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bowski

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  1. bowski
    I have written a few times about my ex girlfriend of a year ago who lives a few hours away from me and all the trouble i had getting over. We broke up last March after dating for almost 3 years and just started talking again in NOvember. We have seen each other a few times since then but its always like she is cold to me and nothign more. so this past weekend i had a party and she came in from out of town to it. Very strange but she broke down crying later in the night and telling me how much she misses me and us. And is huggin and kissing me all ngiht. Granted she was drunk but the next morning when we were sober she is all over me again. This being the same girl who had been so cold to me sinsce we started talking again. Dont know where im going with this or where she is but we left off with saying she woudl come down to my apartment again in a few weeks. Felt kinda good to get this out of her after all this time. im not geting ahead of myself because i havent heard from her since she left sunday and am just leaving everything in her court. ive told her since we started talking aagain how i felt and she would always blow me off. now its up to her to see what she wants and does. Just thought id share with you guys that sometimes even the coldest person admits things a year later. Dont know what will happen but i guess it proives the old theory that everyone realizes what they had at some point. My thinking is it will just be another dead end so i have no expectations but if something happens so be it. For those of you who never think u will hear something like this from your ex i thought the same thing. i guess i just wantd to say that sometimes it does happen.
  2. bowski
    Well i dont know how long she has been single. We have never talked about it before and I dont want to know. We have been apart since last march and reconnected in November. i have to admit the 3 times i have seen her i have acted into her 2 times. the one time i didnt i could tell she was real into me. The last time i saw her though she was so cold to me that i said forget it. This was 3 weeks ago and since then she has called me 3 times. Once on my cell which i didnt return and 2 times on my work phone which i hvae no called id on. She called me the day after valentines too. Its always small talk but now Ive decided to be sort of aloof because since we have started talking again me telling how I feel has gotten me nowhere. I honestly think the best thing i can do is act disinterested because then either she will get scared and think she hsa to do something to get me or she will stop trying to talk to me because she isnt interested in the first place. Something keeps her calling me though. I have been the one to make the plans to see each other but now its on her. Something keeps her calling me though once every 10 days or so.
  3. bowski
    This was the first time we saw each other. Since then she has still called me like once a week. People tell me that it seems like she is afraid to lose me but doesnt want to make any sort of commitment to me. Is there anyway I can change this behavior? I find it strange that she calls me every 10 days or so when over the summer there was nothing. I honestly dont call her at all and have begun the last 2 times she has called to act aloof and not tell her much. I just think acting disinterested is my best bet because showing her that i am into her has gotten me nowhere since we started talking again. Its like she like the thought of me waiting around.
  4. bowski
    I dont want to be too long winded but here goes. Ex i date for almost 3 years dumped me about 11 months ago. We had gone to college together and had broken up when i moved back home and she was still in college. We live about 3 hours away, but i wondered what was going on with her and it devastated me. Found out she had another boyfriend from someone during the summer. She would instant messgae me once a month or so during this time just small talk. Finally in November i wrote her a letter letting her know i missed her and wanted to talk. She called me back a week later and I drove the 3 hours to meet her for lunch. I was weird and finally I just told her everything how i missed her and stuff. After this we have been talking like once a week or so just small talk and her calling me. We have seen each other 2 other times since then. One time she was all standoffish and again i gave her the sob story to her face and she cried and started making out with me. After this she left and it was the same old small talk on the phone. i saw her about 3 weeks ago and this time when we went to the movies and had lunch she acted almost like she didnt want to be there and wouldnt come close to me during the movie. After this i said to myself forget it its not worth it. Since then she has called me 3 times and just small talk. Since the last time i saw her i decided Im not going to be as cold as ice to her because im sick of her basically using me for comfort but giving me nothing in return. I just find it odd that she calls me once a week or so but doesnt express feelings for me and acts like nothing happened in the past. I know she is single now but besides the time we kissed a month ago she has given me no reason to think she wants more. Basically my question is she just stringing me along. i noticed the few times we have seen each other she is more into me when i act like i dont care. Basically i think i she is just getting her cake and eating it too. I have told her all i can say and i feel she just uses me to make herself feel good. So now if she calls I plan on cutting it short and being less available. I just dont see her reasoning or how i can get her to change her behavoir.
  5. bowski
    I think that the person who did the dumping should always make the move. If they really want to be back with you, they will make their intentions known. If you try and pursue them they are more inclined to pull away even more. Only time will tell what the outcome will be but you have to give them time to figure out what they want and time for you to help yourself and become a stronger person. Maybe over time they will miss you maybe not, but at least give them time to.
  6. bowski
    You are right.... She is still in college and will be leaving there real soon and then maybe things will change. She really is a different person right now though and feels free, i think alot of this has to do with being the last few weeks of college before the real world sets in. Her feelings for me have changed over the months and i think maybe a little has to do with the college thing. I am not going to contact her or anything over the summer, and if she does contact me then so be it. She knows the ball is in her court and if she wants to start some sort of contact with me she can. I know its bad but i read her away messages on instant messenger everyday and they are all about partying and hooking up so i dont know what the deal is. She seems like a different person, i dont know if things will change once she calms down over the summer or if this is the person she is now. Only time will tell but I just wish there was some point where she missed me and wanted to hang out or something and we could take it from there. We live 2 hours away from each other so I dont know if she will ever get the urge to see me.
  7. bowski
    i think u have to give it a lot of time. the longer the relatinoship the longer it will take if they are going to come back. i would say put it in the back of ur mind but realize that it will take months if something is going to happen. thats what i tell myself at least . Waiting is the worst thing but its the only way. Ive been doing this for 5 weeks and havent seen any progrss. my birthday was 2 days ago and she just imed me happy birthday not even a phone call. dont know how to take it. if u wait it out two things will happen, they might come back but if they dont u will be over them more. sorry if i dont sound too optimistic but im going throuhg the same thing and i havent had any reason to be.
  8. bowski
    i just say wait it out as much as possible thats the only thing you can do. As hard as it is to do and as much as it sucks thats what u have to do.
  9. bowski
    Well I share the same hope as you with hoping they realize what they lost. My girlfriend left me after almost 3 years about 5 weeks ago because she was no longer in love with me for a few months prior to breaking up. All i can say is that it is our only hope that they realizethis. I think the more we call them and the more we bother them the farther it pushes them away.
  10. bowski
    thanks but im at the stage where i really dont want her to be my friend, i just want her to in love with me. is it possible to get someone to love you in that way again just by doing the no contact and hoping they realize they miss you and realize the good times you had together? Maybe we have just turned into different people and drifted apart. She told me she broke up with me in her mind a few months ago but for some reason i hold out hope things will change once she is home and away from the college atmosphere and realizes she graduated. Might just be me being foolish thouhg
  11. bowski
    I have posted my story a few times over the past 5 weeks for various reasons but am still bothered by that line. I received it from my girlfriend after her being not intimate and not in love with me for 5 months before she broke up with me. This after being together for almost 3 years. I just wonder if it is possible for someone to get feelings back for you when they live 3 hours away from you and you never have the chance to see them? My ex is graduating from college and from what ive gathered from friends (we went to the same college) is partying liek never before and acting very different from the person she used to be. I hold out hope that her being away from college will make her realize how in love she once was with me but i fear that i pushed her away with all my smothering and jealous behavior. Just had to get some feelings out there because its been a bad week.
  12. bowski
    I wish I knew the answer to your question. I think in your case you are lucky that they were still sexually attracted to you. That is a good sign because there is some sort of attraction there. In my case my ex hadnt been sexually attracted to me for months before we broke up because i had been been so needy and pushing her away and not the same person i had been in the past. I think the best thing to do in these situations is to leave them alone and let them figure things out on their own. Callign them and trying to initiate contact isnt going to help. They might never get those feeligns back but at least give them the chance to. I honestlty dont know if it is possible for someone to fall basck in love with you or realize how much they loved you after being a part but its worth a try
  13. bowski
    I know how u feel i got the same exact thing from my ex before she broke up with me . She had been cold and distant from me for months before we broke up and told me that she never felt like she wanted to be intimate with me or have sex with me. When she broke up with me she basically told me that I was just like another friend to her. This after almost 3 years together. I wonder if by giving someone space and letting them miss you, then can get that in love feeling back or do you people think once its gone its gone forever?
  14. bowski
    I wouldnt contact her at all until she contacts you. She is the one that dumped you and if she wants to talk to you bad enough she will call you. Wouldnt you rather talk to her knowing that she wanted to talk then u calling her and talking when she doesnt. Dont worry about her forgetting you because if she does after a few months of no contact than she isnt the kinda person you want to be with. I say ride it out and give it another month. If by then she still hasnt contacted then maybe you should start the calling. Give it some more time as hard as that sounds.
  15. bowski
    Yeah you are right......im basically getting to the point now where I am going on with my life and if she enters back into it then fine but if not so be it. I am sick of wondering about the what ifs about the situation and everything else. I kept thinking that maybe when she graduates from college and is removed from the party atmosphere things will sink in and she will realize she misses me but whatever its not in my control and there is no use worrying about it (althouhg i will from time to time). If she makes a move then i will have to see how i feel. I guess i have come to the realization that she fell out of love with me and there really is no way to fall back in love with someone when u never see them. Missing me and thinking about me isnt going to bring those feelings back from her.
  16. bowski
    My only problem is that I live 2 hours away from her and dont have the chance to run into her. The only chance I have is if she starts calling me again once college is over. Is there any way she can tell that I am different over the phone?? Or that I am that confident person I once was? When I was up there last week I must admit that I talked about the relationship and I wasnt ready to see her. She basically told me flat out that she didnt see things getting better between us and that I should get on with my life. She was stone cold to me and showed no emotion, I just hope that over the summer she starts to miss me and wants to call me and see how things are. I dont know maybe its too far gone. I dont know how she can fall back in love with me again if we dont have the chance to see each other unless she invited me to see her.
  17. bowski
    yeah your right i believe it has to do with the fact that i was so clingy and jealous of her being away from me and at school. This turned her off big time because i wasnt as confident as i used to be. She had been telling me for months before we broke up that she wasnt physically attracted to me and i believe it was because of this behavior of mine. I guess there really is no way to get her attraction to me again because when i saw her 4 weeks later she said the same thing. In her mind I am always going to be that weak and clingy and unconfident person that i had become. She was attracted to the confident, strong, independent person i was the first 2 years we went out not the person i have been the past 1/2 year.
  18. bowski
    I have posted numerous threads on my situation before but I was wondering if anyone has had this problem before. I recently saw my ex after 4 weeks broken up and the problem behind all this was she lost her affection for me. She wasnt into me anymore and had lost any sense of intimacy she had for me. She never wanted to have sex and lost any sense of attraction for me. This is after being together for 2 and a half years and being in love. This lead my ex to say that she loved me but no longer was in love with me. This had nothing to do with my physical appearance, just something she felt. I wonder if its possible to get someone to find u attractive again and be intimate with you when they havent felt that way for months and have broken up with you because of this loss of chemistry as they call it.
  19. bowski
    This sound very bizarre to me but it almost seems like he is avoiding you to help himself get over you. Maybe he broke up with you because he loves you but isnt in love with you. Was there a physical attraction there right before this happened or had u noticed him becoming more withdrawn from you? He might just love you in a different way and doesnt want to see and talk to you for fear of leading u on.
  20. bowski
    Well im new at this too so bear with me. I am going through the same thing.... i keep waiting for the instant message or the phone call but it doesnt happen. You have to think that if she sees you are there she will IM you when she is ready and when she wants to. As hard as it is for both of us to think of maybe they will never want to. Wouldnt you rather have someone contact you because they wanted to then because they were responding to you. Only then will you know what her true feelings are. Girls like the chase.....if she thinks that you are over her it might scare her and make her realize what she is losing. I say stay with the no contact, let her come to you. Dont come to her.
  21. bowski
    I woudlnt block her and I would just wait it out. Who knows maybe she will never send u an im, there really is no time table on this . She will contact you when she wants to, if she doesnt then the hell with her . I am trying to do the same thing now so i know how u feel. the worst part is not knowing if and when they are going to contact you. the best thing to do is prepare for the worst because if they do contact you then it will be a welcomed surprise.
  22. bowski
    i would definetly not contact her. If she is the one who broke it off, the ball is in her court. She probably wants to see if you will contact her but dont do it. Girls like what they cant have and she might just want to see if u are waiting around for her. Dont give her the security of that and see if she contacts you. You want her to believe that you are fine without her and dont need her in your life, this way she will respect you more and maybe be even be more attracted to you. If she doesnt contact you its because she doesnt want to. Leave the initiative to her.
  23. bowski
    Well I am going back to my old college to see some friends and hang out at a spring festival we have every year. The problem is my friends are also friends with my ex, who broke up with me 3 weeks ago and has made no effort to contact me. i know i am going to see her at some parties this weekend and from what i have heard she has no desire to see me and wants to avoid me as much as possible.She also has been having a great time, enjoying the last few weeks of school and hasnt been upset about this from what i have heard. In a way I am going up to college so that she sees me and doesnt forget about me and I want to show her that I can act cool in front of her. I guess I am wondering if going up to college is such a good idea or not. I know she is going to be all drunk and will be nasty to me if she sees me and could quite possibly be with another guy. I know it will hurt to see this but I cant get the thought out of my mind that she needs to see me in order for me to stay in her mind. We dont live near each other and this might be my last chance to see her. Below is the story of the breakup which i have posted before. link removed
  24. bowski
    Well i really want to get my ex back and am using this as a tool in that sense. But i am afraid that by not calling her i will just fall out of her mind. I want to get myself better as well but i dont want to give up on getting her back yet. My thinking was that by leaving her alone, she would realize she missed me and miss what we had. I had also hoped this would settle in once she was out of college (3 weeks from now) and away from all the distractions and partying she was doing. Things have been bad in our relationship for a while but mainly because of my own insecurities and clingingness. Should I give her some space or call her once in a while.
  25. bowski
    I sometimes wonder if the no contact method works in long distance relationships. Since you arent in constant physical contact with each other in the first place, cant it make it easier for them to forget about you since they dont see you everyday. I havent talked to my ex in two weeks and cant see her calling me and just moving on because of the fact that we dont live in the same state and the fact that she probably has no desire to talk to me after feeling so smothered by me. She hasnt been emotionally into the relationship for a while and wasnt into talking for the last few months of the relationship because of my smothering and jealousy. People keep telling me to give her some space and that things will get better after she is done living up the college life and graduates in a few weeks. Im just a little confused on what to do, because of the distance between us. i have posted my story previously about what lead to the breakup. link removed
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