devast
-
Posts
318 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by devast
-
I have been here for a while... reading posts after posts... I read stories about... Dumpees Starts off with most of whom who misses their ex and trying to hold onto some hopes of their ex coming back.. after a while of applying NC (most preached healing tool here) would definitely makes them move on and heal... then they starts to think back about their ex who they realize they wouldn't take them back with a lot of unless and some sort of conditions or otherwise...never.. Dumpers Starts off with a lot of real reasons or just excuses to dump their ex... maybe some would like to stay in touch with their ex (avoiding guilt) or maybe, if their pride was high to think their reasons/excuses for leaving were mostly right, would go NC right after they dump their ex.... And then after sometime of NC where maybe, they themselves or their ex initiated, realizes they were wrong about dumping their ex... Filled with guilt,they want to go back to their ex... Confusions In time of NC the dumpee got their pride and self-confidense and would only take their ex (if ever they're still interested)... with a lot of "ifs"..Now how can the dumper do this "ifs"..How can they prove they were sorry? HINT no matter what the dumper/dumpee do if both their love were true to each other before... they will reconcile in the end...no matter what..."love" is still the answer to all this confusions...
-
Mcmaster.. we are in the same train going nowhere thinking about all the whys? and what ifs? for a few days this thoughts had been tormenting me... Hey.. "Mother's knows best"...That's a saying... Unless she used to have a grudge on this ex of yours... I would say.. Its unfair to judge her if she's having someone else right now... But I am pretty sure you don't want to know about the betrayal if it were true... and then hate her for that and later blame yourself coz maybe you pushed her to be attracted to others...and would still want her back...Its even more painful than what your having now.. anyway.. Go NC... "no contact"... stop trying to know what she's been up to... don't contact her...Why? she said she needs time to contimplate for herself... Then give her that time.. totally without you...so don't call her.. And stop waiting for her... or wishing she'd come back... read a lot of good stuffs in this site... I believe them... you try so hard to get her back... she'll push you away even harder.. don't pressure her to decide now.. "she said she needs time"... Pressure would cause another distance away... So if you still want to maintain that "not so very far distance" between your feelings.. then don't push her some more... Go NC... for your own sake and not as a way to get her back... stick to it man.. hang in ENA read a lot of advice in other threads.. you'll get better in days...
-
Would you take your ex back if after just weeks or months of NC you find her saying "I finally realized I love you and no one compares to you... I missed you so much"... "No one compares"...so she had been trying to look for someone who can match you or someone way better.... Ok lets take out the phrase "no one compares"... But later learned she had been broken-off by someone else which made her realise... "it would have been better with you"..Coz she's hurt and thought she will not be hurt that much with you because you loved her... I thought it would have been nicer if she just kept contimplating and reflecting you and her together..If it was worth it or will it ever work again..all the time that you have given her NC...rather than she trying to get on with her life and maybe tried it with someone she thought would have been better.. Ok.. I am being unfair... She should move on as well as you are moving on... But what if she had someone else just weeks from your break-up? I think I would feel really much better if she wasn't doing loads of stuff..going out and party all the time you were apart... Because if that's the case then she must have contimplated it "alone".. and its very clear to her if she wants to get your relationship back... Well but thats my thinking...I am just suggesting...
-
Thanks shadow...Thanks shiva...Thanks paplazarou... Today is not a so normal day for me...(shiva its so sunny here but I am so cloudy however this clouds are high...It won't rain hahaha I hope so).. My busted ankle I can't walk really fine... OUCH!!! My boss noticed it.. She asked what happen..And after telling her, she said... I wouldn't have sprained my ankle if I just stayed here and work overtime... Grrr... If she only know what i am going thru right now.. I am always in hurry to hang in here...ENA...Woooohoooo!!!! Anyway... I've thought about this long before I worked overseas and before i met my ex... Being positive makes almost everything positive around you... Why? If you are happy you keep smiling your projecting a happy face.. you become approachable to people... your boss is going to like you... Your mind is free flowing thus giving you clear thoughts and clear decisions... Just about everything is going positive.. "I lost it"... as I have been down lately still trying to be... a "wannabe"... happy without her... But the fact is I am still not... I come to think... Maybe this is why I sprained my ankle... Its because i have burdens inside me and my physical motions and coordination wasn't working well last night when I was playing basketball...so I busted my ankle.. I just wish my day would come fast and I become so positive again.. Just about everything.. Thanks guys... what if i get a rebound and ask her if she wants to be my dog and just adore me and only ask for some bones? hahaha... No...I am just making myself smile..
-
What are the signs that they want to come back?
devast replied to Masu16's topic in Getting Back Together
I've just been into a break-up as well... All the times i have been reading other break-up stories here in ENA... I would like to think and believe that after giving your ex the time and space they need... keeping NC for you to move on...and then your ex finally realised that she can't be without you...and maybe think "i'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else'... She will contact you... And you will feel the vibe even if she don't say a word... I'd like to believe this because this is just so "true"... But man... in all honesty... something "within" me keeps saying "keep the faith and she'll come back"...just like you are now... But Maybe not she's not coming back... But Just hang in here pal... one day we will all be "moving on"... -
My dog's name is Chowie... Seems like a name for a tiny mammal...hahaha... But he's big though...
-
Nice thoughts shadow.... You made me laugh out loud Wandering... I'd like to think I am getting more knowledgeable with handling... Break-ups..Love..Hate... and all the emotions poured into ENA..including mine.. That's a good humor wandering...HAHAHA
-
Its a funny feeling you know... I sprained my ankle playing basketball and as I am feeling the pain in my ankle right now I am regaining the pain inside my heart... Ouch!!!for the ankle.... Ouch!!! Ouch!!! for my broken heart... AAAArggghh.... Anyway... I feel its funny that when you feel pain physically... You sometimes gets hurt emotionally... Pity for my ankle and me coz I can't walk normally...later on..I thought I would feel alright if she's just here with me... Now... I am missing her again... Feeling the pain caused by the break-up... and thinking again... Why did she...? How could she...? what if?.... imagining her coming back....OUCH!!! or maybe not... I just watched a DVD entitled "man of town" starred by Ben Afleck... well... its about his career associated with his wife who cheated on him...break-up... Some thoughts to hear on the background telling what he is thinking and all... in the end... they lived happily ever after... oh and they used a bit of NC though...hehehe... But I guess the real deal there was that Ben still loved his wife despite the betrayal... So I guess... Even if you do nothing... lay down and maybe sleep like forever... If your ex really loves you they will be back for you...or will they? No...I think you have to do something about it too...but maybe in a given time...or maybe...whatever... tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk.. i am so confused again...
-
Ok... I just found me a new hobby... reading.... but unfurtunately.... its inside some websites like ENA.... hehehe...
-
Yeah I would like to say... This is just my opinion... Thanks shadow...
-
Yeah... i noticed it when I was writing it earlier... I have to avoid talking about her... I noticed whichever forum I go in I just talk about how painful it was... and talk about her... And guess what... It helped me pour it out off my chest.. And now i'm getting tired about it... And I think thoughts about her... is just... nevermind i don't want to hate her... I just want to start talking about positive things.... Maybe help some here who are needing help... Just like all of you who are helping me... Yeah.. anyway my dog is a local Asian dog of some sort..But he looks like a Golden Retriever or the likes... His big for an asian dog.. Yeah... Australia would be fun... But it maybe hard to get a visa there.. anyway....I am still fine talking to you guys out here... Thanks... I will still be here posting my developments though..
-
How about staying young....you die young,,you look young in the memories you leave behind...HAHAHA.. coz you could die young if you don't get over that break-up...Like me right now I don't have a High Blood Pressure but I feel like my heart is about to have a heart attack if I go on feeling down... That's why I need to get over this as soon as possible...
-
Hey guys.. I also like dogs.. I have one but he can't help me laugh this time for I am working overseas... His name is Chowie... But anyway... Had there been any event or gatherings sponsored by ENA for their members around the world?I would really love to meet you people and others who I am very comfortable of talking to..sensible people...Plus the chance to get away...have fun and travel.. I would sign up for that.. I hope it doesn't cost too much and I hope its somewhere I wont be needing a tourist visa anymore... HAHAHA... coz i'm Asian.. Hey anyone.. Have you seen Shaq? I would like to play basketball tonight I need a very challenging opponent coz my heart had been pinching me since morning and I feel like if this continue I might have a heart attack.. Though I don't have a high blood pressure...HEHEHE...
-
Wow.. I really like to hear success story... Congratulations Hades.. Nice post.. Plus the fact that, one of the reasons of your break-up was your complaints making her feel at fault... I can relate on that... But hey... Congratulations again... Good luck on you... You married already? Better be... I would like to agree on the 3-6 months basis for true love... if a person really loves his/her partner... It wouldn't take him/her a very long time to realize he/she is capable of sacrificing and trying to work out the differences that they have and get back together... Otherwise... Taking so long to think about working things out could mean taking some more time to analyze some boyfriend/girlfriend prospects who might be better... But if not... maybe I'll get back to my ex...
-
what a funny ME... for a while you've been so down and out... and then in another while you feel so great!!!so proud!!!and still filled with hope!!! Its funny how our emotions changes in just seconds...I didn't think about anything... I don't even remember what was I thinking before I came to my state of mind now... I felt so happy about myself... and as I walked thru a sliding door and saw myself in a vague reflection... I was walking so straight up... I was looking so proud and felt Handsome as if I was walking on a modelling romp... Whew!!!! I am not sure... Maybe this will change again in just a second... I hope this isn't a sign of a man on the edge of loosing his sanity.. But I don't think so... I am keeping my intelligent sanity bold and intact guys...
-
Yeah wandering sword... Its been said and done... I will post here most of my time as pouring my heart out in here and all of you who had been responding had been helpful to me... Yeah I don't regret anything I said to her last night... What happens next... I'll be fine with it... Shadow... I took your advice... I let her know I can't be her friend right now..I made it clear to her coz she may not understand it... And yes...yes yes yes... I believed you Shadow...(you can be a therapist..or...are you?)... If she was I..And I am still inlove with her... Would I ignore her if she can't be a friend to me because she's still inlove with me and she's still hurting for loosing me? NO WAY... I still love her... I will go to her and work-out our relationship... But if she was I... and I don't love her anymore... You are right Shadow... I will not go to her anymore...
-
Hi anyone...Can I ask you? I had been doing NC and the 4th day was yesterday...But.. I sent her an email last night saying "me and my exes became friends only after they have healed themselves and forgotten the feelings that they used to have for me... Same way for me... I moved on first before I became their friends again".... Because she kept stressing this out to me "this exes that I have in my email address list"... She stressed this out when I begged her back twice... And she stressed this out again yesterday in her text message since (I think) she had gone upset about me not talking to her (NC)..."she said she just want to be my friend just like all my exes are".. You see I think she doesn't really understand this because I am just her 2nd bf.. For Her 1st bf..she became very close to me first as I was already courting her before she broke it up with him... Which means she didn't have to do the effort of getting on with herself alone first before she made friends with her ex...Because I was already inside her heart... And so last night I felt that she needs some closure... I broke the NC if I must say... I explained to her as brief as I could that I didn't became my exes friends right after the break-up... I also told her that I hid this things because its in the way she react on this kind of matters and however I told her that so did she...She didn't tell me everything... And then I ended it with... "Now that you understand how I became friends with my exes...and if you don't want to work-out a bit of yourself as I do want to turn my world upside-down just to get us back together...I am not capable of becoming your bestfriend right now because unlike you...I am not happy without you and I am still deeply inlove with you...Thank you.." Did I blew up my chances? (if there were afterall..sigh sigh sigh) Did I say the right words? Did I look needy and not confident?
-
Thanks shadow... I have actually wrote a very long email.. But i didn't send it... I keep reading it again and again and it seems to me that I wrote what I am feeling right now... her immaturity... and how she wouldn't want to work-out something on her as I do want to do everything I possibly could just to get us back together forever...Nevertheless I still haven't sent her any message.. I know she's immature when it comes to relationship..I am just her 2nd boyfriend...Her first was five years but I think it was boring coz her bf didn't gave her much attention nor did he argued with her...He just keeps accepting all her wishes..and that's where I came in...so she eventually forget everything about her feelings for him...So she doesn't know that you can only be friends with your ex when both of you are healed in time when there's nobody else involved... that you have already forgotten the feelings you used to have... Don't you think I have to send her a message about this so she would understand that i am not capable of being her friend coz I still love her right now? Because...I just realized this is what she's always stressing out... During the time that I begged her to come back and now that she's upset I am not talking to her... She's thinking I still had some special connection with my exes...Should i clear this out to her? saying I only made friends with them when they or me got over with our feelings for each other? That what we had now are just plain friendship? and that if she is interested only in making friends with me..now is not the right time coz I am still so much in love with her? and maybe ask her to give me a chance to get over her? Should I tell her about her being immature? or this will just pour a fuel to the fire? I know maturity do not grow overnight...
-
she just had three missed calls a few minutes ago coz I didn't answer.... She's angry maybe because of yesterday that I didn't even replied to her text message... She sent me a message after this recent missed calls... She seems upset coz she said she don't want this situation to happen between us... "No contact" so to speak... she wants to talk to me like friends just like the friendship that i have with my exes... I haven't replied yet.. or do I have to reply at all? If I have to reply... What do I say? But I am afraid she would give me back the ball... I am confused I don't want to play with her... I want her back... But she is a proud woman... she doesn't want to be hurt by anyone... I am afraid this is her way to give me the pain that she is having now because I am not talking to her... But maybe not... But she said she just want to maintain friendship... or just her way to avoid admitting that she misses me... Maybe if I open up... Maybe we will have the chance to make-up...
-
hey guys.... This is what is exactly I am trying to figure out... I know I have an ego issues... I am quite proud inside my head.... My ex who I just had a break-up with is even prouder... Thats the same problem I am thinking what if I miss all the chances of getting us back together because we are actually trying to do NC on each other and see who would break first... I love her.... She's actually calling right now and I am not answering... Too hard coz I am thinking maybe this is it... She's going to plead to me and ask me to come back...But then maybe not... She maybe just want to make sure I haven't killed myself so she wouldn't feel guilty.. AAAAHHHH.. this is crazy... NC NC NC... Yes Id like to heal myself.. But I want her back... What if I miss the chance... Whewwwww!!!! [sigh sigh sigh]
-
I agree with disgruntled and to what shadow said.... If I have to interpret it in my way.... "maturity to take responsibilities is one of the main pillar of good character"... Children say "IT got lost" blaming the thing for what went wrong... Adults say "I lost it" taking the fault... Well, its a good thought though coz I have been thinking about this in relation to my current problems... My ex told me "I am like this and have been this way since (her being righteous or always thinks she's always right that's why we argue)" and that maybe we aren't ment for each other and that maybe she'll find someday someone who would accept her as she is... Well, I thought about it... Yes, I believe she is intelligent... but maybe she's just immature for avoiding to take responsibility to change a bit of herself to make our relationship better for us to prepare for the main event.. "marriage". So, I go on thinking... Yeah... Matured people accepts the fact that the world is not perfect and no one is perfect... Thereby they are open to suggestions and maybe what they think is not always right... If you have thought about it before you took action and something went wrong, then maybe what you thought wasn't good enough..That's it... We'll make it up again next time....And that its ok to take the fault... Well this is what I think about being "matured"... you take responsibility for your actions... If it goes wrong then its wrong... you can't go crazy and cry thinking "i thought everything I did was right"... coz everybody commits mistakes and nobody is perfect... well that's who my ex is... she wants everything to be perfect for her...Its just hard for her to accept that something isn't right...and that she did somthing wrong.. Or I am just crazy to think she's immature but the fact is she's matured and she just didn't want to work-out our relationship... coz she doesn't want it anymore... [sigh sigh sigh]..
-
Hello guys... Its my 3rd day doing NC today... SHe called me earlier but furtunately for me I was busy that I wasn't able to answer my phone...She had sent me a message after... But it was nothing just about his bro's debts to her... That she asked me to get it if he does pay thru me and that she'll just get it when she happens to visit the city im working or that I just give it to one of her friends..And ended with a "take care"... Its crazy...I didn't answered her text message anyway... What do I do? Yeah its a good point not to think about what is she thinking or feeling coz it will just drive me crazy... But I can't help it... What's not good about thinking thru about our break-up is that I am beginning to hate her. I am starting to think that she had been thinking of finding someone else even before our break-up... I am Starting to think about some instances which "maybe" were the signs that she was looking on someone else and maybe thinking of breaking-up when she gets the courage...especially if this someone gives her a hint or starts to make a move towards her...coz she had been going out with friends before our break-up... I am going nuts thinking about this... I am beginning to hate her which is what I think is making me strong right now... "hate" is giving me the courage to stand up and move on... I am thinking if I am right with what I am thinking, then she doesn't deserve me...nor my love...nor my tears... But that is unfair... What if I am wrong? what if I am just getting paranoid? what if she's not doing anything stupid? what if she's just actually trying to get a rest and still planning to come back? I fear to grow hatred on her because if she is still planning to come back to me.. I may not want her back anymore... I may close my heart for her anymore, thinking about this things that I can't even prove...
-
Thanks wandering sword, splashdown, papalazarou and isidore... I am getting better now... Reading posts after posts... and posting what I feel is really a huge help to me... Yes... I am going to heal myself... its 2 full days silence to me now... Ive come to think about how could she ever stood up to her mind rather than trying to change a bit of herself for the betterment of our relationship? But anyway I gues that's who she likes to be forever... Just so sad for me to think that maybe she will realize later on that my points were right and she tries to change herself... But it will be for somebody else not me... But you guys have been a lot of help to me.. to try and think things thru.... Im reading you posts back again and again shadow... its mostly sensible... and neutral (for me) like there is hope if there really is afterall...but one thing is sure... I will heal in time...
-
Thanks shadow... your posts are so meaningful to me... i "will" walk through all this... I know i can... its just hard for me as I feel tired of trial and error with a new baby... I just want to settle down and have a happy family.. but anyway... Im trying to read most of your posts and trying to absorb them as much as I can and as much as I feel it will help me more... Hey Superdave's posts are good too...thanks to this website...
-
hi shadow... you had been in a lot of pain and survived to say you are now "in control" over everything that you want in you life... And to say you have ignored your exs and put them thru, maybe, to what pain you have been thru... Im just thinking what if my ex is just like you now... You know my story... what if i am really sorry and in all honesty and in heaven's name... I want us back... what can make you go down and see if its worth having your ex back again with you? What if in the end you finally know who you want to grow old with but realized you have ignored him because you thoguht you know what you want and became so strong and so in control? I don't nean to offend you or whatever negative perception this post may bring... But I am just totally lost and I don't know how long will my silence (no contact so to speak) would go on to make me realize my ex is really not coming back... Shadow i just want to hear it from a strong woman as well.. just like my ex.. thanks...