Getting my Ex Back! Help!

[HulloThere]

dude wth? I remember telling you to move on months ago. This is such a lost cause. In 5 years you will look back on youself and realize you are being a wuss right now. I remember a crapload of people coming into college my freshmen year that were in "highschool" relationships. None of them lasted. Dude you need to grow up, this is all part of the process. Hurry up and start this next awesome chapter in your life. College are some of the best years in your life! Tell yourself to man-up everyday that you wake up in the morning.

[thekid55]

well maybe it's just not the easy "dude".

 

You try being in this situation. You obviously have not read all of the posts. I'm moving on with my life. The girl rarely crosses my mind. I like a new girl. I will take it slow and see what happens with that. Take your negativity to another post loser.

[lady00]

well maybe it's just not the easy "dude".

 

You try being in this situation. You obviously have not read all of the posts. I'm moving on with my life. The girl rarely crosses my mind. I like a new girl. I will take it slow and see what happens with that. Take your negativity to another post loser.

 

I think people are skeptical that you've made progress because a couple posts ago you said "maybe we'll get back together =)" even though she has treated you terribly and has been flaunting her new relationship online and saying she regrets dating you. I don't think that the poster is being negative. I think he's just giving his honest opinion.

[thekid55]

Well the "maybe we'll get back together" was just a joke. Even though I do think something will happen in the future, but I am not counting on it. I am dating new people but I do think that she may be realizing my value. My spring break starts next weekend. We'll see if she gets into contact with me

[browneyedgirl36]

Well the "maybe we'll get back together" was just a joke. Even though I do think something will happen in the future, but I am not counting on it. I am dating new people but I do think that she may be realizing my value. My spring break starts next weekend. We'll see if she gets into contact with me

 

I think this is why a few posters have suggested that you haven't moved on. You still care about what she does and what she thinks. You say she rarely crosses your mind, but...you're still thinking "maybe she'll realize my value," "we'll see if she gets in contact with me," etc. If you were really moving on, you wouldn't care whether she realized that or not or whether or not she might contact you. I am not saying this to be hard on you, but just to ask you to be honest with yourself and realize that you aren't really *over* her yet.

 

The only suggestion I have for you is that, if you start seeing another girl, PLEASE be sure you are ready to date. Don't get into a situation where you start seeing someone else, only to dump her if your ex decides she wants you back. Be really sure that you're ready for another relationship before getting into one. It really cuts down on the potential for heartbreak.

[hockeyboy]

Well the "maybe we'll get back together" was just a joke. Even though I do think something will happen in the future

 

seems to be a contradiction?

 

look, a lot of us have been there. you may even think you are over her, but your not...which is perfectly fine and normal. these things take time and there not a one step process. the key is to make progress and i think you have. sometimes you make mistakes, but that is also perfectly normal, just as long as you learn from them. you do in a lot of cases, but sometimes you dont. i.e. looking at her myspace over and over.

 

with this new girl you've "panicked" a few times over her, which again, I understand, but it's a sign your not over the other girl and your probably not ready. i think you understand that to a degree. after a long term breakup, things with new girls don't typically go well for a bit...you need that time off. thats what i think..based on what I've gone through anyways.

[thekid55]

Yeah I understand what you both mean.

 

I am the first to admit that I am not totally over my ex. Yes, I am young. I'm 19 years old. Her and I had a lengthy relationship for 2 years that just got extremely serious on its own. But I have come to understand that college is a short stint in one's life that must be enjoyed. The school year is already flying by and I'll be finished with finals in mid-May. I do have a lot in common with the girls here. I know that I'll never be in a place in my life where I will have so much in common with other girls. Plus, I have a lot of freedom here with little responsibility. The only draw back is my home town is about 3 hours away from here and it would be tough not seeing each other regularly during the summer. But that's a whole different story for a different time. I guess that is a reason why I don't want to get involved with someone here. If it's the right person, I will see then.

 

I am going to enjoy the company of different women here. I do like being single again. I don't have anyone to answer to or tell where I am going. But I guess I sway back and forth on the issue of having someone. I like having someone there for me at the end of the day. But I don't know.

 

My thing now is, I am not going to chase any girl. I will probably never chase another girl again. That just shows weakness. There's a fine line between being interested and chasing after her like 50 other guys do. I'm playing the hard to get card from now on with all of these girls that come into my life.

 

Finally, I am not totally over my ex. Hockeyboy can attest that I have made major strides since the beginning when I was a cowering fool. I do need some time away from just all of these girls. I should take a vacation. Haha.

[thekid55]

Well, last night was a bad night. Very bad.

 

As I have written in other posts, I have been hanging out with this one girl that I like here at school the past 3-4 days. Normally, her and her friends come over to my room at night. Some of the guys on my floor are also friends with her and her friends. Her and I are always extremely flirty towards one another. Always a lot of hugging, flirting, hitting, etc.

 

Thursday night, her and her friends came over and made us brownies and stuff. I was kind of bothered by an interaction I had with my ex earlier on and I secluded myself in my room at different points to do my homework. She ended up coming in and asked me what was wrong, etc etc. Later on that night, she looked upset and her and I ended up talking for about 2 hours about home life, past experiences, relationships, etc. I never got into detail with my past relationship. I don't want to look weak to her.

 

Friday, we had a huge snow storm here. And she ended up texting me in the morning saying "No school! We are definitely going to go in the snow! Can't wait to see you! Sweet dreams! =)"

 

So last night, we all went to this hockey game together. Her and I flirted a lot like we always do. So after the game, we got back to the dorms. My room mate and I went to one of my friend's room and started to drink. This girl, her friends, and some of my other friends just hung out and watched a movie.

 

I got really drunk and ended up calling my ex. I really don't remember much of the conversation. I do remember asking her to hang out next weekend and she said no. And that she has like 2 boyfriends. Don't ask me why I did it. The girl I like wasn't around at all during this drinking period.

 

Then I do remember interacting with the girl that I like at school. I remember passing out on my bed. And her one friend came in to see me. And I remember telling her how I like the one girl that I like. And she suggested that I ask her to hang out sometime and see how it goes.

 

So then the girl that I like comes in. And I basically poured my heart out to her. I just said like, after the other night, I can provide to her what she needs. And that I like her, etc etc.

 

So then today, I texted her apologizing for anything that I may have said to her that was out of line or made her feeling uncomfortable. She says "It is over with and done, what happened, happened". And I said to her, "Did I say anything to you that made you uncomfortable?" And she says, "Idk, Just that we are just friends. I'll always be here for you, but just as a friend".

 

I'm pretty crushed right now. After she flirts and stuff with me all the time and for to say that to me, I don't know. It is heart breaking. I've known her for about a month and a half and I started to catch feelings for her. She has a lot of great qualities and I figured that she was interested. This just really hurts and I doubt that last night had any major impacts because I didn't say anything out of line too her. I was just too forward with my feelings. I feel a bit used.

 

What do you think?

[hockeyboy]

This is one reason why I suggested you not get involved with anyone for a while. With that said, I didn't expect you to actually not try...nor would I expect you to listen. Just like I didn't listen to people that told me the same thing.

 

You know this girl likes you in some way shape or form. Maybe as just friend...maybe more. Maybe as just friends now...and maybe that will change. Regardless...nothing will happen until your well past your ex. If she likes you now...she may think your not ready (and your not). Or if she just likes you as a friend now, that may change as you move past your ex.

 

If she wanted to be with you now, while your not over her ex, that wouldn't say much about her, IMO. Regardless of what you may think she knows...she knows your not over this other girl. I'm almost sure of that.

 

So now...with the ex...leave it alone. You called, made that mistake...now just forget about it.

 

With the other girl, you've apologized...so drop that too. Continue to be friends with her for now..don't keep bringing up that drunken night...and move on. Things can change with some time.

 

And next time you drink...be careful. You don't want this to be a repeat performance.

[thekid55]

Again hockeyboy. Thank you for the wise words.

 

I guess that I am trying to get someone to fill the void of my ex and that definitely isn't the best way to go about things.

 

My ex did contact me last night online just saying, "Nice conversation we had last night" and I just something along the lines of, "I don't know what I said to you or why I even called you. goodbye."

 

And the girl that I like here at school did IM me this morning while I was away from the computer saying "Are you okay with us just being friends?" I didn't respond to it.

 

I just want to move past this night. I'm trying to put it behind me. I was really messed up and I really don't know why I did these certain things.

 

Somethings about the girl here that I like. I know that she got kind of involved with some guy that left for the Marines awhile back and he is really inconsistent. I've briefly told her about my relationship. The other night, I even said something along the line of, "I'm just trying to put my past behind me and move forward".

 

She is a flirty person and flirts with different guys here. I don't know if that's just her personality or what it is. Maybe she just likes attention. Who knows, but I don't think that I can date someone like that. I think she may have been just a filler for my feelings. She does have a lot of good qualities, but I don't know. Girls are weird. I have class with her tomorrow and I think it could really weird. I don't know how to approach it. Or even what to say if she brings up what I said to her drunk the other night. Maybe she'll come by tonight. Who knows.

 

I just want to be secluded for like 3 months and let all of this blow over. Thoughts on all of this?

[thekid55]

Just an update on this situation...

 

My ex has been so on and off with this one guy. One younger high schooler died last week and apparently, she brought this guy to this viewing with her. They aren't together. But she has been IMing me almost everyday as well as texting me on occasion. I've been ignoring her IMs and such, but I finally responded tonight when she asked me the next time I work. And I told her tomorrow. Then she asked me if I was working Friday. and I said, no. And she said ok nevermind. I know that she doesn't work on thursdays and is probably working after school on Friday...I go back to college on Sunday..

 

Why would she ask me this? Wanting to come see me at work or just for attention?

[hockeyboy]

yes, she wants your attention.

 

sorry to be short...im off to mexico for a week shortly.

[thekid55]

Alright, I'll talk to you when you return. Post on this thread when you get home. Have fun

[thekid55]

Hockeyboy,

 

First off, I just want to say that I hope you had fun on your vacation. A lot has happened since I posted on here last time.

 

I've been talking with three different girls at school and nothing has really panned out.

 

Tell me if I'm crazy, but there was this one girl. Girl #1 was constantly IM me, texting me, etc. She bought me tickets to see Kanye West with her. She asked me to come to her room and cuddle with her when we got back from our last break. She got me to sign up for Habitat for Humanity with her. So one night, we were laying in my bed, lights off, alone and I just asked her what this was. And she just said that we are friends. Nothing more. I felt really led on by this girl. Everything was going great with her. I kept things light, funny, and it was always a good time. Before we left for Easter, she got drunk and kept trying to kiss me and I just told her to leave me alone. She eventually cried when I told her to just stay away from me. She tries to contact me every so often now.

 

Girl #2 is one of those girls full of drama. She walked in on me and Girl #1 laying down together and she got really mad at me. There is nothing but friendship between us so I didn't know why she got mad. Later on that night, she came back to my dorm's floor and she slept in my bed that night with me. Nothing happened, but that was just really odd.

 

Girl #3, I really have no interest in her besides hooking up. We sleep together on some nights. Hook up sometimes. She is a nice girl and all, but I don't think I could date her.

 

I just wanted to give you an overview showing you that I've pretty much cleared my head of my ex. Until my Easter break came along =/

 

2 weeks ago, my ex and I got into this huge argument because one of her friends came into the store I work in on my breaks and started telling me all this gossip about her. My ex is done with that other emo kid. My ex ended up texting me the next day and we got into this huge argument where she called me the biggest regret of her life. I told her that she wasn't saying stuff like that to me and told her not to talk to me anymore.

 

Her birthday was the 18th and I didn't say happy birthday. I planned to send a card before our big fight. Something casual and polite.

 

So this leads to last Friday. I was working on stocking something and I look up and I see my ex at the register buying something. And I think to myself, what is she doing? She comes walking over to me and says "Hi, are you still mad at me?" and I was just like, I don't forgive you. We had a short conversation. I asked her about some rumor that was going around about her dating this one guy and she totally denied it and said she'd never date someone from that town. The convo ended when she told me to call her sometime to hang out. I just no and that you can call me.

 

That same night, she ended up texting me asking me to lunch. I never answered. After I got the text, I went on her myspace for the first time in a month and saw she posted a comment to the same guy she denied everything saying "Loved cuddling with you tonight". So I didn't even respond to that text. The next day, she texted me again. No response by me.

 

So on Easter, I go on the computer for a few minutes. She immediately IMs me, starts asking me about life and all. And I just go "How can you be so curious in my life when you called me the biggest regret of your life after I've done nothing wrong to you ever?" After that, we just started to argue again. I started to trash her. She trashed me. She said that she is better off without me. She was trying to convince me that she is dating some 23 year old Abercrombie model when she is 17 and her parents would never go for it. The conversation ended with me basically saying that she has changed so much, has mental problems, and doesn't truly realize how much she needs me. No response from her after that. I also told her to just stay out of my life. Don't come to my job, don't IM me, don't text me. I leave you alone, why can't you just leave me alone?

 

So this is where I'm at. You were right that things with other girls don't work out right away. I've been single for about 5 months. I go out on dates and I just want to be single. I'm really taking in the college experience now.

 

As you can obviously see, I'm not over my ex and I really don't think she is over me. Or maybe she just uses me when the time is right for her. Who knows.

 

How would you judge the actions of my ex and some of the other girls?

 

All opinions are welcomed! Thanks all.

[lady00]

Great to hear you're seeing what's out there. Girl #1 seems like a total nutcase...yikes! But it's good to put yourself out there nonetheless...eventually something will pan out. I'm glad you told off your ex...it sounds like she really just loves drama...getting into arguments with you repeatedly like that and showing up at your job (really? She couldn't find anywhere else to pick up whatever item it was??)...sounds very strange...sounds like she loves attention and arguing/drama.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Your boundaries with all these women are confused. You're 'cuddling' in your bed with lots of different women that you aren't even really dating, and your ex drops in and out for drama. When you meet up it is all negative drama, then you say 'you can call me...' if your contact is all drama and no enjoyment, why keep contact with her at all?

 

What i would do is don't get yourself in such intimate 'cuddling' situations with girls you aren't actively dating. Everyone needs to know what you are doing and why, rather than just randomly letting all these women drift in and out of your life and attention.

 

Pick someone, start dating her. If there's nothing there, then keep looking.

 

I think you can really enjoy being single and date around, but it gets really complicated if no one is sure who is dating whom and what it means.

 

And it sounds like your ex is just drama and baggage. I'd stop contacting her and focus more seriously on finding someone to date that you really like and enjoy rather than just haphazardly snogging and cuddling any old girl and continuing to extend the futile drama with the ex. honestly, it doesn't sound like much fun at all what is going on, so define a few boundaries and start having real fun and less drama.

[hockeyboy]

The only girl here that really matters at all is girl #2...and your still mainly concerned about your ex...which is probably the reason #2 said what she said.

 

im sure she's aware that your not over your ex....and if thats the case, she probably won't consider dating you until you are.

 

and you keep telling your ex to stop talking to you, im'ing etc...but then she waits a little bit and you talk to her when she comes to you. so obviously she doesn't take you seriously...so you need to figure something out with her and stick to it. regardless...you need to get away from her for a while...and she needs it too.

[thekid55]

I do agree that time apart would be the best thing for us..

 

I seem to go through stretches where we don't talk for awhile and she just pops out of somewhere and talks to me. She always seems to catch me off guard.

 

I just think she likes being in a relationship. I know that she is in a relationship with different guy now and he is obsessed with her like a fool. They have dated for 4 days and he is salivating over her like a little girl. At least I am being firm with her. I have not initiated contact with her since December. So that is definitely a win for me there.

 

I have 6 weeks left here at college before summer. I'm going to enjoy it. When I go home, I'm just going to hang with my friends, work, and see what happens. I'm taking things a day at a time and enjoying life

[hockeyboy]

I think your still thinking of ways to get her back...and I think you should spend less time on that and more time on yourself and future women you will meet.

[thekid55]

I'm doing whats best for me now. Whatever happens in the future with anything, happens. I'm back

[Bunney]

She's an immature teenager who is into the 'wild' life-style. I think she's absolutely pathetic and I don't understand why you would even want to be with someone like that. You don't want someone who plays with people's feelings, trashtalks her friends, yells at you (your aim convos with her really made me question her mental stability) and is extremely jealous.

 

How old was she when you were together, 14/15? You can't expect a relationship to work out at this young age. I doubt she was really feeling love for you either. I don't think she knows what that word means yet.

 

And even if she didn't break up with you, the chance that you would have worked out are VERY VERY VERY slim. Just think about how much a person changes during/end of puberty and beginning of 20's. For most people, there is no room for a longterm committed relationship at this stage of life.

 

 

One tip though, STOP indicating to her that you want to get back together. You do this almost every time you talk. Stop giving her the safisfaction. You two are at 2 totally different stages in life, not on the same wavelength, you're incompatible, she's immature, she doesn't respect you and those should be enough reasons for you not to want to be with her. You're just 19, you've got a whole life ahead of you, stop acting like it all revolves around this one girl. There's so much more out there...

[PriscillaRS]

Grow up kid, you're delusional.

 

If you want the pain and suffering of unrequitted love then you are certainly on thw right path. But if you want funtion like a well adjusted confident 19 year old you are going to have to get this ex girlfriend out of your head.

[thekid55]

I will be honest with you. I rarely think about the girl now. When I was fresh off the breakup, I would constantly think about her. Now that I've got more involved at school, I have no time to think of her and my mind does not wander. I'm dating different girls. I do not want a relationship of any sort. Some of the girls that I am friends with here look at me as the perfect guy, yet they have no interest in me. I'm good looking, smart, and I have a bright future.

 

My ex has another new relationship. We haven't spoken in weeks. I do agree that we are in different facets of life at this time. I dated her when she was 15/16. And I was 17/18. Yes I know that is young, but the feelings we felt at the time were all real. I'm not delusional because you can't tell me how I feel. I understand and accept that it is over now and her feelings obviously faded after I left for college.

 

I'm just going open minded into the future with all aspects of life. I'm letting things come to me. I think thats the right approach and everyone should have this mentality.

 

As far as my ex is concerned, she is in HS and I'm in college. I now know that we are in totally different worlds and that's fine. That's life. I'm just making the best of things for myself and letting the future play out with new girls and other happenings.