afc_2_dj Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 Why are you knocking this guys confidence? Confidence is attractive, no matter how they physically look. I think this is the primary question this thread raises. On this and similar forums guys are being told not to worry about not being good-looking, and that their confident approach will attract women. It would seem however that this is not true, the posters seem to take only their looks into account, the confidence to approach counting for nothing. I don't believe anybody has yet said that even though a guy who approached them wasn't good-looking they were attracted to him anyways owing to confidence/personality. In fact I get the impression from this discussion that in realilty women don't actually want an unattractive guy to talk to them, full stop. Which is a problem for us .... !! Link to comment
poloplayer Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 In fact I get the impression from this discussion that in realilty women don't actually want an unattractive guy to talk to them, full stop. Which is a problem for us .... !! Some of it depends on age, but a lot of it depends on the girl. In high school, most girls don't care about confidence, heck, most people don't even know what it is. Just be the cutest looking guy with the largest ego and you will get MANY girls. College can be no different. My experience thus far in the real world can be no different. I'm sure it changes as you age, BUT it will vary with the circle you run with (which defines you). Run with the trendsetting crowd then you better be up to par - have a little more substance than sizzle and you'll find people who value those things. While the guys I'm always interested in never seem to give me the time of day. It makes me feel like I'm ugly or something. The guys I want to date don't have to be a 9 or 10 on the scale... ...I really can't help who I'm attracted to but it would be nice to find a guy I TRULY like Apologies for my bluntness, but it seems like you want someone who is hot, and won't settle for less than that. I'll ask the question again, what do you want? Sex? Or a relationship? The two are not mutually exclusive, but I've learned that the hottest women I've dated were great for passionate sex, but horrible for a relationship, whereas the 'less of a hottie' wasn't someone who set my crotch on fire but offered the very best to a great relationship. There was a very big difference in quality of two things here: sex, and an overall relationship. You can find both in a person, but nobody knows if and when that may happen. I'll end with this: Women choose who they want to be with. Many women choose the selfish jerks, the flowery flatterers, the vapid pretty boys, and the BSing braggarts over the less glittery good guys with heart and soul. In the end, men pick. As you've seen, guys have turned you down. I too have turned down women, and most have immediately thought (some have tactlessly asked) one of two things: 1 - Like you did, 'am i ugly?,' or 2 - 'what, are you gay?' failing to realize that it might be neither of these two - perhaps he has no interest in you, and that has nothing to do with his sexuality or your looks. Link to comment
Iceman2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Maybe you are looking for men out of your league? You might be a 6 but are aiming for an 8? I see this at my workplace. My co-worker is an 8 or a 9 but all these 6's and below actually think they have a shot. It's quite amusing when I watch them go ga-ga over him. Ahhh........the power of good looks! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 I don't know if its as cut and dry as if s/he is hot, they won't be nice while they'll be nicer if they're less hot. I think all people are attractive. If someone "attracts" you, than they are attractive. I don t'think its sex or a relationship. I think you can have both. I'm sometimes attracted to men that are less conventionally attractive but have awesome personalities. They become hotter to me than the guys who are conventionally attractive because they challange my intellect, etc. Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 Wow, do women really think they're ugly when an "ugly" guy approaches them? That's kinda sad, it ruins TWO days. Link to comment
Cassie Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I feel flattered when a guy approaches, regardless whether or not I find him attractive. It's just flat out a huge compliment - (unless the guy is being overly obnoxious, then I'll get pissy). Ladies, you need to choose your man and learn how to subtly pursue him. The trick is knowing how to capture his attention and then make him feel as if he's chasing you. If you're being passive about this, you may be waiting a long time for that 'perfect' man to randomly hit on you. Link to comment
Nightshade Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Ladies, you need to choose your man and learn how to subtly pursue him. The trick is knowing how to capture his attention and then make him feel as if he's chasing you. If you're being passive about this, you may be waiting a long time for that 'perfect' man to randomly hit on you. I agree with this method. All my past boyfriends always assumed that they pursued me first, without realizing that I basically gave them "permission" to approach me with prolonged eye contact, smiles, and the like. Even in the past, ladies would do the same with their dropped handkerchiefs. Being passive never worked for me, because without any signals, most guys did not feel they would be welcomed to approach me, and thus, stayed away. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Why are the ugly guys hitting on meeeee? lol Should all those 'ugly' guys run off a cliff or what? God, what if you were ugly? How horrible would your life be. Edit: Sorry, but some posts tonight have got me a little peeved. What's with all these women talking about hottness all of a sudden. I thought it was men who were supposed to be shallow. Link to comment
doyathink Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Shallow comes in all forms, IL...one form being looks, and another being 'all religious people are alike'! Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Shallow comes in all forms, IL...one form being looks, and another being 'all religious people are alike'! I certainly never said all religious people are alike . Link to comment
doyathink Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I certainly never said all religious people are alike . Link to comment
doyathink Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Don't need one. It was suggested.... Link to comment
kaligrl22 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I love this thread. I too get hit on by guys that are anything but attractive. Sometimes I'm completely shocked at the guys who have the nerve to hit on me. Old guys are probably my biggest fan. If your older than my father, you need not apply. Link to comment
Leonhart Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Should all those 'ugly' guys run off a cliff or what? God, what if you were ugly? How horrible would your life be. Edit: Sorry, but some posts tonight have got me a little peeved. What's with all these women talking about hottness all of a sudden. I thought it was men who were supposed to be shallow. Yeah, that's ironic... That person was calling me horrible because I like attractive girls, yet she was complaining that "ugly" guys hit on her! H - y - p - o -c - r - a - c - y. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Yeah, that's ironic... That person was calling me horrible because I like attractive girls, yet she was complaining that "ugly" guys hit on her! H - y - p - o -c - r - a - c - y. I have to agree that if someone called you shallow for the pursuit of these hot girls then complained only ugly guys hit on her...yeah that is a bit of hypocracy. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Wow, do women really think they're ugly when an "ugly" guy approaches them? That's kinda sad, it ruins TWO days. I agree. Ruins two days indeed when it could be a quick pick me up for one or both. Maybe some people just need to get over themselves. Dunno. Link to comment
Leonhart Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I have to agree that if someone called you shallow for the pursuit of these hot girls then complained only ugly guys hit on her...yeah that is a bit of hypocracy. Pfft. First of all, me liking girls who are attractive to me isn't shallow. It's human nature. Secondly, yeah... this is exactly what happened. (The topic is still around BTW...) Anyway, I'll go away now... Link to comment
Stambler Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I love this thread. I too get hit on by guys that are anything but attractive. Sometimes I'm completely shocked at the guys who have the nerve to hit on me. Old guys are probably my biggest fan. If your older than my father, you need not apply. Gads! I'm back again! So KG, tell us how old you are so we will know if we can apply... Don't tell me it's in your name - 22? Yikes, you are young enough to be my daughter! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I feel flattered when a guy approaches, regardless whether or not I find him attractive. It's just flat out a huge compliment - (unless the guy is being overly obnoxious, then I'll get pissy). Ladies, you need to choose your man and learn how to subtly pursue him. The trick is knowing how to capture his attention and then make him feel as if he's chasing you. If you're being passive about this, you may be waiting a long time for that 'perfect' man to randomly hit on you. How do you do that? I think that there has to be an initial attraction where he actually pursues you...you can't simulate a pursuit or make him think one is there. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I have to agree that if someone called you shallow for the pursuit of these hot girls then complained only ugly guys hit on her...yeah that is a bit of hypocracy. He's trying to bait me and I'm a sucker. Its a bit out of context, but thats not surprising. I was criticizing him earlier for obsessing over physical attractiveness. I don't think that there is anything wrong with desiring someone attractive- but when it becomes obsessive, there are a lot of perverse, questionable problems involved. I don't think of myself as a shallow person although I've done some shallow things. I think that there are people who are only shallow. To me, there are several differences between myself and a shallow person. My flaw is that occasionally I'll joke about recieving unwanted advances. The flaw I was criticizing is obsessiveness, a focus on physical attraction. Thats not hypocrisy. Also there is the issue of semantics...when I talk about someone that is ugly...I'm talking about men who are married, old, immoral, etc., who try to hit on women who are not interested since the assumption that they would be is probably there. Not what he's talking about... which are his standards for physical attractiveness (I'd venture to guess something not along the lines of the objectified women in his avatars). Link to comment
Gratsy Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Should all those 'ugly' guys run off a cliff or what? God, what if you were ugly? How horrible would your life be. Edit: Sorry, but some posts tonight have got me a little peeved. What's with all these women talking about hottness all of a sudden. I thought it was men who were supposed to be shallow. I was being tongue-in-cheek. It almost seems like I wasn't when I have to explain that, though. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Pfft. First of all, me liking girls who are attractive to me isn't shallow. It's human nature. Secondly, yeah... this is exactly what happened. (The topic is still around BTW...) Anyway, I'll go away now... I didn't say it was shallow (liking attractive girls). Link to comment
Leonhart Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I didn't say it was shallow (liking attractive girls). No, you didn't. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 No, you didn't. Actually, you're completely right. I was very wrong to ever criticize that about you. Link to comment
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