joeysgirl

Hi all I work at a local surgery and over the past couple of weeks the most beautiful man I have ever seen has been coming in. He is really nice to me and we flirt a little bit but I cant tell if its Im interested in you flirt or if he is just beeing nice. How do you tell? Im casually seeing another guy but I cant seem to get the other guy out of my head! I only see him at work and would really like to ask him out or whatever but Im not sure how to approach the situation at work and if the Drs found out they may think its unprofessional. What should I do?

Hey Lulu, I know this is tough but I have to agree with sibling you should not contact him, trust me when I say it will do you more harm then good. I was in a serious relationship for four years, my family and I gave him our all I drove him everywhere for a year and supported him while he was at uni and now he is set up with a great job in a new town he suddenly isn't 'in love' with me. I was absolutely shattered for about 2 months, I hardly left my room let alone the house I fell behind with my uni work and just generally felt useless and unwanted. It wasn't until I stuck to NC (I broke a few times - drunk dialling v. embarrassing) that I started to realise this guy isn't that great and I know I will love again but at the moment Im really enjoying concentrating on myself and being a great friend to my fabulous girlfriends and hanging out with my family. There is also a new guy I have been flirting with but I consider it just fun at the moment. You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman. To quote one of my favourite books 'You are the prize, not him'. This experience will make you a better person who will be more than prepared when your next great love comes along. This guy should not be contacting you, he wanted out of the relationship and he needs to realise that you will not be there for him anymore. You are better than that and you deserve to be loved by someone who appreciates every wonderful thing about you. Good luck Lulu.

Hey Josh You most definatley did the right thing, good for you. I continued contact with my ex for about 2 months after we split and it only made things worse. I really wish I had the courage to say goodbye earlier because we haven't been in contact for about 15 days and I feel really good. Just remember you will have days when you want to speak to her but try really hard to fight it because honestly, its not worth it and when you beat the urge to call you feel great! Good luck.

Hey Cecil, I really feel for you 1 1/2 years is a long time to hold onto these feelings. I too am in the process of getting over my ex but I find it helpful to convince myself that he is not coming back and if Im really honest with myself I realise I dont want him back because I could never trust him again. I think you should do the same, this guy doesn't sound that crash hot. I also found it helps to concentrate on ways you can improve yourself, gym, catching up with old friends you neglected, studying harder, taking new classes ect. It sounds cliche but I really believe no one can truly love you until you really are happy within yourself. And remember the longer you pine over your ex the longer it will take for you to find the next great love in your life, so get out there and enjoy your own company and friends and family!

I think both of you are doing extremely well. Congratulations! I am only on day day 11 of NC, this is my 2nd try after he contacted me the other weekend and wanted to catch up I refused as this was at 3am! I then phoned him the next night and he informed me he didn't think we should speak for a while, I initially gave him this speech before he rang me that weekend so I guess its all just power play at the moment. Anyways I got upset (I'd had a few beers) and pretty much told him everything I was feeling, it got messy and Im a bit embarrassed but I don't regret it as now I know he knows how I feel and I know where I stand so the desire to contact him has gone down alot. What annoys me the most is that he can never say we won't get back together, its always 'i don't know' or 'probably not but im not sure'. Its difficult but im starting to see the relationship for what it was and I have learnt alot about myself after this break-up and i recognise the part I played in it. I guess that may be an indication Im getting better. I also think that I dont necessarily miss my ex I think I miss being in a relationship and having someone to go home to. Is anyone else finding this?

Hi all Just really posting to vent my feelings as I think Ive put my friends through enough the past 2 months but any feedback would be appreciated. About 3 weeks ago I sent my ex an email saying I dont think we should talk for a while until I get over the whole situation, this went well and I started to feel better. Last week he came home to drop of the rest of my stuff from the unit we shared togather and we managed to have a civil conversation. That morning he phoned me at 3am saying he thought I might be out and wanted to catch up, he made a point of saying he wasnt at the pub but had stayed at a friends house until the pub closed, I told him I was in bed and he apologised for waking me. Well ofcourse that conversation got my hopes up, I went out the next night and ended up drunk dialing him, he then tells me that he doesnt think we should speak for a while (sound familiar?). I am compleyely confused why would he ring me the night before? When I asked him this he said it was to make sure I wasnt out but why wait until the pub shut when he was at his friend house? I agree that we should not speak for a while but I also know that he will break this evenutually as he always does. I am still in love with him but he has told me that we probably wont get back together, why cant he just tell me that we wont ever and leave it at that!

Hi all. I have been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and im finally getting over him (yay!). A couple of months ago i spoke to this guy on the phone who is a friend of a friend, we really hit it off and he asked my friend for my phone number but she knew i wasn't ready so she didn't give it to him. Problem is i actually met this person face to face by accident the other night but my ex had phoned me and i wasn't in a good state, i wasn't crying or anything just angry. He said to me 'you want your ex back dont you i can tell' i just said no but we spoke about him and he was going to phone him to tell him to stop ringing me, thankfully i stopped this. Anyway we shared a taxi home and nothing happened but when we were pulling up he was asking me if that was my car, who i live with ect. I am now kind of interested in him but I don't think i could take another rejection if he has lost interest. Should i get his number off my friend? Or maybe i should phone her and see what she thinks, I just don't want her to make a big deal about it because whilst i love her, she is not the most subtle person in the world.

Hi everyone, I basically just need some advice to know whats going on in my ex's head. He came home this weekend (we moved to a new town together but i moved back after the split) i saw him on the friday and we discussed who would be able to go out as its a small town and we thought it would be akward. He said it would be OK if i went out as he didnt feel like it so we left it at that. Anyway, i ended up at the pub with my girlfriends until about 2am and then went home, my ex phoned me at 3am he was out the front of the pub and wanted to know if i would see him. He was supposed to be getting picked up at about 12.30 but stayed at a friends house until 3am then walked down to the pub. I told him i was at home and he could come over if he wanted to see me, he then changed his mind and said it wouldn't be a good idea! He was the one who suggested it! Anyway he has since left town now i sent him a msg this morning saying ' drive safetly, did u feel it too?' referring to the meeting on friday which was pretty emotional for me but i managed to stay calm but i could still feel something between us. What is he up to? Did he just ask to see me so he could say it wasn't a good idea? I have no idea whats going on in his head. It seems just when im starting to feel better he pulls a stunt like this and im back at square one. I do love him and miss him terribly and want him back. Help!

Hi all Have been broken up with ex for almost 2 months now and have initiated strict NC for 8 days but im starting to feel weak. He has emailed me RE my stuff still at his place but im waiting for my dad to get back from o.s in the next couple of days so he can sort it out with him. The problem is that he will be in the same town as me next weekend (i moved after the split) and i know he will be going out, this is a fairly small town and the chances of us running into each other whilst out are pretty high. I know for my own sanity i should not go out that weekend but all my girlfriends are planning on it and i will have no one to distract me, i was also wondering what if he sees me again and realises the mistake he made (unlikely, i know), but i dont think id be strong enough to handle it if he got with another girl while he is here. Should i stay at home or go out?

Thanks for the advice everyone. We broke up because he was having doubts about his feelings for me. He decides this six months after we moved 3 hours away from our family and friends so i moved back after the break up, not having to see him helps. I still love him with all my heart but im starting to feel angry at him too, i supported him while he was at uni, i drove him around for a year when he lost his licence and he basically moved in with my family for a year. Now that he has a great job in a new city he suddenly doesn't need me anymore. He was also phoning pretty much every second day, one day hed msg me and say he found photos and wants to have a chat then he phones the next day saying he should never of sent the msg and goes on about how he went out until 5am. This was too much for me so i ended up sending him an email suggesting we dont contact each other for a while. I think this may have ruined any chance of a reconciliation but i needed to do it for me.

Hi all Ive just been out with my girlfriends, my ex's little bro was out but i dont know if he saw me. Why is this so hard? I love my ex sooo much and i dont know how i will get over him. All the guys i saw out tonight who i may be interested in were interested in other girls. I want to phone my ex so bad, after tonight i know i will never find anyone like him, he worshipped the ground i walked on. I just want him back. All these other gut=ys i saw out tonight were only interested in one thing nut my ex was always there in the backgroung and i knew he loved me. I just dont think ill ever get over him.

Please stay strong Minnie, i know you can do it! Learn from my mistake and from others on the forum. Night time is the hardest for me also, i find myself waking up at about 3am and all i can think about is him. I have found that when i was speaking to him he was saying things to deliberately make me jealous and upset, i think this was because i was not begging him to take me back or getting upset. He wasn't acting like himself, he was being callous and mean to get a reaction and this is not like him, when we were together he worshipped the ground i walked on and was a sweet, dependable person. Believe me, i know this is hard i had to ask for NC because i couldn't trust myself not to return his calls, and when i did i would break down and cry for hours. Despite this i fully expect him to break the NC i requested, i don't know why its just a feeling i have. Do you have any friends you could call when you get the urge to phone him? i found this helped me alot, my girlfriends put his actions into perspective for meand it all became clearer. We need to respect their decision for wanting space and time apart, perhaps they will realise what they had or it will allow them to realise they made the right decision. Either way speaking to him at the moment will just prolong your pain, you need to be patient and trust that everything will work out in the end. Stay strong Minnie, 5 days NC is a great achievement, you are doing really well.

Well i wish i could be as strong as you Minnie. I ended up phoning my ex tonight, he said that he should never have sent that msg to me and kept going on about how he was going out all the time and having a great time. I know he was only saying it to make me jealous. After this conversation, which he ended abruptly, i was a mess. I phone my best g/f and after much discussion we decided i needed to send him an email asking him not to contact me again, I just don't have the will power at the moment not to answer the phone or call back. I know alot of people say not to advise the other person to announce they are doing NC but i felt i had to. I now feel empowered that i wont be checking my email and voice msg evey hour! And like my friend says now he can feel what its like not to be able to phone when you really feel the need, plus i wont have to listen to him tell me how awesome and exciting his new life is. I just hope i did the right thing........

Thanks minnie and cactus. I am feeling really strong today, i think i may be entering the 'anger phase'. i supported this guy for 3 1/2 years and drove him everywhere he wanted to go for at least a year and now that he has a great job, more independence and new friends he suddenly isn't in love with me anymore. Oh well, life goes on. I have been temping at my old job until i find something more permanent and its been really fun, i love interacting with people and everyone there has been really nice telling me i am a wonderful person and he won't know what he has lost until its too late (great ego boost). My only doubts about having a good day is that i know a bad one is just around the corner. I think i feel stronger because he was the last to contact and i now have some control. I cant wait for the day when i realise he isnt as perfect as i think. I hope you are staying strong minnie, may i ask what the circumstances of your break up were? how long were you together?

Thanks again everyone. Your advice is awesome. My ex just sent me a text msg saying he found some old photos of us and to give him a call if i felt like a 'proper chat' - dont know what that means, he's had plenty of opportunities to talk to me about our relationship before so i will not call him, it will only hurt me (again!).

Thanks again everyone. Your advice is awesome. My ex just sent me a text msg saying he found some old photos of us and to give him a call if i felt like a 'proper chat' - dont know what that means, he's had plenty of opportunities to talk to me about our relationship before so i will not call him, it will only hurt me (again!).

Thankyou so much everyone, i really appreciate all the excellent advice. As i was reading your responses i was in tears and he just phoned, i think he could tell i was crying he asked if i wanted to speak about anything and i said no. I couldn't bring myself to ask him not to call again, its too hard i think i just wont answer next time. Im sick of feeling sorry for myself when there are people out there who are really suffering. I have the best family and awesome friends who are looking after me, i know i will be heartbroken for a long time, but i dont want to be with someone who isnt 100% in love with me. Thankyou

Hi all I broke up eith my b/f of 4 years about a month ago. I did all the usual things begging ect. to get him back but to no avail he just isn't in love with me anymore. He has been calling every couple of days to see how im doing and unfortunately every time he does this i just get my hopes up. He phoned today to tell me his brother will be picking up my furniture (we lived together) and dropping it off to me this weekend. So, that's it. There is no reason for us to be in contact anymore. He knows i love him and i want to be with him, when he phones i act calm and dignified but when we finish talking i die inside. I need advice as to how to get over this man. I think about him all the time and fantasise about him asking me back, i know i need stop this but i dont know how to. Any suggestions as to how to get over him faster? Thanks

Hi everyone I had a bit of a 'aha' moment last night. My ex has been phoning and emailing me about every third day wanting to know how i was and if i was dating. I told him i wasn't as we've only be broken up for about a month. I woke up at 4am, which i do every morning since we broke up, i keep dreaming about him and then realise we are not together then can't get back to sleep. Anyway, I came to the conclusion that he is only phoning to string me along, just incase he cannot find anyone better. I am not over him by any means and i still am very much in love with him he knows this as i did the whole begging thing for about a week after we broke up but have since stopped and i only talk to him when he contacts me, but i can now see the motives behind his actions clearly. I don't think its intentional as he really is a nice guy but perhaps its a subconscious decision on his part. I would like to initiate complete NC from now on to help me move on, there is only one problem i still have furniture at his place that he needs to bring down (i have moved 3 hours away), i want to get this over and done with ASAP so i can start NC. Should i email him? I don't want to see him when he comes down i'd prefer just to leave keys for him but i know he's going to push seeing me and i become very weak when he asks me to do something, eg. When we first broke up i asked him to stay with friends for two weeks while i finished up at work and moved out but he convinced me it would be good to stay together, during this time he only filled my head with false hope and i dont want that to happen again. Any suggestions?

Thanks everyone for your advice. I did end up talking to him on the phone but i was tricked! I am applying for jobs at the moment because ive moved back to my home town and receieved a call yesterday afternoon from a number 'private', i have his home number and work number in my phone so i figured it was from one of the jobs i applied for. We spoke for a little bit, he was quite drunk and wanted to know if i had 'picked up', how i was, how my family was and all that stuff. He told me he went out to dinner on Sat with a female friend i had suspicions about previously but he said nothing happened. I now feel worse i know i should have ended the conversation early but i couldn't help myself. I did keepmy cool though and never mentioned our relationship or the fact that i desperatly want him back. He said he would be coming down in a few weeks and sounded keen to catch up, i really feel its in my best interests not to see him but how do i tell him that without sabotaging the chances of a reconciliation?

Well my ex just sent me an email. He asked how i was, if i had met anyone i was interested in and said he was thinking of moving out of the flat that we shared (i moved back to my home town when we split). For some reason this really hurt me i know the place would be pretty expensive to keep by yourself but i got the impression he was trying to throw it in my face that he was moving on. I have been thinking about sending him an email to say i think we should not contact each other as it only hurts me but to get in touch if he has changed his mind about being with me. Would this be a good idea or should i just leave it as it is and ignore his calls emails ect.?

Thanks heaps for the advice everyone. I will follow it, im just a little unsure about a few things. I haven't told my ex not to contact me unless its urgent or he has changed his mind, would it be a good idea to do this, or do you just stop answering their calls? He is a really great guy and the relationship ended ok, i just don't want him to think im being nasty and have it push him away.

Hi all Thankyou all for your advice. My ex has since phoned me three times this afternoon and i haven't answered, is this ok? What if its something urgent should i wait until he phones again or should i call him back? Have no idea why he would be calling, we pretty much resolved eveything and he knows that i still love him.

Thanks heaps for the advice. Its funny how these things turn out, my ex just phoned me, when i answered he hung up, i think he wanted to see if i would phone back. i havent and i wont. Feel much more in control now maybe its cause i know he is thinking of me too. Hopefully this new found feeling of control will keep me going for a while longer!

Hi all I have been broken up with my ex for 3 weeks now and this is only day 7 of NC. Im having trouble containing the urge to phone him, i know its in my best interests not to, i just have a really strong compulsion to hear his voice at the moment. I think this may stem from an email i received from him earlier this week, it just asked how i was and how my uni work was going, nothing exciting. I think i just feel guilty for not following my heart and responding. I know there is nothing i can do to change his mind, i just want to hear his voice. Ive tried every sort of distraction i can think of but my friends are getting a little tired of me retelling the story over and over and i cant concentrate on uni or work. Please help, what can i do? Thanks