What's worse in society, being an unattractive female or unattractive male?

[JadedStar]

You are so right shes2smart about no matter what someone likes or looks like there is someone out there who will desire that. THis is why it is so disturbing that so many people will get surgery to drastically alter what they look like instead of embracing their differences.

[shes2smart]

Homogenization is good for milk but bad for people.

[matts0344]

...

 

People don't need to be "fixed" to be acceptable. Every single one of us is acceptable and fine and lovable as we are, where we are right now. If you do not believe that, I'd suggest you take a good long look at where you're getting your ideas from, and consider changing them to something that's going to serve, uplift and support you...not tear you down.

 

I believe it, definitely, I actually prefer women somewhat on the larger side myself. Personally I was talking severly obese as ones I would not personally go for. Some men do, and thats fine by me.

 

I didn't mean to offend you or anyone else or mean to say overweight people are 'broken' (hell I'm overweight myself). I just meant the vast majority of men prefer women who are not severeley obese and if a girl wanted to change that, it is possible (most of the time) so its not really a big deal.

 

I apologize.

[JoeWho]

Who is anyone to say what is ugly? What do young girls use as their guide? Hilton, spears and Lohan?

 

 

I hope they are not using Hilton, Spears and Lohan as their guide. If all girls turned into clones of those three, I would just become a celibate monk. lol I am pretty sure there are loads of guys who still prefer real women.

[shes2smart]

I believe it, definitely, I actually prefer women somewhat on the larger side myself. Personally I was talking severly obese as ones I would not personally go for. Some men do, and thats fine by me.

 

I didn't mean to offend you or anyone else or mean to say overweight people are 'broken' (hell I'm overweight myself). I just meant the vast majority of men prefer women who are not severeley obese and if a girl wanted to change that, it is possible (most of the time) so its not really a big deal.

 

I apologize.

 

No problem. No offense taken (though it may've sounded that way as I'm feeling a bit snarly today. )

 

I think my frustration with these kinds of threads is reaching a peak, though.

 

I see too many like this and too many from posters bemoaning their physical appearance and how that's SO important to attract a partner. And I can also see that it's a focus on the wrong thing.

 

I've been keeping a journal since I was 12. Back in my 20's when I was single I could whine/complain/moan with the best of them about how I couldn't possibly attract a partner because I was too fat, too sarcastic, not busty or blonde enough and a million other superficial things. It was a HUGE waste of time and did absolutely nothing but make me feel worse about myself, my life, and OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!

 

We are surrounded by messages that we're not good enough. We are shown images on a daily basis of what we're supposed to be like and look like and have and do...and it's all a lie. But when a lie gets repeated often enough, it sure as hell starts to sound like it's true. Next thing you know, you're buying crap you don't really want or need or you're puking your lunch into the toilet, or you start casting a critical eye toward others as well as yourself.

 

Yes, it is necessary to be attracted to a partner. But far too many people assume that what's attractive is one, very narrowly defined set of traits, and if they don't fit....well, let the self-flagellation begin! From there, it's just a few steps to convincing your imperfect self that physical attraction is THE #1 most important factor and if you don't have that, well, crap, you shouldn't even leave the house in the morning for fear of scaring someone with your appearance.

 

Like I said before, I wasted far too much of my own time keeping these sorts of useless thoughts in my head. Hanging onto these kinds of useless thoughts also landed me in some less-than-stellar relationships (like that mess with the alcoholic), because at the base of those thoughts is the belief that I didn't deserve better, and I should just be happy with whatever I got.

 

I see people on this board falling into those same traps I did and it's just so....unnecessary. It's a lot of self-inflicted pain and misery that ultimately doesn't get you any closer to whole.

 

The way out is self-acceptance, self-respect, self-trust and self-love. The relationship we have with ourselves is the one from which all other relationships in our lives spring. We can only love others to the exent we love ourselves, we can only accept others to the extent we accept ourselves, we can only trust others to the extent that we trust ourselves, we can only treat others with respect to the extent we treat ourselves with respect.

 

Putting the focus on the outside doesn't really solve the problem. Putting the focus on creating a healthy relationship with ourselves first does.

[JadedStar]

Loving ourselves is probably the most important and hardest thing we will ever be tasked with. Or at least ONE of the most important, becasuse if we don't love ourselves we end up in so many difficult predicaments.

 

People who can really love themselves are better partners, parents, friends, colleagues, etc.

[Raiden]

Loving ourselves is probably the most important and hardest thing we will ever be tasked with. Or at least ONE of the most important, becasuse if we don't love ourselves we end up in so many difficult predicaments.

 

People who can really love themselves are better partners, parents, friends, colleagues, etc.

 

How much can you love yourself before you become self-centered, though?

 

A little self-hatred can go a long way to balancing yourself out.

[JadedStar]

How much can you love yourself before you become self-centered, though?

 

A little self-hatred can go a long way to balancing yourself out.

 

There is a HUGE difference Ken and the fact that you question is proof (as are your umpteen posts on attractiveness) that you have not mastered this for yourself.

 

Here is a shocker Ken, most people who are self centered and arrogant do so as a MASK to their own self loathing. This type of person most often does NOT really love him or herself even tho they radiate the facade that they are really really confident.

[salem89]

Everyone knows what 'ugly' is, I'm not saying if you have some small flaw or if you're not happy with the size of your nose that you should rush off and fix it. I don't agree with plastic surgery junkies, I've seen and read alot about them and it's sad and disturbing how far people take things when it comes to appearance issues.

 

But anyways, yes, we've all been out with a group of people hanging out and probably seen and all agreed that someone was ugly. I know it's harsh and I'm gonna get alot of people telling me I shouldn't judge but get off your high horse, EVERYONE judges whether they like it or not. It's natural, when you start criticizing and discriminating based on your judging that's when there's an issue.

 

Another thing: STOP BLAMING THE MEDIA FOR ALL YOUR FLIPPIN' PROBLEMS. Okay so the young girls out there are easily influenced and maybe pressured by the media but just because we may take fashion tips from a supermodel doesn't mean we worship the ground she walks on. Our lives are not based around the godamn media, some girls do have a mind of their own and this really pisses me off when people say things like "Well if it wasn't for the media, this and that would be better in our society." Stop blaming it and do something about it, why do we always want to point the finger instead of solving the problem? Sure, I agree that the media is definitely accountable for influencing many things but it's not solely at blame, people with eating disorders may be pressured by media to fit into a certain image but they also have a mental disorder.

 

All I meant to say with my last post is that there are many options for people out there who KNOW they're unattractive, and I don't care what you think you could be the most arrogant person on earth but deep down everyone knows how attractive they are on a level. Self-esteem can have alot to do with it but 'thinking positive' and 'having confidence' are easily said but not easily done, they aren't a quick fix to self-esteem, and they aren't a fix to being unattractive...

[Raiden]

Self-esteem can have alot to do with it but 'thinking positive' and 'having confidence' are easily said but not easily done, they aren't a quick fix to self-esteem, and they aren't a fix to being unattractive...

 

Nice to have a realistic, no BS viewpoint here, for once.

[dietrying]

nobody has an excuse to be 'ugly'...unless you're poor...

 

It's not a criminal offense.

 

Even being a rather unattractive male myself I feel worse for unattractive females because I think men emphasize looks more.

 

Yeah, just one of those things that would make me want to be the other gender.

 

Everyone knows what 'ugly' is, I'm not saying if you have some small flaw or if you're not happy with the size of your nose that you should rush off and fix it. I don't agree with plastic surgery junkies, I've seen and read alot about them and it's sad and disturbing how far people take things when it comes to appearance issues.

 

But anyways, yes, we've all been out with a group of people hanging out and probably seen and all agreed that someone was ugly. I know it's harsh and I'm gonna get alot of people telling me I shouldn't judge but get off your high horse, EVERYONE judges whether they like it or not. It's natural, when you start criticizing and discriminating based on your judging that's when there's an issue.

 

Another thing: STOP BLAMING THE MEDIA FOR ALL YOUR FLIPPIN' PROBLEMS. Okay so the young girls out there are easily influenced and maybe pressured by the media but just because we may take fashion tips from a supermodel doesn't mean we worship the ground she walks on. Our lives are not based around the godamn media, some girls do have a mind of their own and this really pisses me off when people say things like "Well if it wasn't for the media, this and that would be better in our society." Stop blaming it and do something about it, why do we always want to point the finger instead of solving the problem? Sure, I agree that the media is definitely accountable for influencing many things but it's not solely at blame, people with eating disorders may be pressured by media to fit into a certain image but they also have a mental disorder.

 

All I meant to say with my last post is that there are many options for people out there who KNOW they're unattractive, and I don't care what you think you could be the most arrogant person on earth but deep down everyone knows how attractive they are on a level. Self-esteem can have alot to do with it but 'thinking positive' and 'having confidence' are easily said but not easily done, they aren't a quick fix to self-esteem, and they aren't a fix to being unattractive...

 

lol the media aren't going anywhere. Personally for me, I could care less about the media, but it's everyone around me's focus on appearances and men saying they want to "score" a hot girl that has made me feel inadequate at times. Especially since they're basing what's hot off of things that aren't even human.

 

And I disagree about confidence not being a fix. I used to be so ugly, but all I needed was to dress in a more form fitting way and put on some foundation, which I don't really wear much anymore luckily....but confidence is what pulled me out mostly. No knives necessary. I *hate* knives anyway!

 

On a side note, I don't think we should all go have plastic surgery and have the same nose or any part for that matter. This world's pretty freaky sometimes seeing people walking around looking like clones of one another.

[salem89]

Haha thank you Ken2012...you're probably one of the few people who don't call me a [edit] for voicing my honest opinion.

[JadedStar]

no one is blaming the media. Take a chill pill. But if you don't think that teen girls are greatly affected by the young women in the limelight than you must live under a rock. SUre a person's esteem is based on many factors, to include one's upbringing, but celebs today DO have some influence on what is accepted as perfect appearance. Th is is more towards the younger girls vs once they get older.

 

Your post talking about ugly people need to go under the knife is what was being referred to, and the way it was written it portrayed a sad mentality.

 

Just because some don't agree with you doesn't mean they are wrong.

 

And no one here called you any names either. You inferred that on your own and you labeled yourself as shallow. No one else did.

[ajnabi_baby]

Good question and I think it would depend on the situation. I think that it is easier for an unattrative female to get laid over an unattractive female but when it comes to long term commitment liek marriage I think that the unattractive male with money would certainly have the upper hand over the unattractive female with money. That is if you are putting money into consideration in both unattractive male and female.

 

If you were a guy, would you marry an ugly women for money? Do you think majority of guys would? There are not many real life example so its hard to determine this but we know that ugly men do marry beautilful women when they have money!

[JadedStar]

Nice to have a realistic, no BS viewpoint here, for once.

 

Funny how the only posts you find to be realistic are the ones that agree with your views that are a real stretch to begin with Ken.

[salem89]

no one is blaming the media. Take a chill pill. But if you don't think that teen girls are greatly affected by the young women in the limelight than you must live under a rock. SUre a person's esteem is based on many factors, to include one's upbringing, but celebs today DO have some influence on what is accepted as perfect appearance.

 

Your post talking about ugly people need to go under the knife is what was being referred to, and the way it was written it portrayed a sad mentality.

 

Just because some don't agree with you doesn't mean they are wrong.

 

And no one here called you any names either. You inferred that on your own.

 

You were directing what people think is attractive towards the media hence your "Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan" comment...I never said because you didn't agree meant you're wrong, they're called opinions for a reason.

 

...and I never said anyone called me names, my [edit] remark was an overall remark since most people usually think I'm one for these kinds of things I say. But what can ya do, it happens.

[ghost69]

well, i think paris hilton looks like an alien. and lindsay lohan used to, used to be hot.

 

anyways, to answer the title of this thread....unattractive males have it worse. i have found women that didn't have the greatest face to be attractive. her body, body language, attitude, personality, etc. can be a turn on. but i know women with total ugly guys cause they like their personalities.

[salem89]

Yeah for sure, plastic surgery can get way out of hand but I think it can be done in minimal amounts to better someone. And really, most people who get plastic surgery get it because it makes them happy and is there way of getting a confidence boost. I don't think I'd ever go under the knife either but I understand why people do it and don't think it's as 'wrong' and 'taboo' as most people think.

 

...and man, don't have low confidence I think you're cute haha, make-up is a great confidence boost that doesn't scar! But you don't need it hun, you have the natural look going for ya, I envy it.

 

 

 

Well personalities go a long ways for guys but this is the way I see it, he could be the funniest and sweetest guy on earth and be unattractive...wouldn't work for me, maybe again because I'm a tad shallow but really if we were to get in a relationship in the middle of sex he's not gonna be like "HEY, KNOCK, KNOCK!!!". Personality can only do so much, ditto for looks.

[Raiden]

Haha thank you Ken2012...you're probably one of the few people who don't call me a beeyatch for voicing my honest opinion.

 

Honestly, I just agree with you to a large extent. It's so refreshing to have a few non-PC viewpoints on these boards like yours'.

 

Physically ugly people are just that: physically ugly people. There is no two ways about it. Sure they can see confident, funny, intelligent, suave, financially successful blah blah, but at the end of the day there is going to be a considerate amount of prejudice against them because of their looks (or lack of).

 

It's not a question of being 'wrong' or 'right' here, it's just the way it goes. Ces't la vie.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think it's being an unattractive male.

Since women have so many options such as make-up and cosmetic surgery whereas guys can't really cover up blemishes and pimples with foundation or enhance cheek bones with blush.

I mean they could but that's a whole other issue.

Personally I'm quite shallow and blunt, with todays technology nobody has an excuse to be 'ugly'...unless you're poor...then yep that really sucks...

 

 

What do you mean by ugly. People can take care of their appearance I agree. Some people are born with faces that just aren't that nice, or they are unshapely. Do you blame them for that ?

[Raiden]

What do you mean by ugly. People can take care of their appearance I agree. Some people are born with faces that just aren't that nice, or they are unshapely. Do you blame them for that ?

 

salem isn't blaming anyone or anything. And while I don't agree with her philosophy on plastic surgery, it's folly to argue with her in regards to what she says about attractiveness in general.

 

She wants a naturally attractive man on her arm. Why shouldn't she, I say.

[dietrying]

Yeah for sure, plastic surgery can get way out of hand but I think it can be done in minimal amounts to better someone. And really, most people who get plastic surgery get it because it makes them happy and is there way of getting a confidence boost. I don't think I'd ever go under the knife either but I understand why people do it and don't think it's as 'wrong' and 'taboo' as most people think.

 

...and man, don't have low confidence I think you're cute haha, make-up is a great confidence boost that doesn't scar! But you don't need it hun, you have the natural look going for ya, I envy it.

 

I'll have to agree with you if it's someone crying every night over their nose. But most people really don't need plastic surgery. Sometimes I think the before photos look better than the after photos. I think someone should only take that risk if they REALLY need it.

 

and thank you.

 

I'm likely to disagree with most appearance enhancements, but at least they make that effort. It'll win over some people and turn off others...but that's the same with everything I'm sure.

[CaptainPlanet]

No ken I was not referring to that comment.

 

"Personally I'm quite shallow and blunt, with todays technology nobody has an excuse to be 'ugly'...unless you're poor...then yep that really sucks... "

 

What does she mean by excuse ? it is very vague.

 

Will she descriminate against a person who is ugly. Would she not hire or be friends with an ugly person. I'm not doubting that this is done on subconscious level anyway we all know it is but it is worrying when someone would openly admit and encourage it.

[Raiden]

No ken I was not referring to that comment.

 

"Personally I'm quite shallow and blunt, with todays technology nobody has an excuse to be 'ugly'...unless you're poor...then yep that really sucks... "

 

What does she mean by excuse ? it is very vague.

 

Will she descriminate against a person who is ugly. Would she not hire or be friends with an ugly person. I'm not doubting that this is done on subconscious level anyway we all know it is but it is worrying when someone would openly admit and encourage it.

 

If you know it's a prominent facet in people's mentalities (as I do) then why are you bashing her for it? Sounds to me like you're stirring up an argument for the sake of it.

 

If I thought it would work, or if I even had the money (which I don't), the I'd LOVE to get plastic surgery in an attempt to be better looking.

[dietrying]

She wants a naturally attractive man on her arm. Why shouldn't she, I say.

 

And some girls don't really care.

 

Accept it.