Leo_panda

Hello Pyreil, I know what its like to lose a girlfriend. I am going through the same things you are. I lost my girlfriend may 13, 2003. we were aproaching our 2 year aniversary. visit my post at link removed and my homepage from york university at link removed I know that things are so confusing right now and that there are a million feelings in your heart. All i can say is that after 91 days the pain is still so blinding i can't even see straight. What has kept me sane thoughout all this has been my friends. but even then they are no match for her. I cry frequently and lose myself to depression. Dont let anyone tell you how to feel or what to do. No one will ever understand your situation until they go through it. Search for you own answers, that is what keeps me going. There is so much i wish i could understand. I can't say i feel any better ater 91 days, but i can say i didn't think i'd make it this far. As for your girlfriend, i can clearly see that you love her deeply and that see was a big part of your life. In the beggining i found it soothing to write about my girl and our stories over at my website, just some stories so that people who didn't know her could really get a sense of how wonderfull she was. I'm sure your girlfriend was the same way. A wonderfull person who touched the hearts of all those around her, and angel. well do whatever you can to stay sane. i find myself doing all kinds of things i wouldn't normally do but hey if it helps. anyways, take care. email me anytime if you want to talk. email removed Leo_panda

Today is her 49 day aniversary. I'm told its a very special day in budhist tradition, i dont know myself really. All i can really say is that 50 days ago I was such a happy boy. I was deeply in love with the girl of my dreams, a girl who accepted the real me without expecting more. A girl who saw more in me than i did in myself sometimes. 50 days ago i was happy. and what seems like a pain that is 49 days long is still as fresh as an open wound. I really miss her smiling face, and her warm arms around my chest. i have pictures of her all around my room, i have the plush toys she game me. She was sickeningly cute and by extension WE were always very couplely. I miss having her in my life. She was such a big part of it and now theres nothing but an empty void that i have filled with past memories and blissfull denile. I just want to say so many things to her about my thoughts and feelings and to hear her reaction. I pains me so deeply to know that she will forever be missing from the rest of my life. And to know she is missing out on the rest of hers. 49 days of pain and suffering and i feel no closer to any answers than i did at day 1. 49 days for longing for her kiss and her voice to tell me everything is going to be alright. I can't help but remember all the good times we shared, the quiet moments we stole away. What seems so insignificant before her passing has become so strong and profound that i can't help but miss everything about her. 49 days ago, i wish i could turn back the clock and save her life. and save myself from this torment. LeoPanda

I know it probbably feels like you can never trust anyone again. And it feels like love is something that you'll never ever allow yourself to fall into with another person. Everything you had for them seems to consume you and when it doesn't work out you are in pain. Pain so bad you cannot let yourself get hurt again. But love is bigger than that. When you stop searching for answers is when they will find you. True Love trancendes all boundaries. LeoPanda

I think its still early in the relationship to expect him to tell you all his problems. After all it might scare you away. so dont confront him about it. I think you should be the good friend right now and be there for him when he needs it. If you really like him, its all you can do right now. I suggest keeping yourself available for him but also understand if he wants to just put you aside while he concentrates on himself. If you find that he is being irrational or that he is just avoiding you altogether all you can do is accept it. This is gonna be the hardest thing in his life right now and he probabbly can't deal with any more problems. If you really like this guy, understand and be there for him. Anyways this is just my opinion, and the way i feel right now. Goodluck, all the best. LeoPanda

Well, it seems you may be right about childhood trauma. I too felt very outcasted when i was little. Being that i was part of a very small asian population at school until university. I met my girlfriend during my summer break after completing two years of university. I felt like i knew her all my life. She went through the exact same thing growning up in a small town up north. I always told her how i wish i had met her so much earlier in life, it just seemed like i was waiting for her this whole time. As for my desire to be there for her, it just seemed like the only times i was really happy was when she was happy. And the times where i was really hurt were the times she was upset, or sad. It just seems like she was made for me, like God read my dreams and sent me an angel. Except she was SO much better than anything i could ever dream. what I wanted more than anything was for her to be happy. I remember all the times i drove out west to see her during school. She was 1hr away, but i'd drive the distance anyway if only to see her smile, or to wipe away her tears. I Love her because she made me live life, up until i knew what love was i was only surviving. She changed me profoundly, and I just wish i could thank her for everything she has done for me. I never understood why it is that some people could ever possibly marry their first love. How could they commit themselves to one person without a measure of comparison. But when you love someone so profoundly, so completely, it doesn't matter, because no one else can ever compare, and you dont care. Anyways, you get the idea. LeoPanda

Its obvious you really like this guy and being together for a year and a half to me seems like nothing in a relationship thats working out really well. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is being able to talk about anything. If you find yourself not being able to talk about something it might be a sign of something more serious. Having only had one serious relationship maybe i'm being one sided here. Anyways my advice is to see him and talk to him face to face about everything thats on your mind. Seriously, if he cares for you at all he'll want to talk with you about all this. For now however continue avoiding it if you want. In the end, if you two break up or not, you're gonna need to know how he feels and thinks of the two of you. Leo_panda ps. Dont allow him to make a decision arbitrarily. a relationship requires hard work from both people to make it work. If you think he's giving up but still loves you dont let him leave. the key word here is that he's giving up cause he can't handle it. On the other hand you can't make someone stay if they really want to go. Good luck.

Thanks for your words of support everyone it really helps to think that i fell in love with an angel. She loved to be called that. This is a newpaper article about everything thats happened. link removed and If you want to know more about us my page is... link removed Thanks candi, your words made me feel better. i know she truly was my angel, and that she would want me to be happy. Its just that, i miss her so much. We both worked so hard to make time for eachother. It just seems so unfair. i love her. I try to be there for her. and now i try to be there for her family, she has a sister and another brother whom i both feel closer to. Not to mention her parents. I can only begin to imagine their pain. this is the first time anyone really close to me has passed and i'm not taking it to well. It just isn't fair. Leo

In my opinion, a girl with a boyfriend is not worth it. Its good to be friends with them but dont expect anything more. It may seem like she's spending a lot of time with you but in my experience she's also spending a lot of time with her boy. It simply isn't worth it to walk down that path. There are lots of girls out there you just have to find one for yourself. But If you find out she doesn't have a guy, go after her by all means. fair game. hope that helped. Leo

It all started 2 years ago. I met the girl of my dreams by chance coincidence. I always thought it was fate that brought us together. We fell in love right away. We were each others first real relationship and we were both 20 at the time. I thought she was Perfect for me, my soulmate. She had a very hard life. and the summer before i met her, her brother died. She was so fragile I wanted to make her happy and strong. She persevered through so much i was so proud of her. We fell deeply in love and were making plans for the future after graduating university. when a month ago she was killed by her oldest brother. I'm still so sad. She was everything to me. she made me feel whole. Her smile and her laugh became central to my life. I love her so much and now she's gone. All I wanted to do was take away her pain and wipe her tears. Its like the fate that brought us together has parted us forever. I can't seem to understand. She suffered so much only to die so young. It makes me crazy to think she'll never enjoy the happiness i promised her. I feel so alone. please someone help me. i know i only knew her for 2 wonderfull summers. So short a time, how can someone really become attached ? Well i was. I was so attached to her after 3 months. and She was attached to me. We were perfect for each other. She just felt so right. It was like i knew her my whole life. Why was i alowed such a wonderful heaven only to have to taken away. I dont understand. She was destined for so much more. Please give me some advice or insight. or tell me an uplifting story of how people move on. I feel so sad to know i'll never see her smile again or hear her voice. LeoPanda