Huxley1607306450

It depends on the extent of your feelings for you ex. Most, if not all people, will always care for their ex's. But if you still have intense feelings for an ex, jumping into a relationship quickly thereafter is the infamous "rebound relationship". They rarely ever develop and work out. They're basically a quick, temporary fix for the hurt that follows a breakup, serving your own needs and not the needs of your partner. That's a sure way to end up in a relationship destined to fail. For me personally, what I'm going through now I still have intense feelings for my ex, and don't even consider jumping into a relationship with someone else until I'm emotionally healed and prepared. I know if I did, it would be automatically sabotaged because I couldn't put into a new relationship what I would need to.

Welcome to eNotalone. This is my advice to you. Your situation sounds as if it's extremely in need of repair, particularly your husband. Marriage is not something you treat with such disregard. There seems to be an obvious lack of commit on his part for you. Marriages simply do not work unless both partners are committed to each other. The act of swinging, for me shows a complete, lack of devotion and committment on his part. I think you were very strong in kicking him out of the door as soon as you found out what he did. You have boundaries that you adhere to in a relationship, and you obviously know exactly what you will and will not tolerate. I would not simply welcome him back in your life without seriously discussing if he's willing to stay within your boundaries that you've set out. If he is, I would suggest that you both attend marriage counseling to hopefully work out the problem if your both willing. Since you've both decided to go your own ways for awhile, I'd stick to that before really deciding whether or not to try and rebuild your marriage. It'll give you both the time and space to firmly come to terms with what you feel and what you both want. When you both feel comfortable, you can have that discussion and possibly pursue counseling. Good luck to you! And stay strong!

I'll just reinterate what has already been said basically. You need to determine what you want. Are you prepared to move on with your life and seek other relationships? Or do you geniunely wish to have a relationship with this woman? If it's the former, I suggest you cut all ties with her, explaining to her that before you can ever be friends, you have to heal completely. Maybe at a later point down the road, once you've healed, you two can be friends. If it's the latter, you need to sit her down and speak with her expressing your feelings/intentions, and listening to her feelings/intentions. Then you can decide together whether or not you both feel want to pursue a relationship or it's best to move forward. remember, it takes two "yeses' for a relationship to work, and only one "no" to end one.

If she's closing the door to expressing and sharing your feelings for each other, it would be best to give her the "space" she obviously needs. Between two people, when one closes off the door of communication, it means the person closing off doesn't want to deal with the situation. I think it's best to express your acknowledgement of the breakdown in communication, explain that no resolution is possible without communication, and your willing to give her the oppurtunity to open that door of communication when she's ready. So long as she's shutting down and refusing to face what's before her, pressing her on the issue will only lead to frustrastion and anger. Explain to her you'll give her the time and space she needs to reach a stage where she can communicate openly, and until that time support her, be there for her without expectation. Take a step back away from her just as she's done with you. You'll be able to get a better sense of your relationship with her overall and be able to make a better decision on how to approach it.

Having gone through a breakup and now going through the emotional roller coaster ride of finding where the future lies with the woman I love Perfect Circle has alot of songs that touch home. I've found that a few Audioslave songs also touch home with what I'm feeling, and at times hearing certain songs just break me down. Music can be extremely powerful when you feel the lyrics. So, here's a couple Audioslave songs that really touch home for me. GOLDEN VISIONS Written by Chris Cornell Studio Demo Shame I don't know why All the fiction of your sleeping Doesn't visit you awake I don't know how To get your storybook sunrise To follow you above your cloudy day All these gifts should lay upon you With heaven painted on you I wish this now with all my soul (chorus) May all your visions turn to gold To have and hold May all your visions turn to gold May all your visions turn to gold To have and hold May all your visions turn to gold Terrified The world will never turn to look at you And the sun won't see you shine Children's lives For rose could bless just from your smilin' And the water form a crown Only better luck should greet you The road should rise to meet you I wish this now with all I know (chorus) Mmmmmmmm. . . Lives inside your winter Feel the cold wind blowing Cutting through your head and your ears Feel the fire growing No more frozen danger No more wretched I stumbled Fear SHADOW ON THE SUN Written by Chris Cornell Album Audioslave Once upon a time I was of the mind To lay your burden down And leave you where you stood And you believed I could You'd seen it done before I could read your thoughts Tell you what you saw And never say a word Now all that is gone Over with and done - never to return (chorus 1) I can't tell you why People die alone I can tell you I'm A shadow of the sun Staring at the loss Looking for a cause And never really sure Nothing but a hole To live without a soul And nothing to be learned (chorus 2) I can tell you why People go insane I can show you how You could do the same I can tell you why The end will never come I can tell you I'm A shadow on the sun Shapes of every size Move behind my eyes Doors inside my head Bolted from within Every drop of flame Lights a candle in Memory of the one Who lives inside my skin LIKE A STONE Written by Chris Cornell Album Audioslave On a cobweb afternoon In a room full of emptiness By a freeway I confess I was lost in the pages Of a book full of death Reading how we'll die alone And if we're good we'll lie to rest Anywhere we want to go (chorus) In your house I long to be Room by room patiently I'll wait for you there Like a stone I'll wait for you there Alone On my deathbed I will pray To the gods and the angels Like a pagan to anyone Who will take me to heaven To a place I recall I was there so long ago The sky was bruised The wine was bled And there you led me on (chorus) In your house I long to be Room by room patiently I'll wait for you there Like a stone I'll wait for you there Alone And on I read Until the day was gone And I sat in regret Of all the things I've done For all that I've blessed And all that I've wronged In dreams until my death I will wander on

Well, I think the key in your situation(I'm going through a similiar situation)is to really determine if what you consider "love" is a need/security fulfillment. Most of the time, people confuse the term "love" to mean a satisfaction of not being alone, that this person attends to and fills personal needs and securities. I went through a similiar situation, grappling with my emotional stability as I watched a seven year relationship break apart(her leaving for another man). I went through the feelings of betrayal, desperation, abandonment, ect. What was ever present throughout all of those conflicting emotions was a realization that at my center, I did indeed love her. But it wasn't a love of need or fullfillment. My love was a love that allowed me to wish her the best in life, and to allow her to find what it is that makes her happy. Basically, to love another person is to be completely selfless, to be able to allow the person you love to find happiness with or without you. With that comes a faith that you too will find happiness as well with or without her. So, I'd ask yourself are you wanting this relationship to fulfill your own personal needs and wants, or are you supporting the one you love to find what it is that makes her happy? I'm of the personal belief that if anyone attempts reconcilliation actively through need fulfillment, it's destined to fail regardless if a couple happens to get back together, it will fall apart again. On the other hand, if one is able to truly love another, they'll support them in their decisions, guide them to what it is they seek to attain happiness. Through that love, you'll find a sense of joy in the fact that it doesn't matter if your together or not, so long as you care and love for that other person, everything will work out. Constant pressure during a breakup is probably the worst course of action. So, if you truly love this woman you'll have no problem accepting seperation after you've dealt with the grieving process. Give her space, don't pressure her into forcing her emotions. Show her compassion, care, and support without concern for reconcilliation. If she does love you as well, in time she'll discover how she feels, and at that point reconcilliation can be discussed.

This is a fairly long and involved series of events, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Four weeks ago my girlfriend of seven years left me taking our two children with her, and moved in with another man whom she had been having an affair with for the last six months. This man spent 14 years in prison for breaking and entering, and drug manufacturing from age 19 to 33, and was released in March of 2002. On appearance, he seems like an extremely bad character, but she says otherwise. Discovering a few letters she wrote to him when they first met, all she talked about was the physical pleasure of sex. In fact, they slept together only one day after meeting together. So, my general impression of their relationship is purely sexual in nature lacking any other qualities. I discovered the affair in early January, confronted her about it, and forgave her in light of the fact that what drove her from me was my inattention for six months to our relationship. I suppose I feel into the typical trap of taking a long term relationship for granted. Regardless, I forgave her and wanted to attempt to work on our relationship, and told her she had the time to make a decision. I supported her in this time, and we grew closer slowly, but her decisions to continue to see this other man consistently prevented her from focusing on the work necessary to fix our relationship. Then, one Saturday afternoon, she came home to tell me she had gotten a house to rent in a nearby town, and she was moving out immediately and in with this other man. She had indicated previously that she had no desire to separate until we had mutually agreed as to the future of our relationship. She claimed that she received a phone call for approval to move in, and made the decision in a matter of five minutes. Since then, we have remained friends, seeing each other often and enjoying each other company. We have discussed the entire situation numerous times, and she has told me that she has not ruled out a future together, only that right now she needs to "explore" and "test" her relationship with another man. She has expressed to me directly that she still has feelings for me, and believes that our relationship potential far outweighs her relationship with this other man. She has openly wondered out loud to me the process of kicking this man out of her house, and devoted her attention to rebuilding our relationship. She has told me that she still holds hope for our relationship in the future. She has told me that she has no emotional connection to this other man, and has complained to me about his lack of conversational skills and emotional aptitude. She has even told me that she feels she's made a "mistake" in moving in with this man, and that their relationship isn't "right". Essentially, she has told me that we are not finished, but that she needs time to "explore" her relationship with this other man, and discover herself again - sort through her emotions and thoughts. She has asked me to give her time to accomplish this. I love her dearly. We have shared so much in seven years together, and have formed an emotional bond far beyond what most people ever experience in a relationship. I'm willing to give her what she needs, time and support, because I feel so strongly for her and our two children. I consistently hold hope, a strong faith of the heart, that we will emerge out of this together again. I have even told her that, at some level, this all feels as if it was meant to strengthen our relationship, and she has agreed with me. We have shared numerous emotional, tearful moments through all of this which shows me our emotional connection hasn't completely died out. Am I being a fool to trust my heart and trust what she has expressed to me in words and tears? Or is she leading me on in order to avoid the difficulty of giving closure to our relationship?