buckley

I was just wondering, on some of these posts alot of people are sayin how one of the reasons that their exs broke up with them was because their ex said that they loved them more then they did..... i was just wondering why does that matter? if u like or love someone why would it matter if they do more? if i was way into a guy but i fel he was even more so into me i dont think it would bpther me, what is it about it that makes ppl bothered about it. does it put them off? or does it make them guilty or is it not fair? or what , i dont get it

Would you guy go out with a girl/guy if they worked night shifts and you would only get to see them one MAYBE slightly maybe 2 nights a week? they work all week nights and do a course on weekend days....you could get to sped maybe a sunday and monday night with them......but u work monday - friday and no chance seeing em other times.. would u even start a rship with them? what if u were them, would u want a rship?

wow..... here i was thinking noone would understnad why i feel this need and u do.........u said all the things u thought about me and they were all true....it IS cos i value him as person, we were v close, we never fought BUT i did i htink, consider his feelings too much in the way that i never told him how i felt ( if it was negative) cos i didnt wnat to bring up difficult conversations......u see he suffers depression here n there n he has MAJOR idfficulty exspressin emotion but gosh he used to try so hard, he reall did , n that is why i always just wnated to support him n never push him n never start diffcult conversations cos i know he found it hard n i know how much he tried.......i believe its why we broke up....he knew he couldnt give what i needed....i needed to hear things......not just see them, even tho actns speak louder then words we all need to hear it sometimes....... i feel like i have robbed not only myself but him because of me holding back....and its true it bothers me cos we need honestly for friendship........its so typical ofus to still be friends n still respect each other so, hes very much like that, and i adore him so much because of who he is i have written what i will say, n it is all kind making sure he knows it isnt puttin any fault on him or me but simply how i feel, not what i know, but hwo i feel.......n that i need to tell him so i can feel like he knows and i know where we are at........ thankyou for understanding where i come from its helped alot.....i will take time to ponder more, ill prob wait till he calls me n sus it out and tell him i need to tell him... its just right now i fele i never exspressed how i feel n i do feel like we arent close anymore cos of it, just a feel i have, i also feel like i want to explain to him what he meant to me and how im grateful and how i feel like im loosing all emotion of our time togeher because he never told me things......n its hard......... so anyways thankyou

Just wondering/needing your guys advice.... my ex and i of almost one yr broke up 4 months ( almost 4 months) ago. he initiated it for common reasons i.e not ready fir serious etc. im also his first ever gf, were both 22 he always fond it v hard to talk about his emotions and well, i always tried to understand and never pushed it. we have managed to stay friends, he calls every now and then and w etalk just like normal...i think we have found it ok to be friends because i want what he does and have never begged, pleaded or hounded him in slightest way about our break up...........i let him initiate all contact also...... the thing is, now we r friends i feel like i need to tell him things to feel like we really r friends, i never let out what i felt/thought cos of his difficulty in talkin emotional matters......and now its like he had his say but what about mine!!! when we broke up i still cared so much about him in that supportive gf role that i never stood up for myself and instead wnated the break up to be as easy for him as possible, so basical i just kissed him good bye and let that be it.....but now i feel like i want to have my say.....i feel like we arent and cant be friends really until we discuss and move on.......i wnat to tell him i dont want him to feel bligated to be my friend and that although i know he found it very diffucult to tell me how he felt, that now i feel unsure about what our rship ever meant......and because of that i feel numb, i feel nothing, i definelty DONT feel like were friends cos of it, its like i have to let everything out and make sure he knows how i feel now, what i felt then etc for us to be able to be friends for real and also i dont have great memories of us cos i dont know what it ever meant, cos he never told me, he showed me but never told me.... n that sucks and i want him to know thats how i feel, that i feel like we arent friends n not close n thats cos of him not ever tellin me i meant somethin n us breakin up n me never havin said what i felt/thought does anyone else understand this, what im feelin? is it a bad idea? what we he thnk of it? will he think im just not over him? hes a v understanding person, and weve never had any fall outs or anything like that at all

Hey, Well of course i still have feelings for him but i dont know if i would want to get back with him ( he dumped me, saying he wasnt ready for it to get any more serious as he was goin thru some things, and he tends to hid ein his cave, and it was pretty serious then, and he needed to sort himself out) i believe theres always more to the story tho. so even tho i was strong enuff to let it go, i dont know if i am strong enough to get back with him if he wanted to, i mean he dumped me and i had to start movin on u know, and of course it hurt. Thats somethin i wouldnt know till happened. the thing is thats nto my focus, my focus now is us as friends. we dont hang out, neither of us have ever asked the other to see one another in person since the split. I guess neither of us would know how to be, and plus nowadays he works nights , i work days. and i do uni and so does he and its all very busy. we could make a time if we REALLY wnated to but we just havent. i dont know if i would even want to. i lik ebeing in touch tho. i love him very very much tho, love not in love, i was in love with him tho. hes v special to me n thats why our friendship matters, thats why im curious why he hangs up so quick. Thanks for all your insight. i trust him n he can trust me that neither of us would do things to hurt the other so all should b ok, i was just curious. thanks heaps

Hey guys. Thanks for all your replies. Its probably tre about him not wantin to talk to me, only becase i think the worst like that when im unsure........but to be honest it really doesnt feel like that..... the reason i think its so weird is because no reason makes much sense..... i mean he so doesnt have to call me, when we broke up i was cool with it, u see we were v close and v honest with one another n i always try to understand, plus i know beggin or cryin wont do anythin..so i just moved on..BUT it would hurt me v much if we hadnt stayed friends because theres no reason we shouldnt be, our break up was over fine reasons, and he never did ythin to hurt me, lie to me, or anything, he was amaing and truly my best friend. he emails me, and tells me he wil call me, he even makes sure to message me and say i cant call u tonight but i will tomrrow at 8, and stuff liek that, so i dont think its cos he doesnt want to talk to me. i even felt guilty about the fact i have never once called him since we broke up so i txt him 2 weeks ago to say hey we should catch up soo, he callled me straight away n said i will callu tomorrow as im out now........i mean why would he have bothered callin me then to let me know he couldnt talk if he doesnt wnat to talk to me n thats why he hangs up so soon..... i mean this is why its so weird!! does he only call me out of guilt? and thats why he hangs up so weird? ive never made him feel guilty, infact ive made sure to let him know never to feel bad about us breakin up n that im fine n only wnat what he does etc.......... so why does he act so weird.........its almost rude hahahaha im just curious, i mean who does that??!! thanks for postin me u guys

hey quick question..... my ex calls me here n there, like once month, were exs of almost 4 months. he usualy send me an email or reply to a email n says hey i will call ut his weekend to catch up.. the thing is when he calls me he sounds happy as do i, but i talk alot asking him how he is etc because hes alwya sbeen quiet short type....... anyways the weird thing is this....when i say ok im goin to go now he doesnt even say ok or give one second for me to say wa snice talkin to u or ANYTHING he IMMEDITAELY says BYE. its like this....me well i should go' him" BYE within half a second. everytime i hang up im like staring at the phone in disbelife of how weird it is....... anyone know what this could be balout? hahah kinda larfin, but it bothers me as to why he does it, its so weird

I agree about havin balance between your own life and yours together and thats what i am worried about. because at the time we were together I didnt have many friends around nor hobbies as i worked late. im jsut wondering if event ho we were together 9 months before we broke up whether or not this put him off........ i was never demanding for time, but i was happy to spend time with him when i could. i never complained when he went out with boys etc, i just didnt ever say no to him to og out with my friends cos i didnt have any close by is this a mjor put off or problem?

I was actually wondering in terms of my last bf. I had alot of friends etc when we first met, but one by one they moved to the city for uni.....i had no close friends left where we live ( fairly small coastal town) and although i worked n studied i didnt really have other things to do. we did alot of things together ie: weekends away, days at beach, walks on beach every day etc........... i hated that i didnt have any friends beside him close by to do things with...... i never worried when he went out just with his mates tho n enjoyed the time alone..... the problem is i worry if i was boring to him........ sometimes we stayed with my friends in the city but not v often..... i had been overseas for 3 yrs also n was happy doin the being at home thing, do u think this put him off me??? we were together 10 months

I know alot of people say that to keep someone intrested you have to not always be available, have your own life, say no sometimes etc etc... even me with one of my exs, he was always available, always wanting me to stay over etc, and i kinda lost alil intrest, i always really liked him but it did kinda worry me...n put me off alil, but maybe that was just him, i was always unsure about him but anyways what im wondering is this: when can u stop this? are these just things u need to do when u BEGIN a rship, once u have been together for more then like 2 months can u stop? or do u always have to do this to keep the rship? n your bf intrested? i mean with my boyfriends i always try to let them be my priority, i dont mind if he goes out with his mates n sometimes i go out with mine but i always am here if he needs me, and i always answer his calls, n i alwas wanna spend time with him......i mean he is my bf, n thats what is normal to me, but does this always put a guy off???? i dont get so close until we have been together for like 2 months but even so would the guy still get turned off if i i never say no to him? i dont purposely not say no, i just never have had to say no so far. i been with him 7 months. would me always being here n never sayin no to stayin over etc put him off?

as anyone else taken longer then 9 months to fall in love with their bf , gf?????????

Is it possible to be v hapy in a rship for 12 months but then also scared to get into a serious rship? my ex broke up with me cos he isnt ready for the full on serious rship steps. It is myexs first relationship, he has a HUGE hard time in past suffering depression, he says it gets to point where he doesnt even know how to say how hes feeling or what hes feeling ( i know this is true, from his friends tellling me etc) he tried v hard to open up to me about his depression ( when he was in it, which was here n there but no v often maybe twice in rship) and another time when we had a fight ( i started it over something very small, pms i thinnk) he wrote out his feelings for me to read as he could just not say them. he tried v hard, and i saw how hard it was for him ( sometimes he cried and when he did it was hard core) he had low self esteem and has to be studing this and doing this to feel as though hes worth something which sometimes left alot less time for us. but we did still make time for one another. he broke up with me, bawled his eyes out, said it was cos he isnt ready for serious rship, then he said he didnt know if he was completely in love yet but knew he def wasnt ready to be yet. im more then happy to set him free, weve been broken up 3 months and ive never begged him back , pleaded or demanded explanations, nor have i called him unless hes called me ( he does about once a month alongside few emails) but i just wanna know if this is possible? i adore him so much because he has never been dishonest, never hurt me, always loved me in such an amazing way, and we were v good friends alongside our bf gf rship. is this at all possible? can you be happy in rship or happy with that person but just not be ready? does this mean he doesnt love me?

hmm, i think your examples make sense but maybe only cos ur goi form one extreme to the other, of course u wouldnt say to ur ex that ' you find him repulsive hated his bad breath ec' but u COULDhave still told the truth in a way like ' i need someone who wants to do more things like ( whatevr u find not boring) and im feelin less attracted to u' of course it will hurt his feelings but i think when u r honest brualy u move on quicker, the ego may not but they do, and i think its best cos if they wanna learn form it better themselves they knwo what areas to work on.

I was wondering....you know how we all hear he same break up lies ie: its not me its you, i love you but not in love, im not ready for serious rship, i just need a break to think etc etc do u think its mere coincidence we all hear it? or do u think that their so common because they are actually what people usualy feel??? i mean sure of course SOME say it just to get out of it but im talking the main majporities here........ i knwo every time ive broke up with someone ive said these: i need a break to think ( i was goin overses n scared doin ld) , another guy i said not ready 4 serious rship, both were exactly true...... im wondering maybe we hear all the same things cos they r what we mostly feel in rships......... or do u guys just think their bull crud?

is there a time limit to love? for example if i wasnt in love with my bf after 6 months or he was unsure how he felt does that mean we would never fall in love?

does anyone else have any opinions on my question? i know he needs space etc but im wondering what he meant by what he said in the email. anyone else have opinion on it?

Thankyou so much for your reply. I too know he is being honest, thats what i love about him. I met him after being single for a long time beliving noone was really purely good in heart ( bad past rships) he gave my faith back, he showed me i was wrong, hes the most kind caring honest person i know n thats why i can let him go but i would be awful sad to nto have him m life at all. You see, i just wish i kne whow he was, he can get very down in depression, i have given him space, n if its what he wnats n needs ild give it to him forver but how do i kow he doesnt need me? how do i knwo he isnt fully depressd? can i send him a light hearted email just sayin hi n seeig how u r? i want us ot be friends, i wanna kow hes happy

My ex of 12 months wrote me this email 4 days after he brok eup with me, we broke up because he isnt ready for serious r/ship, he believes that if ur i love that means u get married ( n he often often suffers depresson) n isnt working at mo n is tryin to find work n study and felin down n confused, he also can never exspress hw hes felig so we broke up. i was sad but i truly love him n so i said i uderstood gave him a hug told him i was here if he needed me n we havent spoekn since, except for a txt i sent sayin if he ever just wants to let me know how he is i would love that, but only if he wants to. this was month ago. im not hoping to get back with him cos it may not happen, but i do wanna know what hes thinking and where hes comin from.

P.s of course they were sleeping together in a regular basis, esp if it continued for 7 mnths, I mean there was no obvious next morning regrets if they had 7 mnths to feel that. I'd say eh still liked her but it wouldnt work out between em and he knew that so maybe hes realized now he needs to move on and just find someone else even tho still has feelings for her

Hiya, Well im no expert but I have done this whole sleeping with the ex thing twice in my lifetime now. All I can say is this: theres still feelings of course and if your continuing to tsleep together thats only keepin the feleings there, the reason ive slept with exs and reasons they have slept with me are because when you break up with someone its commonly because of timining or something like that, not because you dont love one another there for in my experiences weve continued to sleep together even tho were exs because theres feelings still there and theres no real intrest in anyone else yet, you see you might think well if he still had feelings for her why isnt he just with her still, maybe he does stil have feelings but knwos the r/ship wont work, maybe shes hurt him or he isnt at right place in life now etc, soits easy for them to still sleep together, and no matter what u think, there is still feelings there betwen them, you cant break up and still sleep together n not feel anything. In your case though I would say he isnt interested because he definelty would have told you or something by now, but maybe he is intrested in a way but because hes continued sleeping with his ex he was more happy just keeping to that for the time being.

hello to all. I was wondering hwo long do you think is a normal time to get over someone you were in love with who broke up with you?? do you think 3 mnths is too quick for someone to get over you if they were in love with you?

Plllllsssssss help me! if you started seeing someone but was afraid of being hurt and was offered a job abroad for 3 mnths so you broke up with him cos u were scared you didnt feel enough for him yet and he was fallin in love with u and you were confused with how u felt, and he kept askin to be able to wait for you while you were overseas but u kept sayin no cos u didnt wanna hurt him and had to get ur head together first but then u realized u did wanna be with him so you asked him to wait for you just b4 you left, .. now if you were him would you think the girl was askin you to not be with her now but wait until she got back or would you think she was askin you back and just wanted to knwo if u would wait????? i dont knwo if he understood what i meant! pls help what would u think?

Hi , I was talking to my ex boyfriend today and he said somehting that has caught my curisoity and worried me alittle bit. before i get right into this ill explain that we were together but broke up 4 mnths ago after i left for overseas. anyways he was syaing today that he tried calling his ex gf ( one before he met me ) today and we were chatting about this and he said he would like to get back with her , and i got mad at this saying why did he go out with me after they broke up if he was still in love with her??????? and he said that he wasnt and isnt still in love with her but would like to maybe give it a try seems it isnt going to happen between me and him again and , well , why not?, they are still friends and still get along so why not see her again and see if they would get back together,.........then i was saying well you must still be in love with her or have feelings for her and you should never have gone out with me but then he kept sayin it was fine and that it shouldnt matter and that he was very in love with me and very cut when couldnt work out and that he would even liek to even get back together with a gf from back in high schoo but it wouldnt happen...........so virtually hes just saying he would liek to just date them and see what happens etc cos it was good when they were together and even though their not still in love with one another they do have the potential....and also do it seems he hasnt got anything else, but should i be mad at this? should i feel like maybe he was always in love with his ex even when he was with me??????????? what are your ideas on this? do you think its normal to still just care about an ex and stay friends with them and if your current relationship didnt work out maybe you would be tempted to date your ex again just to see what would come of it even if your not still in love with them?????????? pls help...........thanks

hi thanks all of you for answering. out of curiosity do you think its possible for the person WHO WAS DUMPED to fall back in love or do you think someone who falls out of love with someone because of long distance can also fall abck in love witht hat person when they see them again, OR do you think you only fall back in love when yuo were the one dropped ie: cos you werent the one who wanted to break up in first place kinda stuff......

if you fall out of love can you fall back in? example be in love then fall out of love move away then when you see this person again the feelings return?