UnSweetMe

meanwhile...how can he move on...say, to a healthier, and maybe happier relationship? he always talks about wanting the *good* girl and that he can never get *her*...but who can overcome an EX whose booty's so bangin' he can't say no!? lol- but truthfully...being the...so called *goodgirl* in his life and his best friend, can i really believe he wants what he says he wants...or am i right in believing he still loves her and is just scared to fully commit to her, bc of he knows the drama this girl is about. secondly, he's been around a long time...for her, and he loves her kids like his own. does another girl even stand a chance? thanks for the replies btw...the perspective of others...esp in the comfort of strangers, is always helpful. *unsweetme*

i have a friend who broke up with his girlfriend a year ago. but he's still sleeping with her. for all intensive purposes, they seem to still have a relationship, but he claims he does not want to be with her, since they had a lot of drama, caused, for the most part-by her. in fact, for awhile he was interested in someone else. but just when things started to work out for them and go nice and smooth...he spent a four day weekend with his EX and told the other girl that he still talks to his ex everyday. i don't understand the situation. is this a case of just a "bed buddy" ...or could there be something (like love?) that keeps him with this nightmare?

the road from friendship to...something more can be a slow and confusing path. along with the regular ups and downs and the back and forth in the rules of attraction, there can be so many obstacles to be overcome. which is why the question is often posed...is it worth it? is it possible? i'm at the point with my friend now where it's too late to 2nd guess and it's pretty much on the table. but along the way, it's been very confusing and frustrating at times. my problem is this... everytime something doesn't go right with us, when things aren't well... i can't get a good night's sleep. i'm up til 4-5 in the morning...not even consciously thinking of him, just awake. in my mind, it bears a similiar semblance to the scenario of an old married couple who can't go to sleep unless they've resolved a fight...or a parent who can't sleep until all the kids are safe home. but what i feel during those sleepless nights are less serene as the picture i painted. it's hellish for me. i'm restless and wrecked. and when i do manage to pass out, i toss and turn, practically flailing around the bed...my family says i moan and talk in my sleep and i wake up screaming. i don't do it on purpose. but i've noticed that i can't get a good night's sleep until we're ok again. once i hear his voice and in a tone that soothes my soul, i know i can look forward to a sweet, restful night. have an idea or a clue into my id? am i internalizing all of our conflicts? are things bothering me more than i am even aware? if so, how is that even possible? i put the question to any of you who read this post: is this love...or a sleeping disorder?

i think the hardest thing...is pretending. but it's just that kind of situation where timing is everything. if one person isn't ready, then it won't work out the way it probably should. actually, i'm in a pretty similiar situation. so... i apologize if what i say is confusing...it's kind of like the blind leading the blind. =P but...for years i've been friends with this guy who got involved with what seemed like every girl but me. but i knew i was getting the better end of the stick because all these other girls just came and went... but i was always there for him. and sometimes i felt like he didn't even notice or appreciate that. and when i started to realize i had feelings for him it really hurt a lot. i would cry while he would tell me stories about other girls, and he never knew. now it seems like...he's starting to see me. so...what i'm trying to say, is that there's an element of hiding part of your feelings. and especially in your case where you've actually opened up the communication enough that he already told you he's not ready, then at least you know where you stand. my advice is to still be friends, but don't say anything anymore about a relationship. he'll feel more open and comfortable with you bc he won't feel like you're pressuring him. and if he's dating around bc he doesn't wanna mess up your friendship, that in it's own way is a compliment in itself. you are not just another girl to him. and if it's meant to be...he'll realize that you are the one. in the meantime, just play it cool as much as possible. believe me, i know it's hard. but in any case. good luck. and feel free to message me about it. looks like we're in almost exactly the same boat. -mari.

it sounds to me like you gave it space and then gave it another try. but maybe you're just moving in different directions now. sometimes it can be sad when friendships end, but he seems to be just hurting you all the time now. my knee-jerk reaction to your post was to say, move on from the friendship. but i admit that's kind of cold. but maybe you just need to keep a little more distance between you now and then. i think it's really not a nice thing at all the way he's giving you a hard time.

it's a great compliment! she feels comfortable around you... it doesn't have to have any other "meaning." just enjoy it

i totally agree. looks like things are going well... but i'm sure the last thing she needs is another confusion in her life. when she's ready, i'm sure things will happen naturally. in the mean time, i'm sure she appreciates having you there while she goes through this. just enjoy spending time with her, keep getting to know her and things will be *nice* and fine...

i just thought i'd give you a girl's point of view on this... it seems to me that she's very hurt by what you did. by now, i'm sure you know more than ever how wrong you were. although you were very good friends, you she still has "personal" space and private thoughts and feelings as well as other things she may choose not to share with you. i think you need to give her space and let her be for awhile. perhaps in time she may be able to forgive you and you can be friends again. but one thing's for sure, trust will be an issue for a long time. as far as using your friendship hostage for her to talk to you. that was the biggest mistake you made. i feel that that was childish and hurtful. of this whole situation...that's probably the one thing that drove her to care less about losing you. i don't mean to be hurtful to you. after all, you are mourning the loss of a friendship. however, it's probably best that you know and understand the mistakes that you made in this situation so that you hopefully will not make them again in the future. i wish you good luck in your relationships...and hope for the best and be patient.

it sounds like she might be a little jealous. even if you are just friends, it might hurt her a little to see you have feelings for someone else. the reason she's different with you and not anybody else is because she really doesn't know what to do with her own feelings. i'm not really sure what the *best* advice is, because that's purely based on your relationship and individual personalities. but, personally, i would either try to talk it out in an honest, sincere way so that the friendship will not be ruined, but be even stronger maybe. or...still just try to be the same with her so she will see that you having feelings for someone else doesn't make her any less special to you; that you're still good *friends.* just out of curiosity, do you have any kind of feelings for this girl at all, outside of being friends? and what do you think your reaction would be if she told you that the reason she's been acting different is because she realized her feelings for you recently..?