rosephase Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I am friends with most of my ex’s. They are people I love and I haven’t stopped loving them just because we aren’t dating any more. I’ve seen a lot of posts on here about one partner freaking out about another partners relationship with an ex, and I want to ask if that is a deal breaker for some of you. I would never date someone who wouldn’t let me be friends with people I loved whether I had slept with them in the past or not. What about you? If your partner is close with an ex is that cause for concern? Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Completely with you on this one here. I live with my ex bf because we are best mates. None of my previous bfs had a problem with this really, or my current bf. If they did have a problem with it then I would dump them immediately. If they can't accept the people in my life then I won't be accepting them into my life. I am friends with a few ex bfs and a few flings. My current bf is also friends with some exes, doesn't bother me. I think it's usually people who are very insecure who would mind this. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Completely with you on this one here. I live with my ex bf because we are best mates. None of my previous bfs had a problem with this really, or my current bf. If they did have a problem with it then I would dump them immediately. If they can't accept the people in my life then I won't be accepting them into my life. I am friends with a few ex bfs and a few flings. My current bf is also friends with some exes, doesn't bother me. I think it's usually people who are very insecure who would mind this. but if you have feelings for an ex i wouldn't want him/her bringing home someone and banging them in the next room Link to comment
BiancaGonzalez Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 You should break your ties to your exes immediately - to both of the previous posters. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 You should break your ties to your exes immediately - to both of the previous posters. Why? I would never and will never do that. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 but if you have feelings for an ex i wouldn't want him/her bringing home someone and banging them in the next room I don't have feelings for my ex... Link to comment
rosephase Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 You should break your ties to your exes immediately - to both of the previous posters. Why? Have you done this with everyone you have had a relationship with? How does that work out for you? Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I have noticed in my case that most of my friendships with exes fade over time...usually due to one or more of us moving away and not being able to hang out anymore. Some I keep in touch with via facebook however. But I am not close friends with any of my exes...not for any particular reason, just because we've all gotten busy with other things, new relationships etc and don't really put any time and effort into keeping up with each other...I guess I don't really see the point. But I will say this...if ever any of my exes that I am friends with really need me and I can do something to help them, I will. And I'm confident they'd do they same. I think it's a mutual unspoken understanding I have with all of them...I've got their backs. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I don't have feelings for my ex... some people on here do......btw nice avatar Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I don't think it is possible to make a blanket statement on this one. In an ideal world, yes, it is great if you can be friends with all your exs....but I would say it depends on the history of the exs and whether or not they are both completely over each other. I would also say that there are certain boundaries that need to be in place if you are friends with an ex and you have another partner. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I am friends with most of my ex’s. They are people I love and I haven’t stopped loving them just because we aren’t dating any more. I’ve seen a lot of posts on here about one partner freaking out about another partners relationship with an ex, and I want to ask if that is a deal breaker for some of you. I would never date someone who wouldn’t let me be friends with people I loved whether I had slept with them in the past or not. What about you? If your partner is close with an ex is that cause for concern? I think it's fine to be friends with exes. I am still friends with one of my exes, and my fiance occasionally sees 2 of his exes (who are friends with his friends) and he is civil to them. I wouldn't be terribly comfortable if my fiance's exes still had romantic feelings for him and tried to pursue those feelings knowing he was with me, but they have both moved on, one is married with a baby, and the other has been dating for years since they split up. I think it is difficult to be friends with an ex if you still have romantic feelings for them, and I think it impedes your ability to get over them and to be able to move on to a healthy relationship with someone else. That to me is more hurtful than beneficial to you. But if you have truly gotten over them and can be friends and feel happy for them when they move on and find love with someone else, than I think it can work and benefit both parties. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 i think some women keep exes around as security blankets Link to comment
BiancaGonzalez Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I used to live with an ex of mine, and he repeatedly left the toilet seat up. I couldn't stand it, so we ended up fighting all the time. If you want to avoid fights like these, maybe you should stop living with your exes. To each his own bueheh. Link to comment
BiancaGonzalez Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 i think some women keep exes around as security blankets Agreed.... Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I don't think there is wrong or right when it comes to this. Just be sure you have a girlfriend who feels the same way you do, or you'll never make it. We don't do exes, and that is what has worked for us. Link to comment
Aurian Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Friends with an ex... okay, as long as that friendship was not hidden from me and has boundaries. I would feel very uncomfortable with an arrangement wherein my SO was still LIVING with an ex - in that arrangement I would feel like things aren`t over, the possibility of things starting up again is greater, and like I am the intruder when I visit him in his home. I think the reason for jealousy with exes is because often people go back to their exes for another try. If you want to remain friends, that`s okay, but you need to understand that you need to be honest and open with your new person in your life and make them feel comfortable. No, they shouldn`t tell you who you can and can not be friends with, but being very close to your ex will make them uncomfortable and you may have to choose. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I understand that my situation is very different to others in that I live with my ex. But that is how it is and how it shall remain for a few years more I think. I am completely open and honest with my bf about everything. He said that when he saw me and my ex around each other he thought it was fine because we act just like friends would. My bf says he can't even tell that we were ever together. I like for him to be open and honest with me about his exes as well, like tonight he phoned me to let me know that an ex he hadn't spoken to in ages had got in contact with him through msn today. He let me know what they chatted about etc. This to me is fine, I just like to know what's going on. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I try to drop my ex's as fast as I can. If they treated me bad, they're gone. If they treated me alright, then I might still be friends with them, but I try not to keep in contact with my ex's as much as I can. If my ex has a boyfriend, then I'll feel like crap because it's not me. I DO still talk to one ex of mine, but I've known her for over 10 years and had a pretty closes relationship even after we broke up. Link to comment
Tethys Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I think a lot of people aren't friends with exes because it ended in a way that hurt someone. If it ends mutually, a possible friendship is more likely. I would not mind if when I met my boyfriend he had exes as friends. I would mind if an ex suddenly popped up out of nowhere wanting to be his friend. In my experience, this has never been kosher. There is usually an agenda, but that is just my experience. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 This is pretty much how I feel about it. I have some friends that are ex's that are purely platonic, and I have ended other relationships with ex's where they wanted more or were not respectful towards my new partner & relationship. It all really, REALLY depends on the people involved and they dynamics of that friendship. As for the ex's having romantic feelings still....my boyfriend is also friends with a couple ex's (which I am fine with). One I know whom when she found out about me (two years after SHE broke it off with him) was jealous and confessed some feelings which made me uncomfortable but I trusted (and do trust him). She lives elsewhere and they stay in some contact, but I know last time she was here he opted not to meet her either as he was not fond of how she acted either. But I certainly would not discourage the friendship (and she has not been that way since). If she had continued to pursue it though after he said there was no way and told her how inappropriate it was...I would not be comfortable with that friendship at all anymore. What is important is you are both on the same wavelength about the friendships, and are open and honest about them and that you also respect your OWN boundaries and your partner respects YOUR boundaries in being very clear to those ex's what is not appropriate/what is alright and making decisions that respect those boundaries if they are crossed. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 It's okay if both of you are on the same page emotionally. If one person wants to get back with the other and the other just wants to be buddy friends, it isn't right to befriend them. Because no matter what you do, all of that hanging out and friendship makes them think they have some slight chance of getting back together. Those feelings are hurtful. It hurts when someone wants you and you don't want them back. If you're in this situation try and end it now. But if both of you are on the same page, cheers for being able to be friends. I couldn't befriend my ex. I was in love with him but he didn't love me. When you love someone, you let them push your boundaries and if the ex knows you will do anything for them, they will take advantage of it. Just try and remain on the same page with the ex. Meaning, both of you are OK with being friends and no one is getting their feelings hurt. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I am friends with some of my ex's. A couple. Maybe men use ex's as security also? I get calls from a few guys (x's) I've known for years, checking in, catching up. Our relationships ending was fairly mutual I suppose. And pretty non-serious relationships at that. (Well never lived together or anything.) But as I get older, I have a little less patience for people. Like my ex. He wouldn't leave me alone - I had a hard time accepting that we'd never be together; we'd definitely never marry or live together. So, I had to cut ties with him for the most part. I didn't sign up with him to be friends. I dated him because I thought we had the same values and goals. . . . So I guess it's just a matter of if you are over your ex or not? If you care to communicate with them. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 i know exes that still kiss and hold hands......this ain't right Link to comment
hueman84 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I would say that I cannot be friends with my ex because she cheated on me a couple of times (which included ALOT OF LYING) and i realized that she was a bad person to really just have in my life in general. My current gf is still friends with all of her ex's and I dont really have a problem wit it. However, she did tell me recently that her last ex (last serious relationship too) admitted that he still had feelings for her, but also admitted that he knew it wouldnt work out. It did kind of make me a LITTLE upset, but I really dont care because I know she loves me. Link to comment
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