i cracked. im an idiot.

[vouge_idea]

UPDATE

 

I went to sleep around 10:30ish lastnight...tried to anyways. Well I had fallen asleep and at 11pm EXACTLY I woke up to my phone vibrating. I thought I was dreaming. So I look at my phone and it was him. I answered.

 

First thing he says,

 

"Why did you call me today?"

 

I said I was sorry. He said yeah, so why did you call? I told him that I just wanted to talk to him about the cell phone. "What about the phone?" And then I told him. Then he said that he wanted to talk to me in person. I was surprised to hear that. So I told him when I got off work and then he told me to pick him up in the morning before he went to class. That was it. A "talk to you later" and a "bye."

 

I didn't sleep well at all. I woke up every hour and I kept looking at the time.

 

I picked him up and he finally gave me a chance to talk. Believe me I talked and I did very well as far as my emotions went. I only shed a couple tears. I held his hand. He looked into my eyes. He didn't say much, he was quiet for the most part. He did tell me that it wasn't over and that we were fine, that we were OK. We both had to get going to work & school so he told me he would pick me up after he got off practice to talk some more.

 

I dropped him off at his car and that was it. I am at work now and I am OK.

 

God must of answered my prayers.

 

I guess I will see where we stand tonight

[wiser]

vouge, if you don't start getting tough with the guy, stop crying, and get an "aloof and distant" attitude in place, then you will be right back where you started. You are letting him run all over you.

 

You may still have a chance to save this thing, but with each misstep you are decreasing your chances exponentially.

[vouge_idea]

vouge, if you don't start getting tough with the guy, stop crying, and get an "aloof and distant" attitude in place, then you will be right back where you started. You are letting him run all over you.

 

You may still have a chance to save this thing, but with each misstep you are decreasing your chances exponentially.

 

I was as tough as I could be. Like I said, I only shed a couple tears. At that point he wasn't even looking at me. I couldn't help it. But I did keep my head high and I spoke my words. He wouldn't look at me though, I wonder why??

 

This gave me hope. Real hope that we may be okay. I still don't know though.

[wiser]

He wouldn't look at me though, I wonder why??

 

No you don't.

 

I recall an episode from HBO's short running series link removed

 

The synopsis: After causing the deaths of several of his troops, a spineless son of a WWI general is branded a coward and sentenced to death by firing squad.

 

 

Kirk Douglas plays an army commander and they are fighting the Germans, and they are under heavy attack...he sends his son out with a ground patrol, and they end up getting ambushed. The son cuts and runs and is the only one to make it back. He tells his dad there was nothing he could do, they were all killed except him. Until one of his bloody comrades finds his way back to base camp and calls him out as the chicken he is.

 

So the father tells the son he is "yellow" and a "chicken", and he has to be executed, but even though he is deeply disappointed in his son, he will put blanks in the guns of the firing squad, and hide a backpack in the ditch where his "body" will land after he is "shot". He tells the son to lay there until everyone leaves, and to then get up, take the backpack filled with supplies, and hightail it out of there. He will tell everyone that he buried his son privately. All he asks is that his son stand proudly, show no fear, and "take it like a man".

 

Good plan, and the day of the execution comes. The son is a bit nervous, but he looks at his fathers eyes, and they make eye contact and the son is reassured, until the command comes to "raise arms and prepare to fire". The father breaks eye contact with the son.

 

And the son suddenly realizes there are no blanks in the guns...

[vouge_idea]

Ok, so how does this apply to me? What does this have to do with my boyfriend not looking at me but twice in the 20 minutes we were talking? I do wonder why he wouldn't look at me. The first time he looked at me was shortly after he got in my car, the second time was when i told him to look at me. . . I told him to look at me, that this was me and that all I had to offer was my love.

 

Help me better, explain why he wouln't look at me. . .well why YOU think he wouldn't look at me?

[wiser]

Ok, so how does this apply to me?

 

Help me better, explain why he wouln't look at me. . .well why YOU think he wouldn't look at me?

 

Because he has no intention of staying together with you.

[vouge_idea]

Because he has no intention of staying together with you.

 

um ouch? why would you jump to that conclusion?

 

he rarely looks at me when i am talking unless i tell him to.

 

that's a harsh assumption don't you think?

[wiser]

that's a harsh assumption don't you think?

 

It's an assumption. Sure, I could be wrong, and for your sake, I hope so.

 

But, I don't think that it's "harsh".

[Hope75]

Because he has no intention of staying together with you.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking too. I don't think he wants to be with you anymore, and I think he's trying to figure out how to tell you without you losing all control.

 

It's never a good sign when someone can't look you in the eye.

[Miss Firecracker]

This is a terrible sign. He must be feeling very guilty about something if he cannot look you in the eyes. You should never have to ask someone you love to look at you. So sad.

[vouge_idea]

It's an assumption. Sure, I could be wrong, and for your sake, I hope so.

 

But, I don't think that it's "harsh".

 

I hope you are wrong to. And I believe that you are. I do think that was harsh, but your of course entitled to your own OP.

 

Here's what I think wiser, I think he was scared to look at me because then he would see how much I was hurting. I think he was scared to look at me because he doesn't want me to know how much HE is hurting. Because when he did look at me it was so gentle and true, overall honest.

 

If he has no intention of being with me then he had his chance to end it right there and then, and I told him if he felt that way that he needed to tell me but instead he told me that were were fine, that we were OK.

[Hope75]

I hope you are wrong to. And I believe that you are. I do think that was harsh, but your of course entitled to your own OP.

 

Here's what I think wiser, I think he was scared to look at me because then he would see how much I was hurting. I think he was scared to look at me because he doesn't want me to know how much HE is hurting. Because when he did look at me it was so gentle and true, overall honest.

 

If he has no intention of being with me then he had his chance to end it right there and then, and I told him if he felt that way that he needed to tell me but instead he told me that were were fine, that we were OK.

 

Vogue,

 

Of course you are entitled to be hopeful and I can understand why you are. You care for him- that's obvious. Every action this guy has shown since he told you he needed space is one that leans towards the fact that he's not happy and he doesn't to be with you.

 

You keep saying "But he said this, he said that."- the bottom line is he wants you to leave him alone- he's been very distant, he was disgusted that you called him (again) when he asked for space, (as evidenced by his response to you when he called you back) and he can't even look you in the eye.

 

I think you are holding onto this because you want to believe everything will be OK and you can't face the fact that it's looking very bad now.

 

The problem when you make a guy your everything and your only key to happiness is that when he leaves (or tries to) you feel like nothing. A partner should never be your everything. They should add to your life- not be your life.

 

[vouge_idea]

He iniated this meeting and he also iniated the meeting after work. I had nothing to do with it.

 

It is obvious that he is ready to work things out.

 

Sure, he may not have liked that I called but HE called back. HE didn't have to if he didn't want to talk to me. This was all him. I didn't ask to see him .... or anything.

[Hope75]

He iniated this meeting and he also iniated the meeting after work. I had nothing to do with it.

 

It is obvious that he is ready to work things out.

 

Sure, he may not have liked that I called but HE called back. HE didn't have to if he didn't want to talk to me. This was all him. I didn't ask to see him .... or anything.

 

Sounds to me like he's trying to work up the courage to end things. Like we've all said Vogue, it would be nice if we were wrong.

 

Do you think he called because you called him (when he asked you not to), showed up at his game (when he asked you not to) , won't leave him alone despite the fact that he asked you to? Do you think maybe he was fed up with your lack of ability to do what he asked?

 

To me it sounds as though the way he was on the phone last night and in the car this morning, he's disgusted with the fact that you won't leave him alone when he asked for space, and tired of the whole thing.

 

But all the signs so far are consistent with someone who isn't happy and is looking for a way to end the relationship-- and the way you've been acting I can see why he's fearful of it and dragging it out (although I don't agree with it.)

[vouge_idea]

No, I don't think that. I don't think that because HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CALL ME BACK. So what, I called? It was HIS choice, and his choice ONLY to call me back. I certianly wasn't expecting a call. He didn't sound disgusted over the phone, he just asked why I called. Then HE asked for me to give HIM a ride. Why...why would he do that? He didn't get in the car w/and sort of "im going to end it" look. HE got in the car and told me to talk.

 

I was leaving him alone. I slipped & called ONCE. HE didn't answer. I left it at that. If he didn't want to talk to me or see me then he wouldn't have done any of this. And that's the bottom line.

[JadedStar]

No, I don't think that. I don't think that because HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CALL ME BACK. So what, I called? It was HIS choice, and his choice ONLY to call me back. I certianly wasn't expecting a call. He didn't sound disgusted over the phone, he just asked why I called. Then HE asked for me to give HIM a ride. Why...why would he do that? He didn't get in the car w/and sort of "im going to end it" look. HE got in the car and told me to talk.

 

I was leaving him alone. I slipped & called ONCE. HE didn't answer. I left it at that. If he didn't want to talk to me or see me then he wouldn't have done any of this. And that's the bottom line.

 

 

What is it you are really looking for here? We are telling you exactly how this sounds but you tell us we basically don't have a clue and are wrong.

 

So if we are wrong why do you insist on asking what we think? Not one person has entered this thread and agreed with your logic as to why he wouldn't look at you. Wiser's analogy seemed extreme to you and maybe it was but he was trying to show that when people can't hold eye contact it normally doesn't mean anything good.

 

You did not slip and call once. For the past week you have slipped and either called or gone to see him consistently.

 

I strongly believe at this point your posts are an attempt to convince yourself vs any of us who have been following this thread.

[Hope75]

Vogue,

 

What reason would we have to give you 'false advice'? Do you think we are saying this to upset you? Or do you think we are looking at the situation objectively (as you are unable to being so involved in it) and telling you what we see?

 

In my experience the behavior your boyfriend is displaying indicates he's unhappy and wants to end things.

 

Happy boyfriends don't tell their girlfriends to leave them alone.

[wiser]

vouge_idea,

 

All we can do is speculate based on our own knowledge and past experiences. Sooner or later, you will find out for sure.

 

Please post on how the conversation goes with him later on today.

[shoegal21]

Vouge,

 

I am happy to hear that you have gotten a little reassurance. Maybe now you can breathe easy.

 

Why is everyone being so negative??? That's what I want to know. Here she is, her poor heart is on the line and everyone is telling her it's over ... he's just trying to end it. Yes, you are all just speaking your opinions. But my dear, she feels she has some hope. This is the most positive that I've heard this girl be in the past 5 days and it's like everyone is trying to bring her down.

 

Vouge, you have hope. I personally think this is a good sign. He came to you. He didn't have to call you, but he did. He didn't have to ask to see you, but again he did. He had every chance to end it, but he didn't. Whatever the reason might be, he didn't. HE wants to see YOU again after work.

 

I'd keep your mind occupied while at work and just take a deep breath. You will be OK. It will be OK. No matter what the outcome, you still have YOU and that is all that matters. You're still living and breathing, things could be worse.

 

When you do talk to him, try not to shed those tears. As hard as it is not to, try not to. No matter how bad you want to break down, don't do it in front of him. Let him think that you are strong, because my dear, you are.

 

Don't anticipate tonight. Just go with the flow. Go on with your day. Don't play it over and over in your head how it is going to be tonight, or what is going to happen. Just let it happen.

 

Let me know what happens ok hun? I care.

[JadedStar]

I am sorry you see it as being negative. Why would we encourage a girl that a guy has treated like vermin for the past few months that he is coming back to her and they will ride off into the sunset?

 

People sometimes really kill me. I would not even push my own family member back into a relationship with signs that are this grave.

[melrich]

Why is everyone being so negative???

 

Yes I wonder that too. From what I know of the history here, there have been many break ups and get back togethers. It will probably happen again.

[barbielovesmac]

 

Happy boyfriends don't tell their girlfriends to leave them alone.

 

He wasn't happy, we know this. He wasn't happy when he told her he needed 'space.'

 

Wanting space DOES NOT indicate wanting to end things, I am sorry.

[Hope75]

Shoegal,

 

I will reiterate what I told Vogue. In my experience, these signs are not good and are indicative of him not wanting to be with her anymore.

 

I am not going to tell her I think everything will be fine and he will come back because his actions are not showing me that's what he is thinking.

 

Could I be wrong? Of course! But in my experience, actions like this are almost aways followed by the demise of the relationship.

 

Not sure how giving her what has been my experience is interpreted as negative.

 

I think it would be worse if I said, "Sure Vogue, sound like he really loves you, boyfriends who are happy and in love always distance themselves from their girlfriends, ask for space and then ignore them!"

 

Let's be honest here.

[Hope75]

He wasn't happy, we know this. He wasn't happy when he told her he needed 'space.'

 

Wanting space DOES NOT indicate wanting to end things, I am sorry.

 

In my experience it's the first step towards wanted to break up and in most instances it is a 'test breakup'.

 

Again, I could absolutely be wrong but I am telling what I know based on my experiences.

[JadedStar]

Yes I wonder that too. From what I know of the history here, there have been many break ups and get back togethers. It will probably happen again.

 

Like I said prior I would not even encourage a family member that I dearly loved that these were good signs when they don't appear to be and also because this guy has been verbally abusive to her since the day she started posting about him here.