LittleLisa

I think you deserve much better matey. Don't stand for it. You will find the right person who will respect your feelings. Hope this is of some help. Little Lisa x

Hello, It's me being a pest again. I've been with my boyfriend over 2 and a half years pretty much 3 years and we're both 19. I feel however though that we have no freedom to do things that we want to as his fmaily are very close knit and always planning things to do. Don't get me wrong I don't mind doing family things but we always have to be doign something with his family at least every other day-which means my family get sidelined a lot as when we aren't doing things with his famly we like to spend time alone. I really like his family, but I have never met a family so tight knit. It's liek for one instance his sister was really * * * * *y and horrible to me but in my boyfriend's opinion that's fine as he 'doesn't want to upset her.' I hate the way he has an inabilityto just occasionally say no to things. We're always on family outings with his family, having dinner at all theirs, going bingo, trips abroad etc. But sometimes there's things I'd like to do wihtmy boyfriend on my own. Such as there was a time we wanted a meal alone together but his sister invited herself so we had to go as a 3. But when we had something planned and my sister invited herself alone I felt comfortable enough to say to her 'is it okay if me and bf just go alone together?' I've tried speaking to my boyfriend about it as I'd really liek todo somethings on our own such as a holiday but he just finds it hard to say no to things. I really love him but I don't like not being in a '2-person relationship.' But the thing is he calls my fmaily clingy when he speaks ot and sees his a lot more: my family speak to me once a week for about an hour (he speaks and sees his everyday, when his not with them they're on the phone). we're going coast tomorrow wiht my family (the first thing all done together in a year) and he complains about it (but we're out with his every other day). Pleae don't take this the wrong way I'm not asking him to cut his family out completely: I just want a happy medium: spending time alone together, spending time with hsi family and spending time with my family and I can't see what's wrong with that. I don't know what to do as I feel like my feelings and my family don't matter. A couple of mates have said that if I really find it uneasy (as they thing his family are really clsoe knit from what they've seen) then maybe I should find someone else, but I don't want that I want him and to do things alone. I wondered what other people's thoughts and feelings are on this matter; please tell me if I'm in the wrong but how can I get him to start tryign to do things a bit more my way? All help/criticism is highly appreciated. Many Thanks Little Lisa x

You said you 'care' for your girlfriend a lot but are you 'in' love with her or do you simply love her. There is a difference between being 'in' love and loving someone. You can love a variety of things such as I love this book etc But you can only be 'in' love with one person. You need to answer the above question for yourself. Any relationship after a period of time can become a bit 'same-oldy' and you feel a little 'comfortable' with each other. Sometimes the rush that occurs at the beginning of a relationship 'dies' but there are a variety of ways you can add spice to your relationship. JOin a club together is an idea. OR, it could be that you feel you are tow much in each other's pockets. The reference to dependency suggests that maybe you need a bit more 'your own time' so do somethign wiht mates without your spouse, join a club of your own. Just make some yout ime-but do other things with your partner. This way you may not feel quite so dependent on each other but can have a blossoming relationship. Lisa x x x

I think it coudl be out of curiosity. I recently registered with Hi5 and did a quick search of my ex-boyfriends and old school friends purely to see what they'd been up to etc. Not because I care for or miss them, mainly to be nose although admittedly I don't go on everynight. Just the once. If she goes on everynight maybe shes just simply interested in your new lifestyle and to see how you've gotten on with your life. It may also be her way of trying to see what shes missing deep down I think she wants to be friends (at least) with you, but her not accepting your reconciliation maybe as she feels (from seeing your website) since your break-up she hasn't achieved as much as you haev done form her life.

Maybe his from a strict family? And they do not like the idea of him having a girlfriend? SO his tryign to keep you and them pleased at the same time-whic will end up frustrating to you. Maybe he is also embarrassed to say he loves and misses you not because his embarrassed of you and not from sayign it but his worried his parents will tease him for it? Hope that's some help. Lisa x x x

One thing I noticed was that have you noticed the kind of blokes that go for not very nice girls and similarly the not very nice girls what kind of blokes do they go for. A massive generalization here but...it's normally not the kind of people geuinely nice people would want (ie those that are just out for sex are the not very nice people). On a different note, sometimes with men (again a generalisation) its the power thingif a woman managed to walk over them/not treat them right their ego gtes bruised and they 'yearn' for another woman like that who they can evtually dominate same for women with not very nice men they yearn to be the one to change them (again a generalisation). Give me a bloke who can show emotion anyday over one that thinks with his p-rick.

Thanks to everyone's responses my boyfriend asmits that he genuinely felt all that everyone above was sayign (including me) was true but he just didn't want to admit it. We've decided to call everyoone involved together in a discussion to see if we can get all points of view accross, I am fine with this as I'm going to use the above to support me. I don't want my boyfriend to 'disown' his sister but he says if she doesn't stop the above and doesn't accept me (aparently she's been slagging me off behind my back which I didn't know and he insists he stuck up for me) then as a drastic measure he may have to. I'm glad it wasn't be as after being told repeatedly that I'm over-exaggerating/being paranoid and having come up with an agreed list between us that I could post and everyone agreeing with me I'm not questioning my personal beliefs anymore. I hope she does get help and that this will stop. My boyfriend and I have agreed a united front. Many Thanks again hopefully I can help people with their problems in turn and I will let everoen know what happens after the 'meeting' and if it does get sorted. Lisa x x x

Yeah they are blood related fully. I have asked her ploutely if she had stolen my stuff and she point blankly denied it and then wore it abotu an hour later. Which my boyfriend noticed and confronted her about. When she asks the comments about 'am I fit/ sexy' He always says 'I'm your brother ask your boyfriend, which is another reason why I find her behaviour odd especiallys eeing as she has a boyfriend who has commented to her and asked my opinion of the way she is wiht him being odd. I have shown my boyfriend this post and he accepts that what she does and his refusal to confront her is wrong BUT he says that he can'y say anythign because his parents will accuse him of being harsh and out of order. She is clingy and insecure and she uses anorexia to shelter behind but I think that is no excuse foe the above beahviour (especially seeing as she was actually anorexic 10 years ago and hasn't showed any signs off suffering from it since). My boyfriend will be going university in September and we will be living together then and because of his parents reactions, he htinks its bets to put up and shut up to then, Which I disagree with as I want it sorted before he goes sothat she doesn't do it. I've suggested she seeks help...which she accuses me of being jealous of her when I'm hoenstly not. I don't want to hate her but I'm finding it hard

Mainly I just want to know if it's me who thinks my boyfriend of 26 months and his sister have a strangely unusual realtionship. I will list everything that I can think of (starting from the minor points): 1) She regularly uses his toothbrush-which doesn't seem to bother him but I find this a bit disgusting. 2) She's always askign him if he thinks shes 'fit' or 'sexy.' This I find a bit absurd...she also walks past his room naked when she knows we're inthere sometimes stopping at the door and just staring in which I find a tad creepy. 3) She asks him to sleep not only in her room with her but in her bed WHILST she is naked. Might I add my boyfriend doesn't do this. 4) She is 25 and he is 19. 5) She lives at home with her dad, his girlfriend and my boyfriend (her brother). His Dad and partner are goign away for an evening and she knew that my boyfriend was meant to stay at my place but she begged him to not go and to stay with her because she doesn't want to be left alone even though she is 25, and when she stays away from home she's fine and has been on other occasions too. 6)She steals my clothes and has recently tried to look like me gettign the same haircut, wearing the same clothes (well the ones she hasn't stolen) and she's even started wearing my underwear (stolen too). 7) When me and my boyfriend try to sit together she has to sit on the end and won't let us talk privately or if we're in his room she invites herself in without even speakign ot us just sitting there. 8) When she does go outside of the home in a typical evening she will call him at least 3 times about absolutely nothing, when she's seen him all day previously. I've explained to my boyfriend that I think that the above is a bit odd and that he should chat to her about it asking her not to do it but he says 'it's just the way she is' and 'is it not normal then?' I have said that of all the sibling relationships I know none are like that, but he thinks it is just me being paranoid. What does everyone else think? I'm finding the rellationship a bit difficult/ frustrating and have not been rude or out of order to her or anything, but I regret to say that I am immensely starting to dislike her and question my otherwise fantastic relationship with my boyfriend. Am I paranoid or is she/the way they act odd? What should I do? Please help Lisa x x x