Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 eww.... i'm sorry. thats just morbidly creepy that he left that tag on. Yeah but love blinds you huh Next time I'm telling things like this to someone with a clear head and asking what they think, lol. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why do some of you assume I have a problem with paying $3.00? I have money. I can buy hundreds of cups of coffee. Paying for the first date is just a nice thing to do, and yes a guy should so it. It's called being a gentleman. Also like I said on the first page, it's not the only thing that bothered me, but it's the biggest thing. Exactly. SEveral kept glossing right over several posts that said this IS NOT ABOUT paying the 3.00 or not. I guess the concept of gentleman is not alive and well amongst all men. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I guess the double standard that soooo many men have about the lady needing to be hot for that first date while he shows up in jeans and barely gets his hair combed doesnt exist.... The woman is always expected to spend a lot more time on her looks. Men are sometimes expected to pick up that first tab. BOTH genders have rituals they go thru that are not always the most fair but they balance out at the end of the day. FOr what its worth I am very fair and believe in equality. I think women who complain about somethings that are social standards because they don't feel like putting the effort are equally whiney. Who wants to date someone who nitpicks and complains about the small stuff? Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I guess the double standard that soooo many men have about the lady needing to be hot for that first date while he shows up in jeans and barely gets his hair combed doesnt exist.... The woman is always expected to spend a lot more time on her looks. Men are sometimes expected to pick up that first tab. BOTH genders have rituals they go thru that are not always the most fair but they balance out at the end of the day. YES THANK YOU! I cannot believe I forgot to mention this because it has always bothered me about society. Link to comment
Timebandit Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 because it's a social standard. And social standards are just something we should obey without questioning them? If a man decides not to pay because he is all for equality does it make him less of a worthwhile date? (I am not saying this is the issue - in that case he should have spoken about his conviction Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 And social standards are just something we should obey without questioning them? If a man decides not to pay because he is all for equality does it make him less of a worthwhile date? (I am not saying this is the issue - in that case he should have spoken about his conviction It just means he needs to find a person who has social standards, or lack of, that are more in line with his own. This is such a simple concept. IT is about finding people to date who are like minded enough to yourself to be compatible. Who really cares what is right or wrong? People have opinions that belong to themselves whether anyone else agrees or not. Finding a date who is compatible to your main views is your best bet. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 And social standards are just something we should obey without questioning them? If a man decides not to pay because he is all for equality does it make him less of a worthwhile date? (I am not saying this is the issue - in that case he should have spoken about his conviction So you say that if I show up to a date with bad hair, no make up, old jeans, and some t-shirt without shape, you wouldn't think it's weird? btw, he didn't show up looking like that just so we're clear. All I asked was: go out again or not but somehow this got turned into a doube standards debate. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Yeah i think we are really starting to slip into the times where the old time social standards are coming into question. for me i can see how its 'the mans part' to pay on the first date. i dont agree with it like i used to but i see where that tradition is still alive. But when you think about it, this is still based on a financial playing ground. Why not have it based on chivalry? Like if he buys your first meal but doesnt open the door for you at the resturant. Which are you more likely to judge him on? And which is more important common courtesy wise? door holding is really important too to be honest I'd probably still judge him on that if that's the only thing he did. Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 YES THANK YOU! I cannot believe I forgot to mention this because it has always bothered me about society. If I expect my date to shave her legs, I can at least fork out money for dinner. Razor - 12 bucks. Shower - 30 minutes. Bandaid because you cut yourself because you didn't want to be late to the date. - 3 bucks. And this guy isn't going to buy coffee? Come on now. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If I expect my date to shave her legs, I can at least fork out money for dinner. Razor - 12 bucks. Shower - 30 minutes. Bandaid because you cut yourself because you didn't want to be late to the date. - 3 bucks. And this guy isn't going to buy coffee? Come on now. BOOM CHICA BOOM BOOM. WINNING ANSWER. LMAO Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 It just means he needs to find a person who has social standards, or lack of, that are more in line with his own. This is such a simple concept. IT is about finding people to date who are like minded enough to yourself to be compatible. Who really cares what is right or wrong? People have opinions that belong to themselves whether anyone else agrees or not. Finding a date who is compatible to your main views is your best bet. Perfectly put SuperJadedStar. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 If I expect my date to shave her legs, I can at least fork out money for dinner. Razor - 12 bucks. Shower - 30 minutes. Bandaid because you cut yourself because you didn't want to be late to the date. - 3 bucks. And this guy isn't going to buy coffee? Come on now. ROFL! Luckily, it was cold so I didn't have to shave Link to comment
dqueen Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 What do you do when a guy does not pay for the first date? We met on match and he asked me out and we met of a coffee, and yeah coffee is like $3.00 and I have enough money so the cost is not the problem. The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him? I would think that it's polite and courteous for the guy to have paid on the first date. I remember on one date I went on about 4 years ago, the guy did not pay for my meal. "No biggie" I thought. He was more interested in getting into my pants. I forgot about him and decided not to waste anymore energy on it. Some guys suck. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 me too, i would rather see some door holding than some coffee buying if i had to pick. because door holding is about pure consideration. coffee buying has money involved. haha now that I think about it.. I don't remember if he held the door or not... But if I ever noticed that my date didn't do that, I'd run.. I mean, if a total stranger on the street can hold a door for you, so can your date! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 haha now that I think about it.. I don't remember if he held the door or not... But if I ever noticed that my date didn't do that, I'd run.. I mean, if a total stranger on the street can hold a door for you, so can your date! I agree..coutesy is really dying out and it is a sad thing. If i reach a door first i always hold it for the stranger behind me. When i see a young couple out and the guy goes right out the door and never even holds it for her i think to myself what a little jerk... Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I just want to say that is one expensive ass bandaid! it better be made of silk and have gold leaf pinstriping on it for that much! LOL they don't sell ONE bandaid I agree..coutesy is really dying out and it is a sad thing. If i reach a door first i always hold it for the stranger behind me. When i see a young couple out and the guy goes right out the door and never even holds it for her i think to myself what a little jerk... some random guys actually stand aside and let you come first even though you're total strangers. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 some random guys actually stand aside and let you come first even though you're total strangers. Yep.. And it isn't about a girl not being able to open a door. I am a people observer. I have found that guys who make these small gestures just seem to be nicer guys all the way around. More courteous. Those who think i am crazy go out and observe people more and you will see what I mean. A young man who holds the door open for his girl and pulls her chair out was almost always raised to be respectful....it really shows. This doesnt mean this is the only gauge one has to figure out if he is a good guy or not but these little things normally point towards bigger things that are resepctful. Parents need to raise their kids to be more courteous. Most of this starts as children. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 thats EXACTLY my point Kon! heehee you didnt notice him holding the door or not but you did notice he didnt pay for coffee! see? isnt that weird?! maybe it's because he held the door so I didn't think about it, haha Sorry it's just that this is the first time this happened to me and that's why I'm a bit weirded out. The other guys spoiled me Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 haha now that I think about it.. I don't remember if he held the door or not... But if I ever noticed that my date didn't do that, I'd run.. I mean, if a total stranger on the street can hold a door for you, so can your date! All this talk is making me realize that I'm more "romantic' toward my male friends then many men are with the women that they're trying to bed. Hahahaha. Should people really just be practicing kindness toward everyone? And if you follow this rule then you're not going to have to wonder whether you did the right thing. Are there people on these forums who have gone out with a group of friends for drinks, and then NOT asked the question to the table, "So, what am I buying you guys to drink?" Really? That's crazy talk. That's just what you do. And the next round is on them, etc. And if someone buys no drinks that night... big deal! If you're taking a woman out, treat her WELL. How hard is that? It takes almost no effort, and if you're straining yourself like some little horny, freaked out bastard just to remember to open the door for her when she enters the restaurant, then you're doing it wrong. It's not hard. Just do it. Don't bring it up later. Don't keep a scorecard. Don't say "Well I did this for you so get naked." Don't expect a damn thing in return. Just freakin' do it. Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 The fact is that times have changed and it is time this particular concept changed along with women not being allowed to vote. The charge that a man is not a gentlemen because he doesn't pay is as outdated as that of a woman being of loose character if she has sex before marriage. Generosity is not a trait that should only be exercised by men. Brainwashing is all very well to claim but it is also convenient. Here is the reason that I think this particular idea should change. "He who pays the piper calls the tune" is a concept that is still around. Money is power, whether we like it or not. Someone who spends more money cannot help but feel more entitled in the relationship - it's just human nature. That doesn't necessarily manifest itself as "if I pay she has to give me sex" but there will still be a sense that the woman owes the man something. Whether that be that she is less equal in the relationship in who decides what or that there is something to be repaid in some way. The man pays concept came from a day when men were expected to be the head of the household, make all the major decisions, be the breadwinner and the woman was supposed to be a stay at home housewife and mother. By the man paying he was demonstrating that he would be a good provider and husband and by the woman accepting she was demonstrating an acceptance of her more subservient role. If that is what a couple still want then go for it. But if either person wants something different beware - for you are setting up a scenario that neither of you may find to your taste at some point in the future. Oh, you might say, that is silly over a $3 cup of coffee. And so it might be. But it is often in small ways that a pattern is set for a relationship. Both men and women are best served by a general equality of expectation. And remember the old axiom: when someone says "it's not the money, it's the principle" - it''s the money. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Now how about guys who don't shave for a week or two because they're "lazy" but then you skip one day of shaving your legs because you got a really bad razr burn, and he says "you didn't shave today?" Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I will be the first to admit I don't want to date a cheap guy or one who is broke. I have every right to feel that way too. I work hard for my money and want someone who does the same. At my age i don't want any excuses ... Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I just want to say that is one expensive ass bandaid! it better be made of silk and have gold leaf pinstriping on it for that much! They don't sell bandaids by the band. They're sold by the pack. Also, if it was an "ass" bandaid, and you hurt your butt, then yes, it probably would be an expenive bandaid. It would be called Tegaderm and would actually cost about 16 bucks for a 5 pack. I know because I've had to use them on my ass after sliding accross the pavement at 34 mph and losing all my skin. Ouch! As for simpler bandaids, I prefer bacon! image removed Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I will be the first to admit I don't want to date a cheap guy or one who is broke. I have every right to feel that way too. I work hard for my money and want someone who does the same. At my age i don't want any excuses ... oh WORD. I'd never date a guy without money. Too many problems. And it's not about being a gold digger. Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 All of this may be true, but it's WAY more then I'd ever want to contemplate when the barista mouths "3 bucks for the coffee please". I'd much rather just fork over the 3 bucks rather then have to engage in the internal, 10 minute feminist monologue. All that said, you're right DN. I agree with the sentiment 100%. No one should be "buying" anyone else's affection, and you won't find anyone who is more of a proponent then me regarding diminishing the power return that comes with money. Link to comment
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