I let him in.

[metrogirl]

My ex is an ass....He was cruel....

 

I still love him.......BUT......have ZERO interest in ever letting him hurt me again.......I will give him an A for effort because not a day goes by that he doesn't try, but the key is...I don't let him.....I won't fall for it......I rememer every hurtful thing he did and said to me.....that's enough to keep me grounded and not fall for his BS again.

 

You need to remember what a jerk he is and not how good his body feels next to yours.

[barbielovesmac]

im so strong and it all sounds so good and easy when i talk about it on here .... but in life and when it comes down to it i suck and i am weak and i just let him walk all over me.

 

i say that im strong and i say that im going to be strong but it's clear that i am not

[Jayar]

Any chance you can do a big move? Is there anywhere you want to go? You say you live in a small town... Maybe a bit bigger town, or even a city would invigorate you with all the possibilities.

 

Personally I think your MAIN problem is that you see him everywhere, and you don't really KNOW any other guys you want to be with more... What are there, like TEN guys in your town?

 

Imagine living in a place where nobody knew you, you could start fresh, and meet hundreds and hundreds of new people. And when things don't work out with THOSE people, your likelihood of running into them, especially before someone better has come along, is small.

 

Don't just think I am saying this because I packed up and moved... I have thought you could use a good move for a long time now.

[lady00]

My guess is she rejected him so he ran to you. It sounds like you realize it was a mistake to let him in...we all make mistakes like this. It's OK and you will be OK.

[barbielovesmac]

Any chance you can do a big move? Is there anywhere you want to go? You say you live in a small town... Maybe a bit bigger town, or even a city would invigorate you with all the possibilities.

 

Personally I think your MAIN problem is that you see him everywhere, and you don't really KNOW any other guys you want to be with more... What are there, like TEN guys in your town?

 

Imagine living in a place where nobody knew you, you could start fresh, and meet hundreds and hundreds of new people. And when things don't work out with THOSE people, your likelihood of running into them, especially before someone better has come along, is small.

 

Don't just think I am saying this because I packed up and moved... I have thought you could use a good move for a long time now.

 

It's funny you should suggest this because I am actually making a big move in a couple weeks.

 

And your right it is verrrry hard because I do have to see him .... I have to hear about what he's doing .... or who he's with.

[barbielovesmac]

I don't see what right he think he has to even mention being mad at the fact that i am going out and at times hanging around other guys ................. after what he's done and what he is doing. i see NO logic in it AT ALL whatsoever. it really ticks me off ...... it makes him stupid for even saying those things to me ................. i just looked at him when he said that like are you serious?? like what does he even say it for???

how can he even get mad at me for going out and having fun when he's doing the same thing times TEN. he's already carrying condoms on him!

[Miss Firecracker]

He doesn't want anyone knowing he was with you?

 

You know why he said that, don't you? It was a way to make you feel inferior, trashy, dirty. It is all about control. He left flying high as a kite.

[lady00]

I think he is purposefully sending you confusing messages. I am not sure why but he's getting something out of it...some feeling that he likes. The only way to escape these games is to go NC. Sorry, he just sounds a bit nuts...I'm not sure what is going on in this man's head!

 

Edit: It might be that he gets a thrill out of drama...some people are like that...they enjoy the excitement of having drama in their lives and don't feel "normal" if their lives are peaceful and comfortable. All I can say is stay far, far away from him. His emotions/actions are totally unstable right now and it's not fair to you and your healing process. If nothing else, you need a break from his antics to clear your head.

[barbielovesmac]

I agree with you lady00 when you say he's a bit nuts. He is so mixed up ... he goes from saying one thing ... to saying a completely different. Just like when he said ... he's capable of loving me too saying I still love you. He's so conflicted. HE doesn't know what he wants to he keeps me on a whim just in case he decides he still wants me in his life.

 

You know when he left, I walked out with him like a fool .......... he said im sorry i came here ..... i asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted a life. he then again said ... he cared about me enough to help me if i was getting my a$$ kicked but thats about it. i asked him if he had feelings and he was silent for a minute and said yes but verry little.

 

if he ever truly loved me his love would NOT be gone overnight.

[barbielovesmac]

i really need someone to talk to

[JadedStar]

Barbie, i hope you realize it has already been well established that he wasn't in love with you. He really succeeded with what he set out to do when he came to visit. He has you completely mindblown again. THAT is what he feeds off of.

[midnightrambler]

i really need someone to talk to

 

why not professional help?

[lady00]

why not professional help?

 

Yes, I'd recommend this too...this helped me get through a very difficult breakup a few years ago.

[barbielovesmac]

He has you completely mindblown again. THAT is what he feeds off of.

 

that is right on jaded, right on. i even kind of said something like that to him. i said to him ... why do you keep coming around if you feeling nothing for me and he told me he didn't know. and it's because he feeds off it, he's just NOT going to admit that.

[JadedStar]

Barbie i do agree with midnight. If you can get counseling hon, please do> We can only help so much over a message board. You are obviously still experiencing quite a bit of anxiety over this and a counselor can help you.

[barbielovesmac]

i am in no way able to pay for proffessional help.

[JadedStar]

Your local health department, which you can find in your yellow pages, probably offers these services (or can refer you to a place that does in your area) on a sliding scale basis based on what you can afford and sometimes free of charge.

[barbielovesmac]

why did i walk out after him when he left? that made me look like a fool. god im so stupid. i gave him EVERY ounce of what he wanted. 1 - i let him in. 2 - i kissed him 3- i told him i loved him. 4 - i went after him.

 

he got what he wanted. he wanted to know that i was still weak in the knees for him. then he left right that right time .... when i was hurt and upset that he wasn't opening up. it was so easy for him to get up an leave ........

[JadedStar]

It's not too late to go back to the drawing board and rethink your plan.

 

So you relapsed. Barbie people will do that, no matter their age or maturity.

 

You can go right back to plan A. He got his kicks for one evening thinking he screwed you over but won't he be surprised if you go right back to sticking to your guns? He probably thinks HA i can screw her over everytime now. If he sees you go right back to the former stance of not talking to him he'll get the picture.

 

This setback wasn't a good situation but it doesn't have to make things altogether hopeless. You can go back to avoiding and ignoring him.

 

He sounds like such a punk. Don't feel bad for being more human than he is.

[barbielovesmac]

He sounds like such a punk. Don't feel bad for being more human than he is.

 

i can't figure out why i can't just walk away from him. i can't figure out why i even care so much. he makes it clear time and time again he doesn't care about me and that he doesn't want anything to do with me. so it's like why can't i be like that? if anyone should feel that way it should be ME, but i don't. he even made it clear while we were together that he wasn't 100% in our relationship, I just chose to ignore it.

 

but at the same time i can't help but wonder ... if he doesn't care then why is he still bothering with me?

[JadedStar]

It is hard to let go because you have some insecurities and deep down inside perhaps you are either 1) used to that sort of treatment and over time have grown to falsely associate it with love or 2) deep down you do not believe you are really deserving of something better. or a combination of the two.

 

Taht is why i urge counseling to try to get help in strengthening your self esteem. If you truly believed you were worth more than this then his little puppy dog punk games would not move you. And he would learn that real fast.

[barbielovesmac]

i know that i deserve better, i know. but it's almost like i think i won't find someone who will treat me right.

 

when i think of all the happy times with my ex ... i think that no one else will ever compare. so i think thats what my issue is. i am afraid of getting close to someone again. im afraid that i will always see him when i look at someone new. that i'll always miss him. that i'll never grow so close to another ... or his family. just that bond, that connection. those silly little things. a kiss on the cheek .... holding hands ..... cuddling ... cooking .... watching tv. i did that with him for the past year and a half. how could i ever not think of him while doing that with someone else?! i dont know. i miss all that and i miss all that with him. i dont want those things with someone else.

 

it's confusing.

[JadedStar]

We always have a rough time remembering the bad stuff when we are removed from the situation that directly involved it. That is a natural thing. Sit down and take mental inventory of the bad things....assign a rating of severity to them if you must. Then make a list of the good things, again assisning a rating.

 

Compare the two.

 

Don't' make the list when you are in a sentimental mood. It will be skewed.

[caro33]

Barbie it seems to me that you are in love with what you thought he was, not the real person. Your logical side that recognises he is not worthy of you is fighting your emotional side that just needs to get the nice feelings back. But you need to recognise that the nice feelings are associated with him, but they were your own association. He is not some great guy who loves you, he's something much less appealing; you are deluding yourself for some reason. So many of us do it, it's understandable. We want to be loved, we want to be lusted over, to be needed, to be appreciated. So we get suckered in to toxic relationships and we tell ourselves "this person is the one to get me". Well, no.

 

This is like any addiction - you need space and time to get some perspective, and the feelings and the need will wane. Your logical side is not going to win over your emotional side, through sheer force of argument, it's too hard. Getting that space hurts like hell and feels really wrong, but without it you will never get past this, and will keep on this cycle. Surely you are getting tired of it by now? Drama really is tiring, it's exhausting on you. It also makes you that much less able to break free - a bad, bad cycle to stay in.

[JadedStar]

It takes a month to make or break a habit in many cases.

 

I challenge you to go one month with no contact and avoiding his calls and visits.

 

After the end of the month i think you will feel a bit more at peace over losing him and you will begin to feel better and stronger ...