redbelly

bster, my experiece goes on for a mile and all that i've been through. i was wondering if we could talk more one on one. do you have aim or anything? or a private e-mail address?

First of all, women will never understand the psychology of a man, I don't care how much one may study it. It's the same way they will never understand us. If you feel as though you are no longer happy in the relationship, then it should be over. If you feel as though his feelings for you are not as deep as they could be, should be or used to be, then it should be over. If you only see him or talk to him when it's good for him, then it should be over. On the other hand, if you feel as though he is the one for you and you'd go through hell and high water to keep him because he's worth it and will APPRECIATE it in the end, then do what you have to do. If the situation is too hurtful for you to be in, then don't be in it. A lot of times, we as women, will do all that we can to keep a relationship surviving because we think that's how we want it to be or because we don't want to feel as though we failed. Sometimes, however, neither of those are the case. We want a relationship to survived because at the time we feel as though we can't live without the other person, and we never want to feel as though we failed because we tend to take things personally. People change, feelings change and I give you much credit for saying that you'd let him walk away if that's what he wants so no one has to get hurt. How do you feel about the relationship? Do you still want to be with him?

Listen, a lot of women out there will try to convince you that this was in some way shape or form cheating. You didn't do anything wrong. It's exactly like you put it, it was like you were watching porn and masturbating. It was the perfect situation for you, it was a woman you had known since way back when, she lived to time zones away so you know it couldn't go any further, and she wanted to give you something your wife couldn't. Do not feel badly about what you did, I can see how sometimes it may bother you, but don't let it. You did what you did and you had fun with it. I think your sub-conscious allowed you to be able to do it because you knew it couldn't go any further. Honestly, it sounds like if your old h.s. friend was in front of you, I don't think you would've done it because you would have felt as though that was cheating on your wife because it was actual flesh in front of you. You sound like a good guy, who in some way lives life by the book. Take your experience and run with it. Be thankful you didn't try to do that with some psycho chick who would've ended up falling in love with your or something and potentially ruin your marriage. Now, if you were my husband and I found out, I'd want to seriously kick your ass But then again, I just masturbated for my fiancee last night. He loved it. My ultimate goal is to have him let me watch him (because he has a history, let's just say, with masturbation).

in a way it is messing up our sex lives. it makes me insecure, probably because he's so secretive about and then his lack of responses when i try to talk to him about it. he knows that this is a huge problem, but tells me it's his way to release sexual feelings. release how? he's not using anything he's learning on me. i've tried over and over again to understand this. i've sucked it up i can't even tell you how many times. it always seems like he wants to create problems and blame me just so he can look at or find a use for porn. he once told me he was going skiing, i sat home the entire weekend while he was "skiing". i then found that he was at a hotel 5 minutes away from our house. he went there to masturbate. so the lying on top of the deceit is so hurtful. on top of this is his anger. he goes around breaking stuff in the house. he's broken all of my stuff. it's so hurtful. i don't know what to do.

You seem like a really great guy, but almost too great. i was watching t.v. the other day and there was a show about guys with backbones. while we want our men to be charming, sweet and sweep us off of our feet. we need to know that he can stand on his own two. i think you just fell in love with the idea of her, not her exactly. you two hardly even spoke, there's no way you can be in love with her - her looks maybe, but not her. she doesn't seem worth your time. you've done enough and if she appreciated it you would know by now. forget her, grow a backbone (but don't lose that sweet way about you) and you'll be fine.

Okay, I'll try to give you the short of a very long issue. I started dating my fiancee in February of 2002. We work together, so I would always talk to him during the day and then on Friday's he would say we'd hang out on the weekend, but most of the time not call me. I dealt with it for about 3 months or so before I finally blew a gasket. I knew there had to be some reason for his behavior, I found out it was because he was home masturbating. He comes from a very anti-social life, a history of depression and alot of insecurities. Once I found out his behavior was for that reason, we spoke about it, I somewhat came to terms with it and we moved forward. I would spend the weekends with him and then go home to my parents house on Sunday night. I'm talking he had 3 huge black garbage bags filled with porn. He had a little "ritual" in the way things had to be done when he masturbated. Well, we decided to move in together. He had told me he threw away all of the porn, but I later found a few tapes in the house. He has admitted to sometimes masturbating if i wasn't home. We've now gotten masturbation out of the picture, but sometimes if I go upstairs by his desk I see him i find him on porn websites, or on an online dating service and his answer is that he's just curious. i say bullshit, but that's what he tells me. he tells me it's my fault he does those things because i don't make him feel comfortably sexually. he has fought with me for about a year now about my ex boyfriend that i had a 7 year relationship with. he has, in a way, interrogated me about that relationship. asking all kinds of questions, just really harping on the situation. he has gotten so angry sometimes that he has broken pretty much all of my sentimental stuff in the house, broke furniture, put holes in the walls. But yet, I'm the one who can fix them. Oh yeah, by the way, we're engaged. I ask myself sometimes WTF am I doing? other than the's bad points. he's a great guy who would do anything for anybody, he would do anything for me, he has a great personality, and i know he loves me to death. he appreciates me and cares for me deeply, and i know this. also what you may need to know here is that he only had sex one time before me, 10 years ago. so that's why my past is such an issue for him. he feels as though he'll never compare to that. i've tried to convince him otherwise, but it doesn't work. there's probably more to this story that i'm missing at the moment, but that is the jist of it. if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. thank you for all of your help and advice. thank you for listening to me.

While this may not sound like the nicest thing you'll ever read. I apologize and mean what I say with only my best intentions put forward. Do you know that you are only doing this to yourself? Since you have a history of depression, It seems to me as though you almost need to feel that way so you'll do things to acquire that. He is not the one for you. Forget his commitment and wanting you back. Where was he when he needed you? Now you're supposed to be there cause he wants you? No, that's not the way it works. You need to worry about you. Continue with your therapy (by the way, I personally believe that head medicine only messes up a person more), become a better you, feel better about yourself and then worry about deciding who you want to be with in life. You saw a box of empty condoms, you can't prove they were his - he can't prove that they weren't. But if it's something that made you feel that uneasy, if you can't trust him enough to never doubt him in the first place, then you shouldn't be with him. And the whole bad dream thing, he probably thinks you're nuts by thinking anything bad by it. (I am a firm believer in dreams and how they make a person feel) And why hasn't he written you back? If he is "Loving you always and always here if you need me", then why hasn't he been? Once again he has proved his selfishness. You don't need this in your life. Stop doing this to yourself. Believe me, I went out with a guy for 7 years. Our relationship was up, it was down, it ended up me being miserable for a long time before I could get up the courage to tell him I didn't want to be with him and to walk away from good. But do you know what? That was the best decision I ever made in my life, no matter how much I may have thought then that I could possibly regret it for the rest of my life. I was so much happier after leaving him. You don't need this guy, you don't want this guy, you shouldn't waste anymore time with this guy. Don't do what doesn't come natural, and this relationship obviously does not. You will be so much happier in the end if you walk away from this now before being stuck into things you'll regret later and really not know how to walk away from them. Maybe leaving him will be the cure for your depression. Life works in mysterious ways, so does the head and emotions for that matter.