renaissancewoman101 Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 One month on NC doesn't always mean you get over someone. I've done NC for a few months. Didn't mean I got over someone. NC is great but doesn't work for everybody. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Barbie, let's look at this: 'he cared about me enough to help me if i was getting my a$$ kicked but thats about it. i asked him if he had feelings and he was silent for a minute and said yes but verry little.' So he'd step in if someone started attacking you... so what, a whole lot of NICE strangers would do this too, for anybody. it also implies that he could stand around and watch some other woman's ass get kicked and not do anything about it? (if you are so special he'd 'save' you and others he wouldn't). What kind of jerk is he? And why even use that analogy? He's admitting he has very little feelings. He came over for one reason only: to re-establish control and know that you still love him, and to set you up for the next time he comes he'll go straight for the sex. He's told you he wants to be free, but he wants sex from you. this was just manipulation and setting you up for that. You are a toy he doesn't want any one else to play with, and the only playing he really wants to do with you is sex. He's made it VERY clear that he's not offering you anything else at all. He doesn't really want to be your boyfriend, he wants to have sex with you, hang out with his friends (guys and girls), and know that you are at home pining for him should he care to show up. Barbie you MUST have some self respect here and recognize you are worth so much more than he is offering to you. He isn't offering anything but the ILLUSION of comfort and safety. You have nice little comfortable moments (which you could have from anybody if you got out there and started dating again), but those nice moments are surrounded, by chaos, drama, lying, cheating, and obsession. So he IS like a drug to you. a few minutes high, then your life gets trashed dealing with the negative fallout from a relationship with him. honey please get yourself away from him. you are longing really hard for the few nice moments you get from him, but blanking out all the rest of the negative here. Have a few weeks made him into a better person, no. Have a few weeks changed anything, no. Will he stop lying, no. Will he stop running around with his friends and leaving you wondering where he is, no. Nothing has changed but you got a little fix, and now you are suffering the aftereffects of that. Just walk away honey. If you have to leave town to do it, do it. It's a whole wide world out there and you don't need him in your life making you miserable 95% of the time. Link to comment
Belle Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 when i think of all the happy times with my ex ... i think that no one else will ever compare. so i think thats what my issue is. i am afraid of getting close to someone again. im afraid that i will always see him when i look at someone new. that i'll always miss him. that i'll never grow so close to another ... or his family. just that bond, that connection. those silly little things. a kiss on the cheek .... holding hands ..... cuddling ... cooking .... watching tv. i did that with him for the past year and a half. how could i ever not think of him while doing that with someone else?! i dont know. i miss all that and i miss all that with him. i dont want those things with someone else. it's confusing. Yes, but when he's gone, will you truly miss the drama and pain that he so easily doles out? Once the addiction is over, will you really love him? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 Yes, but when he's gone, will you truly miss the drama and pain that he so easily doles out? Once the addiction is over, will you really love him? I feel as though he is the first person i've ever truly loved. I could be mistaken because love is not supposed to feel this way. I felt such a deep connection when we made love. I had never felt that with anyone else before. I hurt badly when he was hurting. I cried when I saw him cry. To this day I still can't hate him. I would've done anything for this man. Above and beyond. Is that love? I don't know. How can you ever truly know if you are in love? Or just in love with the idea? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 It has been a month since we've been broken up. We were in NC up until now ... all of a sudden he feels the need to screw me up all over again ........... I was doing SO GOOD. I felt like I was on my way . . . I didn't think he was going to come back around. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 It has been a month since we've been broken up. We were in NC up until now ... all of a sudden he feels the need to screw me up all over again ........... I was doing SO GOOD. I felt like I was on my way . . . I didn't think he was going to come back around. now go 2 months NC Link to comment
Siriana Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 You should write on paper all the bad things hes' done to you, and all the bad things he said - than every time you keep wondering like you do now, keep reading that list. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 NC is truly, truly hard to do. IT wasn't before because he wasn't coming around. IT takes everything in me NOT to answer his calls. I easily let him in ... It's like he has this power over me. Its like I know we WONT get back together ... but it's just this thing ... I want the attention and the affection. I don't know. Lastnight for the first time I shut my phone off. But kept wondering ... has he called ... did he call ... Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 NC is truly, truly hard to do. IT wasn't before because he wasn't coming around. IT takes everything in me NOT to answer his calls. I easily let him in ... It's like he has this power over me. Its like I know we WONT get back together ... but it's just this thing ... I want the attention and the affection. I don't know. Lastnight for the first time I shut my phone off. But kept wondering ... has he called ... did he call ... shutting phone off is first step....it takes time Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 im strong when he doesn't come around and i tell myself NO MORE. but when he calls or comes around it's like BAM ... insecure ... needy me .... just falls for it. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 im strong when he doesn't come around and i tell myself NO MORE. but when he calls or comes around it's like BAM ... insecure ... needy me .... just falls for it. why the insecurity? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 One month on NC doesn't always mean you get over someone. I've done NC for a few months. Didn't mean I got over someone. NC is great but doesn't work for everybody. It doesn't mean you get over them in a month but it does help reduce the intense anxiety and weakness that barbie is showing and feeling right now. NC is good even if you don't get over the ex entirely. It helps keep raw emotions from coming to the surface everytime you see them. I couldn't imagine hanging onto an ex if i had feelings for him because it would be emotional torture. If we were both completely over each other it would be fine to be friends. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 why the insecurity? I don't know. If you refer to post #47 it kind of explains it. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 as you get older you will find all those things again.....I read #47 Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 I just think about it too much. I think wayyyyy too much into it. My sister and I were eating popcorn and BAM I thought of him because we always ate popcorn together on the couch. Then when I start to think of him my body starts to feel all weird. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 when i hear of Boston i think of a girl, San Francisco another, or the Dairy Queen another, or a Nissan Quest mini van another, U2 another, May 14th another...when i golf, i think of Natalie Gulbis lol---you get my point,you are going to have to deal with it Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 ya i get your point lol. it's going to be hard doing any of those things with anyone else without thinking of him. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 ya i get your point lol. it's going to be hard doing any of those things with anyone else without thinking of him. and when he wears makeup he will think of you Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 and when he wears makeup he will think of you unlikely ha-ha. but thanks for the smile i wonder what will make him think of me? or better yet WILL HE think of me? Link to comment
Bunney Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 ya i get your point lol. it's going to be hard doing any of those things with anyone else without thinking of him. No, you just think that now. Once you get over him, you're going to feel so relieved and ready for something completely new. I can't wait for you to move to another city. There's so much more out there. If I was you I would look forward to the future and enjoy being 'free' and single. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 Barbie i know you are remembering the good times but for so long as i have known you here it was one drama after another. Once you settle down and are not as overly anxious you are going to realize how tumultuous your life was with him. It is not worth a few good times to have to go thru so much severe drama on such a frequent basis. Link to comment
Belle Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I feel as though he is the first person i've ever truly loved. I could be mistaken because love is not supposed to feel this way. From my experience, no, love doesn't feel this way. Addiction and being with teh wrong person that isn't good for you does. Healthy love isn't where you love someone that you see can be as cruel and callous as this person is. That's more need based. I really wish you'd consider trying to see someone on a sliding fee scale. You need to learn to love yourself more than this jerk. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I agree with the other posters that suggest counseling. The fact that you think this guy is worth feeling this torn up over is alarming. All you should need to do is think about some of the things he's said and done and your stomach should turn at the thought of being intimate with him. What you describe is not love but obsession, habit, and addiction. The situations that you describe missing are situations that can be had with anyone- watching t.v., cooking dinner... these are all pretty standard scenarios in a long-term relationship. You say you can't do those things with another, but you haven't had that experience yet, so how do you know? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 ^ I sincerely hope not......He has been so evil to her...... Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 i cant see us getting back together. Link to comment
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