timbohn

I am trying not to build up too much guilt over the throwing the phone incident. We have been together 7 years and nothing like that has ever happened before. Istill can not believe I did it. I was so hurt and fustrated. Do you think that is an absolute "deal breaker" as far as a relationship goes?

Thank you so much for your response. I agree that I handled the situation badly. I am very confused right now. We are spending lots of time together. Last night we took our son to Chuck E Cheese. Then took him home put him to bed and went out agian (sitter of course). She says that our lives have to moved forward enough in the time we have been together and she thinks she can do better alone. Instant gratification is a big problem in our life. We both make good money but we pend it even better. Our long term goals always get pushed back for short term fun. She tells me she wants to go out more so I have been taking her out more. When we go out it is very expensive. Restaurants night clubs ect. As of right now I am moving out this weekend. She talks to this friend practically every night on the phone. She still want's to date and hang out but explore other options. I am thinking as soon as I move out go NC as much as possible (except for matters regarding our son). I know she has feeling for me and I am going to move out start going back to AA (I have not starting drinking again but AA is great for dealing with inner issues). I am trying to convice myself it is over for now. Treat her with the respect she deserves as the mother of my only child and work on myself. I need to focus I things I can control (like myself and my temper). Take it day by day.

I am so happy that your life is in order. Keep up the good work!!!

Hi curlyl1, It is very hard to be strong but what option do we have? I am on a non-stop rollercoaster of emotions. I still live with my ex for another week and for the last few nights she has been on the phone with a friend (guy) for 2 hours a night and it drives me mad. Last Friday at this time I was in a 6 + year realtionship. This Friday I already found a new place and am moving (my 4 year old son is staying with his mom) about 2 miles away. It hurts so bad I can hardly breath but we have to BE STRONG.

I find myself doing the same thing I think you are... looking for any and every possible sign that the relationship is not REALLY over. I keep reminding myself it does not matter what she is THINKING or DOING. Oh boy is it hard. It is the only way I think to really heal.

Has anyone noticed how easy it is to give advice to other people on here but hard to know what to do in our own situation. I agree with the rosstheboss do not assume she was there to upset you just forget it happened.

Have I broken a rule or something...I am wondering why I have gotten no feedback. I am doing this correctly?

I am so happy to hear you are dealing with your situation so well. Your strength gives me strength. DWBH: I also find it strangely comforting to know there are so many of us out there going through this pain. Stops me from the thinking error of that I am the only one!

I am still living with my break up so I don't know how long it will take to feel better but I do understand your pain. Good luck to you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Stay strong. Your brother in pain, Tim

I am very tempted to try a something similiar. So I KNOW how your feeling.... I think it is wrong but you know what they say...All's fair in love and war...But I can not pull the trigger. I am tempted though.

I would really appreciate ANY feedback... PLEASE

Does my post make any sense? Should I excert any effort to reconcile?

Congrats! A dad that gets his children. Almost unheard of in the USA. I am glad you are getting closure. Tim

My ex-fiance and I have been dating for 7 years and have a 4 year old son. She kicked me out of the house 3 years ago for among other things my binge drinking. I am 33 years old and have been sober for 18 months. About 2 years ago after I got a girlfriend she told me she was moving away from west coast to east coast. I said if you and my son go I'm going too. So it was understood that I was going to help with the move and we would be friends. So I went about the process of telling my then girlfriend. My ex-fiance then decided she wanted me all the way back and I jumped at the opportunity. I missed being with my son everyday and I really wanted to make the relationship work. I wanted him to have a good family. I still loved her anyway. So we move to the east coast. She hates the first place we move (Virgina Beach) so I find us work and a place in New England. She then hates the cold so in August we moved to Las Vegas. Our relationship has always been a bit rollercoaster obviously. On Saturday December 10th I went to San Diego with her brother to see a Charger game. That night she went out with her sister and did not get home till 6pm Sunday Night. She stayed at her sisters boyfriend's house. I was furious. She would not answer her cell phone. I made her promise that she would be home by 3am. Now I am thinking that I was being controlling. We get over this, things apear better and the new year starts off great. We actually say that we are going to make this the best year yet. I just want to add that I trust her sexually. We had a very long term relationship before we ever had sex and she has only been with 3 men in her life. So she then tells me an old friend is coming into town and she wants to go out with him as friends (I think he is gay). He used to have a huge crush on her before we started dating. I said she could not go(controlling) she said she was going no matter what I said. She said what night do you want me to go Friday or Saturday? Finally I said Friday. I thought that because she had to work on Saturday she would be home early. I made her promise to be home by 3 am. So I stay up till 3 waithing on her of course she does not show up and will not answer her cell phone. I go to sleep when I wake up she is not there and she calls in sick to work. As the day goes on I get more and more upset. I throw 2 phones at the wall and do minor drywall damage. At 7 pm I go to her closet and throw all her clothes on the ground. She shows up at 9 pm like nothing is wrong. I am furious I yell at her and I break up with her. At first she say's no then, when she see's the drywall damage she got mad and agreed that I should move out. Financially I can not move out right now. I get up everyday with my son and make him breakfast and read to him every night before bed. The thought of only seeing him every other weekend is unacceptable. I am going back and forth as to want I want. To try to stay together or just accept that her chapter is over. I feel that if I really wanted I could get back together with her. Right now we have 1 car and carpool to and from work (not same workplace) and there is no way I can move out until Feb.1st. My son's 4th bithday in on Feb. 4th. I don't know what to do. NC is really not much of an option. I do love her and wonder if I pushed her into showing me I can not control her. Oh my goodness I am confused and hurt.... Your Brother in Pain, Tim P.S.: Her mother has lived with us since our son was born and she is his primary carekeeper and her sister (with her daughter who is 5 weeks younger than my son) has lived with us most of the time.

I can't access IM from work but my email is email removed. Feel free anyone to email me anytime. Your brother in pain, Tim