jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 but jett. . . the woman would probably have already spent her money on the pack of bandaids prior, and if she was worried about being late to a date then it isnt logical that she would go out and buy a whole pack so she can use one on a cut that has already clotted. that being said she would not have invested a full $3 in a box of bandaids for the date but rather for herself in general, this counts as a personal expense. Then the bandaid that she did use would be counted towards the date expense, so simply take the total of the pack of bandaids, divide it by how many bandaids are in the box and you have her total financial sacrifice to 'said' date. Exactly right! This is why, when I'm about to pay for a woman's coffee, I also take out 1 quarter, 1, dime, 1 nickel, and 3 pennies and say with a smile, "This is in return for your bleeding". I usually get a strange look from the woman, but I'm pretty sure they always know what I'm talking about. At least I hope so. Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Does anyone else here get upset when you hold the door open for people and they don't say thank you. Men and women do it to me all the time, like they expected it to happen. Grrr, makes me really mad. Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Does anyone else here get upset when you hold the door open for people and they don't say thank you. Men and women do it to me all the time, like they expected it to happen. Grrr, makes me really mad. Oh, no, this is no problem. When they don't say "thank you", you just casually trip them with your foot as they're stepping through so they land flat on their face. Then you laugh. Ok, really, a thank you should never be a concern. Favors done for someone else are done for you and not for them. You're commenting on the kind of person you are every time you do something kind for someone else. Their reaction is almost inconsequential. If they say "thank you"? Fantastic. If not, who cares. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Does anyone else here get upset when you hold the door open for people and they don't say thank you. Men and women do it to me all the time, like they expected it to happen. Grrr, makes me really mad. Yeah, it is irksome. Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Oh, no, this is no problem. When they don't say "thank you", you just casually trip them with your foot as they're stepping through so they land flat on their face. Then you laugh. Ok, really, a thank you should never be a concern. Favors done for someone else are done for you and not for them. You're commenting on the kind of person you are every time you do something kind for someone else. Their reaction is almost inconsequential. If they say "thank you"? Fantastic. If not, who cares. Whether or not people say thank you hasn't affected me doing nice things for strangers. It's just ingrained in me. It's more like I see it as a social commentary played out little bits at a time. People, on a whole, are getting more self-focused, more "gimme gimme" every single year. And every time I see people who act like that, it just makes me shake my head a little. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 It doesn't affect how I behave either...just blows my mind how some people cannot even acknowledge nice behaviors with a smile or a thank you. Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Moderator Note: Let's keep on topic please. This is about first date paying. Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Moderator Note: Let's keep on topic please. This is about first date paying. True. Sorry DN. I think the topic's turned into the proverbial dead horse. However, in closing: paying or not paying on the first date is no an obligation and women should not use that as a measuring stick of the person, it shouldn't only be added onto other negative aspects of the first date to make a decision about the second. But it's still a very ingrained belief in society, regardless of "equality of the sexes." I really enjoyed the comparison with women spending a lot of time to look nice. It's a dance at the beginning and both players need to know their steps. After the first few dates, make up your own dance. Link to comment
Bunney Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I personally woudn't mind a man not paying for the first date. I just don't care about that kind of "rules". There are more important things for me to worry about. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 True. Sorry DN. I think the topic's turned into the proverbial dead horse. However, in closing: paying or not paying on the first date is no an obligation and women should not use that as a measuring stick of the person, it shouldn't only be added onto other negative aspects of the first date to make a decision about the second. But it's still a very ingrained belief in society, regardless of "equality of the sexes." I really enjoyed the comparison with women spending a lot of time to look nice. It's a dance at the beginning and both players need to know their steps. After the first few dates, make up your own dance. I do not think anyone here should tell another person what they should use as a measuring stick when they are early on dating someone. No one is using this as a hardfast rule but if they want to weigh this in with other things it is their absolute right. If they want to not date guys who wear brown shoes that is their right. We are here to give people our opinions but not tell someone what they should or should not do. FOr me personally I am a pretty good read on people and if the person didn't pay for that first date and I got a feeling that they were just one of those complaining and negative types you can bet your bottom dollar - no pun intended - that I am going to use that as part of the measuring stick. It is a total package that a person is assessing when dating someone new and these little things are factor into that whole package. Link to comment
Gath Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 huh. Well. I didn't realize so many women still saw guys as a walking pocketbook. Talk about shallow. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 What do you do when a guy does not pay for the first date? We met on match and he asked me out and we met of a coffee, and yeah coffee is like $3.00 and I have enough money so the cost is not the problem. The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him? I don't consider a first meet a real date. Having said that, I would not like it if we only met for coffee, my coffee was $3 or less and he didn't offer to wait on line to get the coffee and pay for it. If he offered to hold the table and watch my stuff while I got our drinks (if it was crowded) I would expect him to offer me money for his drink but not for mine. But if he got up to get our drinks and asked me for $ for mine or told me what I owed I would be very turned off. and not just because he's a guy - it would seem kind of cheap. If a man asks me out on a real first date then I expect him to offer to pay. If he doesn't without a good reason, that would probably be a dealbreaker. Link to comment
Jayar Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I would handle this one of two ways: First, if he was just okay, and I could go either way with him, I would not see him again romantically. Done. Not paying for my coffee is a dealbreaker (not gonna hash it out, that's just the way it is. I have enough guys to pick from who WILL pay.) But if I REALLY liked him, I'd pull a "dumb fox" move and make an attempt at training him. He's either cheap or inexperienced. If the latter, maybe it could still work. This is only if I REALLY liked him. I'd stop acting like we were dating. I'd pull right out of the "dating game" and be his friend. If he want's to go out, great. You pay your way. Just assume you are friends. Either he'll continue on this way (then that's your answer right there) or he'll try and get closer physically. He may go for your hand or try and kiss you. Act the way you'd act if any other male friend made a move. Surprised, but not rude. I'd say something like "wow, where did that come from? I mean, I LIKE you but I didn't know we were heading this way... We haven't even had a proper date or anything!" He'll probably clue in and ask you out for real. THAT is your first date. If he doesn't clue in, he'll say "what do you mean?!" so be surprised and say "well I mean we just go out right? Like friends? I pay my way, you pay yours... I mean, do you WANT to be dating?" You can be innocently surprised (you know, your interpretation of his behaviour and all) but don't be rude or accusatory. And remember, if he DOESN'T make a move physically, he really is just after friendship. Take the hint. JMO. Good luck. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 huh. Well. I didn't realize so many women still saw guys as a walking pocketbook. Talk about shallow. did you read the rest of the thread?? Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 yeah maybe it wasn't really a date....hmmm I guess I will see what happens later Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Keep us posted konfettekate. If he does it the second time on the "real" date...ahhh...not good. Gath, read the entire thread before deciding you know what everyone is saying on just the last page. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Jayar, often the guy who doesn't pay otherwise treats it like a real date - calls in advance, plans, refers to it like a date. I would not be willing to pull my hand away just because he didn't offer to pay -- because I wouldn't want him to pay under those circumstances. Perhaps a teenager, early 20s person might be "clueless" but otherwise I don't think it's about cluelessness. As far as "not a date" I still would take issue with not offering to pay for my $2 coffee or $2 water or ice cream if we took a walk in the park. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 What do you do when a guy does not pay for the first date? We met on match and he asked me out and we met of a coffee, and yeah coffee is like $3.00 and I have enough money so the cost is not the problem. The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him? I had the same thing happen to me a few months back. My date was the one saying he wants to take me out to a posh place. The bill came to £60 he didn't pay. Guess its the first time for everything. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 But if I REALLY liked him, I'd pull a "dumb fox" move and make an attempt at training him. BAH! No offense but i train puppies...not grown men! Link to comment
DN Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 That seems to me way too much as if being on a date is a financial proposition. As if there is a price for holding hands, kissing and so on, perhaps with a sliding scale based on the total dating experience. Which would lead me to expect that the more the relationship progresses the more cold hard cash is going to be transferred in one way or another from wallet to purse. Link to comment
Caterina Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 yeah lol.. call him up and tell him he owes you 3 bucks for your coffee, see how that works out for you. Hey, I've said that I thought he should have paid before. Either the guy readjusts or yeah too much trouble to date Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I wasn't trying to tell her what to do or anyone else what to do. I probably should have added IMHO, but I already use that alot. I was expressing my opinion, nothing more. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 ^^GOtcha. It just seemed like saying "a woman should not use that as a gauge" was more of a fact then opinion. It's okay tho...was just clarifying. Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 ^^GOtcha. It just seemed like saying "a woman should not use that as a gauge" was more of a fact then opinion. It's okay tho...was just clarifying. ^^ phew..... Link to comment
Jayar Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 But if I REALLY liked him, I'd pull a "dumb fox" move and make an attempt at training him. BAH! No offense but i train puppies...not grown men! 100% agreed... But I thought I'd offer an alternative to "lord, just dump the guy and pick one who doesn't disappoint you right outta the gate!" Link to comment
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