DarkCh0c0

Okay. Let's be clear here. He's an adult. He knows he doesn't treat you right. He knows he can behave like *** with you and get away with it. He knows he can treat you badly, yet you'll keep running after him. He knows and actively treats you like disposable trash. He takes you in and out with a click of his finger and you keep staying regardless. Your self worth is based on him being in your life, even if he treats you like that. It's a nice ego boost for him to have a woman begging him to be with her when he's barely even present. I really urge you to block him and go no contact. If he ever shows up, don't open the door. You need to realize this was very poor treatment and it's unjustified. You deserve better and he doesn't deserve you. Only you can break this toxic cycle and free yourself to find men who treat you right consistently. If it's love what you're after, it's not going to be with this guy for sure, so don't waste your breath. He's shown you who is he is with his actions. Don't buy into his lies and fake words. Be done with him. And, I'm sorry. I know heartbreaks suck, but you need to start standing up to yourself and learn to walk away from anyone who doesn't treat you right.

Yet, you ARE alone even when your status with him is "together" on paper. How are you not alone when he leaves you for dinner to go meet with his friends or hook up with other women? How are you not alone when he ghosts your presence and your messages? How are you not alone when he blocks and unblocks you as if you're just an option in his life? How are you not alone when he doesn't treat you like a valued priority in his life? Honey, your notion of love sounds like settling for breadcrumbs from an emotionality unavailable man. Your notion of love is toxic. I seriously hope that YOU will block him and that you'll take some time to enjoy the holidays by yourself with your daughter. Maybe go on a trip together somewhere fun and have a good time. You have the power in YOU. And to be clear, you've done nothing to warrant his d-bag behaviour. You are worthy and deserve much better.

That's a tough one. I think you're not compatible any more. There's no middle ground to solve the distance issue. He seems quite nonchalant about his commitment to you when you suggested separating. No fight, nothing. So maybe, indeed, he wasn't happy as well. That rough patch showed you his character and that he's not in the right space to be a good partner to you. That, and you guys are meant to live in different countries for your own valid reasons. I would say you've made the right call. It's normal to have cold feet about it. It's the end of a marriage after all. I guess you need to get the ball rolling with the lawyer. I'm sorry, but it sounds like it just isn't working anymore 💚

So, he stonewalls you. He's manipulative. He doesn't treat you right. And, you're unhappy, rightfully so. The only way to break this toxic cycle is to walk away from this relationship. Break up and spend a peaceful end of year with your kids. I'm sure you and your kids will appreciate this. Once you leave him, don't succumb to any manipulative tactic including fake words, promises, guilt trips, tears or threats. Just remove the band-aid and go no contact. Enough is enough. I'm sorry it's such a tough time, but only you can put an end to it.

Same 100%. It sounds possessive.

There's no problem. You're generalising. Every woman is different and will have a different preference. The important part is that you stay true to yourself and the right one will value you for more than your job.

You can also order books that talk about codependency. These will be consistent, reliable and they'll have a handful of strategies to try.

Gaslighting. He's gaslighting you. That's what's happening. Gaslighting works for him cause it makes you think you're crazy and it's all in your head. You're not crazy. But, you need to walk away asap. By staying with him you show him that you're willing to put up with his lying and cheating. By staying and believing in his lies, you show him that he's your only source of truth and that you have no bone/character/self-esteem. I'm sorry. You need to run away from such a man. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Just stop talking to him and run. He's full of red flags. Don't look back. Have a confidential exit plan and move out.

He demoted you to friend it's been 2.5 years and you haven't seen him in years. How does he love you when he doesn't show up for you? Make time for you? Make actual gestures that make you feel special? Have adventures with you? Share a house with you? The truth is, you're dependent on an online chat buddy and you live with your sister. The dude could have another girlfriend and you wouldn't know. But if you choose to bury your head in the sand about this, then that's on you. And you need help. A good therapist will help you break the cycles you're stuck in and lift you out of your depression. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you find a new and better job soon.

It is an option, but you don't want it. If the guy kept sending you fluffy texts and words about love, it doesn't mean he truly loves you. He has you as online back up chick and entertainment. His talk is cheap and you fall for it as if he really means it. He doesn't. You're easy to fool and you're willing to believe in anything he says to you. Step away and focus on yourself. Start a job search as soon as possible so you can find a job and get into therapy. This guy is not your fix. Your sister is right. Listen to her. He's out there living his best life while you are attached to some text messages from him and refuse to get better. You're lucky your sister is letting you stay at are her place for now, but you need to be an adult. You need to find a job, new hobbies, and get urgent therapy to let the light shine into your soul. Codependency requires the intervention of a therapeutist to help you break it. It's not a diy project. I know it's easier said than done, but you came her for help and that's a great step. Now you need to stay on track and work on improving your life situation. You got this.

Okay, let me explain. You cannot have a conversation about how someone is knowingly treating you. It's not useful. It's like you're asking someone why they are stealing and whether they aren't aware that stealing is wrong. ALL adults know stealing is wrong and so having to have that convo is just a waste of time. Your bf is an adult and he knowingly texts you late. He actively doesn't give you some time of his day to reply back on time. He forgets your existence for a couple of days while he's working or seeing other people, and then he remembers to get back to you. I'd say, if you absolutely can't leave that trip, enjoy it but don't talk about this. Once the trip ends, move in separate ways. Don't act out of desperation. You are worthy and deserve better 💚

You're trying to make excuses for his unacceptable behaviour. Keep in mind that if someone is too depressed to text back, then they are not ready to be in a relationship.

Two days?!! This is not how healthy communication works. Why can't he text you back same day? His excuse is work, but the reality is you're settling for scraps and he's not that into you. HE is not that into you. When you see how someone treats you with his actions so poorly, believe his actions and not his words. In your shoes, I would text the guy and tell him this isn't working out for you. Wish him well and then block him. In a healthy relationship you would be a priority and not an option. There's no need to self-doubt again and play victim here. Just cut any man off your life who doesn't treat you as you would treat him. I'm sorry. I know it's scary, but don't settle for scraps. When you stay with him you show him you're okay with being treated like an option. So, have the courage to kick him to the curb 💪

Thankfully. So how did the conversation go? Why not? And what did you tell her in response to that?

Did you ask her face to face? Please don't say this topic was broached via texts.

I don't mean incompatible in everything. I meant you are incompatible in a certain area in which you are finding it hard to move forward. There's a clash somewhere. Most relationships hit a breaking point between 6 months and 2 years because this is when rose coloured glasses/hormones are gone and you can see the dynamic and incompatibilities for what they are. She probably wants space and to have a good time with her fam. You're right in being supportive and not contacting her. However, a break is usually a bad sign. See, healthy compatible couples don't need breaks that last several days. But, maybe you're both young and haven't experienced a break up before. So you're both struggling and are not sure what to do. You're trying to make this work, but you keep hitting the same wall. Have an honest heart to heart talk when she's back and in the meanwhile take some time to process how things have been. I'm sorry. I know you don't like hearing strangers on the internet telling you it's bad news, but we've all been there. We know it's not easy.

So you're incompatible...

But it's not a question of whether you are enough. It's HIM who acted like a complete cruel dishonest pos. What he's done says a lot about his low character. And some people are really good liars... So I'm sure he has lied and he's still lying about what he's doing abroad. Take care of you. Release the anger. But whatever you do, don't let him come near your heart, house, nor kid. He belongs to the street. I'm so sorry 💚

It's normal to miss him as it's early in the break up, but be an adult and don't act based on those feelings. Practice restraining yourself. Just don't be tempted and do something else instead. He's such a pos. You don't want such horrible energy in your life. At this point, he treats you lower than a sex worker. Please. No more BS from him. Block him everywhere.

Please, stick to therapy and start removing this very very toxic guy and relationship from your life. Stop texting him as of right now. Don't go back to his place. Nothing. Block him out of your life and don't let him in no matter what BS he pulls. Every time you want to text him, go on a walk, listen to a song, write your feelings on a piece of paper, but don't text him. You need to focus on YOU and on healing all the traumas you have and that will take months. Please. Focus on YOU. You need to start to cultivate healthy habits in your life and you need to get to the root of your abuse patterns. By doing so, you'll start finding ways to be happy and healthy. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's time for you to get on a healing journey. Good job on starting therapy.

Are you kidding? What she's doing a deal breaker for many people. You are far far from being an a hole. You are actually very kind and forgiving of her dangerous habits. However, like you said, you get along in other areas and you're in it for the kids too. I think the middle ground here is to outsource like @mylolitasuggested. Find a cleaner and have her do the car and house cleaning regularly. See if that helps with time. And by having a cleaner you'll have more time to spend with the kids, doing self-care and spending quality time with your gf. Who knows. It might lift everyone's mood!

I'm sorry, but the more I read about his trips, the more I'm afraid this man has a double life and you were some temporary fix. It's cruel, I know. And I know this as I was involved with an Asia loving expat who lied to me for years about his true intentions on where he wanted to settle in life. He told me what I wanted to hear for years until he finally and out of the blue told me that he didn't want the same thing as me and that he lied cause he knew it was a deal-breaker for me(in my case, he wanted me to stay with him and act like a spare wheel in his life). I pity him. There are people who do that and my old friend had warned me about him, but I was so stubborn and naive and brushed off her comment. Right now you need to block him for treating you like this and cut his access to your house, finances, ect. Change the house locks if he has a spare key. Once you're at the anger stage, take all his stuff and dump them in the trash. He does not deserve you.

It is. It's frustrating and heartbreaking. I think once you come to terms to accept that what you're seeing now is part of who he really is, you'll see him in a different light and you'll be repulsed. You should get to an anger stage and be fuming! How dare he do this to you? What kind of human being is he to do this to you?! If he ever calls you back, you don't respond. You don't deserve this and don't put up with this again. You block him too everywhere and refuse to be treated like this by anyone anymore. Can you elaborate more on this? Did he sort of get stuck at or moved in to your place during the pandemic? Cause the more I read, the more I see it as if you were some temporary plan he fell back on until he's fully went back to his home country. I could be wrong though. And what was the long term plan for both of you? Him staying and finding a job in the US for example?

So she needs to be passing out every time after you have sex? 😨 Lord, help 😂 Then communicate. Talk about it next time you're both relaxed and don't accuse her of lying. Just ask her what she's into and if there's anything you can do more or less of so she can feel better. You might be surprised of her answer. Focus on HER next time you have sex, rather than her orgasm.

By himself? Was it for work? How long did he say it'll be for? You're supposed to be a team. This doesn't sound like a decision that serves you guys as a team. It sounds like a decision that serves his needs only. What the... And he makes you feel guilty for checking in on him??! What if he died? What if you need him? There are two people in this relationship. Sheesh I wonder what he's doing there. Other gf would probably be answer. You're naively believing in his lies and stories. Not really. You probably ignored or brushed away what were actual red flags. I'm so so sorry this is happening. That's painful, but good riddance. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Ever. For whatever reason it is. Please revoke his access to your money, cards, home, ect. Block him everywhere. You need to take care and love yourself and your kiddo now 💚