professional and equal in status to a male, and he can look horrible and get all the women, yet I cannot get men unless I look great, men do are not very impressed with career accomplishments. Anyone have any thoughts?

[novaseeker]

I think women need to hold men to higher standards.

 

The only reason men can get away with what they get away with when it comes to their appearances and lifestyles, etc., is because women let them get away with it. Why should a woman discount the importance of a man's appearance, for example? Why not demand that the man is also someone who works out daily, eats protein shakes for dinner, and has a constantly updated wardrobe? It has always amazed me how some women let men get away with being slovenly, while holding themselves to high standards. If women enforced similar standards of physical beauty, wardrobe and presentation as men do, there would be much less inequality in this area, and perhaps then we could focus on the vexing issue of children, and how to make things more equal in that area.

[DN]

Well, if you think about the pressures on men you will realise that these things have a way of balancing out.

[Pegasus]

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

Naah...it's the same for both males and females just not in the same categories. Universe tends to equals things out.

[lillie]

I think it us women who make it so difficult. We are in competition to look better,have the nicest designer wear & to have the hottest b/f.

[pinkelephant]

all of those apply to men too. i dont date guys who don't work out/have nice bodies. infact, i'd go as far as saying that it's easier for girls to have nice bodies as oppose to guys. i hate pudgy guys. my ex bf and i even had that conversation. i'm naturally very thin. i gained a bunch of weight this year, but my body is still hot (lol sorry a tad conceited hahaha) but him.. he stopped working out for 3 months and he looks icky to me. but he had a veeeeeeery nice body before. only three months!!

 

 

i just think it's unfair that we get our period every damn month followed with fluctuating hormones that screw with our minds and horrifying cramps. GR!

[Pegasus]

i just think it's unfair that we get our period every damn month followed with fluctuating hormones that screw with our minds and horrifying cramps. GR!

 

From male side I can say that we don't particulary like that either

[annie24]

I think women need to hold men to higher standards.

 

The only reason men can get away with what they get away with when it comes to their appearances and lifestyles, etc., is because women let them get away with it. Why should a woman discount the importance of a man's appearance, for example? Why not demand that the man is also someone who works out daily, eats protein shakes for dinner, and has a constantly updated wardrobe? It has always amazed me how some women let men get away with being slovenly, while holding themselves to high standards. If women enforced similar standards of physical beauty, wardrobe and presentation as men do, there would be much less inequality in this area, and perhaps then we could focus on the vexing issue of children, and how to make things more equal in that area.

 

lol, yes, i agree! there's nothing i hate more than when a date comes to pick me up, and he is not dressed up, he's just kind of wearing the exact same clothes he wore that day - jeans, tshirt, sneakers and didn't shower. make the effort, please! i sure did.

 

well, we shouldn't eat salads and exercise to please the men in our lives, rather to stay healthy for ourselves. i have to say that since i've been careful about what i'm eating and have been exercising everday, i've had some health problems go away, like my asthma attacks are very rare now, whereas when i was overweight, i'd get them pretty regularly. and i used to have some stomach pains before, but not anymore. that alone is worth the salads and the exercise for me, although looking better is a nice side effect too.

 

my experience from an academic standpoint is that when i am stressed, my urge is to eat unhealthy foods and to not work out, but that kind of winds up being worse - i don't do better academically as a result. i've found that i do function better, when i am stressed, to have some physical outlet, so make time for a run or the gym or something, even if you're in the midst of finals.

 

interestingly, i just reconnected with an old friend from my past - my old college roommate... who just told me she's had a sex change from female to male. that was one of the biggest shocks i've heard so far. what she..... er.... he told me was that he gets more respect now in the workplace than he did as a female. that's kind of strange, and i hate to believe that is true. he said it's easier to give out orders at work being a man than being a woman. that makes me very sad to hear.

[lila...]

I've felt the same way sometimes. Sometimes I feel being a man would be so much easier because of the things you mentioned, you don't have to worry about makeup, having to look perfect all the time for your SO, staying thin, and it would be extra difficult if you're studying or have a career and on top of that have a family to raise. Men have it soo much easier sometimes. But that feeling only lasts a while, I wouldn't change being a girl for anything! The rewards are greater. I love dressing up and wearing makeup, we could improve our looks, we could bear children, we could get away with so many more things, also I think when it comes to dating and asking out we have it a lot easier! Also, men still have the added pressure of being the main financial provider in the household. Just my thoughts.

[musicguy]

attractive women can get what they want and sometimes for free. I mean "Ladies night" at a bar. Women can be in the adult industry a lot easier than guys can. Women can talk to potential mates for free when it comes to phone personals.

 

What do guys get for free for being attractive?

[lila...]

attractive women can get what they want and sometimes for free. I mean "Ladies night" at a bar. Women can be in the adult industry a lot easier than guys can. Women can talk to potential mates for free when it comes to phone personals.

 

What do guys get for free for being attractive?

 

Attractive guys have it a lot easier with the girls! I envy attractive men because they don't have to wear makeup to already be attractive...they don't even have to try and they look good! Now they have it a lot easier.

[Batya33]

I think the OP makes too many assumptions based on the men she happens to know. In the last 4 days I met one man and heard of another who are relocating to another state for their wives' job opportunities, I have two married friends where the couple take turns with child care during the week, and know and know of many men who don't want the situation you described with the barbie doll wife who works and works in the home with children. I met a bunch of people last week at a party where the norm was that the guy works and the wife works in the home with children, and has household help. Not saying I would want that just saying that there was no expectation that the wife works outside the home.

 

My bf encourages me to indulge in desserts, to skip exercise if I am not up to it, he doesn't care if I wear makeup. Obviously there are extremes - of course he likes when I dress up (as i do when he does), he likes when I am "domestic" but it's a balance. I am slim and I take care of myself - for me, always have. I enjoy looking nice and enjoy his compliments too. Nothing wrong with that.

 

So, I agree that you can't generalize and that you're not giving this enough of a balanced perspective.

[MD Geist]

Id say it depends on the person your dating.

 

I find it very sexy that a woman has a high standard for herself rather than be ghetto simply because I have a high standard for myself. If a guy wants his g/f to be sexy and dress nice and such, make a team thing he should also be working hard on himself to.

[Dako]

Well, if you think about the pressures on men you will realise that these things have a way of balancing out.

 

I agree. Being male is no picnic either.

[annie24]

But that feeling only lasts a while, I wouldn't change being a girl for anything! The rewards are greater. I love dressing up and wearing makeup, we could improve our looks, we could bear children, we could get away with so many more things, also I think when it comes to dating and asking out we have it a lot easier! .

 

oh yeah, just watch a makeover show. the haggard housewife turns into cindy crawford's hotter sister in 1 hour with some good hairstyling, makeup, heels and designer clothes. men - not so much they can do besides shave and put on nice clothes. they can't put on 'camoflage' the way we can.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You can mitigate this a lot by your choices.

 

For example, if you are with a guy who likes superthin women (and not everyone does), then you are asking for a lifetime of criticism you can avoid. If i was with someone who policed me and felt he had a right to do that and constantly criticize my weight ro me, i'd dump him and find someone who was happy with a normal weight girl. No way would i be with someone whose prime goal was a hot girl, because everyone ages and changes over time. If he's a critic and the food police, he'll just dump you or run around if you gain a little weight with pregnancy or age.

 

What always amazes me is the number of NON hot guys who aren't any prizes themselves who feel justified in criticizing their partner's looks. Women put up with it, and if they are normal and happy with their own looks, they should just dump a guy who is unreasonable.

 

And women are often their own harshest critics. They want a perfect house, a perfect body, a perfect career, perfect children etc. The world won't come to an end if the house doesn't get vacuumed this week, and again, if they are with a guy who demands that, tell him to get a second job to pay for a maid if he doesn't want to share responsbility.

 

Set your own standard for what you need to be happy and insist on it. If he refuses to compromise, be realistic, or pull his own weight, give him the heave ho.

[novaseeker]

its not our fault that the feminists brainwashed you for years to be equal and take up careers and such so that makes it more complicated for you. you wanted equality? you got it.

 

Wow, talk about backlash!

 

Feminism was right that men and women should be equals, by the way, that is not the problem.

 

as you stated, men are not impressed with career accomplishments. why would you think we are? i can care less if a girl has billions or a penny in her bank account. if she doesnt look the way that makes my heart skip a beat, forget it.

 

You're speaking for yourself here. I know many men who very much want to marry high powered women on a level career-wise where they are. You have so much more in common. The old stereotype of high powered career man with a trophy wife still exists, but there are many couples who don't follow that path at all.

[lila...]

oh yeah, just watch a makeover show. the haggard housewife turns into cindy crawford's hotter sister in 1 hour with some good hairstyling, makeup, heels and designer clothes. men - not so much they can do besides shave and put on nice clothes. they can't put on 'camoflage' the way we can.

 

haha, yeah that's true. That also comes with its downsides though. To keep that look (or mask if you want to call it those women have to do a lot to maintain it. If they keep at it they'll look great. Men on the other hand are either attractive or not! They can't do much about it.

[raffi_FL]

I don't mind the wearing makeup and working out part of being female, I do it for myself more than guys.

 

One thing that does really bother me about male/female issues is this:

 

When some guys can sleep around, chase women just for sex, make crude comments about women in public, etc. and they see it as "manly" or just doing what a guy does, and if a woman sleeps around she is described as a skank. (usually by these same guys lol).

 

I know many people are above these attitudes which is awesome but the people who aren't really tick me off. I'm not saying it is ok for either gender to act like dogs but I just wish the judgement was more equal sometimes.

[annie24]

as for men, men dont have to look good. men dont need to dress up for a date, we're men. were supposed to be kinda sloppy. we're about making money and taking care of business so we should have the upper hand. on the other hand, i do workout every day and eat the most plain diet with protein shakes, oats, chicken breasts, etc but thats because i like to have a nice body and like to be fit and healthy. i also like to be clean.

 

lol, i disagree! i wouldn't see a guy again if he didn't make an effort for me to look nice on our date. ok, maybe i'd see him again, but it would be certainly a turn off for me for him to think he just just show up as whatever, and wants his date to be perfect. blah. double standards, i hate them.

[lila...]

you dont get it, but like i said, men arent supposed to look good. women are. geesh.

 

Men aren't supposed to look good? Lots of women have the same standards as you you know, lots of women won't settle for a man that she doesn't find attractive.

[annie24]

Men aren't supposed to look good? Lots of women have the same standards as you you know, lots of women won't settle for a man that she doesn't find attractive.

 

i certainly don't! if i don't like the way a man looks, i don't date him.

[novaseeker]

You know, Ive looked at your previous posts, and you aren't totally the typical man...

 

I wasn't referring to my own preferences, by the way, but what I see in the workplace and community around me. Are you suggesting that my views are because of my own background?

[lila...]

well its a good thing you're not the only girl in the world..

 

I'm sure there is more than one girl out there that thinks the same way. What girl is going to settle with a man that doesn't make an effort to look good and a man she isn't attracted to?

[Dako]

I'm a man who values a woman's accomplishments, and am always strongly drawn to intelligent women. I believe a woman's place is wherever she wants.

I even admire women who have no use for men.

 

Somehow I feel unqualified to judge novaseeker's male orthodoxy. LOL.