Had sex on the first date...Haven't heard from him.

[De Tourvel]

OK, I have never done anything like this before at all. I'm a conservative woman...well, not that night anyways, but I met this guy at the club and of course he said he wants to go out with me. We exchange numbers and the next day he called to set up the date. He canceled twice because he got stuck in the meeting and stuff. Even though he was half and hour late I was still considerate.

 

We had some sushi ( I payed for sushi) and we had a wonderful conversation. After that, we went over to his apartment and to watch 300 and cuddle. He was really cute and I was trying to resist temptation, but come on we we're laying on his bed and cuddling and next thing you know I was kissing him and one thing next to another and then SEX. It was great sex, like oMG!!! His the 2nd guy I have sex with and for my ex it took him 1 month to have sex with me (1 year and a half been together, but now over). I don't know what me and this guy are.

 

He told me to text him and I did. He said will go out last saturday, but I never received a call or text message back. SHould I just leave this alone or talk to him about this? I'm just very confused. disgusted with myself. Please help!!!

[Batya33]

Were you disgusted while you were having sex? Sounds like you had a great time. Focus on that, remember that you took the risk that it was a one night stand, and if he calls great, if not there will be others - perhaps you'd make a different decision next time, perhaps not.

[JadedStar]

Don't feel disgusted wtih yourself. There is also this risk when you have sex so soon.

 

But it does not make you a bad person. But like batya said it can help you make a different decision next time with the next guy.

[De Tourvel]

to tell you the truth, I don't feel regretful about it. It's odd, like the situation is degrading for me, but I don't really know. I think I have a chance with him again if I just go with the flow.....I'm just confused. I want to call him because I'm really attracted to him and I'm sure he feels the same way. I have never done anything like this before so I'm in shock right now.:sad:

[Hope75]

I do think you may have sent the wrong message by sleeping with him on the first date, especially since he had cancelled twice and was disrespectful of your time by being late.

 

But as Batya said, if you enjoyed yourself, chalk it up to a good time and a lesson learned if he doesn't call back.

 

No harm, no foul.

[De Tourvel]

I knew the risk of sex on the first date. It was either a good ending or a sad ending. I was leaning towards the good ending I'm just feeling shocked thats all...like now I know how its feels like a guy having sex with you and not call back. It feels awful

[JadedStar]

I knew the risk of sex on the first date. It was either a good ending or a sad ending. I was leaning towards the good ending I'm just feeling shocked thats all...like now I know how its feels like a guy having sex with you and not call back. It feels awful

 

I am sure it does.

 

I just wanted to say try not to beat yourself up. You are just human. But DON'T call him, that would be your real mistake. Leave him be. If you were to chase him now I don't think the outcome would be any better, but even worse.

[jettison]

to tell you the truth, I don't feel regretful about it. It's odd, like the situation is degrading for me, but I don't really know. I think I have a chance with him again if I just go with the flow.....I'm just confused. I want to call him because I'm really attracted to him and I'm sure he feels the same way. I have never done anything like this before so I'm in shock right now.

 

 

I put the odds that he's not also sleeping with 3 or 4 other almost complete strangers at about 1 to 35. Any takers?

[De Tourvel]

JADED!!! I remember you. You we're giving me advice about me being all depressed with my last issue with my ex leaving me. Odd isn't, I'm heading the wrong path. I think I should call this guy to just talk to him about this dilemma. Nothing is wrong with talking right? maybe just e-mail because I'm scared of talking to him.

[JadedStar]

JADED!!! I remember you. You we're giving me advice about me being all depressed with my last issue with my ex leaving me. Odd isn't, I'm heading the wrong path. I think I should call this guy to just talk to him about this dilemma. Nothing is wrong with talking right? maybe just e-mail because I'm scared of talking to him.

 

YOu remember me?

 

Ouch. I'll leave now.

 

ROFL!!!!!!!!!

 

I wouldn't talk to him tho. I think this is one of those cases that HE should be callling you. I think the ball is in his court.

[De Tourvel]

LOL, hahah very funny JAded. I'll just wait for him to call....cuz that would make me feel like I'm chasing him and desperate.

[Hope75]

I would give him time and let him come to you.

 

If he doesn't call in another week or so, I don't see anything wrong with a friendly voicemail asking if he'd like to get together, but then leave it at that.

 

There's nothing less attractive than a real life 'Fatal Attraction'.

[De Tourvel]

fatal attraction scary quote "I will not be ignored, Micheal!!!!'

 

If a girl says that to you, you are definitely screwed, lol.

 

glad I'm not like that, lol.

 

Yeah I think that I should call him next weekend to hang-out or this thursday.

[Pending]

haha-as i guy i know this seems bad but don't let this ruin you from doing the meet a guy/hookup on the first night. I'm adead serious, me & my ex got togather on our first night, and were toagther for 18months.

 

It is a risk you take, but lets be honest-its the same risk you would take ethier way. You just put yourself more on the line personally then you would have normally.

[PeanutButter]

I do think you may have sent the wrong message by sleeping with him on the first date, especially since he had cancelled twice and was disrespectful of your time by being late.

 

I agree. I honestly in my opinion, a women shouldn't have sex on the first date, because this person is like a stranger and it does send out the wrong message. Like oh lets just sleep together have fun its all good. You need to take the time to get to know someone before you sleep with them, not just sleep around with any random person or let your guard down and let temption over power you!

 

and you cant think just because the first relationship you had with sleeping someone so quick went good, that others will too. theres a lot of guys who are pigs out there.

[Samedy]

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I think he played you.

 

He brought you to his place to watch a movie in his bed. His goal was to get you in his bed. It might have been one-thing-led-to-another for you, but for him it was a calculated game.

 

There are even "player" books out there which kind of touch on what he did with you. From the canceling dates, to the being late, to the watching a movie in your bedroom.

 

Odd question, did he tell you he had never seen the movie 300? Then throughout the movie did he make comments on what a character "should" do, then they wind up doing it?

[De Tourvel]

he did say the last time he saw 300 was in the movies, so yeah. Wow, for the first time in my life...the felt the feeling of played....but it's ok. I guess its part of life to experience it. If he called back, great and if not....well....then I have to call him. I know the risk of my action if I continue with this and I'm willing to face the consequences because I'm a curious girl who just want to see the other side of life. I'm just sick of the conservative lifestyle, I want to see the other rebellious side. Somehow my own curiosity is going to lead me to some bad path.

[Samedy]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Live and learn. Decide what you want and stay on that path. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then yay, sex on the first date probably isn't going to get you that.

[TropicalParadise]

It seems like you don't regret it, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. He was a jerk and he probably was playing you- but you took a chance. I slept with a guy on our 2nd date (which is also unlike me) but guess what? We're still together 2 years later. So you never know what can happen. I would definitely just sit back and wait since the ball is in his court now.

[JeckyllNHyde]

he did say the last time he saw 300 was in the movies, so yeah. Wow, for the first time in my life...the felt the feeling of played....but it's ok. I guess its part of life to experience it. If he called back, great and if not....well....then I have to call him. I know the risk of my action if I continue with this and I'm willing to face the consequences because I'm a curious girl who just want to see the other side of life. I'm just sick of the conservative lifestyle, I want to see the other rebellious side. Somehow my own curiosity is going to lead me to some bad path.

 

no, i have been in your shoes where i wanted to somewhat rebel, hmm maybe i still do it. but i can say even though it caused me some pain at least i can say i lived and learned.

it was just a fase and i am sure you also are just going thru a learning/experimental fase where you just did something on the spur of the moment knowing it probably may not turn out well..

just know when you have had enough of being spontanious and where you can, learn from others. i just chalk it all up to experience good or bad, and now i am a little bit more careful because i experimented and figured out what worked for me and what didnt feel so good.

[Shiranai]

Try this, in the future, if a guy shows up 20 minutes late to a date, call a friend and go hang out. It gives you something to do, and when he finally shows up it gives him the impression that you're a busy person and you don't need him to entertain you.

 

Also... I might be old fashioned but I firmly believe a girl should not pay for the first 3 meals in a dating scenario unless if the guy's extremely poor.

 

I think you got played too, just be more careful next time. I don't really think there will be any reason for you to call him back. He flaked on you twice and made you wait 30 minutes, then made you pay for the meal. All this is to test how far you will go as a doormat. If you call him now, or ever, before he calls back there is no saying he won't date you just so he can have a doormat that sleeps with him. You'll confirm his belief that you're a doormat by calling him back.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

lots of people seem to be drawing the cause and effect between sleeping with him and him NOT calling you back, and there may be none.

 

i.e., you could have had the perfect date, and no sex, and he still might not call you back. he seems a bit rude and self centered, to make plans with you and blow you off, so this may be what he does to women he dates.

 

so i wouldn't focus on what you think YOU did wrong, but on what HE is doing wrong. i suspect he will call you again, but probably not for a while, and then he will try to get you into bed again. he doesn't sound too considerate, and on that alone i would not date him again. he's already taking you for granted, and you haven't even date that much.

 

so he may be a player AND inconsiderate, so i'd dump him over that...

[Dako]

lots of people seem to be drawing the cause and effect between sleeping with him and him NOT calling you back, and there may be none.

 

 

I totally agree.

[ghost69]

sex on a first date is the same as sex 4 months down the road. still the same person. but you are both adults. plus, it's barely been a weekend. you are looking at 2 days. he might still call you.

[rootcause43]

Just want to comment on statements that this guy was "playing" the poster. How did he "play" her? He doesn't sound like a pig or necessarily a player because he slept with her (but he does sound like bad news for other reasons). Just thought the whole "you got played" thing was rather interesting. If you go out on a date with a guy (whether sex is involved or not) and he doesn't call - that doesn't mean you got played. It just means you had one date.

 

On another note, nothing wrong with a good one night stand if you can handle it emotionally. Sounds like he was attractive and you had a good time. Just be "careful" during these occasions