jamorales

I felt exactly the same as you when I was about 20. Sick of getting drunk at parties. Fed up with jerks. All I can say is that it will get better, and it always happens when you least expect it. Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan that is bigger than all of us. When I was a kid a girl used to torture me. Threatened to beat me up for 3 years straight. As a result of that my dad decided to put me in Tae Kwon Do. I thought that was it's own reward after placing at the US Tae Kwon Do Junior Olympics. But boy was I wrong. I met some great friends through martial arts that I stayed in contact with long after I quit training. One in particualr stands out. His name is Alex. We ended up getting married and having an amazing little girl. The point I'm trying to make is that I had to come home from school crying every day for three years to meet my soul mate and have my daughter. Sometimes God puts us through the worst of things to get us to the best of things. And He will absolutely never give you more than you can handle. Keep your head up.

I am a mom of a one year old and would like to know how the folks who don't thik she should get her hand slapped think I should discipline her. You can't reason with someone who knows words, but is incapable of conversation. My child is at an age where she she knows that when I tell her no, it means to stop what she's doing or about to do, but not quite old enough to understand that she needs to listen because I am her mother. My parents used spankings for punishment when I was a kid and of course I hated it, but they were'nt supposed to be my friends, they were supposed to be my parents. It's just not a role that's going to win you too many popularity contests when they're still young. But it's something I've expressed gratitude to the both for as an adult. My best friend growing up had very liberal parents that allowed her to do and say as she pleased. As a result of that, he and her brother both are completely unable to deal with authority. (ie a boss at work) This doesn't mean that spanking or even had slapping is always the answer, though. As a parent I think it's very important to set guidelines for yourself so that you're a little less tempted to act out of frustration. My father told me recently what the guidelines for spanking my brother and I were and it's a policy I will carry on with my own daughter. He only spanked us if we had done something that could get us seriously injured or in the event of open defiance to him or my mother. It makes sense. Clearly my daughter is not old enough to comprehend the act of defying her parents, but when she is, and decides to try it out, she will be spanked. She will have ample warning to curb her behavior first, of course. And for right now, my daughter is not allowed in the kitchen. My cat litter, cleaning chemicals, and hot pots and pans are kept in there. For about a week every time she went in there I would tell her to get out and gesture so she knew what I meant. If after asking her to get out three times she stayed, she would be spanked. She rarely ever ventures into the kitchen anymore, and never when I'm not in there. I'd rather be unpopular for a while for popping her diaper-padded bottom than have her injest cleaning fluid or burn herself when I'm in the bathroom. Spanking your children has absolutely nothing to do with punishing your child for existence and everything to do with wanting that child to grow up to be a responsible adult. This involves helping your child to learn to make decisions on their own. Because my daughter knows the consequences, she chooses not to go into the kitchen where she could be hurt or even killed. It is important to set boundaries for children. They need to know who's in charge. And if you don't discipline your children at home, how do you think they'll act in public. How many times have we all been in a public place and seen children running amuck and acting like fools and shook our heads that the parents are not in control. It starts and ends at home. I'd never strike my child in public because I don't wish to humiliate her, only discipline her. I'd never strike my child with a closed fist or any object. But I have and will continue to pop her on the butt when she's doing something that could get her killed. I do it because I love her and couldn't bear to see anything happen to her. I do it because I have a vested interest in how she turns out. And I do it because I look forward to the day that she calls me as an adult and thanks me for setting rules, boundaries and expectations for her because it has enabled her to keep and job, finish school, etc. The notion that parents shouldn't spank b/c it somehow sends the message that the children are being punished for existence is laughable to me. Does the person with this view thik that since the parents opted to have a child they should just allow the child to do anything they want with no consequence simply because they didn't ask to be born? How does that prepare a child for life? You can't run around acting as you please because you didn't ask to be born as an adult, and how would an adult ever know that if they'd never been punished for making a poor choice. I am absolutely not saying that it is the only way to discipline ever. When my daughter is old enough to have a conversation I will gladly take her aside and explain that she is doing something wrong. Give time-outs, groundings, etc. But discipline has to start as soon as a child knows what the word no means and ignores it. My child has no idea what a time-out is. I can't ground a toddler. And the posts made by those not in favor of spankings once in a while have the distinctive ring of something said by a person who has no children. Until you have your own children to care for and worry about and be solely responsible for the kind of adults they turn out to be, You are not qualified on commenting on how to raise them.

I am a firm believer that once a person reaches adulthood, age should not be a factor in relationships. It is not acceptable for a 16 yr old to date a 26 yr old, but it is perfectly acceptable for a 26 yr old to date a 36 yr old. The part of your post that concerns me the most is the fact that you don't seem positive these are in fact romantic feelings you have toward him. I would strongly encourage you to sort that out beofre you worry about the age thing. Getting involved romantically with a friend can be a big mistake if you realize a week into it that you want to vomit every time you kiss the person because you feel more a fraternal connection. This can hurt the other party if they are sure of romantic leanings and ultimately ruin a great friendship. I'd take your time and if you find it's what you really want, go for it. But I have my doubts that it is and I'll tell you why: If you are attracted or in love with someone, you usually don't wonder if it's really how you feel. If you are going through a tough time and a friend of the opposite sex sees you through it, you can sometimes interpret your feelings of gratitude and platonic closeness for something it isn't. Good luck.

It has been my experience that in order to have the most incredible moments in life, there will always be a risk associated. Always. But it's always worth it. Consider this: You ask her out, she says yes, its fantastic. You ask her out, she says no, and your ego is a little bruised and your heart is crushed, but you will (I promise you) get over it. Even if she does say no, you're no worse off than you are now since you wont get a date if you don't ask either. In fact I think you'd be much better off than you are now because the possibilty will no longer be tormenting you and you can move on. Don't discount the marvelous moment you realize that you it doesn't bother you anymore. That's what I mean about risks. The way I see it, by not asking her, you are denying yourself the possibilty of two great moments in your life. Either the one where she says yes, or the one where you finally move on. These are both such important things to go through. A very good friend of mine said something to me that has really stuck. "It ain't a dress rehearsal" So get out there and live a little. On the day a man and woman get married they are in fact risking a divorce, but they are so happy to be proclaiming their love for one another the risk is well worth taking. On the day a child is born, the parents are taking a multitude of risks. What if they can't provide enough? What is they give poor advice? What if they make the same mistakes their parents made? But the joy of having a child so greatly outweighs these what-ifs. You'll never reach the big risks if you don't take the small ones. It's worth it. Life is nothing without love, and sometimes if you want something all you have to do is ask.

Here is a situation that I am very curious about: A few years back I was involved in a serious relationship with a guy we'll call "B". My best friend whom we'll call "V" and I have been friends since the eight grade and are now twenty three. When I was involved with "B" we found it to be extremely pleasant that our boyfriends got along so well and formed a friendship of their own. "B" and I broke up about a year into the relationship and "V" and her boyfriend have been on again off again ever since. When I was engaged "B" would try to get me to sleep with him and cheat on my fiancee. I am now married, living out of the country (married the army, living in Germany) After I was married, even though he was with a long-term girlfriend girlfriend, "B" even came on to "V" saying that he'd "always been soooo attracted to her." "V"s boyfriend, and even "V" herself, continued a friendship with "B". (He is most likely unaware of "B"s futile attempt to bed "V") Tonight when I called my friend's cell phone I asked her where she was and she explained that her and her boyfriend were over at "B" and his girlfriend's house, and proceeded to rush me off of the phone to avoid being rude. I am absolutely certain that there is nothing romantic going on between the two of them but can't help but feel a little betrayed. I am fully aware that I live on the other side of the globe. I don't expect my best friend to sit home waiting for me to visit every night. I just feel like there are so many other people she could hang out with... Why my ex? Isn't there some kind of "Thou Shalt Not Be Friends With My Ex" rule in the best friend by-laws? And would she appreciate if her boyfriend took her to a girl's house that had tried to get her to sleep with him? (even though this happened during an off again phase in her relationship.) I know there's a "Thou Shalt Not Try To Sleep With My Ex-Girlfriend Without My Express Permission" in the by-laws of friendship. Am I being selfish for feeling my friend should avoid "B" simply because their friendship makes me uncomfortable? PLEASE HELP!!!!