itsallgrand

Ahh makes sense! Thanks

Just curious why you keep spelling sex as sexx?

Yeah it's one thing if both equally are on board with it. It's another to be told. We have already agreed we would be willing to take in my SOs dad if he ever needs or wants it. But that's because I have a strong relationship with him already, he'd never ask for it unless it was truly necessary (end of life, serious illness). So it would not put me out at all, I'd be honored to be there in that situation.

I'd be out of there so fast you wouldn't see me. It's not a partnership if it's gf and her family deciding rather than you and gf.

I don't think though her options are no sex or this guy. There's lots of men out there who would be interested in sex with her who keep the plans they make. I think her bar is being held so low for what she is ok with, that she's actually decreasing her chances of getting her needs met. Sexual and otherwise. It's going to be harder too for her to raise the bar after this ends, because she will have further normalized for herself that this is how men tend to be. She has a track record of accepting men who don't treat her right. In my opinion, she just needs to give herself a chance to experience what it's like seeing men who are actually good to her. Her mind would be blown to see what she has been missing.

I was sincerely hoping for her that at least the sex is good. That would be easy to understand. I don't get this at all...it is oddly fascinating.

I will respect your wish to not judge you staying with him. This isn't a solid long term or even solid short term relationship though so I'm not going to indulge the "I don't know how to do this" ...you already know how to be in the kind of relationship you are in now.

I'm not a mom and I work full time plus. Why can't you take the kids for some camping with the caravan, mom gets solo time no kids, then get back together for a bit of bed and breakfasts and no cooking as a family? Fits the budget and you won't waste time fighting and losing precious vacation time.

Wow. Seems to me you will believe anything he tells you no matter how his actions tell you he's full of it. That's a good way to set yourself up for a lot more nights crying.

He made the mess. Why are you the one cleaning it up? He can call the cops if she's being excessive. He can talk to his mom. Don't get sucked into the vortex He made.

I agree with this 100%. And it's consistent with his other behaviors. Impulsive and disorganized. It would drive me batty but I'm not Alex. If he pulls through on the camping, I'd bring hotdogs and the like and call it a day. No need to go beyond because he's buying expensive tents and that.

She mentioned he had said he was going to buying an expensive tent. So at least a couple hundred, plus air mattresses, plus blankets. Adds up fast.

Really bizarre that he's going to drop hundreds on an expensive tent, air mattress, blankets when he's so broke. Camping is one of those things that can be so cheap...why is he spending needlessly? He could borrow a tent or get one used online, grab blankets from home, skip the air mattress.

I felt the opposite. I loved dating in my 30s, was not as big a fan in my 20s . I met my SO in my mid 30s. I felt more free in 30s as far as knowing what I wanted, and being comfy being myself. I felt like it took that long for me to become the kind of partner I wanted to be too. Experiences vary! Some don't find their match til later than me. I have an aunt who was married for a long time, divorced, and found this amazing guy in her late 50s. She bloomed after her divorce, from constantly second guessing herself to the vivacious active woman she always was but couldn't really express in her "perfect on paper" marriage. I want OP to know age doesn't have to stop her from finding a good guy! I won't assume to know her age or the challenges in age groups I haven't been in yet. But I don't think it's fair to say everyone over a certain age who is single is a dud either. Life happens, you never know.

Where did you get this idea? Wondering if it was something someone in your life believed and acted on? Rooting out that bigotry around the sexes would probably help you more than anything in your quest to find someone lovely.

He's torn between his willy and doing the right thing. Did you have interest in him before he bailed you out? Sounds like you weren't giving him the time of day until you were in trouble.

I feel so bad for his daughter! Can you imagine?? Dads are our first "love" and role model for how we experience men. Imagine that's your dad, crawling all over your friends when you are 19. Dads are supposed to protect, cherish, help you develop a sense of security. How can you feel that when your dad sends the message that 19 year old women are just meat to be preyed on after a bottle of tequila? I agree with everyone. His red flags are on fire. It doesn't get more obvious than this one.

That's amazing news!!

I don't think so. I'm hoping he brings some wine if you are making dinner, or something nice like that. But maybe I'm just a princess (joking).

Ok but he can still put effort in by doing cute, cheap or free things. He's being kinda a lazy boy lol.

The first order of business would be finding some reliable protection so you aren't repeating the same mistakes over and over again - getting women pregnant when there isn't the stability there to be bringing a baby into the relationship/picture. It all really comes down to that. You kept rolling the dice on it and it has consequences. After that, you work on further taking accountability by realizing you chose your wife and to be a daddy. The moment you did that you chose to put them first, including letting go of pursuing any other women even in hopes. I mean good for your ex for stopping contact before the baby was born. That shows a certain degree of integrity and respect for your family. Take her lead and respect her enough to let her go too.

Give me strength. Going in for a meeting with someone who drones on and on about herself and what a hero she is. Meanwhile, chickie takes up hours of my time for something that could be done in 15-20 minutes including chit chat. Wanna help people? Realize we got to work to live, and 4 hours on your time table takes away precious time I could be earning or spending doing something I like. Harumph. Lol.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through and what you are going through now. I'm sending so much love your way. You are an amazing person. Not everyone would fight this hard to grow, learn, and lead with love. It's an admirable quality. It's ok to cry as much as you need to. It's human, you are going through incredibly difficult circumstances. It doesn't take away from your strength at all, and from where I am sitting you have shown incredible strength as a person.

It's just my opinion, I think in any relationship respect is the thing that separates great ones from poor/mediocre ones. Without respect, it's always an uphill battle. Is respect important to you, Alex? Do you feel like this is how a man treats someone he respects? He's flailing at the simplest stuff that starts to build that foundation with someone in a real way. He breaks his word. He's unreliable. He's inconsistent.

Others may have a different take. I think unless his sister is a child, your bf was way out of line. Personally I would have been pissed in a situation like that if my SO tried that. It doesn't involve him, stay out of it. He was making digs at her too in that message, just poking the bear. Unnecessary. If everyone is grown, people can speak for themselves. And it's your mom, so up to you to chat with her about boundaries. And you don't have to tell the bf anything just because he says he wants to know. Again, not his business.