trytotrust

Ok everyone...I have been where you are as well. The only difference is that I went through it 5 years ago. Man, I wouldn't wish that on anyone because it was the hardest part on my life. I was so hurt that I would hide away from the rest of the world and just hurt...but, after years of thinking I realized that all that I went through was worth it. I didn't date anyone for the first 2.5 years and now for the past 2.5 years I am in a relationship with the best and most beautiful girl I have ever met. when I got hurt I was no good to anything or anyone for 4 months...then eventually I began doing more and more. Don't go out with other friends or even start dating just because you think that will get you over her...it won't if anything it will make you feel worse. What you have to do is STOP calling her or going see her...let your self love her (because you sure as hell can't stop it) but don't continuously set yourself up for another rejection...just go home each night and do your own thing. Build yourself back up and when you feel strong again get out there and give them hell. In my case I was pitiful for 4 months...but when I was ready I exploded back to life and she ended up coming back to me...when she did I couldn't go back because I realized that it wasn't worth the risk....if you did all you could for her and you did it honestly SHE WILL BE BACK...but it has to be on her terms if it isn't she won't be back for long. Hang in there....e-mail me if you need email removed I got your back kid...don't worry!

Hey guys, I have been doing really good with all of my jealousy. But, now, I feel like I am agravating her. I am trying to be as supportive as I can with everything and I end up annoying her. She seems so frustrated with me everytime I try to help. She is stressed out about EVERYTIHNG right now and I feel like I am the one that she is taking it out on. When she acts like that I get my feelings hurt and I try to talk to her about it and that makes it worse. Yesterday she just started screaming at me...so of course I lost it! How can I practice just leaving her alone when she acts like that. I know that is what she needs to calm down but I love her and I want to make things better! I know I sound pitiful, maybe I am, I just try so hard to make things perfect and I know that they can't be.

Thank you both for your advice. As I said earlier in a private message. This web-site has helped me so much on this journey. Your advice gives relief to a otherwise hectic life. I have a few questions though: 1. How do I control all of the questions that pop into my mind when I am being silent. I sometimes feel that there is no stopping them...and I usually ask the question before I truly think about it. And, while I am being honest...I NEVER ask the question in a nice way...I always seem like I have already handed over a GUILTY verdict!!! I hate this b/c she never wants to talk b/c I am already accusing her of whatever it is I think she did...And you guys, she is so good to me! I don't understand how I can be so mean sometimes. 2. When you say "kick out" the negative thought...HOW DO YOU KEEP IT OUT?? I can get it out but it always comes back usually with more anger or fear!!! 3. Do I walk away? I have been trying to do that but I noticed when I walk away she gets scared b/c she is not used to it. How do I train my mind to do all of this stuff and not turn my back on her? I hope I have made since. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to do it right. I love her enough and I love me enough to go as far as it will take!!!! Thank you again!!!

you let me know I am not alone... love to you!

My girlfriend and I have a good relationship. I am a pretty jealous person and we do have fights about that but other than that we are good. However lately, I have been working really hard to control my jealousy and I know that I am doing well. I feel like it goes un- noticed and that she doesn't see all that I am doing to change for the better. I am scared right now that she just doesn't care. I know that is not the case but, I feel like I am analysing everything to death and it is driving me crazy. How do I just relax and let this relationship be wonderful??

I am sorry. I was in your position long ago. I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you. First thing is that you have to take care of you. It will be hard because for eleven years you have taken care of her. You must break away from her and spend time without her in your life or you will never completely leave her. You won't be able to move on and right now you have no choice. I know it feels like you are dieing, I remember thinking that I was going to die and even trying to. Please don't let yourself think like that. Yes, it hurts and you can feel it all over and in every way. It is all part of healing. I understsand that she wants to be friends, but she has to understand that she can't have everything her way. She chose to put you out of her life...she can't get her "freedom" and you...it can't work that way, it is not fair to you AT ALL... Things will be ok. Eventually the two of you will talk again and then maybe even visit...you will love each other a different way. My ex that did this to me lives 800 miles away, is married with twins...it took me 2.5 years to be ok with looking at her...I cried many nights...but when it was over I had to walk completely away...if I wouldn't have I could have never started healing. I am still healing...but believe it or not I met someone 5 years after she walked out on me...and this girl is amazing and now looking back I would have gone through that hell 100 times if I knew my current lover would be at the end of it waiting to love me the way I wanted. THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU...if you thought the past 11 years were good...HA....wait til the real ONE comes along. BLISS

Look the longer you are in this relationship the more each of you will change...I am sure the things that you did in the beginning even seem boring to you because you have learned more about each other...you obviously know her well or else you wouldn't know that you aren't pleasing her. truth is, you are not a mind reader...create a romantic mood...candles, music, whatever does it for the two of you...then hold her in your arms and ask her what you can do to please her...let her know that you are up for anything that she can think up...and then give it to her! If you don't feel comfortable doing it that way you can try playing a game that me and my lover play...We both write down ten questions for each other to answer about themselves....then we exchange questions answer them and then talk about the answers...it is fun and we learn alot about each other...it usually leads to great sex because we got our minds in gear for attention and our bodies follow. communication has to be strong in EVERY part of the relationship....even sex!

Hello, This is my first message and I hope I say all of this right. I am pretty much at the end of my rope here. I am sorry if this is too long but I just don't know where to put all that I am feeling. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 2 years. We live together and have a nice life together. I am very close to her family as she is close to mine. What we share is incredible...but this story makes me scared that I might get hurt again and I just couldn't handle that! I am sorry if I sound desparate...maybe I am....I NEED AN ANSWER!!! Our first year together was bliss. Seriously, we never fought, I never got jealous and I never doubted her. We were the perfect couple. She just started a new job and nobody there can know she gay because she may lose her job. There is a guy that she works with that, about 8 months ago, started calling her and seemed to be taking interest in her. I have been bothered with it from the start. We have spent many nights fighting about him. She says that she has nothing for him and that they are just friends. Not long ago they attended a banquet for work. She told me that she would meet me @ 930pm but didn't show up until 11pm. By that time I had every senereo in my head and I was scared to death. She explained that it was hard to get away because all of her co-workers were there... come to find out she had told him that she would meet him at a bar following the banquet...she said that she didn't go and I don't think she did. BUT, the fight we got into that night was one of the biggest I have ever been in. We ended up settling down and talking. I expressed that I had been hurt really bad and that trust doesn't come naturally...she said she understood. She asked me what I wanted her to do and I said that I would feel better knowing that he at least knows that she was involved. I explained that she didn't have to "out" herself but to please let him know that she was not interested. She came home the following Monday and told me that she did that. A few months past and I was feeling good about it all. She was on the computer one night and I poped in to tell her dinner was ready or something...I noticed that there were a ton of e-mails from him on her screen. I tried not to become upset but my fear was overwhelming. I asked her to open the one where she told him that she was involved. When she did I found out that the night of the banquet they danced and that she didn't "exactly" tell him she was involved...she told him she was "seeing a guy"....the guy part only upset me because she didn't tell me. The "seeing"part upset me because it didn't seem like she was trying to tell him that she was involved...just dating. Of course we fought but she always seems to turn it around on me. She gets REALLY defensive and demands that I trust her. It is so hard. He calls the house and asks her to go for drinks...she never goes but I think that is to avoid a fight. I guess I am just scared to lose her. I am scared that she will leave me for a guy as I was left after 4 years in another relationship. I know that it is my insecurities but how do I control them. We talk ALOT about it and I know that it is hurting our relationship. This is the only thing we ever fight about...my inabilty to trust. How do I deal with it? What do I do? My search has been one that has exhausted me. I pray, I go to a theropist, I read...someone tell me where to find the answer.