i cracked. im an idiot.

[wiser]

she's driving me looney WHERE ARE YOU VI!!!!

 

There's a good chance she won't be back. She has what she wanted, for now.

[GrowingUp]

Thats kinda sad in a way...Just to think of how down she got because of this and now that he called she is right there at the snap of a finger and happy again. I'm not trying to be disrespectful but she should just think about how she suffered and want something better for herself just incase it doesn't work out, just to take care of herself. You know.

[wiser]

Thats kinda sad in a way...Just to think of how down she got because of this and now that he called she is right there at the snap of a finger and happy again. I'm not trying to be disrespectful but she should just think about how she suffered and want something better for herself just incase it doesn't work out, just to take care of herself. You know.

 

You are being way to sensible. That will never cut it with her.

[vouge_idea]

Things were wonderful lastnight. Where do we stand? I still can't answer that. Again, lastnight I did most of the talking. Once I stopped talking and backed off him a little he grabbed be to kiss me. One thing led to another - we made love. It was the most amazing thing ever. I was shaking afterwards. He told me how beautiful I was and asked me not to hurt him. We got dressed and that's where it ended. I picked him up this morning and he went with me to this interview thing. I have my work christmas party tonight and I want him to come, but I have a feeling he is going to blow me off BIG TIME. He won't answer any of my calls. He did answer right now but only because he didn't know the number that I was calling from. Now when I call from a number he knows he won't answer. I don't know what's going on. Everyone at my work party is going to be with there SO and I am not ... It's either go alone or take my mom either way I'll feel crappy.

[Hope75]

*sigh*

 

So you had sex last night and now he won't answer your calls.

 

Vogue, why are you putting up with this?

[vouge_idea]

*sigh*

 

So you had sex last night and now he won't answer your calls.

 

Vogue, why are you putting up with this?

 

He called me this morning. That was it. And no, he won't answer my calls. Like I said, he did answer the one but only because he didn't recognize the number. Because I've been calling all day from my cell to see if he was going to come to the party and he wouldn't answer. Then I finally called from a different number at work and he answered right away. He talked to me ... but then when I talked about the party he said he didn't know and that he had to go. . . Now he won't answer my calls. I don't know what to do about this party. If I go, everyone will be with their SO and it will just make me feel like crap.

[Hope75]

I don't know what to do about this party. If I go, everyone will be with their SO and it will just make me feel like crap.

 

You know, you have the power to end this nonsense at any time by deciding that you are too good to be used for sex and then ignored and ending this toxic relationship.

[vouge_idea]

You know, you have the power to end this nonsense at any time by deciding that you are too good to be used for sex and then ignored and ending this toxic relationship.

 

do you think he used me? im starting to think that's what happened. he was all perfect and acted 'so in love' after we had sex. then got in the car this morning, all distant and mad like. now he won't answer my calls. this is so pathetic.

[RayKay]

First of all...go to the party. It will do you good. Have fun. And there WILL be others NOT with someone there. I find it hard to believe EVERYONE has an SO there.

 

Second, you need to forget this guy. Now he is just treating you like a booty call. Watch the feet, not the lips.

 

You did most of the talking - bad idea. He broke it off with YOU. He needs to be the one to start talking and until then you back off and move forward with your life.

Notice how he came at you when you backed off? Not a good sign.

And that it was sexual, rather than sharing with you his own feelings or desires for the future? Not a good sign.

Purposely ignoring you? Not good sign.

 

He is a jerk, I cannot comprehend why you are wasting your life away on him. You have been with YOU for 21 years, yet you are throwing away whom you are for someone whom was with you only a year. You owe more to yourself than him, and more to yourself than you are giving.

[Hope75]

do you think he used me? im starting to think that's what happened. he was all perfect and acted 'so in love' after we had sex. then got in the car this morning, all distant and mad like. now he won't answer my calls. this is so pathetic.

 

Yes, I do. He's being an absolute jerk to you, Vogue. He contacted you and met up with you long enough to get his groove on and then it's back to complete ignorance.

 

The good news, is that this will only continue as long as you allow it to.

[wiser]

do you think he used me? im starting to think that's what happened.this is so pathetic.

 

Yes, vouge, he used you. So much for you trying to be "aloof and distant" as I suggested. You feel right into his lap.

 

However...for the first time in over 13 pages, something wonderful is happening.

 

You are starting to realize it.

 

That's step #1.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I agree with Raykay (an others too like Wiser) as I'm sure lots do.

I also think all the others gave such good advice. It's like even though they don't now you personally they are all rooting for you and trying to do their best to steer you away from the "bad". Whether they are speaking from experience or from observing in daily life.

[vouge_idea]

I knew things wouldn't be the same after lastnight, but he seemed so happy --- I wasn't expecting him to blow me off. I didn't expect us to go back to the way we were before this whole mess. I knew that it would come with time. But it's like ... what the heck is going on.

 

He told me he loved me while we were making love. It was sooo uuggh true.

[GrowingUp]

you guys made love? are you back together officially?

[Hope75]

I knew things wouldn't be the same after lastnight, but he seemed so happy --- I wasn't expecting him to blow me off. I didn't expect us to go back to the way we were before this whole mess. I knew that it would come with time. But it's like ... what the heck is going on.

 

He told me he loved me while we were making love. It was sooo uuggh true.

 

I don't think it's so unusual that he said that to you. He obviously enjoys sex with you and if giving you a scrap here and there will keep you hanging around for the next time he wants a booty call then he's won.

 

Honey, don't you deserve a boyfriend who wants to be with you all the time?

 

Sex doesn't make a relationship ok.

[vouge_idea]

you guys made love? are you back together officially?

 

we did make love. and we are back together ... officially. it just still makes no sense.

 

oh yeah this is what he told me ... how could i forget???

 

he said: "we're together. but things are going to be different and you aren't going to like it. i want more time with my friends. and im not going to care like i used to. im not going to call you all the time. and im not going to answer when you call me all the time."

 

i used to call him EXXCESSIVELY! and i always wanted him to call me whenever he did ANYTHING.

[JadedStar]

I knew things wouldn't be the same after lastnight, but he seemed so happy --- I wasn't expecting him to blow me off.

 

He told me he loved me while we were making love. It was sooo uuggh true.

 

Do you think perhaps that if he blows you off and does not go to that party with you that maybe this will be the sign that you needed to finally move on from this guy? Or are you still going to be putty in his arms when he decides to call you again?

 

I am trying to word my posts in a way that are not harsh because I know you are vulnerable and young and are learning about relationships but I gotta tell ya that I was disappointed as I know others were that you didn't even try to have the upperhand in this meet up last night at all. You did all of the talking and he was the one who should have been doing that....by you doing most of the talking you still really don't know where his head is at. Many men will say i love you during sex when hormone rushes and euphoria is sweeping thru their veins. Saying it means nothing if the actions later on do not support it. And his surely does not.

 

I hope that this ordeal makes you a much stronger young lady once you get thru it. YOu have the potential to learn A LOT both from this experience and the very well rounded advice you are getting from so many members here who are trying to pass along somethings they learned along the way.

[Hope75]

Yes, vouge, he used you. So much for you trying to be "aloof and distant" as I suggested. You feel right into his lap.

 

However...for the first time in over 13 pages, something wonderful is happening.

 

You are starting to realize it.

 

That's step #1.

 

Wizer is right- you are starting to recognize that this is not how loving partners treat each other.

[JadedStar]

we did make love. and we are back together ... officially. it just still makes no sense.

 

oh yeah this is what he told me ... how could i forget???

 

he said: "we're together. but things are going to be different and you aren't going to like it. i want more time with my friends. and im not going to care like i used to. im not going to call you all the time. and im not going to answer when you call me all the time." i used to call him EXXCESSIVELY! and i always wanted him to call me whenever he did ANYTHING.

 

whatever ^^ that means???

 

What that means is that he wants full control. I think he is probably right - you probably were extremely obsessive and clingy but then again his actions surely didn't help you to feel more secure. I have to ask - why did you not clarify this further when he said it? You are asking us "whatever that means"...why didn't you ask him to explain in more detail? This is where probing questions would have come in handy so that you could find out if his new philosophy would even work for you...and you had every right to say "no, i don't like this new plan i want out". But you wouldn't do that because you are so desperate for his nuggets you'll take anything he offers.

 

I think you should try to find a guy who is more caring and patient. A man cannot help a woman with her self esteem, that needs to come from within, but if you are with a man who simply doesn't care then it is ten times harder to find your stride and confidence.

 

You have made this guy your world and that is something that never works out for a person.

[GrowingUp]

we did make love. and we are back together ... officially. it just still makes no sense.

 

oh yeah this is what he told me ... how could i forget???

 

he said: "we're together. but things are going to be different and you aren't going to like it. i want more time with my friends. and im not going to care like i used to. im not going to call you all the time. and im not going to answer when you call me all the time."

 

i used to call him EXXCESSIVELY! and i always wanted him to call me whenever he did ANYTHING.

 

thats rotten I'm sorry but its true.

[Hope75]

we did make love. and we are back together ... officially. it just still makes no sense.

 

oh yeah this is what he told me ... how could i forget???

 

he said: "we're together. but things are going to be different and you aren't going to like it. i want more time with my friends. and im not going to care like i used to. im not going to call you all the time. and im not going to answer when you call me all the time."

 

i used to call him EXXCESSIVELY! and i always wanted him to call me whenever he did ANYTHING.

 

 

That doesn't sound back together to me, that sound like you are his booty call when he feels like it and you are nobody when he doesn't.

 

Is this the kind of relationship you want, Vogue?

 

Boyfriends call their girlfriends and talk to them, go to parties with them and enjoy showing them off to their friends.

 

Somehow I think this 'arrangement' isn't what you imagined when you think of a committed, healthy relationship.

 

Read: When I want to have sex with you I will call otherwise don't expect to hear from me.

 

This guy has some nerve.

[vouge_idea]

When I got to his house last night, it was pretty late. He is sick and didn't even want to come out but I pursuaded him into it.

 

Please note, that I had EVERY INTENTION to have sex with him. If he wouldn't have iniated it, I would have.

 

I had plans to get him in the motor home ... do my whole speal and then make love. Well that plan flopped and he didn't want to go in the motor home. So I got him to go into my car with me. We talked for 40 minutes. After many failed attempts to get him just to kiss me ... I backed off. Then about 5-10 minutes later .... after I said some stuff (that might have meant something to him) he grabbed me and started taking my clothes off.

 

I think he needs more time? Or wants to be w/me, just not be so 'together' he wants to have more time to himself. We were living together .... always together 24/7. Niether of us EVER hung out w/our friends .... only when we fought. .... so i dont know

[Hope75]

When I got to his house last night, it was pretty late. He is sick and didn't even want to come out but I pursuaded him into it.

 

Please note, that I had EVERY INTENTION to have sex with him. If he wouldn't have iniated it, I would have.

 

I had plans to get him in the motor home ... do my whole speal and then make love. Well that plan flopped and he didn't want to go in the motor home. So I got him to go into my car with me. We talked for 40 minutes. After many failed attempts to get him just to kiss me ... I backed off. Then about 5-10 minutes later .... after I said some stuff (that might have meant something to him) he grabbed me and started taking my clothes off.

 

I'm curious, Vogue, with so many signals that he's not into this relationship, why did you want to have sex with him?

 

Are you trying to trap him by getting pregnant?

[wiser]

After many failed attempts to get him just to kiss me ... I backed off.

 

vouge_idea, this is going from bad to worse. I am starting to cringe everytime I see an update to your thread and realize I just have to go look.

 

vouge, your BF now knows that he has ALL the power and control in the relationship. Which is why he isn't going to "care as much" or "answer your calls all the time, and "not spend as much time with you".

 

You are going to be absolutely miserable, and there's nothing you can do about it because you refuse to accept what is right in front of your own eyes.

 

Your story is one of the saddest things I have read on this forum.

[vouge_idea]

I'm curious, Vogue, with so many signals that he's not into this relationship, why did you want to have sex with him?

 

Are you trying to trap him by getting pregnant?

 

I thought by having sex with him would make him budge a little. It did for the moment...but for that moment only

 

NO! Im not trying to get pregnant, I am on the pill.