not paying for first date

[Caterina]

Its a cultural thing, not a moral thing. I don't think that there is anything wrong with either side.

[JadedStar]

men and women should both be held to high standards

 

Absolutely.

 

And those who say this won't happen...not sure why. If they don't think they can do it that is fine but it isn't nice to speak for others.

 

I hold myself to a high standard and won't date someone who doesn't do the same. I respect myself, I respect others and surround myself with people who do the same.

[JadedStar]

^^doesnt that say it all? Its not age. its the principles of the times that are a changin'

 

IF you met me, you would think by my actions I am about 25 because there is nothing "old" about me. I don't even look my age. No one needs to preach to me about times are a 'changing. I am very current on most everything.

 

Most of my friends are the ages of 22 to 28...so please don't preach to me about times changing. I am more than aware of what is going on today.

 

People your age come to me for advice all the time as well

 

My 22 year old daughter doesn't mold to this standard that young people now have that is a "i want it now" mentality and lack of respect or values. I am not saying all young people like this are like that but far to many want want want and don't want to work for it.

[Caterina]

see, women love guys like you middy, we dont even have to say 'put it on my tab' because we know we never will have to pay up. sad but true. its easier for a woman to take and take and give nothing in return with these old dating standards. i personally never was comfortable with the feeling that i was taking advantage of someone, even if they elected to do these things.

 

How is it taking advantage? Maybe for some, but speak for yourself...

[JadedStar]

i didn't think treating women as equals in society means we don't treat them like ladies on a date

 

Yea, really. LOL

[midnightrambler]

see, women love guys like you middy, we dont even have to say 'put it on my tab' because we know we never will have to pay up. sad but true. its easier for a woman to take and take and give nothing in return with these old dating standards. i personally never was comfortable with the feeling that i was taking advantage of someone, even if they elected to do these things.

 

they offer to pay, i win out with my charm i suppose. and if we go out other times the scales balance out. I see nothing wrong with making a woman feel good about herself and maybe even have her think well about me.....

[midnightrambler]

Yea, really. LOL

 

you've come a long way, baby--Virginia Slims

[JadedStar]

you've come a long way, baby--Virginia Slims

 

HEEHEE

 

No smoking here. Don't want any laugh lines. LMAO

[JadedStar]

i think you just summarized the very standards that you are trying to defend when you wrote this. lol. silly silly.

 

How so?

 

I read your posts about this topic and I see a young woman who thinks that she knows exactly what everyone thinks when they are writing their posts here and i am telling you that you don't have a clue. You keep saying women want to hold men to high standards and they want a man to cook and clean for her because she is weak and does nothing for herself. Bull. If you know women like that don't project it onto everyone else. It's not accurate.

 

I bet I'd chop a log quicker and faster than you, and probably beat ya in a horse race too ... I'm not the frail damsel in distress that you have hypothesized based on my mindset that I don't want to date cheap men. There is nothing about me that thinks I am more superior than a man or that I can't perform many tasks that men traditionally perform.

 

You have some pretty archaic notions for someone supposedly young and progressive. The difference between you and me is I am not attempting to pretend that I know exactly what everyone feels and does in their personal lives based on their view of whether or not they want a man to pick up that first tab or not.

[midnightrambler]

How so?

 

I read your posts about this topic and I see a young woman who thinks that she knows exactly what everyone thinks when they are writing their posts here and i am telling you that you don't have a clue.

 

I bet I'd chop a log quicker and faster than you, and probably beat ya in a horse race too ... I'm not the frail damsel in distress that you have hypothesized based on my mindset that I don't want to date cheap men.

 

You have some pretty archaic notions for someone supposedly young and progressive.

 

tell me you make custard pie and i may just go for you

[JadedStar]

I make a mean custard pie midnight. LOL

[Caterina]

YOU'RE making the pie?!?! SEXISM

[poojashanka]

Come on.. Chill out... It's just the first meet. If he ends up being stingy all the time, forget him. Else, be happy that you've projected yourself as a self sufficient girl.

[JadedStar]

LOL Caterina.

 

SHHHH! Don't say that too loud.

[JadedStar]

YOu were talking about women who think men who don't pay for dates are cheap and then you went on a tangent about all of these fluffy weak things they also do and since I am very much someone who wants the guy to offer to pay that first tab then yes, i am going to take that to mean that you think i am some frail female.

 

You are pegging me wrong. And no i am not making assumptions about anyone on this thread...but I WILL make assumptions if a guy acts too cheap to pick up our tab beccause I am entitled to assume anything i want if i am going out with the person. If my assumptions were wrong I am only hurting myself.

 

I am not being argumentative here just stating the fact that you are assuming that women are man eaters who want to take men for a ride if they think chivalry shouldn't be dead. That's crazy.

 

I am one of the most fair people on earth in a relationship.

 

And there is no right or wrong to either view but when you expound on that view to say that people who feel that way also....fill in the blank...the statements are incorrect.

[JadedStar]

Come on.. Chill out... It's just the first meet. If he ends up being stingy all the time, forget him. Else, be happy that you've projected yourself as a self sufficient girl.

 

This is why i stated over and over, but it might have been glossed over, that it is an entire package thing. If he doesn't pay and there are other things that i have been on the fence about that not paying could potentially be the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

But there is no definitive answer on this. He might be such a great guy otherwise that I choose to overlook that. Without being in the situation no one can say with certainty what they would do.

 

I am talking about propensity only. I have found men who balk over buying a $3 cup of coffee, and i have seen men create threads here who are angry that the chick left them with the tab, tend to be cheap and difficult in other areas too.

[midnightrambler]

if a guy doesn't spring for coffee on the first date then he has no right to ask a woman to shave her vagina either

[JadedStar]

ROFLMAO MIDNIGHT!

 

But ironically there are guys who don't pay and still expect that stuff!

I have seen it with my own eyes on threads here.

[midnightrambler]

ROFLMAO MIDNIGHT!

 

But ironically there are guys who don't pay and still expect that stuff!

I have seen it with my own eyes on threads here.

 

i find those men sad and pathetic

[DN]

if a guy doesn't spring for coffee on the first date then he has no right to ask a woman to shave her vagina either

So it is a sort of quid pro quo? A fee for services yet to be rendered?

 

I have more respect for women that that. I think most women have more respect for themselves than that too.

[jettison]

i find those men sad and pathetic

 

 

Are you attacking me!? Is that a personal attack on me? Let's keep this above the belt her people. I ask my women to shave their vagina on the first date, but I also have a moral obligation not to drink coffee because of the dismal conditions and low wages experienced by Columbian migrant workers. Sure, call me "sad and pathetic", but I care about Columbian field workers AND perfectly shaved magic purses. Is that so wrong?

[midnightrambler]

Are you attacking me!? Is that a personal attack on me? Let's keep this above the belt her people. I ask my women to shave their vagina on the first date, but I also have a moral obligation not to drink coffee because of the dismal conditions and low wages experienced by Columbian migrant workers. Sure, call me "sad and pathetic", but I care about Columbian field workers AND perfectly shaved magic purses. Is that so wrong?

 

who can argue with that?

[Caterina]

So it is a sort of quid pro quo? A fee for services yet to be rendered?

 

I have more respect for women that that. I think most women have more respect for themselves than that too.

 

Although I don't agree with your ideas about paying for a date, I do agree with this.

[Caterina]

ROFLMAO MIDNIGHT!

 

But ironically there are guys who don't pay and still expect that stuff!

I have seen it with my own eyes on threads here.

 

And men who are kind enough to not *gasp* expect anything at all.

 

They aren't wimps, they're gentlemen (usually the strongest I've known...they know how to take care of a woman).

[lady00]

Whatever happened to the good old "asker or location chooser pays" rule? Example: I recently went on a date with a guy. He asked me, he chose the place, he paid. Then, he asked me out again, except this time, I chose the place, so I paid. Both times, each of us offered to pay, as a courtesy. I've found over the years that this simple rule works the best. Once I'm in a relationship, I alternate paying for dates/outings with my bf. Doing these two things has resulted in me paying for about half of all the dates I've been on and it's also led me to feel the most comfortable about the paying situation.