midnightrambler Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 time with a woman is worth $3.00 Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 He may have thought (as many guys do these days) that he wants a relationship with someone who regards herself as his equal - in every respect. And not as someone who is going to look upon him as a source of financial support or subsidy. Times they are changing and expectations along with them. Whereas a woman may think a man is potentially cheap for not paying for a first date a man may think that a woman who expects him to pay is potentially a gold-digger who is more interested in his material worth rather than he worth as a person. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Cheap and stingy with a $3 cup of coffee = stingy and cheap with his affection toward you. Watch out, you're not "the one" in his eyes. Maybe "the one for now"? Haha I don't see how ANYONE can say "she's the one" or "he's the one" after JUST meeting the person in the coffee shop. Besides, I'm looking for a bf, not a husband..lol. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 buying on the first date has nothing to do with quality charachter imo. my ex bought me alot of things and always paid when we went out to eat even in our first dates and such.. he ended up being extremely controlling and mentally abusive.. as well as a slight dabble in the physical... If you use this to determine if a guy is good for you, then yes, that is ridiculous. YOu can't say that a guy who is generous is going to be a great boyfriend and you can't say a guy who doesn't pay on the first date will be a bad one. That is silly. It is merely a flag to look closer. A guy who balks at a few dollars for coffee is likely to balk and gripe about a lot of things. I have found this to be consistent with every guy i met who is cheap on that first date. They tend to be a bit gripey about a lot of little things. This is not an end all be all thing, it is a mere redflag (sorry DN, know you hate the word but it is what it is) that would cause me to look more closely at the whole package. Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Cheap and stingy with a $3 cup of coffee = stingy and cheap with his affection toward you. Watch out, you're not "the one" in his eyes. Maybe "the one for now"?Why does that not work in reverse? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If you use this to determine if a guy is good for you, then yes, that is ridiculous. But a guy who balks at a few dollars for coffee is likely to balk and gripe about a lot of things. This is not an end all be all thing, it is a mere redflag (sorry DN, know you hate the word but it is what it is) that would cause me to look more closely at the whole package. makes sense to me Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My boyfriend has never ONCE paid for any outing that weve ever had. I didnt mind though because I had a job and he didnt. His mom always made me dinner and stuff..does that count? But that im jobless now..it would be nice for him to at least ask his parents for money to pay for something....btw were both 17 THat is different Brittney. YOu knowingly paid knowing he didn't have a job...and you are both pretty young and not yet financially stable. Link to comment
lillie Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Man, * * * * that! If I take a girl out for the first time, I'm paying. Period. I'm going to hold the door open for her too. If a girl is so "independent" that she doesn't appreciate my manners, or takes my etiquette as being too old-fashioned, needy, or chauvinistic, we don't need to be together. This is my kind of man!! Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My boyfriend has never ONCE paid for any outing that weve ever had. I didnt mind though because I had a job and he didnt. His mom always made me dinner and stuff..does that count? But now that im jobless now..it would be nice for him to at least ask his parents for money to pay for something....btw were both 17 i think that is a Gigilo......mom's dinner always counts Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My boyfriend has never ONCE paid for any outing that weve ever had. I didnt mind though because I had a job and he didnt. His mom always made me dinner and stuff..does that count? But now that im jobless now..it would be nice for him to at least ask his parents for money to pay for something....btw were both 17 If you're both jobless, who's paying for the dates? Are your parents giving you money to pay for him as well? Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 so say we go out again and if he doesn't pay again then he would most likely be like this all the time and I should just forget it? Money was one of the things that bothered me in my last relationship. Nothing was ever brought up by him but he never let me forget how much he needs to work because he is oh so in debt. I had no job for half of our relationship so I could pay maybe 30% of the time. (it was LDR and I lost $250 because the bastard decided to break up after I bought my plane tickets. Guess who was in dept then!) Now though I have a job. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If money bothered you in your last relationship and he takes you out again and doesn't pay, regardless of what some of the others think about this on this thread it means that to you IT DOES matter. ANd in this case that is ALL that matters, how YOU feel not anyone else. It would bother me too. IF he doesn't offer to pay on the next date I would not use that as a deal breaker, instead think about how you feel about him overall. Are you leaning more towards the positive side, or negative? If you are very neutral or leaning a bit to the negative then his not paying might be the thing to take him over to the negative side to the point he is not a good potential. If he is over the neutral line and leaning in the positive area maybe there is leeway to overlook this. But only if you are feeling pretty good about him in many other areas. Make sense? Link to comment
Brittney2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If you're both jobless, who's paying for the dates? Are your parents giving you money to pay for him as well? I was layed off a little over a month ago so it hasnt been that long. Plus I still had most of my tax return left but now im broke..I have asked my dad for money but he never asks his parents for money. And plus his dad is soooo super rich and were practically struggling to get by so its a little unfair. JadedStar I do understand its different. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 well. i think DN has hit one hell of a good point here and a nice and dirty double standard. . . i'd also like to add that being 'cheap' almost garuntees that they arent in debt and can be very wise with their money. yes woman love to be pampered and all but i'd take a cheapy over a guy who went out all the time to paid for my meals.. the latter would be the one to spend like crazy... not good imo i spend it like D.Wayne Lukas....treat a lady like she is special... Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 For me, it would be about splitting a tiny little bill. I wouldn't mind paying for both drinks or neither, but I wouldn't expect to stand there and have two separate bills. The way I've always done it, whoever gets to the till first should pay! Or whoever picks up the bill should pay both. It does feel really cheap from either to balk at paying for two coffees, and to expect each to pay for their own. Somehow not really a date! I usually try to pay for something on the date - so if he buys dinner, I would pay for the taxi, or if he bought movie tickets, I would buy the popcorn, or...etc, you get the picture? I think there needs to be a joint effort. And yes, if a guy was too cheap to lash out for a three dollar coffee, then I would be a bit put off. But like I say, I would pay for both myself rather than split the bill. I hate doing that, to be honest. Take it in turns. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My wanting a guy to not be cheap and pay for the first date means that I AM generous and want a guy who is the same. I have been in. Look, those of you who disagree it is fine, but realize some people have valid reasons for feeling this way. Every guy i ever met who balked on paying that first date was a total whiney complainer. I have found this to be consistent everytime and I will continue to use it as a gauge if i find myself single in the future. It is a redflag like i said, that means something to make one look closer. Personally i'd rather do the pampering then be pampered. Take a gander at this forum for isntance. Almost all of the guys who write threads about getting irritated that they have to pay for that first date have a common theme in all of their threads of negativity and whining, Link to comment
russ978 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Are you kidding me? I woulda shelled our for coffee but at the same time... If you're going to get that nit picky after the first date...do this guy a favor and don't subject him to your critique. If you were my close friend, I'd laugh in your face and likely spit up the cup of coffee I'd just bought you to make a point of how little an issue that $3 cup of coffee was. Focus on the big issues...don't get all nit picky after the first date... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 ^^People aren't suggesting that she would say anything about it or nitpick about it. It is something to wonder about. Again, people...hello IT IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. It is about a guy who apparently is so cheap he says "umm, can you pay for half of this six dollar tab"? If the waitress hands the tab to the girl, and the girls says to guy its only a few bucks I got it, but he still at least offered, then that is different. I dont find that to be as cheap. Link to comment
russ978 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Sorry...just my initial reaction... I'm just trying to point out that little stuff like this...you gotta laugh... On a similar note...I hope my first date yesterday didn't judge me because I kept sneezing due to allergies. Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 $3 is no big deal but i do have a problem with women who expect that a man will pay for their entertainment, dates and so on. I realise that was the standard and when I was dating my wife many moons ago it was the norm and I followed it - I paid for everything. But times were different back then and if women truly want equality then it means being equal in all aspects of a relationship and that from the get-go. Calling a man cheap because he doesn't pay is a simple double standard because a woman must also be cheap if she doesn't also put her hand in her purse. Saying that he will be emotionally mean because he is financially mean is also saying that a woman who won't pay is also a woman who will also expect that she has an expectation that she will be subsidised by a man. It is fine to be generous but generosity should be a two way street - otherwise someone is taking advantage of outdated practices and someone else is getting ripped off. I find the concept of 'paying for a woman's time' to be degrading to both the man and the woman. Link to comment
jettison Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 What do you do when a guy does not pay for the first date? We met on match and he asked me out and we met of a coffee, and yeah coffee is like $3.00 and I have enough money so the cost is not the problem. The problem is that all my dates have always payed for the first date, no matter where it was. Should I forget about it and see him again or forget about him? For whatever it's worth, if I'm hanging out with a guy for the first time, I'll pay for his freakin' coffee or his lunch or his beer. Geesh. I'm straight btw, and not trying to get in his pants. I'll just pay because, bloody hell, why the hell not? At some point, he'll pay for me. And if he doesn't? I still don't care. I'd like to think that maybe this guy just wasn't taught what to do when taking someone out. It's possible. Or perhaps he was just nervous. Lots of possibilities. You should go out on a date with him and see what happens. If you like him, then keep going out. Eventually, the guy has got to pony up for something. If 3 dates have gone by, and he has never offered, then I'd tell him: "You know, I like you. We seem to have some chemistry. However, I have to say that I've never met anyone quite like you. Usually, when men take me out, they offer to pay for everything. I'm guessing that they're trying to make me feel special or send a message that they like me. You never do that. Why is that? Is that just the way you are or the way you were raised?" Don't say this with any disdain in your voice. Be sweet about it. See what he says. Maybe he'll say, "Damn, sorry. I've been so thoughtless. Let me pay for the next night out." Or, maybe he'll tell you "Yep, that's just the way I am. I don't believe that people should pay for each other." No matter his answer, because you were willing to ask questions and be forthright, you'll be rewarded with the real answer in return. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why do some of you assume I have a problem with paying $3.00? I have money. I can buy hundreds of cups of coffee. Paying for the first date is just a nice thing to do, and yes a guy should so it. It's called being a gentleman. Also like I said on the first page, it's not the only thing that bothered me, but it's the biggest thing. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 i'd personally like to find a guy who was tight about money. alot of them are downright moronic when it comes to spending, its hard to get one who knows not to go down to the bottom dollar of their checkbook (if they even have one) before each check comes in... i think most of us can agree to give this guy in question a second chance however. Sorry that last ex I was talking about? Totally hated spending money... except for on himself. He even left a price tag on the 1 year anniversary gift and then pretended like he forgot to take it off. Hello? Link to comment
DN Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why do some of you assume I have a problem with paying $3.00? I have money. I can buy hundreds of cups of coffee. Paying for the first date is just a nice thing to do, and yes a guy should so it. It's called being a gentleman. Also like I said on the first page, it's not the only thing that bothered me, but it's the biggest thing.Why is it being a gentlemen for him to pay and yet you are still a lady if you do not. It just astounds me that people cannot see the double standard. What is it about being a woman that entitles her to have man pay for her coffee? Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why is it being a gentlemen for him to pay and yet you are still a lady if you do not. It just astounds me that people cannot see the double standard. What is it about being a woman that entitles her to have man pay for her coffee? because it's a social standard. I'm not asking this question because he took me to an expensive restaurant and didn't pay for my $200 meal. I don't give a damn about the money part of it. I was brought up to think like this. Why is that so bad? Sorry that I can't change 21 years of brainwashing. Link to comment
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