Ashamed, I hardly have ANY sexual experience at my age

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I could never imagine telling my daughter who is near your age that i thought she was weird for having lack of sexual experience.

 

I think your parents have far more problems than you do.

 

I definitely agree. They should be supporting you in your career pursuits not making you feel like a freak. I had a friend in high school whose parents were on her case to date and find a man...she ended up getting so messed up by the way they treated her that she actually ended up bouncing around from guy to guy, having babies with them and having social service take them away from her because she was pyschologically unfit for parenthood. It was a very sad situation. Her parents did her such a disservice. No sense being promiscuous and landing up with babies and STDs.

[BronzedSkin123]

Yeah, my mom told me that it saddens her to see me go year after year without a boyfriend and to see me spend holidays alone. She claims it depresses her and my dad. This made me feel awful.

 

And I feel that once I go to Nursing school, I really won't have a life. There won't be any time for boyfriends or anything. I'll be attending school 5x a week for 8 hrs a day for a year. It'll be hard to meet Mr. Right like that. I am scared that I'll be one of those women with a career and no one in my life to share it with. It'll get harder as I get older. I am not sure if I even want to be a nurse anymore

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is only one year out of your life..better to get the career going so that you can be self-sufficient. Too bad if your lack of love life depresses your parents..they should be proud of who you are. As for having a career and nobody to share it with...well, I am one of those women. No, it is not what I would have liked, but that is the hand that was dealt. I would rather be in my situation than in the situation of a loveless, empty marriage and feeling trapped.

[GypsyMuse]

Yeah, my mom told me that it saddens her to see me go year after year without a boyfriend and to see me spend holidays alone. She claims it depresses her and my dad. This made me feel awful.

 

Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. They should be proud of you for the things you're trying to accomplish. Their job is to encourage you, not make you feel inadequate. Don't listen to those negative vibes.

 

And I feel that once I go to Nursing school, I really won't have a life. There won't be any time for boyfriends or anything. I'll be attending school 5x a week for 8 hrs a day for a year. It'll be hard to meet Mr. Right like that. I am scared that I'll be one of those women with a career and no one in my life to share it with. It'll get harder as I get older. I am not sure if I even want to be a nurse anymore

 

Most people meet their mates in the workplace. Concentrate on school. You'll meet many men in the healthcare profession. With luck you have another sixty years ahead of you. Don't be in such a hurry to do something now that might work about better a year or two from now.

[JadedStar]

Yeah, my mom told me that it saddens her to see me go year after year without a boyfriend and to see me spend holidays alone. She claims it depresses her and my dad. This made me feel awful.

 

 

What a selfish thing. They are making your life about them. I am very sorry you are going thru that. Being a parent is about being selfless and it doesn't sound like they are living up to that mark.

[JimmerJammer]

BronzedSkin123,

 

i don't see how that's anything to be ashamed about to be honest. Sexual experience doesn't mean much if you've sucked the entire time you've been doing it. Besides what does how many notches you have on your bed post accomplish anyways? Bragging rights? To tell that Mr.Right, hey guess what? Back before I went into nursing I went on a rampant string of sexual encounters with randoms because I wanted to be experienced.

 

I know it's tempting because I never really did that and I can see how now that I'm pretty darn jaded and don't see myself being involved with anyone that it would be quite easy to just start bedding whatever women I can. I think it's better for me that I focus on a career and become financially independent. I'm only suggesting that while being promiscuous will allow you to seek out some experience, I don't see what good that will really do. After all most guys I've known prefer the more innocent type of girl, they don't like thinking about how many guys you've been with.

 

Also with all these considered it's usually more expected that guys be the ones that perform and have a bag of tricks so to speak. So if you're worried about not being sexual proficient enough for the guy you do meet, then I'd worry more about just being able to let go and focus on the pleasure of it rather than how much you can impress him with your hip thrusts or experience.

 

What works? Honestly if you're a shy girl, I find a nice smile at me is usually enough for me to approach. Like today for instance, I was on my way home from the store and some girl smiled at me and I couldn't help myself but stop and talk to her. If it weren't for the fact I was seeing my friend tonight or how weird it would be to ask some stranger to come back with me, I probably would have gone for it. She was quite cute.

 

Often enough I am fine with approaching and talking. It's what I prefer. As far as being promiscuous though, I dunno I'm pretty tempted to do that now myself but there is that part of me that realizes it's rather empty. I prefer the emotional connection involved with being intimate with the same person. Having sex with randoms is more akin to masturbating if anything. Sure it feels good, but all it is, is release. There's no connection or anything. So while it's fine, there's still something absent from it. It's why I know I wouldn't be satisfied with being promiscuous, but I would do it because it would keep me safe from being hurt again.

 

Best of luck to ya

[ghost69]

any females you work with that go out? ask them.

 

kuiks, i only notice if their tag is sticking out of the back of their pants.

[redhearts]

I don't get what you are saying

 

lol im saying, she should be thankful she hasn't been around if anyone is saying anything to make her feel bad about not having any sexual thing, they are the ones who are ashamed or jealous of having gone around too much or something..

[Lana0120]

Don't let people dictate how you should be living your life. My own mother used to make similar comments about me years ago and I didn't take any notice. Just be friendly and approachable and it will happen. If you can, try and expand your opportunities for meeting people.

[segor56]

act like they are someone you've known for a long time.. or picture them like a little kid so you don't feel intimidated. No, on second thought that is weird.. don't do that.

 

 

Act like you aren't attracted to them at all.. then you won't be nervous.

[drewciouS281]

Bronze skin, post a picture so we can get an idea of your look and style. It may help us more to see the situation.

[KG]

Bronze,

I was dating a nursing school student, met her in a bar where they would hang out on Friday nights. She had a small circle of friends, would go out cuz of the pressuer of the studies. She was shy also...took awhile for her to adapt. We had 6 months of good times together.

Don't accept promiscuity...it will erode your self esteem....

Be PROUD of who you are, and the person you will become. It will happen when it's right...believe me. You don't want to wake up next to a guy, who has scribbled your name down on a bar napkin, so that he can remember what to call you in the morning!

Honest, you'll be OK!

KG

[JimmerJammer]

Ya what KG said is more or less my point. I've gone through a couple phases where i've WANTED to go and do this and the one time I actually did hook up with someone, I really hated it. I mean it was sex and sex feels fantastic, but i didn't feel good about it after. It actually reinforced my original feelings on seeking out a romantic relationship other than just a strictly sexual one. Even now when I feel tempted I know it's just going to make me feel worse.

[BronzedSkin123]

My mother can be hard on me. At times I don't understand her. I was having problems with my peers at my last job (picking on me, isolating me) and she told me that I need to stop wearing my hair down, trying to look better than everybody. She has been telling me I need to change my wardrobe, and stop wearng tight jeans and tshirts because I am not a teenager anymore (that is what most girls my age wear). I feel most comfortable and confident in what I wear. She claims that when people see me they think "who does she think she is?" by how I dress and look. I am just always confused and having anxiety over who I am and what I should do with my life. Sometimes I just shut down

[GypsyMuse]

My mother can be hard on me. At times I don't understand her. I was having problems with my peers at my last job (picking on me, isolating me) and she told me that I need to stop wearing my hair down, trying to look better than everybody. She has been telling me I need to change my wardrobe, and stop wearng tight jeans and tshirts because I am not a teenager anymore (that is what most girls my age wear). I feel most comfortable and confident in what I wear. She claims that when people see me they think "who does she think she is?" by how I dress and look. I am just always confused and having anxiety over who I am and what I should do with my life. Sometimes I just shut down

 

If your mom is clueless about how to support and encourage you (as it appears she is), you need to start teaching her how to be supportive. I know, you're the kid, she's the mom, but not all parents behave like parents.

 

So, next time she puts you down, say something like this:

 

"Mom, I know you mean well, but if you encouraged me and complimented me once in a while, it would help me more than criticizing me."

 

If you don't have the courage to say that, then just ignore her. She has issues. Don't let her put her neurotic emotional baggage on you because that's what she's doing. She may love you, but that doesn't mean she scores an A in parenting and you're old enough now to take responsibility for your own happiness. Do it! Finish school, get a job, then look for Mr. Right. Lots of nurses marry doctors and patients. Most of the nurses I know are happily married to people they met at work.

[BronzedSkin123]

I have told her that, and her response is to "get a man to compliment you" or "You are too old for me to uplift you and being supportive".

 

I really don't feel well at all. Spiritually I feel very weak and I am spaced out. I don't know what to do with my life or how things are going to work out. Everyday she is pressuring me to do things that I cannot handle. I am only working with the little that I have.

 

She says that I should get on Section 8, but from the research I done, it has a long waiting list and only caters to women with children. She tells me that she sees "single young men who are on section 8" and "young women" but I know that is not true. I even read that you can't be on Section 8 and be in college because that is considered a source of income. When I told her this, she got angry and accused me of being a liar, and threatened to hit me.

 

She keeps asking me about my schooling and when I will finish and I tell her that it will not be anytime soon. She tells me to get a job and if it takes 20 years then so be it. I don't know what to do. I cannot support myself with a mininum wage job. This is not how I want my life to be. I am doing everything in my power to get good grades and get through this. But I am so sad inside. I am scared of what my future might be

 

I am tired of her telling me I am not young, and that I am getting old. She says that 18, 19 years old is really young and I am far from it. I have anxiety and insecurity over my age everyday. I often wish I was a teenager

[BronzedSkin123]

When I tell my mom how she makes me feel she gets defensive and tells me that I am 'blaming her'. It's like we go in circles and nothing ever goes anywhere. She just denies how she makes me feel and nothing ever gets resolved

 

My mom tells me that I am not normal, and my situation is not normal either. I don't know what to do it makes me feel even worse.

[GypsyMuse]

When I tell my mom how she makes me feel she gets defensive and tells me that I am 'blaming her'. It's like we go in circles and nothing ever goes anywhere. She just denies how she makes me feel and nothing ever gets resolved

 

My mom tells me that I am not normal, and my situation is not normal either. I don't know what to do it makes me feel even worse.

 

Honey, your mom is neurotic and her negative comments have a lot to do with why you feel insecure. Do yourself a huge favor and stop listening to her no matter what she says. Get as far away from her as possible. If you are still dependent on your parents for financial support while going to school, then take some night courses or get an evening hobby so you come home late and don't have to listen to her telling you all these awful things.

 

She is not being a good parent. When you finish school and get away from her, find people who are supportive and then live your own life. You can be happy, but not around her. I know, she's your mom. She probably loves you even if it's in a nonsupportive way and you probably love her, but she's not good for you.