monsieur
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Everything posted by monsieur
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This hasn't happened, but it does sum up my persona quite well. I'm really close to the point of just giving up. But I've already checked my e-mail about 25 times this morning hoping she emailed me. I know one small contact from her and I am back hooked in hook line and sinker. I'm an emotional wreck all the time. She doesn't respect me much I don't think and I even get the feeling that sometimes she avoids me because she doesn't want to overencourage me, but when she needs something from me she contacts me. I'm really screwed up.
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thanks for the advice I don't actually go around saying that, but I do go around being overly nice maybe, I feel so unworthy that I try to compensate by being extra nice to hope it makes up for my boringness or whatever.
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thanks for the post tyler, I reread it a few times and it is giving me cause to do some thinking, Im not sure I understand exactly what yet, but I am intrigued
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Well in my past I have mostly had the most luck with girls that are socially inept and unconfident themselves, but it ended up resulting in poor relationships. The girl I am head over heels right now I guess may be out of my league, as she has alot of friends and is confident in herself. She really liked me to start too, she pretty much pursued me and said I was really cute, but I messed it up by being too stiff and rigid and nervous and shy. It hurts to learn your shortcomings are so great that they will hamper your attempts to have a fulfilling relationship in life.
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I agree that I have a defeatist attitude, and I am for real, I am currently in an ongoing 'defeat', I am in love and there appears to be no hope, it is my own fault totally too, that is what makes it even more depressing. Moving on won't solve it either, as I am still me, and trying again will result in failure again. I am still holding out a withering hope to repair things that my poor personality has betrayed me to.
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and actually, the girl that I am friendzoned by right now is using me like crazy, she invites me over gets me to do things for her all the time but doesn't give much back emotionally I am so weak and emotionally weak, I am starting to worry about my health due to stress like the tied up stomach feeling I have throughout most every day lately.
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ok, sorry to generalize, I appreciate your input as a woman, I was wrong to say that women don't know what they want, I know that they don't want my personality type, that I have learned the hard way through failure
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I agree that I am not fun and tend to be boring, that adds to my lack of self confidence. Not sure what I am in denial of, I am the first one to admit and I know that it is my nervousness, shyness, lack of confident personality that is my downfall. sorry to be in this thread, it just touched a nerve when I know that I try to compensate by being really nice and then read on here that nice guys are scum.... as if I don't have enough problems to worry about
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thanks for the advice, but I have really found that women give the worst advice on women, I don't think they are honest to themselves about what they really want in a guy I have a really good friend that is a woman actually, I am currently friendzoned by her but I am head over heels in love with her but she says there is no spark, and that is killing me inside because I know that she started out thinking I was really cute but I bored her and was 'too nice' and all that stuff that has resulted in her thinking of me as a friend only or brother type.... it is one of my greatest failures in my life and it rips my insides out all day, right now I have a terrible knot in my stomach when I think of her. And sorry people for me ruining your thread, I should keep my patheticness to myself, or in it's own thread on hopeless people.
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I'm extremely shy and yet I might look at a girl wanting badly to dance with her, but I have never ever been able to work up the bravery to actually go up to a stranger and talk to her or ask her to dance..... maybe the guy you are talking about was faking it, but I know I might stand there in a bar against a wall wishing I was more outgoing and go home sad every time so don't assume we aren't shy... because in reality we may be cripplingly shy.
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and don't mind me, I know I am boring and pathetic and my resulting self consciousness and poor self worth add to the problem..... It is even worse in the fact that I am good looking enough that women often ask me out, but I lose them after a date or two by my complete lack of bravery, subtleness, tendency to beat around the bush, and my nervousness and fear of rejection. I realize I try to make up for my many shortcomings by being extra nice, but I see that that is just one more strike against an already struck out person.
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the sending someone over to ask part may have just been his 'friends' screwing around he may truly have been really shy is that so pathetic and laughable as you are so quick to think??
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I am nice to everyone, even to my own expense at times. And I do feel sorry for myself alot, and I do try to compensate by being even nicer. I get used alot, friendzoned by women that take advantage of me, etc. I know I am not brave and outgoing enough to get the woman that I want, and it eats away at my confidence. I will still be extremely nice, I don't have it in my personality at all to be an insulting ahole type, even a tiny bit. I will always finish last it seems. To be hated and ridiculed for being so nice and thought of as pathetic is just the icing on the cake.
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I'm a nice guy. I know I am. I get crapped on all the time. I get used. I always finish last. Women find me boring. I don't wish to add a bit more ahole to my repertoire to find this stupid balancing act you speak of.
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this thread proved something to me, first off the thread starter says that the guys that women tell are nice guys, are not actually nice, but potential stalkers that the women are scared of so let down with a compliment then the same thread starter ends up later saying that actual nice guys suck (not in exact words but by saying that guys that are not truly nice guys but in between aholes and nice are better) so it was all a smokescreen the fact remains that women don't like the nice guys, and they get what they deserve because of it
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funny how we are getting so few responses from women on this, when they are generally the benefactors and seem to enjoy friendzoned situations greatly, meanwhile the guys are absolutely torn up to shreds inside and damaged for life by the situations I guess hopefully at the very least they are reading and understanding.
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you are right, it is because of my low self esteem and self worth it comes from failing in attracting the one I want the most, and knowing that my looks attracted her in the first place but the real ME inside was not up to the task of keeping her interest and causing a spark..... it will go down as my greatest failure in life, one I feel at the moment I will never be able to recover from my feelings of low self worthiness come from real knowledge, not just a figment of my imagination or psyche, I know that I have bored her when I needed to excite her, I know that I was nervous when I needed to be confident, I know that I was scared to act when I needed to be brave.... I have failed on so many fronts and it is because of who I am inside, it really sucks to be me right now
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I did the same thing you did and wish I could go back in time and start all over. A note like that, while logically should help, for some reason with women they seem to always choose the friend route when faced with logic. For some reason the playing around mysteriously like a game works better than laying it on the line. I can't figure it out. A woman could be faced with the greatest nicest guy that is completely open and honest and she will reject him for the guy that plays games and keeps her wondering etc.
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Scared and frozen eye contact from shy guy: What's up??
monsieur replied to ladeedah's topic in Dating Advice
when you say he is not a shy guy around social situations, what do you mean by that? Many of us extremely shy guys are not shy when dealing with other guys or females that are not in the possible attraction range. But put us in a situation where we are actually attracted to a girl and watch our brains freeze up and our pulse rate go up and fear start to grip. With a guy like that you are going to have to be aggressive as it is the only way... you can't expect him to change his whole character 180 degrees overnight and have him ask you out, it just doesn't work that way. -
you seem confident enough in yourself, why not ask him out already? If he is shy you might be waiting forever for him to do it, many shy guys just will not do the asking no matter what.
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I think you might be on to something with the 'comfort zone' comment. It requires a major change to go to the next level, and it might have to be uncomfortable to try, for sure the stress levels will be very high. It is so much easier to just go with the flow and the status quo will never change I guess. Tough when bravery is not our forte.
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that is not a good solution if the only one you want is her maybe if the timing is right, but odds are it will only achieve the end of it I believe I can tell when my only hope is to continue in friend mode and hoping and waiting for the right time to occur
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there must be some success stories out there? come on people, if you were in a friends relationship that ended up romantic, what happened to turn the tides? what are your secrets or how did your SO convince you?
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you are right, it does feel like torture every day I am the prototypical nice guy that is very subtle from day one, my only hope of ever getting girls is through the friend route and hoping it just happens. I've had numerous girlfriends in the past too, so it is not like she is the first or anything. But she is by far the most special and only one that I have felt so extremely in need of. I pissed her off by subtly suggesting more which got a little too direct at one point which is when she gave me the 'friends only' speech, but I don't think I am misleading her by staying friends because I am still giving very subtle suggestions as I go, I don't want to piss her off again and I am hoping to wait for the right time as her heart hopefully opens for me the more we are together. I know my heart opens more and more for her every passing day, I get more and more attached to her every day..... so it makes sense that there could be hope that the same will happen in her heart.
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I honestly have zero desire to meet anyone else. absolutely zero. the idea seems like such a huge letdown I just can't even think of it. my heart is invested so deeply in this girl and every day I get even more attached to her. if I do ultimately fail, I think I will stay single for a very very long time. she invited me over yesterday, today I am already checking my email every 15 minutes hoping she will call me. I dreamt about her last night. I know it's hard because she said she only wanted to be friends, but how can a person possibly go on like this and not get more connected? it just makes no sense. the longer I treat her so well logic says that her heart will open for me. every day that goes by I get more and more deeply attached to her.