juicyfruitmama

I was wandering around the forums and saw your posting. I'm really sorry about your cat. I hope you're not listening to anyone that has some pretty negative views on how YOU should be coping. I think your dad for example, if he had been as close to your kitty as you were, (ie: allowing himself to get close - which by his actions he didn't), then he'd probably be just as upset. I have two cats...a mum (11 yrs) and son (10 yrs). The son (and another kitty) were actually born on my bed 10 years ago, so I am NOT looking forward to them aging and passing on. From reading what you said and how bad you feel for leaving and then your kitty passing away 5 minutes later, I'm wondering something... okay, it may sound corny, but I believe this could be true: Do you think your kitty, knowing you were so upset, couldn't leave you until she knew you were gone? Maybe that was her gift to you...so you didn't have to witness that. I hope you are doing O K. I know you'll be sad for a while, but I want to challenge you to do this when you feel a bit better... - Go to an SPCA (animal shelter) to just see all of the animals that need a loving home to go to and adopt one. Your actions will save another kitty (or dog's) life and loving them will be the best present you could give (and they could receive). I guarantee it will also help in your grieving process. You won't ever replace the love you had for your other cat, but you will continue to show this love to another that needs it. Take care,

I have to say this topic is quite fascinating. Seeing the points of view of all spectrums of people who find they are categorized as attractive or non-attractive, I feel both have their disadvantages and advantages and neither should be envious of the other. It sucks either way you put it: Having an amazing face brings you people who just seem to like you for your exterior but then the feeling of rejection/lonlieness must be just as bad when you're not even blipping on the radar if you just don't cut it in the looks department. I have been approached numerous of times by people whom I felt were not my type physically. These guys exuded a desperation of wanting to be liked and got a irritable or nasty if I wasn't interested. I know they are probably reacting to yet another rejection, but I honestly believe that if these guys were to just relax, start focusing on their strengths instead of what they don't have, they would excude a little more positive energy out. I believe in that. Hell, you can tell when someone is in a bad mood without even talking to them right? You can FEEL the energy and it feels uncomfortable and gross. That's how it feels when a guy (or girl), who has been rejected several times, tries yet again but with a certainty in their minds that they won't ever find anyone, thus justifying their sadness/bitterness. In fact, I think two of the sexiest men out there are Kevin Spacey and Patrick Stewart. It's the way they hold themselves, their taking no sheizer from anyone and showing the world that they have a personality that's worth getting to know. Unless you have a strong sense of self worth, it doesn't matter if you are considered "ugly" or "attractive"... you will not sustain a good, stable relationship with anyone until you really start liking yourself for who you are.

Holy crikey girl! Get your phone back pronto! Why should you believe that he's only going to use it during the free hours of the evening/weekend? And why are you even letting him still have privledges!? Take the phone away before you get a huge bill in the mail for his lack of respect he's obviously showing you by keeping something that isn't his. A real person (be it man or woman) would stand on their own two feet and figure something out, not use their ex's generosity. That makes me angry.

I made contact with my ex yesterday to give him back some things he left at my place. We have been broken up for a month and you know... I regret doing it. I thought it would be a final closure for me, but sitting there "casually" having coffee with him, I realized that my feelings were still pretty strong yet he looked as though he was moving ON and well, that hurt. Thankfully, I was able to hide it but had to cut our coffee short because I didn't want to say or do anything I'd regret later. I mean, I wanted to hang out with him, talk, laugh, hug, kiss... I kept it together until we said goodbye and then I cried. Before we parted, I asked if he wanted to hang out again (just to see what he'd say I guess) and he said yes, he'd like that but didnt' know how to broach it since he's never been in this situation before (being friends with an ex). After he left, I gave myself a mental slap. What the hell am I doing? I can't be his friend?! Do I want to be his friend? No... I want more and he doesn't. I didn't end it there... later on in the evening, I sent a message saying that I had a good time. That's it. No response back... I feel really angry with myself for losing my dignity and self-control. It hurts that someone whom I care about wants nothing to do with me romantically but on the other hand... it's time for me to start realizing what makes me tick and to focus on myself...not why this didn't work out anymore... NC is definitely the key to moving on. I feel I've regressed by having contact... just feel absolutely gross about it. So... NC all the way. Otherwise, you'll have a heck of a time moving on.

I agree with what others are saying here. IYou probably don't want to feel "severed" from him and well, if he gets the message saying your number has been changed, there's a good possibility that he will not pursue it further. That probably is hurting you because of course you still want contact obviously. 5 years is a long time to be dating someone, but you said that he doesn't want to pursue the relationship... - well get mad sister... if a guy really wants a girl, he'll go to the ends of the earth for her. I know for a fact, that he could get your new number if he really tried and wanted to pursue something further with you. Right now, it's too hard. What are you going to get from that connection? Hope... right? Just read as many posts as you can on this board. They will seriously help you put things into perspective and know that you're not in this alone. You will gain more strength by no contact and if this guy REALLY wants to talk to you, he can put 2 and 2 together...

Hi everyone... hope you all are ... well... doing okay. My relationship ended 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks before that happened, I KNEW deep down that something was amiss. I felt confident before then... a few little insecurities (just records from previous relationships playing), but I managed to nip them in the bud as soon as I could manage. However, when I started feeling that my ex was starting to pull away, I CHASED... I called on average 2x a day (not more than that but once I did call 4x). It was his birthday on the 6th and I had a $100 gift certificate to this really nice restaurant that I WON so I told him I wanted to take him there. We went to this exhibit at the local art gallery first and then we went for lunch. I sensed he was uncomfortable then. A few days before the actual day though, I got excited and bought him about 6 gifts. These were not expensive/huge and he seemed happy to receive them but I think when he opened them up, he was not impressed...just was very polite but not appreciative like I didn't 'know' him enough to get him gifts that suited his personality. - I bought him 2 sweaters (not expensive but nice... he really needs new clothes because he would wear the same shirt 4x in a week. Not that he doesn't have other clothes, but not enough... you know?), socks, green tea (he drinks the stuff), a t-shirt and a book. He loves biking and for a few weeks before his bday I asked him if there was anything he wanted for his bike and he said no... - Perhaps I should have just given him a certificate to MEC (Mountain Equipment Coop). Two days before he broke up with me, he was looking at a card that his friends had given him and they actually gave him a MEC certificate. He smiled and said "Boy, they know me so well." - The day he came to break up with me, I told him that I knew I was giving too much... and that he probably felt bad because he wasn't doing that much for me. He nodded his head and said that I was very intuitive. I got mad a bit and said "Well, it was your birthday... I wanted to spoil you!" I said that I still wanted to be with him, that I was willing to slow it down but he adamantly said he didn't want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone right now (He's getting over a 6 year relationship which ended 9 months ago). Well... it sucks. I've actually reserved a book out of the library called "Why Men Love Btiches" - It makes me nauseous just thinking about it because I hate playing mind games and am horrible at it. When I do play some game or another, I end up feeling horrible and gross. Actually, I think I'm going to start a thread on this because I want to have other opinions (guys esp. on this one).

Hmm... - if I was dating someone and he was texting his ex with "sweetie" I'd be royally pissed. I'm not sure if you would be able to keep that inside without wondering... but people do stupid things sometimes when they have a trust issue... Why do you think you checked in the first place? Maybe your gut was telling you that something wasn't right or... did you just do it out of curiosity? He may get a little bit irritated that you invaded his privacy, but if he is a great boyfriend and is completely mad for you, it won't be a big deal. If on the other hand he flips, then... you need to have a talk with him. Tell him that you would never communicate with your ex's in the way that he is because it shows a disrespect for you. - "Sweetie?" - come on!

Hi Rion, I'm sorry you're still feeling like sheizer with your ex. It's impossible to do NC because of your son of course... but from the few posts I've read, and I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like your ex is stringing you along... keeping you there in case her current beau doesn't work out. As I have briefly viewed your other past posts (I haven't read them all I admit), you seem to be getting stronger but then regress in a bad way. Is it because of your constant contact with her? Ja, of course you need contact for the welfare of your son, but really, do you need this much communication? It's obvious it doesn't seem to be helping you move on. You even admitted you are hoping that one day it will work out. What if you wait around for months or even years... allowing amazing women to come in and out of your life, someone who would treat you with respect and love you & all that you have to offer...even your quirks, JUST BECAUSE OF THE "HOPE" YOU STILL HOLD FOR YOUR EX? Is she giving you false hope or solid/strong indications that her dating someone else is only temporary? Even if her relationship is temp., how is that fair to you? I don't think it was fair of her to even ask if you have slept with someone else. I mean, come on! She has no right to ask that! To me, that's totally leading you on (that there's a chance)... hell, I would think there was if Daniel did that with me. I mean, she broke up with you right? - She has no right to know what's going on with your sexual/personal life at all except again, when it concerns your son. Seriously... I feel you are allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with her...as she knows you still love her. I think it's cruel for her to even entertain your hopes esp. when she's doing what she wants to do. I feel she's keeping you there as a side dish...so that if her main course is unappetizing, she'll at least have something else to nibble on (until something else comes along). I apologize if this seems a bit hard (I probably don't know all the facts)... but you remind me of Daniel. He's recovering like I said before, from a 6 year relationship, and that takes time to get over. Meanwhile, his ex has definitely moved on but he cannot. I mean, I have no chance when his head is still in the past. Your heart takes time to heal and like SexySadie said, you do have a great profile (and you are cute) so there's no worries in attracting other women. You just have to start being brutally honest and ask yourself how this ex of yours enhanced your life... made it amazing... put you in the best light... made you feel successful... If she is as great as you say she is, then why isn't she in your life now? I mean, if she was great (amazing girl), she wouldn't be asking you these STUPID questions about other women in your life or if you're sleeping with other people. It's a game she's playing and well, she's obviously NOT thinking of you or your feelings. I mean, come on. You even said that you feel like you're cheating on her by thinking of other girls. Rion... SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!! - How is that worse than what you are "thinking" about?! - It's an indication of how she has you wrapped around her finger. That's not a great person in my books. It's a manipulative, immature person who is only thinking of themselves.

I'm having a strange, almost mournful day today. I want to call him. Why? Well, I miss him and I've felt I've gotten a bit of clarity. I seem to get a little clingy in relationships when they get a bit more involved. After being intimate esp. I feel that a part of me has been taken/given away and I feel almost vulnerable...needing a little reassurance. Now, I'm being honest when I say that I know that I wasn't excessive in these actions, but perhaps a bit over the top. As I'm sitting here typing my thoughts out, I'm thinking realistically, it's probably a bad idea for me to call. I'm wanting him back plain and simple. What can I possibly say that will convince him to come back? They say absense makes... blah blah blah, but with him, the more I'm out of his life, the more likely he's willing to forget. He hasn't called since our break-up to arrange to get his other things. I did make one call to his best friends (a married couple) the other night. I got along extremely well with them and it was a very hard call to do. Thankfully, I got their voice message and said that they probably know by now that he and I are no longer together. The reason for me calling was to thank them for opening up their lives to me... that I really appreciated getting to know them and perhaps a few months down the road we can reconnect in a different way. I said I wasn't going to lose their number and just wanted to express that I thought they were great friends to have esp. for him and then I said goodbye. I also indicated in the message that I had some things of his and may call them in a few weeks to drop them off. I know now I won't though and will refrain from any calls to them…-because they are after all his friends and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable with this situation. I did feel a call to them was okay just to say "thanks"… I've been told by my friends to keep his things for a bit and if he doesn't claim them, don't put the effort out to bring them back...-just chuck them. See...that's one thing I'd do though... is go out of my way to make sure he got his stuff (intact of course). Is this where the respect from the guy diminishes... because I don't act like a cow? When he came over to break up with me last week, I gave him all his things (esp. the gifts I gave him the week prior on his bday?. Hell, I even had one gift that I hadn't given him that I put in with the rest of his things). I'm such an idiot. Here, this guy was breaking up with me and I'm like "Did you remember to get everything? Oh, don't forget this nice sweater I bought you... and this book. Oh! How about this $40 kitchen utensil that I had to order esp. for you... can you carry that on your bike?" - ARGH! I'm just so angry at myself? I should have booted him out the door and kept everything. But... I'm not vengeful. I don't believe in treating people that way. Sigh. I'm in a dilemma... - wanting him to know i'm not a pushover but knowing that if I break NC, I'm asking for more trouble (for myself). me. ps. Rion... excellent profile. pps SexySadie... more than welcome to talk to you one on one!

Hmmm... maybe I'm on the road to healing. I thought I was dating the love of my life - we broke up (2nd time last week) see my post from other forum: link removed Just thinking of him coming to me for a 3rd chance... uh... no thanks. I miss him very much but I'll miss the person I'm becoming (stronger) if I let him do this again. no thanks! Probably will have a little set back here and there, but hopefully, I'll be on the up and up. Thankfully, it was only a 3 month relationship (very intense though - we saw each other almost every day)... but still...I'm very thankful it was over before it really began.

Hi guys and thanks... Rion/ediefy/perserv... I'm doing better since Wed. I've refused to wallow in self pity for this long because... well because I'm getting pissed off now. Well, I'm not that angry... disappointed and tired is more like it. Oh how tired I am! I have benched myself for a while to recoup. I think I am lucky thought to have good friends to lean on, to come to a chat group to talk about things and to know that I will be able to love again. I've fallen in love 2x in my life so it's not impossible to get these feelings back. I just HATE the dating scene... - oh man, how i hate it. Time for some R&R. I may start my own post on the break-up forum... perhaps tell my story (shortform this time) ha ha... and just keep it as a running journal for myself. One thing that I wanted to share before i go this evening is actually quite funny (and gross). I was on the bus coming into work today and there's this guy that gets on who was older and drunk. Anyhoo... he sits accross from me and I sense that he's staring at me every once in a while. Finally after 20 min, he pipes up, "Exxxxxush meee maaam... Caan I shay dat yew have sutch amashing hair? Etssss sewwww beauttiful!" "Uh.. thanks...thank you very much" - my best elvis impersonation I could muster. (I've got long, red curly hair). He then went on to say how beautiful I was... and if it was okay that he actually said that etc. I wasn't embarrassed by what he was saying... but it was the ONLY conversation on the bus. There was about 10 other people (not many) but still... - anyway, I didn't care. It sort of made my day (sort of). So... I was polite. Thinking that our little conversation (or should I say his conversation) was over, I got up and went to the back doors. "Hollly Sheeit! How tall arrre yew anyway...? Amazzzzon Woman!!!!" (I'm 6'0")... I politely smiled but ignored him after that and THEN... and THEN... I get this last hurrah from the drunk guy: "Boy... am I ever going to have wet dreams tonight!" EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Ew! Ew! Ew! - I gave him this look and said "You know, you just wrecked that special moment"... and I heard some people laughing... then he touched his hand on his heart (like he was saluting me) and said "I schmean what I've sshaid....Yew... have a good one!" And with that, I was out the door... laughing my azz off a few moments later... too funny. Now, if I can only get someone single, younger, sober, and more attractive to tell me that... I'd be having wet dreams! ewwww....

Daniel and I broke up last night. Actually, it was Daniel that broke up with me. I guess he put on his big boy pants and finally admitted this relationship wasn't what he visioned to be a long-term relationship... that in the long run, he and I were not truly compatible. I am angry because I don't feel that way but know that he has to get his crap together. I mean come on... he's babysitting a 7 year old for 12 buck an hour right now and it's not even full time. He's just existing here. The only reason why he was sticking around was because of me and well, in his mind, I'm not "the one" so he's going back home to Ottawa in December. Of course, I cried and cried... wondered if we could just take it easy and see each other still... but he just said he wanted to be friends and asked me if we could just take that step back and try it out that way. I said no. That I couldn't just have a platonic relationship with him. It's breaking my heart to know that he's never going to be in my life... but taking this brief step back, I've realized over the past month and a half since we've been back together, it's been all about HIM... - Daniel cares about Daniel. Yes, he treated me well and we have had fun together, but not once, has he tried to get to know me... you know? I can list several things about him that i know but really, whenever I'd talk about something I liked, he listened politely, but didn't really pursue it further... it was like he was more interested in his own stuff (bikes, computers) than getting to know me. I feel like a real idiot. I really thought he was falling in love with me. All the while, it was him just getting an ego boost for himself to know that he was worth having as a boyfriend again. I was there for him - he cried on my shoulder a few times, I listened to him talk about his ex...I was there as a support and now he wants to cut me loose. He said he wants to see me happy and cannot do this relationship half way. "It's either all or nothing for me. I'm just trying to do the right thing." Needless to say that answer didn't make me happy. I'm just not good enough for him? - Did I do too much? Did I give him too many birthday gifts or call him too much? Would it have turned out the same a few months from now even if I didn't extend my heart as much as I did? I'm trying not to beat myself up about this. I'm really trying... but it sickens me to think of him dating anyone else and he said that it's the last thing on his mind right now. He said he was determined to stay single after he and his ex broke up but then he met me... This really sucks... but I'm doing better than the first time it happened. Another sucky chapter in my life has thus closed.

Thanks Perseverance and Rion... - I was just browsing through your entries and I have to say, some of them brought tears to my eyes. I know what it's like to feel the pain of losing someone and the possibility of losing what I have now. Hell, I'm an old broad at 33! Well, actually, my b-friend thought I was about 24-25 until I told him (I guess it's because of my free-spirited personality and huge sex drive!). ha ha I can't express my thanks enough to you both since you are basically in the same boat as Daniel (yes, that's his real name) and I truly wanted to seek the truth to either continue on this journey with him, or cut it loose for both our sakes. Well, I think I'm going to catch the ride and enjoy it. If you don't mind, I would like to continue to post here... to get advice, to console, and cheer you on to bigger and better things and to just jot thoughts. Rion, your list is bang-on. You should be with someone who will love you for your randomn thoughts and quirkiness. It angers me to hear when these traits, which are a part of who we are, end up being ridiculed by those who we love. I will post more... I promise not to call him as much, though it is hard, but you are right. He has to make the effort.

Continued... (Jeepers... this is long eh?) Of course, I responded with a "No. Not at all." He reiterated the fact that her and I were not compartmentalized together … this was after I had asked him if it was a good idea if we should be seeing each other with what he's going through… - would it be fair to me? Would it be fair to him? He said he does still want to continue on with "us" but that he's dealing with this other stuff by himself and with that we said our good nights. I wasn't going to call him (but I do every day…). That's another part of the relationship, which is another story: He hates using the phone (even his friends complain) and I always want to hear from him. I never give him the chance to call me because I'm afraid that he'll never call. So, I always call him about 2x a day… Once in the afternoon and once before bed. He always seems happy to hear from me and we are in a relationship… but … I think I've got to let go sometimes and let him call. Question is… will he? I'm too scared to find out so I end up getting all flustered and call him out of fear. Anyway… I called him this afternoon at around 4:30 and simply said "How are you today?" He said he felt better…that things are always worse at night… and that he was catching up with friends today. "Well," I said. "If you are not busy this evening, I would love to see you." There, I said it… no bulls**t, no games. I wanted to see him and so I told him. "Yeah? Well, no I'm not busy… I'll swing by after you get off work then" (which is around 9:30 pm) and then we said goodbye. So… Rionmccloud and anyone else who may have some advice to give… am I doing the right things here? I care about D VERY much. So much in fact, that I could see myself marrying him. It hurts at the same time because I'm scared that he may never feel what he has felt/still feels(?) for his ex. I'm trying to understand and be there for him. I'm not in a rush, but hope that I'm not just here as the "good for now girl" until something better comes along or until he reconciles with the ex. I have faith in myself that I am a good person. I hate to think of anyone being hurt from something I've said or done but do stick up for myself in situations. I believe in monogamy in a relationship because both parties deserve the love and respect and full attention of their partner in order to flourish and grow. I believe in adventure, trying new things out at least once and just having fun. I believe in communicating with others… being real and saying what I feel, even if it will hurt me to be so open. What's the point of living if it's not living honestly? Anyway, hope this hasn't bored you all… just really want this to work with D because hell, I deserve to have a good man in my life! I will be working through all of your posts in the next few days in order to get to know you better. Hoping all is well/better with you. Thanks for listening and I look forward to seeing your opinions. Juicyfruitmama

Rionmccloud I came on today looking for some answers and came accross your posting. I haven't read all of the posts, but have viewed the first few pages and current ones. You seem to be on the road to healing yourself and you should really proud of yourself. I'm thinking that you may be the person that will help me see things in a different light. I'm currently dating someone (a really great guy) who was in a 6-year relationship that ended this past December. It was his first love and well, from listening to some of the things he has been telling me over the past few months, this girl seemed a bit "spoiled" (to say the least). The relationship with her seemed on the outs in the 3rd year of dating but that's another story. The point is, that he tried to make it work with her, even moving accross Canada to be with her last summer but she didn't want him to come. He came anyway. He tried since last summer to make it work and she just treated him terribly (this is what I got from one of his closest friends). So, they break up at the end of Dec (she broke up with him) and he's pretty torn up about it (though he said he knew deep down inside it was coming since June). Fast forward to May and that's when we met (4 months after the break up). From Dec to the time we met, he had rebound opportunities, but felt that it wasn't fair to the women involved because he was dealing with his grief still. When we met, sparks were flying and it was wonderful. We knew right away that we wanted to date each other and it really took off. We saw each other almost every day for about a month and then he went home for a few weeks to visit his mom and sister. When he came back at the beginning of July, it was stronger than ever between us. Then, at the end of July, something terrible happened. We were suppose to get together after I got of work one Friday afternoon and he was there waiting for me. I knew however, something was up. When I went out to say hello. He looked very serious and said to me "I can't see you anymore" and then proceeded to hand me this little gift I had given him at the beginning of our courtship (a little quartz rock). I was speechless… what was I do say/do? It came out of nowhere and I just kept on asking "why?" He said that he didn't love me…that he didn't think he could fall in love with me and that it was better this happened now instead of months down the road when it would be really bad. I just couldn't believe it… I really didn't believe him but he looked so serious and so determined to break it off. I then asked if there was anyone else and he said "No, I would never do that to you". So then I asked, "Do you have any romantic feelings for me at all?!" He paused for about 5 seconds and then shook his head. I didn't bother to listen to any more of his words and placed the item he gave back to me firmly in the palm of his hand (I really wanted to chuck the damn thing) and said calmly but with heavy emotion in my voice "Take this f**king thing away… it was a symbolic gesture…you deal with it" and with that, I left. I bawled all the way home… calling close friends and just being in total shock of what had transpired. Of course, I wanted to beg him to come back to me, but I knew that would only drive a stake into any possible reconciliation. I was determined not to do that. If he wanted to be with me (which he said he didn't) then it had to come from him. When I got home and was waiting for a friend to come over to console me, I called him up and got his answering machine. I was glad. The purpose of my call was to take control of the situation as best I could for myself. So I said: "I'm calling because I have some things of yours that I don't want around here any more but also to get my keys back. D, I thought we had something going that was pretty amazing and honest. I care about you very much and thought you did too, but I guess you are either a great actor or a great liar because I didn't see this coming at all. Anyway it's neither here nor there because you've made your decision and I'm not about to convince you otherwise. Please let me know when we can meet so I can get my keys. I want to move on with my life as soon as possible." And with that, I hung up. My friend came over and I blubbered and cried and asked why why why… - because it was going so well between us. I started to think that it was because he wasn't over his ex and that he just couldn't "love" another although he was telling me that he felt he was falling in love. Again, this was D's first relationship… his first love EVER. He met her when he was 20 (he was pretty late in his dating start up) and the relationship dissolved when he was 26. I'm 33 years old and have been in 2 prior relationships. I want to get married and have children but am not desperate to do so until the time is right. D also wants to have children as well… Anyway, back to the story. During my sob session with my friend (we went for a walk), D tried calling me 4x on the phone but only left one message… telling me that he needed to talk to me and that he'd try me later. He said his phone wasn't working and that he'd been trying to reach me from a payphone. I got in, listened to the message and turned off my phone. I was too distraught to even face him to get my stuff back and I didn't feel like hearing any explanations at that time of why he was dumping me. The next day, Sat, I get up; turn on my phone and about an hour later, he calls (again from the payphone). Immediately, he said he had to see me and tell me something and I told him I was on my way out. I then sort of ripped into him (calmly but with anger in my voice) saying that love takes a while to flourish. It just doesn't happen over night and I was disappointed in his backing out so early but that I wasn't going to convince him of my worthiness. He just kept on saying he needed to speak to me. So I relented and said that we could meet at my place the next day. Next day rolls around and he's prompt. I open the door and am calm but shaking inside feeling sick. He looks like death warmed over… and comes in refusing my hospitable gestures (though I really didn't want to…) of tea. He sits down on the couch and we stare at each other it seems for ages and then he whispers, "I lied"… I'm silent for a few moments. "What did you lie about exactly D?" - "I lied when I said I didn't have feelings for you. I do… --- I'm just… scared." And then he proceeds to open up and tell me that he always felt that when he met "the one" that he'd be certain. Well, he said he felt he had met the one, but that it didn't work out and now, his life… seems to be "uncertain". "Am I just a rebound for you then, to figure yourself out?" and he stared at me with this grieving look and said "No. Not at all. I had the chance to date other girls but it would not have been fair to them. I really care for you." Long story a bit shortened… we got back together and have been since that day. It hasn't been without it's hiccups though but on the most part, it's been pretty good. This week however, he got a call from his ex (after 8 months) wishing him a belated birthday. She said she was thinking of him on his bday and hoped everything was well. It was a message on his phone and he was at my place when he retrieved it. He was immediately open with who it was and just said "Huh." After a few minutes, I could tell it was bothering him and so we went for coffee before I went to work to talk it over. I tried/am trying to be as sensitive as possible to him without taking it personally and asked him what he wanted from all this. He seems "angry" still of what she did to him at the end of the relationship and wants answers but is hesitant to call her in case he doesn't get what he wants from it. Meanwhile, I'm afraid that if he does contact her and they speak, what if they realize they still have feelings for each other and rekindle the relationship? That would just break my heart esp. since I know from him and others that she was a complete b**th/spoilt brat for most of the time. Last night, he spoke with a friend who knew them both as a couple, and I think the advice she gave him was to "leave it alone". I called him because he was going to come to my place and he said he was settled in for the evening. That's when he told me what had happened. I said again, as calmly and maturely as I could muster "Well, you need to do what's in your heart/gut but realize what you have in front of you rather than what you had behind you." He then told me that he didn't compartmentalize his ex and me together… that it was different. "You don't just forget 6 years with someone just like that." And "Your stock doesn't go down with me just because of her"… so I said good night and we left it at that. When I got home however, I called him at around 10:30 pm to say that I was thinking of him. We talked for a bit and he sounded like he had been crying. Again, it was tearing me apart… mostly because I care about him and hate to see him sad and some because, I'm confused/was confused as to the nature of his tears (does he want her back? Does he care about me? Will he ever care about me as much as he did for her?) and I felt a bit nauseous after that. He then asked me this question: "Would you like me more if I could just sluff this relationship off like it meant nothing?"