DyingInsideOut

Thanks everyone for your advice! I don't think I'll be sending the card. Like Catlover said, he needs to see what it's like without me being there. And everyday that goes by, I seem to get just a little bit better. I don't want to spoil that. I want to get back to being happy and enjoying life.

My ex is 9 years younger than I am. I loved him very much and still do. While a relationship can work with the age difference, you need to keep in mind that he is younger than you. He will make you feel younger, but he will also think younger. It took me a while to realize that in some ways he was still a "kid". But once I accepted that, then it was okay, and it didn't bother me. However, shes2smart is right. You need to be concerned about starting a relationship with a co-worker. If things do not work out, it will be very difficult for you two to go to work every day and have to see one another.

If you left her, then you need to make sure that she knows you want to be with her. In all reality, she is probably just as nervous as you are about potentially getting back together. She's not able to trust you, as evidenced by her not kissing you or telling you she loves you. You got spooked? You need to talk to her about it, you need to tell her that YOU want a future with HER. Apologize for what happened in the past and tell her you want to move past it. Don't harp on all the past issues. If you both want to make it work then you have to forgive the past and start your new future. Dwelling on what happened before won't help the new relationship. That trust is going to have to be rebuilt. As for you not trusting her, I don't see where she gave you a reason to not trust her. Can you elaborate on this? I'm in the same kind of situation, so I wish you luck.

DarkBlue, Thanks for your post. That's part of what I am worried about. By sending a card, am I opening myself up to contact with him and then him deciding that he doesn't want to be with me?? That involves more pain, and I am so tired of hurting.

Hi BellaDonna, Thank you for your post. Although, it did end badly. I posted about it, so if you search my previous posts, you'll see how it went. I thought I would die because I tried so hard. The thing that I am worried about is I was doing really good. Not thinking about him as much, and then he sends me an email. And I took 20 steps backwards. I'm scared that if I send the card, that just opens me up to more pain. We've broken up and gotten back together so many times before. And in the past, we would always talk to one another after the break up. Which in turn lead us to get back together, but it was always because the other person would convince the other that it could work again. This time, I don't want to do that. He left me, I want him to come back because he wants to be with me, not because I have to convince him to. Does that make sense? And, if he is so unsure of what he wants, will sending him a card just make things worse??? There have been birthdays in the past that we weren't together and he would get upset when I wouldn't even acknowledge it was his b-day. So this time, I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to hurt anymore. Thanks again.

Hi Everyone. I need some advice. We split about 2 months ago. I immediately started no contact and was doing really well with it. Well about 3 weeks ago, he sent me an email telling me he missed me and he loved me. We exchanged a few emails and it basically turned out to his life sucks right now and he isn't sure what he wants in life. That he does love me and miss me, but he's not sure whether he wants to be with me. The past is clouding it all for him. Well, I sent him an email telling him not to contact me again until he knew what he wanted in life. That it was killing me to know that he still loves me but that he's not sure if he wants to be with me. So, I haven't heard from him since then. That was a week ago. His birthday is coming up and I am wondering whether I should send him a b-day card. We were together for 4 years and I have since moved 1300 miles away. At one point, he was going to move with me, but then he decided he didn't want to go, and broke my heart in the process. Now, he's not sure what he wants in life and questions whether he gave up his "soulmate". I do want him back very badly, but it crushed me when he ended it with me. I was doing good until I heard from him, but now I'm back to square one . . . . . . . so, I'm wondering if I should send the card to let him know that I do love him and am still here, or will it just set me back that much farther? Please help . . . . . . .

Thank you for your words of advice. I was doing so well, but now I just feel like crap all over again. It's basically eating away at me all over. It's strange because I've never been through a break up this bad before. At least not to the point where it hurts this much. I ended up caving today and send him an email . . . . . all it said was "Your silence gives me the all the answers that I need. Thanks for screwing up my life yet again." Never did hear from him. Guess I shouldn't have expected to. I sent the emails that he and I had exchanged to a friend of mine and she said that he is SOOO confused and that it's not right what he's doing to me. That he should have just left me alone until he knew what he wanted. That it wasn't fair what he is putting me through. Guess I have to start over. I wish I would have never responded to that first email. I should have just deleted it. But it was too hard not to. GOD I HATE THIS. I miss him so much.

I'm having such a rough time. I want to email him, but I'm posting here instead. I have other posts relating to my situation, but the gist of it is that we have been off and on for a year. He ended it with me 2 months ago because he didn't think things would work. I had tried so hard to make things work. I was moving 1300 miles away and he used to say he wanted to go with me. Then he decided that things wouldn't work, and ended it one week before I left. Well, I've moved, there's been N/C and I was loving my new life. Things were going really good. I was focusing on my kids. I found a new job. Life was great. I had gotten to the point where I didn't think about him all the time anymore. Not even in the car when all those songs would come on. Then BAM, he sends me an email telling me what he's been doing and asking how things are. He opens it by saying "Hi Baby" and ends it by saying I love you. Well, my stupid self responded. Told him I was happy, that things were great. He responds back saying that he misses me, that he is sad and confused. That he thinks he let his soulmate slip through his fingers. That he talked to his sister and she told him to figure out what he wants in life. He apologized for hurting me. I responded telling him I was still angry and that his sister was right, that he needed to figure out what he wants. That there will be no encouragement from me. He sent me one last email that said he got my message and would respond the next day. It's been 3 days, and he hasn't responded. I hate feeling this way. I was doing so well and so good and then he ruined it. I'm back to thinking about him all the time, I'm back to constantly checking my email waiting for him to respond. I'm back to changing the station on the radio to the news because I can't listen to any songs without thinking of him. I go between hating him and missing him. I want to send him an email asking him why he contacted me if this is the way he's gonna do things. Please help . . . . . .

Hi Gradle, Sorry it's been so long since I've been on. I have thought a lot about you over the last month and wondered how you are. After reading your posts, I'm worried. Somewhere inside of you is that person that you and everyone on this forum knows you can be. You have to find her. She's there, I promise she is. But the only one that can find her is you. We can try and lead you there, but you have to be the one to find her. It's not easy honey, believe me, I know. I'm still looking for that person inside me. We all are. But you have to remember that you are a STRONG WOMAN. YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS. It won't happen overnight, and it won't happen as quickly as you want it to. But that's why we are here, to help you during that time that it's difficult. Hang in there, and PLEASE keep looking for that inner woman that you know you can be so that you can reintroduce her to the world. We're all standing on the sidelines cheering you on . . . . . . . . We know you can do it!

Well, here I am again. Sorry I've been away. I have been packing, and traveling to find a new house and trying to get everything in order before I finally move. Today was a HORRIBLE day. My ex and I had been trying to make things work, well, he told me today that he knew 3 weeks ago (when we started talking again) that it wasn't going to work but that he enjoyed hanging out with me, so he figured he would. My heart is CRUSHED. I really put everything into the last few weeks trying to show him how much I love him and then I hear this. He's been here 4-5 nights a week, we've been intimate and then he tells me this. I guess he just used me. God do I feel bad. It hurts, its killing me. I had so many plans for him and I. I didn't push it because I wanted to make sure that things could work first, guess I was wrong. I should have known it wouldn't work. My neighbor came over today and I told him about everything. He said I don't deserve this. That I deserve better. That he should have told me when we tried to make it work out that he didn't see it working. He said my ex used me to get what he wanted and that's it. I want to call him, I want to txt him. I said some really mean things to him today and I told him to NEVER contact me again. That I hate him. But I do want to hear from him. He won't contact me. I know he won't. He'll leave me alone. Help. Please . . . . . . . . .

Gradle, I am so glad to hear that things seem to be going so well for you. You are even able to put smiley faces up!!!!!! It's very encouraging. I haven't left the DC area yet, but I'll be gone in about a week and a half, but believe me, I'll still be hanging around enotalone. I need you guys. More than you know. Keep up the good work! I'm glad to see that you are doing soooooo well!!!!!!! Dying . . . . . .

Hi Gradle, It's been a while since I've been on. Things have been very busy with the move. I wanted to check in with you and see how you are. I haven't had a chance yet, to read all the posts and catch up, but I will once I get home this evening. I hope you are well.

I just talked to him and he's going to some cookout tonight with his roommate at his roommate's g/f's house. He said he didn't know who was going to be there except for the g/f's roommates . . . . . . . I'm panicking. I know I shouldn't. I have plans tonight too, but they don't include going out. Just shopping with a friend. I'm scared he might meet someone else and decide that he doesn't want to be with me. He also said he may end up spending the night over there . . . . . that doesn't make me feel good either. I'm so sick to my stomach now. I just want to throw up. I have to go now. Wish me luck everyone.

Hi Gradle!! Just checking in on you. Your last post sounds very positive and I'm glad that you are feeling good today. How are you doing now??? You okay?? Just wanted to check in with you.

Gradle, How right you are. I seem to be feeling okay for the time being. My kids are actually going to be gone for the summer. They go stay with their dad (who lives in Germany) every year for the whole summer so that I can have some free time. So come Monday, I'm truly going to be alone . . .. . . . .. . You mentioned that you are moving to DC???? Where in DC???? I am currently there, but leaving soon. Will you get here before I go?

Good morning everyone. I managed to have a very productive evening. I'm almost done with my packing! WooHoo! He sent me a txt msg last night before he went to bed saying that he was going to bed and he hoped I had a good night. What the heck ever. I didn't respond. I was already in bed about to fall asleep. I got to work this morning and had an email from him saying good morning and telling me that he just hung out at home doing bills and working around his house and that he guesses I fell asleep before he sent his message and to have a good morning. I responded, but not with much. Just told him I had a productive evening and that today at work should be good and then told him to have a nice day. I woke up this morning feeling really good! Yet, there have been moments already where I get sad and then I try to pull myself out of it. Hope-- thanks for your message. I agree with you and that is why I have been freaking out so badly. As for trying to repair a relationship long distance, I don't think it can be done. You have to be able to see that person in order for it to work out and we won't see each other. I'm starting to think that I just need to think about me, and worry about what I need to do and focus on myself and see what happens. That maybe I should just accept that we may not make it. . . . . . . . . but that hurts so badly that I hate to think of it. Anyway, hope everyone has a good day.

Good Morning Gradle! I'm so proud of you for not calling. I'm sure it was a very tough day, but you did the right thing. Hopefully today will be much better. We're pulling for you.

Update: He just sent me a txt msg telling me that he has decided to stay home tonight and that we can meet for drinks one night next week. Well, I'm hurt, but now I'm also MAD. He knows that my time here is short. How the heck are we supposed to find what we lost if I don't see him???? I will only have 3 weeks left by the end of next week. The earliest I could see him is Thursday night and I won't be able to see him for long because I'm going out of town for the weekend of the 4th and I have to get everything packed on Thursday night. Again, I'm dying. Again I don't know what to do. This can't all be on his terms only. There has to be some kind of compromise, and I don't see where he is doing that. . . . . . . .

Well I'm home now and I talked to him on the phone. He sent me an email when he was leaving work and said that he would call me once he got home. The conversation went okay. Nothing was said about "us". I didn't want to push the issue. But . . . . . . nothing was also said about him coming over. He said he was going to do laundry and a couple of other things around his house. But that was it. I didn't ask. I wanted to so bad, but I didn't. I even ended the call. He was doing something and I said, well, I'll let you go so you can do the things you need to and I guess I'll talk to you later. All he said was "okay" talk to you later. Bye. I'm dying again. I know I need to be patient, but this is so hard. I hate myself right now because had I not been such an idiot last night, he would be here with me.

Hi Gradle, Hang in there. I know how you feel. It's a rough day, but tomorrow is coming and hopefully it will be better. You will think of him one less time tomorrow. So instead of thinking of him a million times, it will only be 999,999. Try and remember that. Everyday that goes by, you will get stronger. It may not seem like it now, but it will. We're all here for you.

Thanks to you too Hope. I look forward to reading your post. Hopefully I'll be okay. I'm sure I'll be back to let you know how I'm doing. It's nice to know that there are people out there that I can talk to.

Thank you Gradle. I hope it will be okay. I'm sure that if he decides not to come tonight, that I'll be online once I get home. . . . . . . . You hang in there too. I hope you are having an "up" day.

Surprise, he wrote back. But all he said was Thank you for saying that. I guess he was saying thank you because I told him to take the time he needed to consider whether he could forgive me or not (Your idea Gradle! Thanks!!!). He then went on to tell me about his day and asking how mine was going. I responded that it was going good and that I was finally getting some things done. I didn't say anything about "us". Now here's the kicker . . . . . . before my tantrum, we had made plans for him to come over tonight. We won't be able to see each other over the weekend because I already have plans with friends of mine. So I had told him that he could come over either Thursday night or Friday night. Well, he picked Thursday. I'm not going to ask him if he is still coming over. I figured I would leave it to him to tell me whether he wants to come or not. If he decides not to come tonight then I won't get to see him until Thursday of next week because I have plans this weekend, he belongs to a couple of different clubs (pool and motorcycle) and they have their things on Monday and Tuesday nights and then next Wed I made plans to go out with a friend for a few drinks. So I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I do hope he still wants to come tonight though.

Gradle, I did what you said to. I basically cut and pasted what you wrote and said I would give him the time to decide whether he could forgive me or not. I also told him that I was sorry that he didn't know what kind of relationship we have right now because I know that what we have always had has always been very special. Was that wrong of me???? I didn't ask any questions at all. Just left it open for him to respond when he feels like it.

I heard back from him . . . . . . . . He's mad. And of course he has every right to be. I'm so torn up. He said that he doesn't even know what we have right now for a relationship because we haven't really been together. He's right. We have to get to know one another all over again and I'm soooo willing to do that. He also said that he's not "in" love with me, but that he does love and care about me. He didn't say whether he can potentially forgive me once he is past his anger and I'm too scared to ask him. What do I do????? How do I respond????