i cracked. im an idiot.

[vouge_idea]

I thought you were going to his house. So I guess I misunderstood.

 

I said I will EVENTUALLY go to his house. After five days I will go to his house and knock on the door.

[wiser]

I said I will EVENTUALLY go to his house. After five days I will go to his house and knock on the door.

 

Not before you post on here and give us a chance to talk you out of it.

[vouge_idea]

You sound pissed.

 

well wouldn't you? im just going through normal human things and people who don't even know me are telling me that I need some proffessional help.

 

Im in an emotional state ok, that's all. I don't need help. I am not going to do anything to huurt myself.

 

Im missing my boyfriend for heavens sake,.

[vouge_idea]

Im giving him 5 days starting tomorrow. IF not then I'll go to him. That's that.

[wiser]

No, you don't sound like you would do anything to intentionally hurt yourself. But what about other things that could happen when you are in a highly agitated emotional state? Like driving down the highway too fast, or taking a turn too fast, or being distracted because your mind is on him and what he might be doing, when you should be concentrating on driving, or doing something else that requires your attention.

 

Just be careful baby. Your emotional state is very evident in your posts, and you know you are upset but maybe you don't even realize how much. Thats why some good suggestions were made about anti anxiety medications. Just for now. I've taken them. They can be a big help.

[vouge_idea]

I can't take this space crap. It's retarded. If you love someone then you should be with them.

 

If he doesn't pull through in five days well then he is going to be seeing me and he is just going to have to deal with it.

[Miss Firecracker]

It may seem retarded to you, but this is his wish. He wants you to stay away. I never go where I'm not invited. It is not good manners.

[JadedStar]

No, you don't sound like you would do anything to intentionally hurt yourself. But what about other things that could happen when you are in a highly agitated emotional state? Like driving down the highway too fast, or taking a turn too fast, or being distracted because your mind is on him and what he might be doing, when you should be concentrating on driving, or doing something else that requires your attention.

 

Just be careful baby. Your emotional state is very evident in your posts, and you know you are upset but maybe you don't even realize how much. Thats why some good suggestions were made about anti anxiety medications. Just for now. I've taken them. They can be a big help.

 

Well I am glad you posted this because I was going to if you didn't. No, VI, you might not intentionally hurt yourself but I would be lying if i said your posts did not sound extremely concerning and not really all that stable. In the agitated emotional state you are in you could drive to see him recklessly or any number of things.

 

The talk about anti anxiety meds is something i would recommend to my own daughter going thru something like this.

 

As far as you saying his need for space seems "retarded" it seems like that is proving all the more why he needs it.

 

Where did the five days come in? Is that a magic number? VI you can't decide how long he will need.

[vouge_idea]

do we need distance to get close?

 

is a break/space a good thing? or is it just ... another way to break up?

[RayKay]

Sometimes couples take space, and come back together.

 

The ONLY times I see that happen successfully is where the other is RESPECTFUL of that space.

 

If they don't it in any case I see turns into a breakup.

 

For some, it IS another manner to break up because they feel guilt or fear to just break it off.

 

 

I think going there in 5 days because YOU decide he has had enough space is a bad, bad idea.....and don't be the least surprised if he is not so happy to see you or decides "enough already" and says it really is over. In his shoes to be quite honest after all this, I would be.

 

If he has not let you know what is "going on" in a week, he really HAS let you known by saying "not right now". So take that as a CLEAR indication to move forward.

[vouge_idea]

2 weeks ago, he wanted to play Monopoly. I said, naaa all the pieces are poured out in my trunk.

 

I opened my trunk today & saw Monopoly. God, why did I say no? If I would have known things were going to be like this I would've got the pieces out of my trunk & I would've played all night long.

 

I would've done so many things different.

 

I'd do ANYTHING to have him here with me now. I'd do anything just to see his name on my phone.

[RayKay]

2 weeks ago, he wanted to play Monopoly. I said, naaa all the pieces are poured out in my trunk.

 

I opened my trunk today & saw Monopoly. God, why did I say no? If I would have known things were going to be like this I would've got the pieces out of my trunk & I would've played all night long.

 

I would've done so many things different.

 

He did not break up with you over Monopoly.

[browneyedgirl36]

VI, please understand that people here are trying to help you. We know you're not a *psycho stalker*, and we know you aren't going to intentionally hurt yourself, but as wiser mentioned, lots of stuff CAN happen when you're really distraught -- lots of accidental stuff -- and you could get hurt.

 

I know of what I speak, because it's happened to me -- TWICE. I've been in two -- yes TWO -- car accidents in my life because I was so distraught about a guy that I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. The first one was 15 years ago, when I was in college and had just found out that the guy I was madly in love with (or so I thought at the time) had gotten back together with his ex and gotten engaged to her. The second time, about 6 months ago, I was crying about my ex while driving and wasn't paying attention. In both cases, thankfully, no one was hurt. The first involved another car, but it was a minor rear-end collision. The second was me, hitting an island in the middle of the road, blowing a tire and ruining a rim (to the tune of $850). Needless to say, I learned my lesson. Now, when I'm distraught, I stay home.

 

You are really, really upset -- I know that. I know it seems like it's the end of the world, like nothing will ever be the same again, like you HAVE to do something to *fix* this NOW. The thing is, you can't fix it; the issues are his, and only he can work out what's going on in his head. He has asked you not to contact him or see him for now, and while I personally think that "breaks" are a bad way of dealing with relationship issues, this is what he has said he wants. Deep-seated issues don't get solved in a week or two, generally, which is why everyone is advising you NOT to go to his house five days from now. I know you want answers, and I know you want to know where you stand, but if you read through a lot of posts on these forums, you'll note that most of the time, contacting someone who has specifically asked that you NOT contact him/her just pushes him/her away further.

 

As wiser suggested, at the end of the 5 days, please post here before you go over to his house. Don't do it without checking back in here; at least give us a chance to give you some things to consider before you do it.

 

And, please don't be offended by the suggestion that you need medical help. Last January, I was pretty distraught about the end of a pretty promising relationship, and I felt so sad -- and later numb -- for a long time. I went to therapy, and it really helped. In fact, I'm thinking of going back again (because I got myself in the same situation with the same guy, AGAIN). It can really be helpful. There's nothing shameful about seeking help when you're feeling distraught, for whatever reasons. In fact, it's a very healthy thing to do.

 

Hang in there! Keep us posted.

[vouge_idea]

He did not break up with you over Monopoly.

 

I know that. But I am just thinking of all the things I would've done different If I would've known this was going to happen.

[vouge_idea]

I've been spending the last week ALONE, wondering when my boyfriend is going to decide whether or not he wants to be with me.

 

It's pathetic. I can't stop crying. I haven't ate today, oh wait I had a tortilla. I've laughed once in 4 days.

 

I won't be OK, until I hear from him. Even if it's him telling me it's over. I will be ok. But this whole 'space' 'not knowing where I stand' thing is killing me.

 

All I want is for him to talk to me.

 

I am thinking about leaving a note on his truck after I get off work (while he's at practice) to meet me at our spot. If he shows up then he cannot be mad, because it will be his choice. I'll know he cares and I'll know that he does want this relationship. If he doesn't show, well then I'll know too.

 

Im not saying I am going to do this, but I am thinking about it.

[Miss Firecracker]

He will be more convinced he was right to separate when you do this. He'll probably be very embarrassed and feel contempt for you.

[browneyedgirl36]

VI, please re-think this. As Miss Firecracker said, it may make things much worse because not only will you not be respecting his wish to have space, but you'll also be making yourself look needy/clingy by leaving a note on his car -- particularly after what happened at the basketball game. I just have this terrible feeling you'll just make the situation worse.

 

As you've said before, you live in a small town. He KNOWS he can't avoid you forever, and he won't. He WILL eventually end up talking to you. He may not tell you what you want to hear, but there's no way he'll simply ignore you forever.

 

Please think it through really, really carefully before doing anything. Just keep thinking back to what happened at the game the other day -- how he reacted to your presense, what he said to you. He told you very, very specifically that he needs you to step back and give him space. Try to honor that, no matter how hard it is.

[Miss Firecracker]

It's so hard to leave him alone. I don't know why I have such a hard time doing this.

 

It might have to do with the fact that I have no distractions. My best friend is out of town until the 20th. I stayed at my sisters lastnight and wanted to stay with her again because she lives like 40 miles away from this mess, but she completely blew me off.

 

So I am just left here to sit and wonder. I wonder what he is doing. I wonder if he is thinking about me. I wonder if he misses me. I drive myself nuts with these thoughts. I know that he is out with his friends right now. I know he isn't thinking about me because he is with his friends. It's so sad.

 

I don't know what to do with myself.

 

 

I am very concerned that you are going to end up a very lonely young lady. It's not just your relationship with your boyfriend. Even your sister is tired of you inviting yourself to her house. I'm afraid you are just very pushy with people, and that is going to lead to disaster.

[greensleeves]

If you leave him a note and he shows, it doesn't mean he won't be mad or that he wants to continue the relationship. Chances are he'll be annoyed and probably angry with you for not giving him his space that he has requested. You say you need to know where you stand. This is where you stand: he has said he needs space, plain and simple. Remember his reaction when you showed up at his basketball game!!! If you force him to give you an answer as to whether the relationship is on or off....I predict that he will say it is over if you do not give him what he is asking for SPACE!!!!!!

 

You really need to heed the advice of the people who have responded to you on this site. Most have been through bad breakup situations themselves so they know what you are feeling. They have certainly helped me!! Heartbreak and the uncertainty that goes with it can be devastating. A couple of weeks ago, my ex also told me he needed time. Believe me, I know how frustrating that can be. We talked and I didn't get the answers I was looking for...it only hurt and confused me more. You think..."Well, if he loves me, why does he need time?, What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Where do I go from here? I'll never find anyone else who is so right for me. How long am I supposed to wait?" You can't eat or sleep or stop crying. My first goal was to get through one day without crying.

 

Thanks to the very good advice of people here, I did not contact him. It was the best thing I could have done. I'm not saying I haven't wanted to. I want more of an explanation from him, but the truth is, he doesn't really have an explanation himself....he's human. With each passing day it truly does get easier, please believe me.

 

I still think that a visit to your doctor would help tremendously. I did it and I am so glad I did. I was such a mess!!! I was prescribed adivan (an anti-anxiety medication) and it really helped me through those initial days of the breakup....I haven't even bothered with it for the past few days, so take my word for it that it will get better for you. Everyone's situation is different and no one can predict how long it will be before you start to feel better. In the same way, it is impossible for your boyfriend to give you an exact timeline as to how much time and space he needs. Only you can decide if you're willing to give him the space, or just break it off. You can't force him to come back to you out of a misplaced sense of guilt or obligation. That wouldn't be fair to either one of you and your relationship will not survive it for the long haul.

 

By not being in contact with him, you will be able to really look at the relationship without so much emotion. In my case, I've been able to take a close look at the relationship and I am gradually coming to the conclusion that the relationship as it was, was not always good for ME. If he decides after his "time" that he wants to come back, it will have to be on my terms. Take this time to really think seriously about what you want in your life. Don't let yourself be so consumed by him. You are your own person and you deserve to build the best possible life for yourself.

 

Just keep going....put one foot in front of the other, eat something and be strong. You are going to be okay...it just doesn't feel like it at this moment, but please take my word for it.

[barbielovesmac]

Although you are in doubt going to do what you want in the end, I wouldn't suggest leaving a note for him to meet you on his truck. Seeing you is not something he wants to do right now. If he was ready to see you then he would, he would've contacted you.

 

Imagine how you will feel if you do leave the note and he doesn't show up? You will feel worse. It will only make you more upset. Don't do that to yourself. Don't self inflict that emotional pain. Ultimately we can only offer our advice and you will do what you want. I just really hope you take all this wonderful advice into consideration.

 

You say you'll do anything to be with him. Well, this is what he wants. Remember when he said, "if you really want to be with me then you will give me some space." That's all you need to do. Give him his space. It's what HE wants and it's what you have to do if you want to keep him as bad as you say you do.

 

Stop acting on your impulses. Those get you in trouble. Don't put a time stamp of five days on this. When he's ready, he's ready and that's all there is to it.

 

Lay back and hope for the best. Be positive. Think "he will be back" and go on with your day. Don't consume so much time into thinking all these things. You are making yourself sick hunnie. No man is worth this. This is your precious heart here.

 

Im glad you have work tomorrow. Something to distract you. Please keep writing on here. Let us know how things are going with you. And write to us on here before you act on any crazy impulses....like calling, showing up or even writing notes.

 

We're all here for you.

 

Get some sleep. Wake up, tomorrow is a NEW day. Take it day by day.

 

"he will be back........."

 

(((hugs)))

 

Barbie xoxo

 

*EDIT*

 

P.S.

 

Everything is out of your control. There is nothing that you can do right now. Getting yourself so worked up, what is that doing for you? Has it changed things? No, and it won't change things. The ball is in his court right now. You need to accept that my dear. All these emotions aren't going to get you anywhere. It's only making you hurt worse. There is nothing that you can do right now. Please, please accept that and let him come to you. He will when he's ready. Like browneyedgirl said, he can't ignore you forver. Head up! Tomorrow is a new day. I want you to know I really do care. I really hope things work out for you.

 

XOXOXO Barbie

[vouge_idea]

Thank you ALL so much. I know that it is stupid to act on impulses. But it's hard not to when you are so upset. At the time, it feels right.

 

I would feel ten times horrible if I left a note and he didn't show up. I would think up a million thoughts as to why he didn't. I would just go insane. That is the one thing that is probably stopping me. The thought that he may not show up.

 

It hasn't gotten easier with each day. It's gotten worse. Because everyday that I wake up I think, yes its a new day ... maybe I'll hear from him. lThen I don't............I wait and I wait and I just get let down...........

 

I guess I'll go get some sleep. Yes, tomorrow is a new day. A new day that will feel just like this one.

[JeckyllNHyde]

ok great

i have done NC, i made a journal about it actually.

the first 1-7 days are HARDEST.

then aroun the 3rd week again you wanna crack.

like you said: the thought of them ignoring you or not showing is what will keep you going.

like someone said in another post: just remember him shaking his head at you, remember how you felt that moment.

 

edit: just a small picture of what you may expect. but of course im not saying to lose hope. whatever keeps you going ya know? just keep doing that so you dont contact him. like said before: let him come to you when he is ready.

[Hope75]

Vogue you keep coming back to the fact that you are going out of your mind that he needs space and the limbo is what is killing you most.

 

Maybe what you need to do is decide for yourself that it's over and just start moving on so you won't be wasting any more time hoping he'll come back when there is a very real possibility that he may not.

[ProtestTheHero]

When a guy wants to involve himself in a serious relationship with a woman, and both parties are 18+, this sort of stuff will not happen.

 

A man who loves his gf is not going to be disgusted that you showed up to one of his games. A man that loves his gf will not treat her in a way that indicates that she is far below him.

 

Your posts have described a perfect example of a dysfunctional relationship. You want one thing, and he wants another. He is giving you these vague "Maybe/Maybe Not" responses so that he doesn't have to deal with you breaking down on him and trying to call over and over and over. By telling you that if you leave him alone then he will come back to you insures that he will have his quiet time rather than dealing with this.

 

Every indication here suggests that this guy is not worth sticking around for. You need to ask yourself whether or not you're more enamored with him or just the security that comes with being in a relationship.

[JadedStar]

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VI please listen to the advice by everyone here.

 

And Miss Firecracker is hitting on some points that seem to ring very true as well. Your sister didn't "blow you off again" if she let you stay there the night before. She may have had plans or a good reason you couldn't stay again the next night.

If you act in real life like on this thread you will push a lot of people away. I say that to help not be mean. If you were my sister I would tell you that you should stop this kind of dramatics over a guy who treated you like crap the whole time you dated. I'm serious - this is exactly what I would tell my sister and I'd be annoyed if she wanted to stay at my house several days crying about it if I knew the jerk wasn't good for her to begin with. I'd give her sympathy for about one day and after that would say look you need to open your eyes and stop laying around the house crying over this guy because he is not crying over you.