bsp_kjm Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I have a broad array of of female friends amongst the ages of 19-29 and all of them have admitted to cheating on their boyfriends/fiances. Some of these gals are either living with, engaged to, or had a child with their significant other. I know of two girls who have moved out of state to be with their SOs and still cheated on them! Some of them are professional and educated and swear they are deeply in love, yet they cheat on their SOs like its no big thing. Of all the female friends I have, I can only think of one that sticks to never having cheated on her fiance. Of all my guy friends, only two have admitted to cheating on their girlfriends. I don't get it. Whatever happened to being faithful to someone you apparently "love" so much? Is this the "cool thing" to do now? (btw, im not saying all women are cheaters or trying to bash women at all.) Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 It may just be the peers you ending up associating with. I have not, and won't, cheat. I also have several girlfriends whom have not ever cheated on their partners. I don't think it is a "trend" - I think there are always people whom do cheat, and I do know people too whom know lots of cheaters; I think it highly depends on the people you tend to associate with. I associate with people with good character and values and I would choose not to be friends with someone cheating and whom did not confess to their partner about it or whom treated it as "just normal". I would not associate with people living a "double life". If you truly love and respect someone; the one you are with; you won't cheat. So no, I don't think if you love someone you cheat. These girls have a selfish idea of "love" if they can state they love their partner and yet cheat on them. Heck, if I did not love and respect the person I was with - I would LEAVE...not stay and cheat! Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 It may just be the peers you ending up associating with. this is what i was thinking too, but i have so many female friends from so many different backgrounds \ personalities that it just really makes me think. maybe they all just dont know what love really is Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 It's like when you find you date the "same people" over and over again with the same issues and problems - sometimes we also make friends with the "same people" over and over again - even if they come from different backgrounds they can still share similar character traits. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 As usual raykay is spot on. We can make the same mistakes with friends as we do lovers as in always migrating to the same type. Time for some introspection. Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 i guess you folks are right, i suppose it is the people i make friends with. hmmm, thats kinda disturbing. Link to comment
Tethys Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I cheated once -- but I was 16 at the time and a bit stupid and inexperienced. I'm now 35 and I would not DREAM of cheating on my partner, ever. I worry more about the man in my life cheating on me, since it seems more common among men than women -- yeah I know, I'm going to get yelled at for that. But I was cheated on, by a man who got regular sex from me, and then lied to me about it. Turned out he wanted to have a variety of partners while keeping a regular thing going with me. I didn't trust men that much after that. I guess there are a few who don't do it. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 One other thing to factor in. While I doubt that cheating will ever be socially acceptable, it does get talked about a heck of a lot more now than, say, 20 or 30 years ago. It's entirely possible that the incidence of cheating hasn't really gone up, but rather people kept it more quiet in the past than they do now. Link to comment
Tethys Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 OMG, s2s -- your avatar makes me almost vomit with its sweetness, lol -- that is TOO cute... WAY too cute! Link to comment
just M.E. Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Interestingly I know people who cheat and lie and say they don't .... I think they want to be seen as the better person but can't live up to that. Always finish one thing before starting another. Link to comment
anita sandwich Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I think it all has to do with power. If a woman feels that she is put in a subordinate position in life, in past relationships, or in her current relationship, then cheating will make her feel that she has control and power. I think there are a lot of power-hungry people out there, men and women alike. I think they cheat equally, regardless of their sex or background. Link to comment
anita sandwich Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 oh and it is not considered attractive or desirable to be a helpless dependent female in today's society, so I think women in general strive to be powerful. And I think cheating and being sexually liberal is construed as being strong and having power. So maybe this type of thing is trendy, i see quotes like this all the time: "Women who follow the rules will never make them." ....which is a very power-hungry line... Link to comment
musicguy Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I don't think that cheating is a "trend". Cheating is something that people choose to do. If you are in a relationship and there's someone that you meet or whatever and you want to be with them, you can't have a relationship with both of them, you choose one or the other. Break your current relationship before you are with the other person, being drunk or high are NOT excuses to cheat on someone either. Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I cheated once -- but I was 16 at the time and a bit stupid and inexperienced. I'm now 35 and I would not DREAM of cheating on my partner, ever. I worry more about the man in my life cheating on me, since it seems more common among men than women -- yeah I know, I'm going to get yelled at for that. But I was cheated on, by a man who got regular sex from me, and then lied to me about it. Turned out he wanted to have a variety of partners while keeping a regular thing going with me. I didn't trust men that much after that. I guess there are a few who don't do it. And I have seen many more men cheat then women. The second part of your statement hit the nail right on the head. I work with some guys and this is precisely their attitude. I find this highly unfair because these same guys will be spitting mad in the event that their gf's/wives would cheat. Double standard, YES!!! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 It's like when you find you date the "same people" over and over again with the same issues and problems - sometimes we also make friends with the "same people" over and over again - even if they come from different backgrounds they can still share similar character traits. Ha, Ha...I can relate to this statement...I have lived in several different cities both in Canada and USA and I seem to make friends with exactly the same kind of person. It is like they are all the same person with just a slight variation on the same theme! Reminds of the Coyote, Sheepdog cartoons on Bugs Bunny...where the Sheepdog walks close to the sheep, unzips his "coat" and lo and behold he is actually the coyote! Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I hate the way the world is today. I'm 41 and have never cheated on someone. No sense in it, only pain and selfishness I believe. Link to comment
meudar Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Simple. Men are better liars ;-) Cheating has always been the trend. People are just more open now. Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Something else about cheating I wanted to bring up, The person who is cheated on is usually left with scars for life. Alot of trust issues in future partners can arise, as you believe that all men cheat. This can really screw up a persons future, I'm living proof. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Something else about cheating I wanted to bring up, The person who is cheated on is usually left with scars for life. Alot of trust issues in future partners can arise, as you believe that all men cheat. This can really screw up a persons future, I'm living proof. My last bf cheated on me. To a good degree, how much it screws up the person who was cheated on is up to them. I saw a really good therapist after I left him and had a pretty strong faith in my own ability to handle whatever life throws at me before I ever met him. He's one person who made some incredibly stupid decisions and I happened to be in the splatter stream when it hit the fan. It happens. If I allow it to color my outlook, beliefs and behavior to the point of keeping trustworthy, decent people at arm's length, and viewing an entire gender with a great deal of suspicion, that's my own fault. For me, it basically came down to refusing to let someone who knowingly hurt me have that much continued control over my life. Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 This is true. I am speaking of multiple partners cheating. Each time you believe in someone they let you down, and you build up a wall. My ex husband of 11 years cheated, then most all my boyfriends after that. I definatley should have stayed in therapy after my divorce. Maybe I wouldnt keep attracting the same kind of guys for whatever reason. My only regret is being insecure with the one man I didnt need to be insecure with. Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Something else about cheating I wanted to bring up, The person who is cheated on is usually left with scars for life. Alot of trust issues in future partners can arise, as you believe that all men cheat. This can really screw up a persons future, I'm living proof. Which is why I believe that when kids are involved to never engage in this behavior!! This will scar them too!! I just got to talking to a friend on another forum who mentioned that she had talked to a young woman who has long standing trust issues due to her parents divorce due to infidelity. I find this unacceptable, but it's unfortunately a reality!! This is really sad to hear and I really hope you can move past this istillluvu06 Link to comment
Rabican Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 sounds to me like you got some lousy friends there. Strong morals, honesty, character are all traits to be applauded in a friend. Cheating, lying, etc. are not. After all, if they will lie and cheat to/on their partner, why would they not lie to you if the situation was to their benefit. Link to comment
taylor710 Posted November 2, 2007 Share Posted November 2, 2007 I can tell you that in the 6 weeks I've been out "hooking-up", because that's all it's been, that married and girls with "boyfriends" are the easiest hookups and/or "booty-calls". Of the 6 different girls 3 of them had "serious" (ha-ha!!!!) boyfriends, 2 of these girls spent numerous nights over at my house initiating sex over and over thru the night. One of them from another state visiting friends, has been married 14 years and is now flying me up to her city to put me up in a hotel to play for a weekend in December. Now all these involved girls approaced ME, and initiated the "hook-ups". Although I'm enjoying the attention and crazy sex, it's making me feel very wary of girls and their ways. It seems the ones who are in relationships want to make the "hook-up" and get busy right away. I mean, THEY ask to come back to my place, THEY shove me into my bedroom/couch/floor/table/hot-tub/backyard, THEY start peeling back those annoting garments and THEY tell me what they like. I feel so cheap.........................NOT!!! Tay Link to comment
musicguy Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 ^^ I'm jealous...where are those kinda girls where I live Link to comment
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